r/Damnthatsinteresting May 04 '22 Silver 9 Helpful 7 Wholesome 4 Mind Blown 1

This humpback whale was found dead in the Amazon rainforest Image

Post image
89.6k Upvotes

11.7k

u/Warm-Bid-2396 May 04 '22 Silver Helpful Wholesome

Stupid aliens too lazy to return it to the ocean

5.0k

u/AresGamingYT May 04 '22 Take My Energy hehehehe Tree Hug

"This is where we found it right?"

"Yeah, hits button"

"Hey! Wrong fuckin' button, this is where we found that weird dude in 3B who keeps asking to be probed again and mumbling."

Both look at the screen and watch a giant whale fall and hit tree limbs and smack the ground

Large whale groans

"I'm definitely getting written up when we get back."

1.5k

u/bootsforever May 04 '22

"Oh no, not again"

586

u/Noct11 May 04 '22

"I wonder if it will be friends with me"

465

u/IEatLiquor May 04 '22

“Hello, ground!”

152

u/CooksInHail May 04 '22

God bless Douglas Adams

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u/EmbarrassedActive4 May 04 '22

Just finished watching the hitchhikers guide to the galaxy

139

u/mrsrosieparker May 04 '22

You should read the books.

38

u/BangBong1212 May 04 '22

The original radio show is excellent.

18

u/tico42 May 04 '22

I had no idea there was such a thing. Thank you!

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u/BasicLuxury May 04 '22

It was a radio play before it was a book.

Here's a podcast feed https://pod.neocities.org/h2g2.html

List of episodes http://www.radionouspace.net/programs/hitchhikers-guide/

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u/sadpanda___ May 04 '22

As someone who hates reading…..these are the only books I’ve ever enjoyed reading. The writing style is so perfectly snarky

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u/Sunasumarum May 04 '22

Read the books! They‘re much better and you‘ll have pain of laughter

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u/I_am_That_Ian_Power May 04 '22

And maybe learn how to fly. Unlike the whale.

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u/Cacti-make-bad-dildo May 04 '22

That's the bowl of petunias.

The whale goes on short but impactful existential journey.

I hope you know where your towel is!

You sassy frood.

98

u/Bowler_300 May 04 '22

Ill just nip off and shoot myself now. Dont worry, ill be very humane about it.

60

u/Don_Bugen May 04 '22

I wonder if it will be friends with me?

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u/genericusername4197 May 04 '22

Hoopy frood. FTFY

38

u/HorrorMakesUsHappy May 04 '22

"I wonder if it'll be my friend."

I know he meant that to be funny, but I totally had one of those moments where if there wasn't also a part of me that wanted to laugh I probably would've cried. I understood the humor, but my heart also went out to that poor whale. :/

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u/CFAB1013 May 04 '22

Why does this sound like something I’d watch

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u/JimSteak May 04 '22

Goddammit Spock, I told you to drop it in the ocean.

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28.1k

u/Camp_Coffee May 04 '22 Helpful Wholesome All-Seeing Upvote Coin Gift This Mind Blown

Show me the one that was living in the Amazon rainforest and then i'll be impressed.

7.5k

u/DweEbLez0 May 04 '22

Legend has it the live whale is still at large, for killing the dead whale.

5.8k

u/aps23 May 04 '22 Silver Helpful Wholesome Take My Energy hehehehe Faith In Humanity Restored

Whale never know

3.1k

u/Xavier_Inchpractice May 04 '22 Silver Helpful Table Slap Spit-take

The kriller is still at large

1.4k

u/Prestigious_Ad1041 May 04 '22 Silver

Extremely large

988

u/SirCEWaffles May 04 '22

What's the difference between a Whale and a Zippo? . . . Ones a Extremely large Marine Mammal, and the other is just a little lighter.

745

u/CrazybyRX May 04 '22 Helpful

I've always heard it as "whats the difference between a hippo and a zippo?... One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter!"

It rolls off the tongue better when you say it.

257

u/Hedfuct82 May 04 '22

Adding that one to my joke depository.

What is E.T. short for? Because he's got small legs.

25

u/MrFruitman May 04 '22

What’s a pirates favourite letter of the alphabet?

106

u/ThroatPunchDn8r May 04 '22

Many think it’s R but a pirates true love is the C.

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u/Glabstaxks May 04 '22

Bic please

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u/ayochaser17 May 04 '22

better apologize before he challenges you to a match

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u/RammerRod May 04 '22

This is why I'm here.

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u/lildickbleed01 May 04 '22

That's my favorite version of the joke

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u/Giant-Genitals May 04 '22

Bic please

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u/LabeVagoda May 04 '22

Whale now I think you're doing this on porpoise

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u/Gothmog_LordOBalrogs May 04 '22 Facepalm

Whale of a tale there

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u/Ecstatic-Gas-6700 May 04 '22

Read this while trying to get my baby to sleep. Laughed too hard and woke her. Worth it

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u/donotgogenlty May 04 '22

Oh whaaale

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u/Dapperscruze May 04 '22

BOLO all units advised for a killer whale, hes black white and Red all over

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u/uh60chief May 04 '22 Wholesome Seal of Approval

By God a newspaper whale.

40

u/sanna43 May 04 '22

Or an injured zebra.

34

u/k3ttch May 04 '22

Or a nun on her period.

29

u/handjobRob May 04 '22

Murderous penguin 🐧

12

u/AgravainFury May 04 '22

Panda with a poison Ivy rash.

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u/FestieBoy May 04 '22

Is it a killer whale?

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u/UpgrayeDD405 May 04 '22

It's always the husband I would start there

63

u/bigfloppydonkeydng May 04 '22

Would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for the meddling kids.

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u/SerendipitousTiger May 04 '22

Gosh darn whale mafia dumping bodies in the Amazon again....For the love of Pete!

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u/MickeyPineapple May 04 '22 Wholesome

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u/Zachliam Expert May 04 '22

I really thought that was gonna be a rick roll lol, especially when it started loading youtube

24

u/MickeyPineapple May 04 '22

The temptation is always there, ngl.

10

u/LawDog_1010 May 04 '22

You serious, Clark?

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u/pranahix May 04 '22

Man WHAT WILL IT TAKE?!!!!

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u/Hazzman May 04 '22

SHOW ME THE AMAZONIAN WHALES!

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10.0k

u/isaackirkland May 04 '22 Gold Helpful All-Seeing Upvote Respect

Hitchhikers guide to the Galaxy

11.8k

u/sturnus-vulgaris May 04 '22 Silver Gold Helpful All-Seeing Upvote Narwhal Salute Table Slap Helpful (Pro) Spit-take

https://www.nytimes.com/2019/02/25/science/humpback-whales-amazon.html

It was found dead, washed ashore, on an island at the mouth of the Amazon river. 50 feet from shore. It is not weird that it got there. It is weird that it was there at that time of year (it should have already migrated).

No one has explained the bowl of petunias next to it though.

2.9k

u/[deleted] May 04 '22 Silver Helpful Giggle Plus One

not again

1.4k

u/nixt123 May 04 '22

Many people have speculated that if we knew exactly why the bowl of petunias had thought that we would know a lot more about the nature of the Universe than we do now.

42 will do.

384

u/Daiquiri-Factory May 04 '22

“So long, and thanks for all the fish!”

30

u/captain_Airhog May 04 '22

“10 out of 10 for style but minus several million for good thinking”

-Zaphod Beeblebrox

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u/Dan_Is May 04 '22

It doesn't matter, I think making the universe was a pretty bad move on God's part. I will write a series of books about where he went wrong, more of his greatest mistakes and questions who that God guy even is.

539

u/mi_esposa_me_espia May 04 '22

"In the beginning the Universe was created. This had made many people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move"

168

u/DatumInTheStone May 04 '22

this is still the funniest line to me. When people discuss what british humor is, I always say this line.

90

u/OneObi May 04 '22

Many were increasingly of the opinion that they’d all made a big mistake in coming down from the trees in the first place.

And some said that even the trees had been a bad move, and that no one should ever have left the oceans.

29

u/kgm2s-2 May 04 '22

I've always loved the intro where he give instructions for how to get off the planet, and he includes things like the phone number for the Vatican switchboard.

136

u/Cum-souffle May 04 '22

hands down the best intro in the media industry

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u/Pecheuer May 04 '22

Shit I wish my book started like that

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u/jrgman42 May 04 '22

You’re not Oolon Colluphod!

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u/charmingpea May 04 '22

Number of times Agrajag was killed by Arthur?

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u/Adama0001 May 04 '22

Poor Agrajag. He didn’t ask to be made… and killed… and killed….

The odds of it happening that way was just improbable

8

u/Plumbbookknurd May 04 '22

2,579,881 to 1 against....

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u/nsaisspying May 04 '22

Life... don't talk to me about life.

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u/DieseljareD187 May 04 '22

At this time of day, at this time of year, localized entirely in your kitchen?

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u/XC_Stallion92 May 04 '22

In this economy?

15

u/erich31 May 04 '22 edited May 04 '22

Superindendent Chalmers: You're telling me you made Steamed Whale - and got it from the Amazon Rainforest...

Principal Skinner: Why yes! It's an old family recipe.

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u/Zaph0d_B33bl3br0x May 04 '22 edited May 04 '22

I love this comment so much.

You certainly know where your towel is.

-- Love and kisses,

Zaph0d

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u/g3p9 May 04 '22

Re: petunias... "so long and thanx for the fish"

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u/Loyal9thLegionLord May 04 '22

Hello ground !

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u/Anders_1314 May 04 '22

I wonder if it will be friends with me

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u/steelybean May 04 '22

Oh no, not again

16

u/chidedneck May 04 '22

Agrajag

6

u/Sweet_Unvictory May 04 '22

Fuck Arthur Dent. All my past life homies want to stop dying from Arthur Dent.

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u/Wigglewops May 04 '22

RIP inventor of a tail, wind, his head and wide sounding thing, rou- round GROUND.

I sure hope he figured out what he meant by "who am I?"...

1:8,767,128

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u/charmingpea May 04 '22

1:8,767,128

against, and falling...

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u/erik_wilder May 04 '22

That one chapter is still one of my favorite pieces of writing.

12

u/kayethx May 04 '22

Same. It's so funny and tragic and weird and entirely relatable. I'd give almost anything to be able to just have one night at a pub with Douglas Adams.

10

u/KeeperOfTheGood May 04 '22

During which I would tell him to stop talking and just write, write, write, as he’s going to be dead again tomorrow and we need him to share as much writing with the works while he’s back.

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u/Army0fMe May 04 '22

Oh no.... Not again.

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u/distractionfactory May 04 '22

I didn't see petunias.

37

u/wigzell78 May 04 '22

Look around for a broken flower pot.

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u/Jesus_marley May 04 '22

Look under the whale.

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u/ErikTheReddish May 04 '22

If there was a bowl of petunias broken somewhere in this photo, I’d finally start my Douglas Adam’s worship cult.

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u/whatbox56 May 04 '22

I've already got my towel

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u/Shiba_Fett May 04 '22 Silver Platinum LOVE! Narwhal Salute

And wow! Hey! What’s this thing suddenly coming towards me very fast? Very very fast. So big and flat and round, it needs a big wide sounding name like … ow … ound … round … ground! That’s it! That’s a good name – ground!

I wonder if it will be friends with me?

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u/pdonovan1618 May 04 '22

Found it.

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u/Midgard_Outdoors May 04 '22

Gojira

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u/captainmeezy May 04 '22

Now I can see the whales!!!!!!

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u/disseminator2020 May 04 '22

I can’t believe my eyes….BUT ITS TRUUUUUUUUUUUU

4

u/baginahuge May 04 '22

Instantly thought of this.

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u/Sarsey May 04 '22

Oh no, not again

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u/theonePappabox May 04 '22

Don’t forget your towel.

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u/LolaBijou May 04 '22

So long, and thanks for all the fish.

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u/JimmyJTJ5 May 04 '22

The bowl of petunias must have ended up in Sao Paulo

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u/Opr9r May 04 '22

So long, and thanks for all the fish!

22

u/CodeHashbr0wn May 04 '22

So sad it had to come to this

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4.0k

u/Monkeynumbernoine May 04 '22 Silver Gold Wholesome Table Slap Spit-take

Fuckin Apple Maps strikes again.

672

u/JockBbcBoy May 04 '22

Took a wrong turn at Albequerque.

263

u/opschief0299 May 04 '22

*Albacoikee

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u/bumjiggy May 04 '22

*wabbit season

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u/fakeprofile21 May 04 '22

Duck season

62

u/Total-Lime3071 May 04 '22

Wabbit season!

48

u/bumjiggy May 04 '22

...wabbit season

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u/Octolops May 04 '22

Duck season! Fire!

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u/DescriptionReady5515 May 04 '22

Albacore-Que *

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u/ConcentrateRecent May 04 '22

Albuquerque Boiled Turkey 🫠

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u/Antique-Car6103 May 04 '22

That must have been a BIG wheelbarrow.

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u/SpinCricket May 04 '22

A whalebarrow!

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u/Yurrrr__Brooklyn347 May 04 '22

That was a hell of a tail splash

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u/RockyDugay May 04 '22

Wala Wala Washington

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u/Kenzzillla May 04 '22

I used Apple Maps once and it took me to a U2 concert.

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u/Cameron416 May 04 '22

if no one else does, i appreciate the layers that you got going on here

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u/ElizaIsEpic May 04 '22

Brings back memories

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u/Steel1000 May 04 '22

Holy fuck, I almost died laughing

Last time I used Apple Maps it took me to the back corner of Toronto airport. Thankfully a kind policeman informed me it was 3 lefts at the next three turns, or something similar.

Apparently was a common problem at the time for people that used Apple Maps to get to the airport. And being a dumb American I trusted my Phone direction over the signs.

I miss you Toronto!

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u/Maximum-Inevitable-3 May 04 '22

I used Apple Maps the day after it was released back in the days, it took me onto a one-way street…the wrong way. In downtown during the day.

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u/RobertAPetersen May 04 '22

Funnily enough where I am in Arizona there has been tons of new construction (businesses and housing, roads, etc) and it’s Apple Maps that has all the new shit right and Google Maps that wants you to drive through peoples living rooms or just straight up doesn’t recognize that any of the construction in the last 2 years has occurred

¯_(ツ)_/¯

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u/Longtonto May 04 '22 edited May 04 '22 Wholesome

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u/meshtron May 04 '22

Critical point: it's about 50 feet from shore. "We imagine it was floating and tides took it into the mangrove." ~ Scientists

811

u/neon_overload May 04 '22

50 feet is about 15.2 metres.

50 feet is also the length of a humpback whale.

1.2k

u/W3zL3rd May 04 '22 Wholesome

So… it was 1 body length away from the water.

What a shit tier post.

217

u/neon_overload May 04 '22

Yeah, a single wave could have washed it ashore there catching him up among the mangroves.

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u/LilArabian_ May 04 '22 edited May 05 '22

Must’ve been a powerful ass wave

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u/joxiety May 04 '22

Waiting for someone to tell you you’re wrong and that dead whales are easily moved by the force of an average wave

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u/J3sush8sm3 May 04 '22

You're wrong and dead whales are easily moved by the force of an average wave

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u/RunDoughBoyRun May 04 '22 Silver

Finally, an expert

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u/jfk_47 May 04 '22

Really moved from a r/DamnThatsInteresting to r/whogivesashit in record time.

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u/meshtron May 04 '22

Obligatory "Americans will use any unit that's not the metric system"

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u/luke_in_the_sky May 04 '22 Wholesome

A whale was found about a whale from shore.

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u/everwonderedhow May 04 '22

now you're speaking

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u/PPOKEZ May 04 '22

Unless it's for a gun.

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u/__mr_snrub__ May 04 '22

We’ll do anything for guns.

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u/pops_t800_ May 04 '22

Seriously? No fun! 🥺☹️

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u/uhhhhhhhhLamar May 04 '22

Nothing more fun than a whale getting yeeted into the rainforest 😂

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u/Boy_Possession May 04 '22

Just watch me in a wave pool. Same sight.

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u/robofish7591 May 04 '22

Reminds me of the time they blew up the dead whale here in Oregon.

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u/AmericanHeresy May 04 '22

Right? I was really hoping one just dropped out of the sky.

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u/000solar May 04 '22

you the real mvp.

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u/sidkcr May 04 '22

It is from 2019 and whale is not yet decayed, impressive.

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u/b0nGj00k May 04 '22

Do you have a non-paying link for this article?

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u/Lando_0 May 04 '22

It seem Douglas Adams was right.

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u/Anders_1314 May 04 '22

Luckily we got a complete record of his thoughts before he hit the ground. And the petunias too.

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u/notyogrannysgrandkid May 04 '22

Oh no, not again.

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u/omikeyursofine90 May 04 '22

Star Trek IV bloopers

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u/webdog77 May 04 '22

What happens behind the scenes is not pretty

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u/GiveToOedipus May 04 '22

Damnit, Scotty!

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u/MysteryCuddler May 04 '22

But did they find the bowl of petunias?

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u/Pass1928 May 04 '22

Oh no, not again!

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u/ChipSamurai May 04 '22

Some LOST shit right here

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u/chidedneck May 04 '22

The whale landed on a polar bear.

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u/leinad197742 May 04 '22

Was found 15 meters from shore. Not huge news

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u/GRZMNKY May 04 '22

What size would you classify a whale as?

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u/G00DLuck May 04 '22 Helpful

Like your mom, but smaller

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u/litterallysatan May 04 '22

They are classified by dnd as gargantuan, so not exactly huge: bigger

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u/Common-Frosting-9434 May 04 '22

"Another thing that got forgotten was the fact that against all probability a sperm whale had suddenly been called into existence several miles above the surface of an alien planet.

And since this is not a naturally tenable position for a whale, this poor innocent creature had very little time to come to terms with its identity as a whale before it then had to come to terms with not being a whale any more.

This is a complete record of its thoughts from the moment it began its life till the moment it ended it.

Ah … ! What’s happening? it thought.

Er, excuse me, who am I?

Hello?

Why am I here? What’s my purpose in life?

What do I mean by who am I?

Calm down, get a grip now … oh! this is an interesting sensation, what is it? It’s a sort of … yawning, tingling sensation in my … my … well I suppose I’d better start finding names for things if I want to make any headway in what for the sake of what I shall call an argument I shall call the world, so let’s call it my stomach.

Good. Ooooh, it’s getting quite strong. And hey, what’s about this whistling roaring sound going past what I’m suddenly going to call my head? Perhaps I can call that … wind! Is that a good name? It’ll do … perhaps I can find a better name for it later when I’ve found out what it’s for. It must be something very important because there certainly seems to be a hell of a lot of it. Hey! What’s this thing? This … let’s call it a tail – yeah, tail. Hey! I can can really thrash it about pretty good can’t I? Wow! Wow! That feels great! Doesn’t seem to achieve very much but I’ll probably find out what it’s for later on. Now – have I built up any coherent picture of things yet?

No.

Never mind, hey, this is really exciting, so much to find out about, so much to look forward to, I’m quite dizzy with anticipation …

Or is it the wind?

There really is a lot of that now isn’t it?

And wow! Hey! What’s this thing suddenly coming towards me very fast? Very very fast. So big and flat and round, it needs a big wide sounding name like … ow … ound … round … ground! That’s it! That’s a good name – ground!

I wonder if it will be friends with me?

And the rest, after a sudden wet thud, was silence."

-Douglas Adams

Also are there any petunias nearby?!

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u/mcketten May 04 '22

Oh no, not again.

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u/X4M9 May 04 '22

I think there might be a staircase in the woods nearby. Probably best not to go investigating.

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u/anon210202 May 04 '22

At the time I first read that, I wasn't familiar with what that sub is. Holy shit was that an amazing read

14

u/greatpiginthesty May 04 '22

What was?

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u/yellow_submarine1734 May 04 '22

Search and rescue stories on r/nosleep. Arguably the most famous stories to come out of that sub. Google it and it’ll show up if you want to read them.

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u/rdogg4 May 04 '22

One of the first things deep dives I gone on on Reddit and It hooked me right into the site. It’s funny that I consider myself a skeptic, and somehow I took that whole series of campfire-style stories to be 100% honest and bought the whole thing, hook, line and sinker.

You end up just trying to rationalize it all away, theres an explanation for all this, but then, what? Where are these stairways coming from, miles off trail? Like I’m sure there’s a rational explanation for the existence of these pristine staircases in the middle of nowhere, but I, a rational human being, know as well as any park ranger search and rescue not to walk up one and face the final eternal reckoning that exists on the other side. Surely smart skeptical me isn’t falling prey to silly nighttime ghost stories.

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u/SkeetnYou May 04 '22

Improbability drive!!!

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u/42Production May 04 '22

Were is the bowl of petunias?

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u/Drakayne May 04 '22

Another Death stranding is Happening

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u/OG_gaiming01 May 04 '22

Took me way too long to find a death stranding comment

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u/NeonsStyle May 04 '22

It's bullshit. You can see the sea in the background. All the branches on the ground are pushed over from a flood, probably a Tsunami. Sure it's probably the Amazon, but the shoreline.

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u/Enunimes May 04 '22

It wasn't in the jungle or anything but on the shore of an island by the mouth of the Amazon River. Scientists were confused but just because it was way past the season when it should have migrated.

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u/Lost_in_a_Fantasy May 04 '22

The potted petunias went unnoticed nearby.

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u/TheBlackHoleOfDoom May 04 '22 All-Seeing Upvote

To whoever was missing their mother, I hope you have some closure.

7

u/MamiTomoeSan May 04 '22

The stairs in the forest… we don’t talk about them. Don’t look at them, don’t go near them, and for the love of god… never go up them.

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u/Effnlogic17 May 04 '22

Whale that’s all folks

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u/bgbarnard May 04 '22

"And all the bowl of petunias thought was 'Oh No, not again!'"

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u/CletusDSpuckler May 04 '22

I want to know if they found the bowl of petunias nearby.

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u/Hiran_Gadhia May 04 '22

It was obviously the result of a Whalenado