r/PoliticalHumor Oct 06 '22 Gold 2 Wholesome 1 Bravo! 1 Helpful (Pro) 1

callacrackhead.com Rule 10: No offisite links

/img/sss12h1gi6s91.jpg

[removed] — view removed post

19.7k Upvotes

u/Flair_Helper Oct 06 '22

Hey /u/leemartin, thanks for contributing to /r/PoliticalHumor. Unfortunately, your post was removed as it violates our rules:

Rule 10 - No pointing at offsite resources

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215

u/missionbeach Oct 06 '22

How do you redirect a website to a phone?

293

u/leemartin Oct 06 '22

Bit of a hack but you can use a simple JavaScript redirect to a tel:// URL scheme and it will prompt the device to make a call. The user will still need to confirm the action.

48

u/generalmanifest Oct 06 '22

The receptionist was polite.

46

u/Local_Celebration_52 Oct 06 '22

Brilliant, Lee, you’re BRILLIANT!! Good on ya !!!

5

u/eventualist Oct 06 '22

I love you. We need more of this!

4

u/JohnnnyCupcakes Oct 06 '22

Yo is this the same Lee Martin that did the Beastie Boys mini site with the SoundCloud stuff hooked into the UI?!

4

u/leemartin Oct 06 '22

I forgot I did that but yes. 🥲 STILL building in music www.leemartin.com

1

u/NSFW_Addiction_ Oct 06 '22

Came here for this.

Cool.

-9

u/knightbringr Oct 06 '22

So not a hack?

39

u/Donny-Moscow Oct 06 '22

Not a hack as in hacking someone else, but a hack in the sense that the solution is a little hacky

9

u/confettibukkake Oct 06 '22

Supposedly the computer nerds originally coopted the term from the model railroading nerds (or depending on the version of the story, it was all the same nerds who were all members of both the computer club and the model railroading club at MIT). But either way, supposedly the term as used for a "creative solve" predates the computer-specific term.

7

u/Razakel Oct 06 '22

The original meaning of "hack" is to come up with a clever workaround.

-29

u/water_baughttle Oct 06 '22

Bit of a hack but you can use a simple JavaScript redirect to a tel:// URL scheme and it will prompt the device to make a call

It's just calling their office with your phone number. Nothing is being redirected, it's not an automated line calling them as the tweet implies. Otherwise, what the hell is the point of the website? It's just an alias for your phone to dial their office, no different than browsing google and pressing on a phone number listed for a business. Overall, extremely pointless.

12

u/blueB0wser Oct 06 '22 edited Oct 06 '22

Web developer here. Literally was looking at the code for redirecting a website to a phone app, incidentally.

Here's some code for redirecting on site load:

document.ready(function() { window.location.href = 'tel://' + PhoneNumber; })

Or if you'd like it on a link:

<a href="tel:// + @PhoneNumber"></a>

It is literally a redirect.

Edit: Yeah that's more or less exactly what they did. callacrackhead.com

132

u/LevelHeeded Oct 06 '22

Haha, brilliant.

Also, what kind of lame ass defense of cops is that? "well, it's better than a crack head"... Doesn't that seem a little telling on cops, that they can only look good when compared to a crack head? Also what if the cop is a crack head?

26

u/jscummy Oct 06 '22

You want better cops? How about crackheads? Would that work?

11

u/[deleted] Oct 06 '22

As if the cops we have now aren't dipping into the evidence locker before they go kill someone whose unarmed for no fucking reason.

3

u/Hurde278 Oct 06 '22

I can't sit by and let this stand. Killing unarmed people got no reason? Give me a break. They have a reason, they're cops and they can.

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23

u/LawTeaDough Oct 06 '22

That cop that killed 30 people at a daycare yesterday was a meth head.

2

u/TouchMuhJunk185 Oct 06 '22

Wait what?!

9

u/PM_Me_Your_Clones Oct 06 '22

Thailand, and ex-cop.

8

u/Neuchacho Oct 06 '22

It's not even a defense, it's a ridiculous deflection.

The idea that no cops should be accountable for their jobs because some of them help in other situations is maybe one of the dumbest things I've ever heard.

28

u/OldRatNicodemus Oct 06 '22

And it's not even a good line. Anyone who has ever interacted with a crackhead will tell you that for 10 bucks in pocket change they'll get shit done quicker than anyone.

I absolutely unironically would call a crack addict for help before a cop every time. I'm more likely to be robbed and killed by the cop.

8

u/LevelHeeded Oct 06 '22

It's true, a crack head is far less likely to shoot my dog, and far more likely to be punished for shooting my dog or at least feel remorse.

5

u/Seeker80 Oct 06 '22

"Aww man, aww shoot, man...I didn't mean to shoot your dog. Tell you what, I'll get you a new one. And I'll take a course on gun safety. Meanwhile though...um, you got anymore of them rocks??"

3

u/Seeker80 Oct 06 '22

Might not cost much to keep a couple crackheads around to protect you...

875

u/CrewMemberNumber6 Oct 06 '22

This is good, but people are going to be confused when they aren’t redirected to Mike Lindell’s site.

173

u/terdferguson Oct 06 '22

Looks like a double homicide detective.

40

u/A_Sneaky_Whale Oct 06 '22

Don’t even need to sprinkle the crack Johnson, that’s all Lindell’s.

30

u/SasparillaTango Oct 06 '22

I thought he did meth?

29

u/TheShadowCat Oct 06 '22

He's the Crack Pillow Pimp.

9

u/swiftjustice25 Oct 06 '22

Naw, he’s old school brain rot.

4

u/Laminar Oct 06 '22

That would be toluene...

3

u/RelativetoZer0 Oct 06 '22

No wonder my bar stopped serving it.

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5

u/Random_act_of_Random Oct 06 '22

There's always a winner in the comment section. ^ this is it.

3

u/DJ_GiantMidget Oct 06 '22

Or Rob Ford!

2

u/Obtuse-Angel Oct 06 '22

Or Don jr.

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265

u/crazyrich Oct 06 '22

Hmmmm, if you’re willing to spot them $20 per call - less likely to kill innocent people - less likely to break into your home or rob you - more likely to randomly clean some shit for you - less likely to consider their own health over their job

I mean… sound like a solid idea. If I was a black dude in the city and someone was trying to force their way into my home, the callacrackhead service might be objectively better than calling the police.

69

u/Findilis Oct 06 '22

Hmm 20 dollars per responder per call. There can be some serous money saved here. I wonder what the side by side would be comparing paying per person per call a flat market rate for a rock versus a retainer to sleep in a car.

34

u/crazyrich Oct 06 '22

It’s like insurance right? I bet having a retainer would cost more than it’s worth in trouble and money and wouldn’t procure a rock - that’s their job with the cash!

I’m flexible on that price though depending on supply and demand. I’m a white dude living in the burbs and the last few times the cops had to come to my house over the years they were complete dicks

Ok the flip side, firefighters have been amazingly awesome heroes and helped 2 of my kids through emergency respiratory issues. We’re planning a visit this fall to their station.

No one ever made a song called “fuck the fire department”

7

u/Seeker80 Oct 06 '22 edited Oct 06 '22

No one ever made a song called “fuck the fire department”

Comin' straight from the underground

This brotha just wants to burn his house down!

EDIT: A parody thanking firefighters would help rub it in more, I think.haha

Lights start flashin' behind me

I pull over so the Ladder won't blind me

I let them pass, 'cause they in a hurry

If they're late a citizen might get buried

Thank the Firefighters x3

3

u/Ask_About_BadGirls21 Oct 06 '22

Gasoline and matches, fire grenades,

(How privately owned firefighters used to get paid)

8

u/HeavyMetalHero Oct 06 '22

I love how it's getting by in this economy is starting to look so bleak, we're practically re-inventing indentured servitude through patronage, like we're the fuckin' Roman Empire.

4

u/PensiveObservor Oct 06 '22

Getting into Discworld Guild territory now. Great idea! What would the Guild name be?

5

u/Big_Mitch_Baker Oct 06 '22

Guild of Constables and Crackheads

2

u/calilac Oct 06 '22

It'd probably fall under the control of the Breccia so something trollish maybe. Chrysoprase's Crack Squad is not at all catchy but all I have at the moment.

14

u/976chip Oct 06 '22

When I saw the ad, my first thought was "I'm more likely to find out who took my shit if I got a crackhead to investigate and less likely for my dog to get shot."

10

u/Razakel Oct 06 '22

"A Macbook Pro? Skanky Sam was trying to sell one the other day. Here's a price list. Broken nose is $20, kneecapping is $500. And we'll get your computer back, sir, don't worry."

5

u/crazyrich Oct 06 '22

And more likely that you dog gets an unreasonable amount of petting or a free walkie!

But yes, I had not considered the fact that a crackhead also probably has a better idea of who did the stealing in the first place. I assume their detective work would take a premium but be more effective

11

u/tilehinge Oct 06 '22

I would straight up rather call a pizza delivery then the cops, because they'll be exactly as useful in solving the problem, won't kill me, and at least then I'd have pizza.

9

u/crazyrich Oct 06 '22

But that’s not fair to the pizza delivery guy I’m working on expectation that crackheads.com know they are a sketchy defense force

12

u/MuddyGrimes Oct 06 '22

A crackhead is way more likely to get your stuff back than the police, if you get robbed

5

u/crazyrich Oct 06 '22

And, an assumption here, leas likely to rob you than the police (civil forfeiture) assuming you’re paying them up front

3

u/stephensmg Oct 06 '22

I would venture that crackheads murder less humans and dogs than police do.

3

u/crazyrich Oct 06 '22

I think that’s a pretty fair guesstimate

3

u/jooes Oct 06 '22

Yeah, I would bet that the best crackhead is miles ahead of the worst police officer.

He might knock on a few doors and try to get to the bottom of it. Probably with very limited success, but hey, it's something.

A shitty cop is going to show up 5 hours later and shoot your dog and berate you for wasting his time and not filing a police report on their website. A police report that they'll immediately throw in the trash, never investigate, never follow up on, nothing.

Even if a crackhead does nothing, it's still a step up. Somebody like George Floyd would still be alive today if they called a crackhead instead of Derek Chauvin.

2

u/Kayakorama Oct 06 '22

Best housecleaner I ever had had a meth/speed problem I found out later.

He was super fast.

He also did not steal from me. Not that I had anything to steal except clothes and books.

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26

u/[deleted] Oct 06 '22 edited Nov 01 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

22

u/GodofAeons Oct 06 '22 edited Oct 06 '22

Called, went to voicemail.

"Hey Kennedy, you're a piece of shit". Very lethargic to leave that

Edit:Carthartic. Not lethargic. I blame Louisiana education system

9

u/Wall_of_Denial Oct 06 '22

I imagine it was also cathartic, in addition to being lethargic! 😁

4

u/GodofAeons Oct 06 '22

Woops. Don't blame me, I went to school in Louisiana

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1

u/jayprolas Oct 06 '22

You know who else is a piece of shit? That guy McMurray.

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24

u/SamBeamsBanjo Oct 06 '22 Table Slap

If I promise a crackhead his crack, my problems will be solved with craftmanship of a German engineer and the speed of a Chinese slave.

6

u/Casterly Oct 06 '22

I mean…the genius of promising him crack that already belongs to him? Machiavellian.

2

u/KING_JELLYB3AN Oct 06 '22

my problems will be solved with craftsmanship of a German engineer and the speed of a Chinese slave.

Did you make this up? LoL

143

u/ExtensionBluejay253 Oct 06 '22

Lost in all of this is that crackheads are actually people with abuse issues. Maybe instead of being a wise ass and dehumanizing these people this asshole Kennedy could propose some solutions and earn his paycheck.

59

u/morningfrost86 Oct 06 '22

Don't hold your breath. Kennedy is a complete and totally useless moron.

34

u/ExtensionBluejay253 Oct 06 '22

I know, he’s on brand as a republican.

19

u/BeefSquatcher Oct 06 '22

9

u/ExtensionBluejay253 Oct 06 '22

Agreed. There was a recent article on how the GOP has adopted a facade as a common idiot as it resonates better with their constituency. This only increases their asshole stature.

2

u/trystanthorne Oct 06 '22

Yes, cause Republicans are known for their sensible, humanizing approach.

-1

u/F-Type_dreamer Oct 06 '22

Kennedy is a simple man with simple common sense solutions, speaks in euphemisms and is funnier than anything I’ve ever seen on this political human form. He is proposing a solution and that is not defunding police and the point he is making it is that who do you thinks going to help you if you don’t have the police to call or you going to call the same crackheads that are busting into your house. Before you start attacking me for using that crackhead comment a couple of my best friends got messed up in that shit and as I feel for them they have turned into unpredictable dirtbags that would steal from family and friends and for a fix.

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79

u/Resolute002 Oct 06 '22

These people: "More police are needed! They are your only hope and sole protection! I back the blue and support our police!"

Also these people: "But you also need a gun, to save yourself from other people with guns!"

Also these people but in courts: "There's no law that says the police have to protect you."

29

u/Red_Dox Oct 06 '22

Also these people: "If the Justice Department comes after me, they are all corrupt and want to frame me for things I certainly have not done!"

10

u/SpareLiver Oct 06 '22

Also those people: The police had to shoot him! They thought he had a gun!

7

u/Yonder_Zach Oct 06 '22

Back the blue!! But also I need these guns to shoot the police government in case they come to take my guns.

5

u/mindbleach Oct 06 '22

I desperately need people to realize - this is not hypocrisy. This is how they think everything works.

Hypocrisy requires giving a shit about internal consistency. Conservatives plainly don't. They shuffle cards to justify whatever they want next. Why would it matter which cards they played yesterday? That's not how the game works.

And they think you're playing too. Of course they do. This is how they think everything works. This is all they think there is. So when we explain they can't use arguments from personal autonomy when infectious disease impacts everyone else, they just roll their eyes, because we're not playing fair.

Nothing they do makes sense until you see this happening. Nothing else has predictive value.

3

u/Resolute002 Oct 06 '22

My favorite is when they suddenly care about the environment under select circumstances. My father believes the emissions from gasoline vehicles is not nearly as big a problem as the deadly toxic blades of windmills which are allegedly heaped in massive dumps contaminating everything around them.

-4

u/NSFW_Addiction_ Oct 06 '22

None of those arguments are against each other, except the third, which isn't so much of an ideal that "those people" hold, but something that just is. And I'm not even going to pretend like I know the answer to whether or not that is the way it should be.

More police doesn't mean that they can still get to you within a timely manner, so there is value in taking your personal protection into your own hands. Some may see it like carrying a first aid kit in their car, just in case it is needed before an ambulance has time to arrive. Yes it's a meme, but "When seconds count the police are minutes away." rings true.

Also, in regards to your first point, Biden is one of those people.

Point two is also not why some people want to have guns. Some people don't have physical prowess enough to defend themselves from someone larger or stronger, or more skilled. Guns are the great equalizer. It doesn't always play out like that, but if my wife is home alone and hears a window break, well, at least she would have a fighting chance.

3

u/Resolute002 Oct 06 '22

Your wife doesn't need an AR-15 with 500 rounds for that.

-1

u/Mind_Your_Pronouns Oct 06 '22

2A doesn't necessitate a "need" for ANY form of arms-bearing or ammunition reserve. Thank you for your time.

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14

u/times_is_tough_again Oct 06 '22

I got 10$ that says a group of crackheads wouldn’t have hesitated to enter Uvalde

3

u/Diarygirl Oct 06 '22

If they were told there was a bunch of crack in the room, they wouldn't hesitate.

33

u/meatball402 Oct 06 '22

I bet a crackhead is more likely to help, and a lot less likely to shoot me, if I called one for help.

6

u/funkmastamatt Oct 06 '22

probably extremely helpful if you give em a little crack

2

u/Noevel_369 Oct 06 '22

Well being that I’m from New Orleans, you are better off calling a crackhead. And you will indeed get more help if u give them a lil crack 😂😂 It’s a win win for us all

8

u/Kim_Thomas Oct 06 '22

Louisiana has major problems. This “Bayou Boob” wants to catch up on the STUPIDITY & pass his neighbors (the pathetic idiot Texas US Senators) ol’ Cruz & Corny 🌽 Crack head has more common sense than all of them, combined.

8

u/Belgarath63 Oct 06 '22

GO !!!! VOTE

Your participation in YOUR government is critical

Advocate Demonstrate Vote in every single Election Your vote Matters!

6

u/mindbleach Oct 06 '22

"Stop murdering people."

"Wow, guess you don't want my help."

5

u/Ill-Organization-719 Oct 06 '22

No.

I want the police to do the job they are paid to do.

This starts with arresting cops who break the law.

Everyone has to obey the law, starting with cops and politicians. Corruption in justice and law enforcement is the single biggest problem in society.

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4

u/gwizz006 Oct 06 '22

Americans are so funny

4

u/chromium_brew Oct 06 '22

Offensive to who?

9

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16

u/HuntingGreyFace Oct 06 '22

Every fascist take over ever was aided by police.

Every fascist takeover ever was never once stopped by police.

3

u/roxinmyhead Oct 06 '22

Thank you for your service

3

u/nicesodajerc Oct 06 '22

That’s not how any of this works.

3

u/Then_Investigator_17 Oct 06 '22

My favorite response to that line is "I'm not calling the police for assistance, I'm calling the paramedic for the dude bleeding on my floor"

8

u/Iridemhard Oct 06 '22

Shoulda linked it to Don Jrs burner phone

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6

u/middle-name-is-sassy Oct 06 '22

Worthy of @maliciouscompliance

2

u/elizalemon Oct 06 '22

lol, I didn’t know who the guy was or that the context was defending cops. All I saw were stories of how people that use crack or lived on the streets had helped people in need.

2

u/obscurereference234 Oct 06 '22

A really good OP would have supplied that phone so I, too, could speak to a real, live crackhead.

2

u/zaphodava Oct 06 '22

Calling Dave Chappelle, this is a comedy sketch just waiting to be made.

2

u/Medium-Tailor6238 Oct 06 '22

As a former Louisianan I'm offended by this.... We have meth heads not crackheads

4

u/Repulsive-Gene-9467 Oct 06 '22

Maybe he needs to spend more time in Louisiana and leave Washington,D.C

3

u/aliie_627 Oct 06 '22

He's just too old,outdated and out of touch I would guess. Crack head jokes died with the 90s. When was the last time you read something about the "crack epidemic or even read anything even vaguely about crack?

2

u/fusionduelist Oct 06 '22

The subtext is black people use crack. It's a racist dog whistle.

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2

u/aldrclm Oct 06 '22

I saw this post while taking a dump at work so now Kennedy's office has a voicemail of me wiping my ass because I had put the phone down.

1

u/Altruistic-Author197 Oct 06 '22

A bit more than l really needed to know!

2

u/smitty3z Oct 06 '22

I called Ted Cruz’s office for hotel recommendations in Cancun.

2

u/-Quothe- Oct 06 '22

TBF, you are less likely to be killed if you call a crackhead.

2

u/Grogosh Oct 06 '22

If they have to compare themselves to crackheads in order to make themselves look good its not the gotcha they think it is.

2

u/baalroo Oct 06 '22

What's crazy to me are all of the privileged conservatives who don't realize that a lot of us out here already avoid calling the police (or involving them in any way) unless there is just absolutely no other possible way to resolve an issue, usually prompted by the fact that we would be putting ourselves in legal or financial trouble if we didn't.

Like, the cops are waaaaay at the bottom of my list of people to contact when I need help. Cops are just as likely to make most situations worse as they are to make them better most of the time. My natural response would be to call my friends or family over to help deal with a violent situation before I would consider calling the cops.

If I'm dealing with a non-violent situation, the last thing I want to do is get the cops involved and likely turn the situation into a violent one.

So sure, I'll call a crackhead, I mean, same difference really in terms of response time, intelligence level, and likelihood of receiving genuine help.

1

u/LMFN Oct 06 '22

Hey I'm just saying we've never had crackheads beating men to death and getting away with it. That's a level of accountability the police aren't held to.

2

u/stephensmg Oct 06 '22

Didn’t the LA police just beat to death (murder) one of their own because he whistleblew on their criminal actions?

2

u/Deadwing2022 Oct 06 '22

If you have a problem and you call the police, now you have TWO problems.

2

u/SameGoesToYou Oct 06 '22

all the crack heads I've ever met are like not harmful and if you treat them like a human then you aren't in any danger. unlike police.

2

u/microbular Oct 06 '22 edited Oct 06 '22

Fun and games aside I know this "r/PoliticalHumor" but I feel it should be mentioned how fucking mentally warped the attitude of that senator is. He seems to not understand that the police isn't a charity doing us a favor, the police is a service most communities in America pay HEAVILY for often small communities can spend close to half their budget on the police.

When people complain about the police they want what they paid for to be better, they want the hefty salaries and authority entrusted to the police to be put to good use according to law, common sense and a basic understanding that their actions should always seek to best serve the community that employs them.

You ask most any functioning adult critical of the police and they won't say they want to abolish the police and live in a libertarian PMC helscape. They just want them to follow the law and not go 0-100 in 0.1s anytime someone they interact with does anything other than drop to their knees and thank them for their service, it honestly doesn't seem like a big ask but apparently all too often it is.

2

u/duchessofnogales Oct 06 '22

Oh this is brilliant!! Thank you to this man! Great work, keep it up!

2

u/[deleted] Oct 06 '22

… and then I got charged with telephonic harassment.

2

u/Born-Exchange-8210 Oct 06 '22

" incredibly offensive" ... dude must not have experienced much in life if that's the scale of his metric for what's offensive

3

u/Individual-Jaguar885 Oct 06 '22

Offensive to who?? Why tf is everything people don’t like “offensive”??

1

u/ImSoSte4my Oct 06 '22

Right. Is it stupid? Yes. Is it offensive? No, unless you're just offended by stupidity.

1

u/SpursLastTrophy_91 Oct 06 '22

Offensive to who?

Mainly to people who prefer that politicians/political candidates who aren't braindead morons making false equivalencies as some dumbass "gotcha" to oWn ThE lIbS (or whoever their political adversary is).

2

u/NAbberman Oct 06 '22

What are my alternatives besides the police? Its not as if I can't confront the person myself. Most actions a person can take to get their own justice will ultimately place them against a jury of their peers.

The whole "don't call the police if you don't like them," argument is just dumb. Had people had legal alternative most probably wouldn't.

Policing is a tough job, no argument there. However, with that kind of power and authority should come with high level transparency and standards. Police literally hold your liberty and safety in the palms of their hand. Mistakes they make have dire consequences. There needs to be high standards with that level of stakes.

1

u/FromTheTreeline556 Oct 06 '22

Alternatives? How about you? You are your own first responder because when seconds count they're minutes away.

2

u/NAbberman Oct 06 '22

How about you?

Don't be dense. How am I supposed to act in my interest when the actions I might need to take are only legal when police do it? Lets say I'm robbed on the streets at weapon point. Let's say for simplicity sake I figure out who did it and know where they are. Do I arm myself to get my money back? Do I get legal power to enact my own justice on the thief? No, if I do that I get charged for menacing and a likely charge for a threat of violence. Probably will end up shot to because now the thief has a possible stand your ground or castle doctrine defense.

You're ignoring that police do more than just respond to burglaries. I'm not even talking about home defense. And even in your dumb example, you still end up calling police afterwards because even if you defend yourself, the proper authorities need to know why a dude got shot or hurt. Otherwise, you risk yourself ending in cuffs. If you want a legal form of justice in this country it has to be through law enforcement. We don't have any other choice.

This goes well beyond self reliance.

2

u/raymond8505 Oct 06 '22

calling a crack head when you're in trouble is probably better than calling the police. They're always around so arrival time is way lower and there's a much smaller chance they shoot your dog or flash bang your baby

0

u/Level_Ad_6372 Oct 06 '22

Not sure what Lee thinks that will do lol

5

u/[deleted] Oct 06 '22

[deleted]

1

u/Level_Ad_6372 Oct 06 '22

*Annoy his aide

But still, registering the domain doesn't really help that at all. He could've saved the 20 bucks and just shared the dude's phone number

1

u/ZengaStromboli Oct 06 '22

Live there.. Really hoping this asshole doesn't win, but it looks like he will.

1

u/exeJDR Oct 06 '22

Savage

1

u/darthbane21 Oct 06 '22

How was that offensive? What, to crackheads?

1

u/No_Benefit_8738 Oct 06 '22

iNcReDiBlY oFfEnSiVe

-1

u/hoticehunter Oct 06 '22

They made a website redirect to a phone call? Ok. 🤥

0

u/CrackerBarrelKid_69 Oct 06 '22

Leave Hunter Bidog out of this

1

u/MonkeyWrench1973 Oct 06 '22

Call a crackhead instead of the police? Absolutely.

With a crackhead, I at least have the legal right to defend my life against someone trying to take mine.

2

u/Razakel Oct 06 '22

You theoretically do with a cop too, if they don't announce themselves as cops.

You'll probably still get shot by one of their buddies, though.

1

u/getsbuckets Oct 06 '22

does this guy think Kennedy answers the phone?

1

u/delux561 Oct 06 '22

Fantastic. John Kennedy did not for some reason pick up for me though

1

u/ObiWan-ToSmokie Oct 06 '22

I personally, would rather call a crackhead.

1

u/chook_slop Oct 06 '22

Doing gods work here...

1

u/SmashBonecrusher Oct 06 '22

SMOOOOOTH !( I wish I had thought if it !)

1

u/xPalmtopTiger Oct 06 '22

If he had only used a vr headset as his monitor this would be the opening chapter of a cyberpunk story.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 06 '22

[deleted]

2

u/TacitRonin20 Oct 06 '22

Yeah James sneezed in your pizza. We investigated it and sent him packing... For a week... With pay...

Don't like that? Well get a crackhead to make your pizza next time. Booom, libs owned!!

1

u/levelZeroWizard Oct 06 '22

Still works, might just call a crackhead

1

u/Redmudgirl Oct 06 '22

Bwaaaaaa🤣🤣🤣🤣!!!

1

u/Jumpy-Caterpillar-42 Oct 06 '22

Police should do their job and act like professionals regardless of what people think of them! *shrug

1

u/nastyn8k Oct 06 '22

If we all just keep a little crack stash to pay them with this could actually work....

1

u/SluttyPoop Oct 06 '22

Called. Left a nice voicemail asking for the crackhead police to come assist.

1

u/Mike_gutter Oct 06 '22

Who is this offensive too?

1

u/Yarzeda Oct 06 '22

I can't look at a bearded white guy in chainmail without instantly thinking of my good friend, Nick Mullen.

1

u/Logical-Pianist386 Oct 06 '22

I laughed so hard at this...brilliant!!

1

u/NickPickle05 Oct 06 '22 edited Oct 06 '22

Hey now. Crackheads are super nice people willing to share what little they have with a complete stranger that needs their help. Haven't you ever seen Guns Akimbo? That documentary had an entire scene showing the kindness and generosity of crackheads.

1

u/Zenjal Oct 06 '22

First time dude was very done my my bs an jus hung up, next two they let it go to voicemail. How am I supposed to order a crack head with this kinda customer service!

1

u/kojak343 Oct 06 '22

This is a genius idea. I would like to do the same thing for some of my elected officials.

I inspected the link, and was dumbfounded it was so complicated to do this. Worse, I could not see where the actual phone number was included.

But, good on you!

1

u/ElectricalGuidance79 Oct 06 '22

TIL John Kennedy thinks that all non police officer adults are crackheads.

1

u/HomeIsEmpty Oct 06 '22

I just tried it and it's absolutely true. That's fantastic. The person answering the phone was less than amused though. He very sarcastically said "You're so funny!" Well played, Twitter person.

1

u/SooooooMeta Oct 06 '22

Step 1) be very afraid!

Step 2) don’t demand better. We’re the only ones that can keep you safe. In fact things will likely get worse because we’re no longer hiding the corruption but … look a liberal bogey man! I’ll get him, quick vote me more power!

1

u/3nds_of_invention Oct 06 '22

Good one! You totally got him! Man is he gonna have egg on his face when there's a scathing message on his phone of someone being killed in their own home because the police were defunded.

1

u/moenchsbraeu Oct 06 '22

Same outcome :) As long as OP stop calling cops i dont see an Issue.

1

u/PleaseListenToMeOK Oct 06 '22

Saw the image thought it was my gay best friend Nick Million.

1

u/BoukuNola Oct 06 '22

If my home gets burglarized, and I pay my local crackhead 20 bucks to figure it out, I’ll have all my shit back by the next morning.

As a bonus, my local crackhead won’t take 45 minutes to show up just to shoot my dog/black neighbor.

1

u/MsJSoul Oct 06 '22

Things that work better than calling the police when you need help with a violent or dangerous situation:

Calling your buddies who can handle shit

Calling a mental health professional who has been enabled by our system into helping those in need

Calling an ambulance

Running away

Waiting the twenty to thirty minutes it takes for them to get there anyway for the situation to either deescalate or go tits up. It’s more likely to go tits up if you call the police anyway

Praying to god

Shitting and pissing yourself to stink away the attackers

Texting goodbye to your family

Things not better than calling the police:

Calling a crackhead

Getting into a knife fight

Being the wife of a police officer

1

u/Mrwrongthinker Oct 06 '22

No matter what is happening, I'm never calling them again anyways. There is no human suffering situation a cop cannot make worse.

1

u/astromono Oct 06 '22

Anyone who's actually lived in the hood knows crackheads provide far more security than cops and are 1000x less likely to shoot your dog