r/TaylorSwift I'm getting tired even for a phoenix 14d ago

"You're Losing Me" Discussion Megathread Megathread

Currently this is only available on the limited CDs being sold to ticket holders at the East Rutherford show.

  • Do not share copies of You're Losing Me anywhere on this sub. This is illegal and can get the entire subreddit shut down.

  • Do not request people share their copy of this song.

  • Violating this rule will result in a 5 day ban

This thread is to discuss the song itself.


Use this thread to discuss your thoughts, reactions, and theories on the song. We will be removing all future self-post discussion threads about it in order to consolidate discussion to this thread.

2.0k Upvotes

5.7k comments sorted by

u/PassionateAsSin get it off my desk 13d ago

Reddit is broken, we are not removing all comments

5

u/lyricalaur mess of a dreamer with the nerve to adore you 1d ago

A girl on tiktok posted a cover written in the opposite perspective and I’m 🥲 Joe blink twice if you feel this way https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZT81Nt9rK/

5

u/knowslesthanjonsnow 2d ago

I wasn’t sure about the “simple” chorus upon first listen but You’re Losing Me is threatening to take the top spot in my Midnights ranking.

2

u/swiminasea 2d ago

I hear this song and it reminds me of my relationship with my partner when we were going through very difficult times. I felt like our relationship was dying and I was dying and he had no idea, because he was way too absorbed into his work, and his own insecurities of failing at work. I didn’t speak my mind because I didn’t want him to feel the turmoil that was I feeling, cuz i knew he already had so much on his plate.

But by not saying anything, how could he possibly know? Why did I expect him to read my mind? How could I expect him to see me if I don’t tell him? He’s not a mind reader. Nobody is.

So the lyrics talking about wishing my partner would see me, the partner feeling confused, yes… I get it. I really should’ve said something … and my partner should’ve paid attention.

1

u/Relevant_Sink_1253 2d ago

When is she going to release this on Spotify I need it so bad 😭

2

u/swiftie213 2d ago

Hello- Does anyone know how to get the mp3 from the files app into ITunes or somewhere I can play them on repeat without a computer? I want to listen to You’re losing me on repeat but the files app makes it so annoying to listen to!!

1

u/pinkysaurusrawr 1d ago

If you have an iPhone - You have to go through you iTunes! Upload the song file into your itunes on your computer, then sync your phone to your iTunes to get the song. Be careful, because if syncing your phone to your iTunes isn't something you do regularly, you may lose music already on your phone.

2

u/Historical_Shelter81 2d ago

I have an android so idk if it will work for you but I downloaded the songs from the Taylor Nation email (on my phone), then went to the downloads folder on my phone and clicked open in Spotify. Now they are in my Spotify library under "local files"

2

u/Some_Strength_504 2d ago

TGW is the person who doubted of themselves and didn't communicate's pov after they survived TGW.

YLM is the person who tried to reach out's pov after they lost TGW.

3

u/danielleduet ✨this night is sparkling✨ 3d ago

I hope she will release this song for digital download! 🩵

8

u/cruel_summer1212 ✨bloodshed✨❤️crimson❤️ clover UH HUH 5d ago

I just realised that swifties have always been saying "can joe alwyn fight?" as a meme, obviously. But, looking at this after the release of "you're losing me", he wasn't even trying to fight, taylor was begging him to fight, little did we swifties know that we've been using this statement in this sense, omg 😭😭

2

u/Some_Strength_504 2d ago

Don't sh1t on Joe. He tried and fought really hard Taylor said it herself in TGW. You can't blame someone for not fighting if you refuse to fight yourself.

5

u/jupiterose Pathological People Pleaser 6d ago

I'm super obsessed with this song. I've been listening to it on YouTube and hoping it makes its way to streaming soon.

6

u/A_r0sebyanothername 7d ago

Not Joe switching off comments on Insta. Oh Swifties😂

5

u/Cupcakesofchaos 7d ago

Desperately in love with this song so hoping you all can help me figure this out!

In the pre-chorus she starts in the 1st person --

I'M getting tired even for a pheonix Always rising from the ashes Mending all HER gashes.

Why do you think she changes the tense here? She's a mastermind of course so there's no way it's unintentional.

Thoughts??

2

u/Historical_Shelter81 2d ago

good catch!!! hmm this is a reach, but maybe she says "her" instead of "my" bc she's a pheonix. not taylor? idk lol

1

u/Cupcakesofchaos 2d ago

Certainly possible! I was thinking something similar like maybe she's kinda dissociating; you know separating parts of herself, the pheonix part or maybe the wounded part, maybe even her past self from her identity?? Or maybe "her" just sounded better lol

1

u/otterbbb 7d ago

I really love this Taylor Swift song, and hearing the sounds of the emergency room in the background feels like this moment of love is in need of urgent care... It's truly heartbreaking.

4

u/_cl0udburst i was shipwrecked, then the SAND hurt my FEELINGS 8d ago

Big Jack fan but my dude, why??? First time I actually dislike his production. The emotions and lyrics are so intense and personal. Then the music is just meh. A stripped acoustic would've been better; Aaron producing would've been better! (Yes I'm irrationally upset about just this one thing, doesnt help that the song is super sad.)

2

u/libertymartin190 8d ago

I'm sorry but literally your name reminds me of the That's So Raven episode with the singer named Raynebow, and she gave Eddie the name of Cloudburst. 😂

2

u/_cl0udburst i was shipwrecked, then the SAND hurt my FEELINGS 7d ago

I didnt know that 😂

1

u/libertymartin190 7d ago

Here is a video of her saying it!

https://youtu.be/jHAiiEtsqCM

5

u/Alaska199 folklore 8d ago

I absolutely love this song, I think it's such a raw depiction of a broken and lost relationship....however, production speaking, there's just one thing that bothers me about it and I can't ignore it every time I listen to this song.. it could be because I'm listening to the ripped version of the CD. Why is there a lot of (it seems like) auto-tune in the phoenix line (I'm getting "TIRED" even... [...] "ALWAYS RISING") and the chorus? Was it on purpose? Her raw voice is so stunning in other parts of the song, I don't understand why it was placed like that - again, it could be the bad ripped version, so idk. Can you guys hear that as well?

1

u/pinkysaurusrawr 8d ago

It's not just your version, I bought it from her website, it's intentional! She's been messing with voice effects since reputation, and I do think sometimes she uses them in an odd way. I actually really like it here, personally, but I do see why so many people with this was a stripped down, less produced song. The voice effects kind of make this feel like a hollow shout into the void to me, I like the vibe it adds. I do think it would be really interesting to hear an untouched, acoustic guitar version of this, though. Would be a very different song.

1

u/sheakatherine23 8d ago

Does anyone else clearly hear Imogen Heap doing backup right before the bridge??

13

u/blue_skiesandseas 9d ago

Maybe unpopular but the heavy production on her voice takes me out of the song. I wish it were a little more stripped down and raw.

3

u/Stopurlosingme13 9d ago

I just relistened to the full album to see where You're Losing Me ranks now Curious to know where it ranks for other people as well.

Mine

  1. Would've, Could've, Should've
  2. The Great War
  3. Maroon
  4. You're On Your Own, Kid
  5. High Infidelity
  6. Dear Reader
  7. Hits Different
  8. You're Losing Me
  9. Mastermind
  10. Anti-Hero
  11. Lavender Haze
  12. Midnight Rain
  13. Paris
  14. Karma
  15. Bigger Than The Whole Sky
  16. Labyrinth
  17. Vigilante Shit
  18. Bejeweled
  19. Glitch
  20. Snow On The Beach
  21. Question...?
  22. Sweet Nothing

It probably would've been my favorite if it released in October because I was going through the same situation with my family and religion. But I'm over that pain now, so it doesn't hit as much as it could. Plus, it's hard ranking it with 21 songs I've known for months.

6

u/Civil_Calligrapher52 9d ago

I will probably get down voted. But I remember after YLM was released, someone commented on this thread (I can’t find it) that they thought it was actually a song to her fans and outward (not directly about joe). Initially I was on the Joe train that it was about him or at least a break up and I can still see it. But after playing it on repeat on a roadtrip with my dog, I actually started to move more toward the context of it being a song about toxic parasocial relationships and cancel culture in general and a song to her fans that they are losing her. I challenge some of you to listen to it from this context. Taylor Swift doesn’t owe anything to us. Yet so many have taken on this toxic relationship where they expect her to be perfect. If anyone is curious of the verses and lines that made me reevaluate the context, I will gladly share. I’m offering a different perspective. I’m not saying that anyone’s analogies are wrong. But with all the attacks on her recently, I just wonder if YLM was strategically released with the karma remix.

2

u/LonghornMillenial 8d ago

Her fans wouldn’t marry her? I see how you’re trying to reach but this is a song about pure heartbreak. Have you been in a several year long-term relationship with its fair share of rough patches?

2

u/A_r0sebyanothername 7d ago

Not all lyrics have to be taken literally

1

u/LonghornMillenial 6d ago

You’re correct. Most songs throughout history use figurative language and make great ELAR assignments. I don’t see how us “marrying” her/committing to her, for lack of a better word (which would be a stretch for the clever lyricist tswift,) is the metaphor she’s trying to convey.

1

u/LonghornMillenial 8d ago

Not everything is about us 🙄

20

u/Luna8586 9d ago

This song is heart wrenching. Especially the bridge when she sings...

"Do something, babe, say something" (Say something) "Lose something, babe, risk something" (You're losin' me) "Choose something, babe, I got nothing" (I got nothing) "To believe, unless you're choosin' me"

I love the duality of her emotions. She sounds composed on the main melody with anger and pleading mixed in but when she sings the lyrics in parentheses in the background, it sounds like she is crying hysterically and desparate to save the relationship. It's genius and just makes it to relatable and heartbreaking.

21

u/BaroNessie 10d ago

I desperately need this to be released on spotify...

13

u/bonnydelrico DEBUT DEFENDER ⚔️ 10d ago

despite a couple of wham lines, i find the lyrics to be very mid and i HATE the voice effects despite liking the ones on other midnights songs. it also feels like....weird to listen to so soon LOL. it feels like reading an overly candid fb status of a girl you went to high school with who just went through a messy break up. i feel a bit uncomfortable but i will be reading the whole thing

0

u/ChiefKingSosa 9d ago

You're mid

11

u/bonnydelrico DEBUT DEFENDER ⚔️ 9d ago

Sorry for sharing my opinion on a mega thread 💔 I promise you’ll recover from this

16

u/MilderWoman 10d ago edited 10d ago

I cant get past the tempo of this song. It’s such such such a sad song. When I read the lyrics before I heard the song I was expecting something so different… really only the chorus feels sad. Does she feel too vulnerable to release it as a sad song? Or does she just not want people to see her as sad? Or is she just not sad anymore…?There’s no way she wrote this song on piano or guitar this up tempo. Like the lines in the bridge are devastating but she’s not really saying it emotionally and the music isn’t sad that’s going with it.

Also… between this song and it hits different… I’m so curious when she wrote these. Because she very publicly and quickly moved on and says she’s the “happiest she’s ever been.” Is she just saying that to cover up her sadness… or… was she just sad for a hot second and now good

2

u/yorkergirl 6d ago

I've been in a relationship like this, where I stayed much longer than I should've, and the spark was dead long before it ended. You're mourning it while you're still in it and holding on to false hope, so when it finally ends, you just feel relief. I'm sure this is a common phenomenon where one partner is blindsided while the other one has known all along.

3

u/pinkysaurusrawr 8d ago

Love this post, I have a lot of thoughts about it! I am pretty sure that Taylor knew her relationship was ending the whole time she was writing Midnights. See: Midnight Rain (he wants a normal life, she wants to be a pop star), Question (she's having thoughts about a past fling), YOYOK (pretty sure this is about her career AND her personal life), Dear Reader (she's falling apart, and she's alone), Hits Different (cause it's you), and honestly little bits and pieces of every song. I think she able to say she's happier now because she mourned this all throughout 2022 and just didn't let us know. She either waited to break up with him, or waited to release the information to the public, until she felt ready.

I hadn't thought too much about the tempo, but your question gave me an idea. I think it's possible she wrote this song in midst of all the Midnights writing. We know that she usually writes more songs than what ends up on an album. Maybe she started off writing this, and the tempo matches with what she was imagining for Midnights, but it ended up being a much heavier, sadder song than she realized it would be when she started.

But now that you've brought this to my attention, I am also very curious! The production is too upbeat and energetic for the content. I think you could be right that it was too vulnerable if it was too sad.

1

u/Kmathieu2220 10d ago

Any connection to New Romantics? Could hear the main melody played at 1:50

12

u/purpledot_ 10d ago

I’m obsessed with this song. I just want a sad music video with pretty visuals to go along with it.

36

u/rachtothebars 10d ago

Anyone else want to play songs like this on repeat but feel the need to reassure their significant other that your relationship is NOT in fact, falling apart?

1

u/ChanooTime 9d ago

omg this is so relevant My spouse, now, will say 'okay i'm listening to this a lot but it doesn't mean anything!" after I would ask about it or be somewhat concerned in the past. Now I get it after going to her Eras concert and listening to everything on repeat.

5

u/Alternative_Quit928 10d ago

Hahahahah yes I have only been listening to it in secret

33

u/Sn1038 10d ago

“I wouldn’t marry me either, pathological people pleaser” hits me in my core. Ugh.

3

u/Hanz29 6d ago

I cried the first time I heard it. 🥲 I wanna just hug her so bad. 🥺

17

u/catsandbeerz 10d ago

The end of the bridge "DO something babe..." sounds so familiar to me. Has anyone figured out what song it sounds like? I don't think it's a Taylor song.

13

u/shychubsnextdoor 10d ago

It always reminds me illicit affair bridge " DON'T CALL ME KID, DONT CALL ME BABY".

2

u/Dutch_econ_student Speak Now (Taylor's Version) 11d ago

Okay this is gonna be long, but when we first heard Bigger Than The Whole Sky lots of people thought it could be related to having a miscarriage, and I think You’re losing Me fits really well with that interpretation.

[Verse 1]

You say, "I don't understand," and I say, "I know you don't"

She took it way harder, it’s different it was her body, not his.

We thought a cure would come through in time, now, I fear it won’t

They thought at first that they could get over it eventually, but it’s been so long she’s starting to doubt if that is ever going to happen.

Remember lookin' at this room, we loved it 'cause of the light

Now, I just sit in the dark and wonder if it's time

[Pre-Chorus]

Do I throw out everything we built or keep it?

Talking about the nursery.

I'm getting tired even for a phoenix

Always risin' from the ashes

Mendin' all her gashes

You might just have dealt the final blow

She has trouble getting over it, and him not understanding that (saying something like it’ll be fine) really hurt her.

[Chorus]

Stop, you're losin' me

Stop, you're losin' me

Stop, you're losin' me

I can't find a pulse

My heart won't start anymore for you

'Cause you're losin' me

Her hart stopped because of the pain of losing the baby, and she doesn’t think he is enough for her hart to start again.

[Verse 2]

Every mornin', I glared at you with storms in my eyes

How can you say that you love someone you can't tell is dyin'?

I sent you signals and bit my nails down to the quick

My face was gray, but you wouldn't admit that we were sick

Back to him not understanding how she feels, and how hard she took it. And she’s mad that he doesn’t feel the same sadness. It sucked all the life out of her, but he took the situation less hard, and thus thought they were still fine.

(Or can storms also be a substitute for tears, in that case he reminders her of it and makes her angry/sad by just existing because he was part of the bad situation happening. Non native English speaker so not sure if that works in English as well.)

[Pre-Chorus]

And the air is thick with loss and indecision

I know my pain is such an imposition

Now, you're runnin' down the hallway

And you know what they all say

"You don't know what you got until it's gone"

The loss of the baby, and what to do now, how to process this. He’s running away from it, and she misses what they had before.

[Chorus] & [Post-Chorus]

Nothing extra to add here.

[Bridge]

How long could we be a sad song

'Til we were too far gone to bring back to life?

If they won’t come out of this soon, it’ll never work again.

I gave you all my best me's, my endless empathy

And all I did was bleed as I tried to be the bravest soldier

Fighting in only your army, frontlines, don't you ignore me

She became more private partly for him, and now he won’t give her al the empathy she needs, he just wants her to move on.

I'm the best thing at this party (You're losin' me)

And I wouldn't marry me either

A pathological people pleaser

Who only wanted you to see her

I’m not sure about this one, but they went out to a party and she hid her sadness there completely, to not ruin the party for others. But he feels betrayed that she will not be that happy around him, and she just desperately wants him to understand her.

And I'm fadin', thinkin'

"Do something, babe, say something" (Say something)

"Lose something, babe, risk something" (You're losin' me)

"Choose something, babe, I got nothing" (I got nothing)

"To believe, unless you're choosin' me"

She needs him to react to it, she needs to believe he even still wants her.

[Outro]

Nothing extra to add here.

2

u/Time-Squirrel1461 18h ago edited 18h ago

Whelp. Now I'm broken to my core. Literally just had a miscarriage and came to this thread looking for something else hoping someone had an explanation for "the best thing at this party" line cuz it feels out of place ... but good god wasn't expecting to run into such a great analysis and maybe why my subconscious wants to play this song on repeat... "I can't feel a pulse also hits different too plus the "stop you're losing me" def for me is about my sister and she got knocked up same time I became pregnant and I wasn't planning to tell anyone until 12 weeks but week 9 was miscarriage and through that whole time I was giving her my best "me's" and endless empathy for being knocked up and struggling with all of that drama ... meanwhile I go to surgery for a d&c and she's pissed at me I don't want to go to her gender reveal so... "stop, you're losing me" is so relatable in that sense to me ... and now we are no contact indefinitely her lack of empathy was the "last blow" so thanks for this explanation

3

u/Impressive-Head2065 3d ago

I also think the Great War is connected to this as well

5

u/Outrageous_Elk_8000 9d ago

I actually thought similarly after listening to it about 30 times in a row, because when she writes about how they loved the light in the room, there are twinkling notes played, similar to how a lullaby sounds. Also, having lost a pregnancy myself, I absolutely sat by myself in the nursery in the dark many times and felt so alone in my sadness. Maybe the whole song isn't about the loss of a pregnancy but it could've really been what started the decline of the relationship. If someone can't be there for you after that, what else are they gonna f$%# up?

9

u/Alternative_Quit928 10d ago

Personally I don’t think it was written in connection to a pregnancy loss, but as someone who has gone through that I could relate with your analysis

18

u/EnchantingWillow 11d ago

I love how she references dying throughout the song: there’s the obvious heartbeat, the line “we thought a cure would come through in time” the lyrics “stop your losing me” remind me of when someone is doing CPR on a patient saying “we’re losing her” and, “mending all her gashes” like they are trying to save her, “I can’t find a pulse, my heart won’t start anymore for you” “we were sick” “too far gone to bring back to life” “all I did was bleed” but my FAVORITE line is when she says “I’m fading thinking do something babe! Risk something! You’re losing me..” bc I imagine Taylor on the hospital bed flatlining and her loved ones saying “Do something!!” And then at the end she says but your losing me, the heartbeat is gone and then she is dead😭😭 (the relationship is dead)

28

u/AssortedGourds am not in fact ready for it 11d ago edited 10d ago

Ugh I'm at the end of my marriage and I feel like I could have written this. Every word. I think she and I were in the same relationship! It sucks when you’re unhappy and begging them to listen and they’re just like “this relationship is great IDK what you’re talking about! 😃”

It's incredibly sad that Taylor has this unfulfilled need to be seen (to the point that she made sharing/oversharing her career) and at the end of the day he didn't really see her, either.

-3

u/delicate__zombie 10d ago

scream it. don't let go yet. get counseling. it's not any better out there

7

u/AssortedGourds am not in fact ready for it 10d ago

Yeah I hear you - I know it isn’t. There are no good options in life. Just varying shades of miserable.

We’ve been to therapy plenty. You can’t make someone understand something they don’t want to understand.

13

u/Hungry_Towel_8988 11d ago

what i love about the chorus is it's a play on words; “you’re losing me"evokes both the sensation of falling out of love and the experience of someone’s words being overwhelmingly confusing (i.e. "you’re losing me, man; what are you talkign about?”). That, along with the first verse admitting that her partner being confused by her/just “doesn’t understand”, would indicate that the chorus is sung from her lover’s POV.

10

u/Awayfromwork44 11d ago

What does “fighting in only your army” mean? Trying to figure that line out lmao

4

u/DespairFangirl 6d ago

Joe's into BTS ?

5

u/Historical_Shelter81 9d ago

I think she's saying that she's fighting in his army, as opposed to her own. like she's not fighting him, she's with him. shes on his side. (in contrast to the great war where she's battling her lover). I also thought she could be saying fighting in his army like she defends him always to others.

2

u/Some_Strength_504 2d ago

and yet, not long ago, she called off the troops because she saw that he was fighting for her. I will defend Joe on this, he did try to fight. He just was tired of it

4

u/idkwhatiwantlmao 11d ago

Being by their side always, but you're not getting the same return because they don't understand you They thought you're only nice to them, but you're a people pleaser, you want them to see you

2

u/Awayfromwork44 11d ago

I still don’t get it. The wording is odd. She’s a soldier “fighting in only (his) army”, it doesn’t make sense. Grammatically I don’t know what she’s trying to say. “I’m fighting in only your army” what?

6

u/pinkysaurusrawr 11d ago

I've heard some people say that maybe this means she was faithful to him. There have been hints that Joe maybe cheated on her (it's all speculation of course) so this line could mean that she only fought for him, aka was always faithful to him. But I do think it's one of the most difficult to unravel lyrics.

epiphany, peace, The Great War, and tolerate it all mention soldiers or war, and I think each song is a least a little bit inspired by her relationship with Joe, among other things. I haven't quite been able to figure out the way that she uses this soldier metaphor, and what it means to her.

She also says in Bejeweled "putting someone first only works if you're in their top five." Maybe "fighting in only your army" means Taylor put him first, she was always fighting for him and for them, while Joe was putting most of his energy into other parts of his life or other relationships.

Would be very curious what other people think though, I think it's a complicated line!

2

u/idkwhatiwantlmao 11d ago edited 11d ago

Forgive me for not being specific ... So basically, it means that when it comes to fighting or overcoming something, Taylor would rather be by her exlover's side, that's why it says " I'm fighting in only your army " if she doesn't fight in his army then her exlover is not her top priority , by that, she would rather have her own army than be with her ex lover's army. Being independent, not giving a f##, let the relationship become public

It wanted to say " I made you my top priority, I was always on your side, please don't ignore me, I want this to work, if this not gonna work, it means you're gonna stop my heart for you, please make me believe that this could work"

Edit: or even shorter, she always protects something about Joe, it could be many things but it's not our job to know about

1

u/Commercial_Menu_9930 11d ago

Guys, is it just me or, I hear the tune opening tune of New Romantics somewhere around 1:53 time mark?!?!

1

u/Commercial_Menu_9930 11d ago

Why is she connecting New Romantics with this song?! I can’t make the connection.

-1

u/Visible-Cut-8737 11d ago

many people are saying this song ties midnights all together and while i agree, i think it wouldve fit as the last track for 1989 even better. YLMs bridge to 1989 is sonically what new years day is to reputation. i know its ab joe but the bridge gives me clean vibes?

18

u/ChickenLady_6 11d ago

“Say something I’m giving up on you” & this song just hurt me

14

u/iofthestorm403 11d ago

The large audible inhale at the top of this song, reminds me sharply of Need and that juxtaposition is killing me a little.

18

u/celinakou evermore 11d ago

I need this song on Spotify (officially) 😭

3

u/Cadillacquer 10d ago

I found it on a playlist tho

2

u/melibee009 11d ago

Me too! I hope it comes soon! 🤞🏻

18

u/Red517 Wasn’t it easier in your firefly catching days? 11d ago

“fighting in only your army, front lines, don’t you ignore me. I’m the best thing at this party (you’re losing me) and I wouldn’t marry me either, a pathological people pleaser, who only wanted you to see her”

“And I’m fading thinking, -Do something babe, say something. -Lose something babe, risk something. -Choose something babe, I got nothing

To believe

Unless… you’re choosing me”

She’s like “when am I going to be your one?”

40

u/onebadnightx 11d ago

Is anyone else continually wrecked, knocked on their ass, sobbing, this song stuck in their head since it came out? I am a longtime Taylor fan and know all of her albums inside and out (as we all do here) and I am still just wrecked, amazed, knocked out by this song.

How can you say that you love someone you can’t tell is dying
I sent you signals and bit my nails down to the quick
My face was gray, but you wouldn’t admit that we were sick

Along with I can’t find a pulse, my heart won’t start anymore … for you
and
And the air is thick with loss and indecision

People were complaining that it’s simple but FUCK this woman continues to write the most poignant, biting, heartbreaking songs; she somehow puts into words what we’ve all felt before in heartbreak and it’s soothing and therapeutic and ugh

3

u/Historical_Shelter81 9d ago

I was listening for the 10 thousandth time today and thought this. it's the raw vulnerability that feels like the Speak Now album or All Too Well. She's just speaking from a place of great vulnerability and is yelling us exactly why her relationship fell apart

4

u/Cadillacquer 10d ago

It’s a story for anyone who’s been in a great relation that dies for lack or attention and lack of putting the partner first.

And it does make me think she wanted to stay with him and marry him “but not like this. “ so if she did the breaking up it was his lack of understanding or attention that made her need to get out.

5

u/Kratos5300 11d ago

YES I feel you 100%. This is a Dear John contender for me.

60

u/AdeptManagement7712 11d ago

I guess it's true that couples end up hating the trait that they once admired in their partner

from lavender haze:

Starin' at the ceilin' with you Oh, you don't ever say too much And you don't really read into My melancholia

to you're losing me:

"Do something, babe, say something" (Say something) "Lose something, babe, risk something" (You're losin' me) "Choose something, babe, I got nothing" (I got nothing)

8

u/Kratos5300 11d ago

STOP this is heartbreaking

13

u/Shiraleigh 11d ago

How long do CDS take to produce like was this what she was recording at electric Lady studios last month

3

u/belledamesans-merci 9d ago

I’m convinced she was and no one can tell me otherwise

28

u/No-Fail-5241 11d ago

I feel like this one hits different because she seems completely hopeless. She committed herself to a really long relationship, and now that it is over, she probably can't see herself believing in love again. She is probably extremely insecure, wondering if most of the breakups were her fault.

10

u/Alzena_Mugiwara Right down the rabbit hole 11d ago

Maybe Bigger then the whole sky was also a breakup song. I thought it was a song about losing someone you love. A song of grief.

But in context now...if that's a break up song.....

8

u/veganite7 11d ago

Bigger than the whole sky was not a breakup song, she said in an interview she had a friend who lost a pregnancy and so she wrote the song as a dedication / inspiration to that theme of a parent losing a child and they’ll never gonna meet that child and know them - “I’m never gonna meet what could have been should have been what would have been you”

-1

u/Cadillacquer 10d ago

“A friend “ could have been her, to keep it private. Also: men don’t see miscarriages the way women experience the loss. That could have been one big strike against Joe if and when it happened.

11

u/azdisneyswifty I gave my blood, sweat, and tears for this 10d ago

What interview did she say that?

2

u/[deleted] 11d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/[deleted] 11d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/kayleighmariew 🎆I'm shining like fireworks 11d ago

Omg thanks so much!!! 🙏🙏

12

u/hellsaquarium Midnights 11d ago

This song is on endless repeat for me. I love it so much. I’m currently writing some fanfiction and it goes perfect with my main character

4

u/dangerousily 11d ago

Maybe glitch isn’t about Joe after all

In hindsight, it sounds like she’d given up on hope of love and commitment with Joe but someone else sparked it back and brought her back to life and it’s so weird which is why it’s a glitch and not just normal love.

“I’d go back to dudes who give me nothing, I thought we have no chances… and that’s romance, let’s dance”

8

u/LemonQueenThree 11d ago

I never really felt like I understood this song. These days I'm leaning toward thinking the glitch is more like a glitch in the love rather than the love itself, especially because of the "a slight interruption, I'd go back to wanting dudes who give nothing..." verse. In my interpretation it's more like somebody's noticing the cracks but clinging on as hard as they can.

9

u/AccomplishedAbroad34 to live for the hope of the tour 11d ago

What do you think about the 2190 days line?

3

u/Cadillacquer 10d ago

I think it is about her new bf. The length of time she was with Joe was the love blackout for him. I mean I don’t like the guy but that is the way the song makes sense now.

18

u/WatercressLost4375 12d ago

At first listen, I thought it was kinda boring until it suddenly clicks and become very sad…

DO SOMETHING BABE!! SAY SOMETHING!! LOSE SOMETHING BABE!! RISK SOMETHING!! CHOOSE SOMETHING BABE!!

14

u/melibee009 12d ago

This song and Hits Different have shot right towards the top of my favorite TS songs this week! Soooo good

30

u/iofthestorm403 12d ago

“How long can we be a sad song” - Imagine writing Rep & Lover and then one day realizing all the songs you’re writing about him are sad.

3

u/Disastrous_Tone_1148 12d ago

The Say Something part made me go back and listen to A Great Big World x Christina Aguilera, Say Something, that song makes me cry every time this one doesn’t hit as much, I don’t like the you’re loosing me part with the synth or whatever they used. Do we think Hits Different was written post breakup?

18

u/iofthestorm403 12d ago

I know the lyrics are world ending and I already talked about how the heartbeat thrills me, but can I just talk how much I love the music overall on this song for a second. The cadence in “I can’t find a pulse, my heart won’t start anymore” gives me a lot of actual joy, and the instrumentals on this one are exactly right for me.

-12

u/LynnisMom 12d ago

Crazy theory… maybe? The you’re losing me lyrics makes me wonder if Joe was an alcoholic.

Here’s a breakdown of what lead me to this theory…

We thought a cure would come through in time - Is she indicating that he was working towards getting sober? They thought Joe getting sober would “cure”/save their relationship?

I just sit in the dark and wonder if it’s time - Taylor wondering if it’s time that she give up on him.

Do I throw out everything we built or keep it - This is where I think she indicates it was her choice to keep the relationship going as long as she did.

Stop, you’re losing me - The chorus definitely makes me think he was doing something wrong which inevitably pushed her away. She’s warning him here that his drinking is pushing her away.

Every morning I glared at you with storms in my eyes - Taylor waking up in the morning after he’s drank the night before and she’s furious and upset with Joe.

How can you say that you love someone you can’t tell is dying - This makes me think that Joe was still really in love with Taylor and didn’t realize how much his alcoholism was affecting her.

My face was gray, but you wouldn’t admit that we were sick - Joe not admitting that he had an issue with alcohol/Joe again not realizing how much his issue was affecting her

I know my pain is such an imposition - Taylor “nagging” Joe to get help because she sees his problem is getting out of hand and Joe disagreeing that he has a problem.

Now you’re running down the hallway - I think this is an indication that Joe was trying to get her to stay/keep her from leaving because he realizes he’s pushed her too far and he’s realizing that he’s losing something really amazing but he’s realized it too late.

I gave you all my best mes, my endless empathy - She’s tried to support him and show him empathy throughout his battle with alcoholism.

All I did was bleed as I tried to be the bravest soldier, fighting in only your army, frontlines don’t you ignore me - First time I heard the song I was thinking what is he battling, why is she saying she’s in his army? I think here she makes it obvious that he has some kind of issue and she’s stood by him battling alongside him throughout the difficulties of getting sober. She’s reminding him that she supported him through it all.

I’m the best thing at this party - She’s worth more than the alcohol that Joe is making his priority… what is typically at a party? Usually alcohol.

Lose something babe - I think she’s telling Joe he has to change here. He’s got to “lose” the alcohol.

Choose something babe - Taylor’s indicating Joe has to pick her or the alcohol.

8

u/Awayfromwork44 11d ago

That’s filling in a lot of blanks. Like she’s angry in the morning -> he must be hungover? That’s a jump. He ignored at a party for alcohol? Another big jump

22

u/silentcomplaints 12d ago

Let’s not make assumptions on someone’s sobriety. This seems dangerous.

-11

u/pinkysaurusrawr 12d ago

This feels plausible to me! It makes me think about “this is my trying”, where she wrote about someone’s struggle with addiction. And in Paper Rings she says “if your cascade, ocean wave blues come” - which always felt to me like maybe Joe struggled with depression, and mental health issues can worsen addiction. I definitely don’t think this has to be what it’s about, but it’s an interesting theory to dive into!

40

u/jadesidhu 12d ago

This song parallels so much of her discography but one I haven't heard anyone talk about yet is the way it parallels Maroon.

'And I chose you, the one I was dancing with'/'I've got nothing to believe unless your choosing me'

'We were standing hollow-eyed in the hallway'/'Running down the hallway, you know what they all say'

'And how the blood rushed into my cheeks'/'My face was grey but you wouldn't admit that we were sick'

'Thats a real f***ing legacy/'Do I throw out everything we built or keep it'

'I feel you no matter what'/'A pathological people pleaser who just wanted you to see her'

It really feels like Maroon is reflecting on the beginning with Joe, like Rep Era Joe.

53

u/jadesidhu 12d ago

I know the marriage lyric is what everyone is talking about rn. But I honestly think 'Frontlines don't you ignore me, I'm the best thing at this party' is way more heartwrenching. Like the fact that someone has the ability to make TAYLOR SWIFT feel invisible is insane to me. Idk I think its the fact that she has to tell him that shes the best thing at this party that really gets me. Like how the hell does he not already know that? And the pleading of:

'Do something, babe, say something'

'Lose something babe, risk something'

I think she didn't want him to hide her anymore, she wanted him to risk going public, even if that meant he lost his 'peace'.

2

u/Cadillacquer 10d ago

It’s hard to be the partner of someone so famous and so good at their craft. He could have been so envious that caused him to pull away emotionally.

-5

u/Im_here_for_the_news 12d ago

I just can't empathise with her. Because she is the one being with another guy just few months after 6-year old relationship and seems very much in love, and he's the one being alone and sad (according to some sources).

I just don't understand how the same album has Sweet nothings and You're losing me. How can you write a song about being son in love and than nothing was okay...

5

u/AccomplishedAbroad34 to live for the hope of the tour 11d ago

It's not her responsability to make him happy, and she can be with whoever she damn chooses

2

u/Im_here_for_the_news 11d ago

Ofcourse. That is out of the question. But that means you can break up and take some time off. It's healthy to make a break before entering new serious relationship.

Also, it is unusual to have two songs on the same album where you make totally different point. First, there is sweet nothings with declaration that he's after nothing and he loves her for who she is, and secondly there is this song with declaration that he did not see that there is something wrong with them for a long time and how the relationship died.

I just can't understand how you can have those two opposite feelings at relatively short time period. Also, she makes herself look like she's the victim here but sorry. He's the one being alone and she is the one moving in with another guy. She doesn't look heartbroken to me.

To conclude with, she can choose whoever she likes, the song can be okay but I still cannot empathise with her narative.

1

u/AccomplishedAbroad34 to live for the hope of the tour 11d ago

Maybe she didn't assign to YOUR health standards. Each person should evaluate what's healthy for them. Honestly I think they broke up in 2022 and she had time to process it

8

u/dangerousily 11d ago

I think that they broke up a much longer time ago than we realize

1

u/Im_here_for_the_news 11d ago

I don't believe it was much longer. He was supposed to be with her during the tour so, I believe during the begining of the year they were together

13

u/iofthestorm403 12d ago

Both can exist at the same time on the same album and both have equal weight with her. When she introduced Midnights she said it was a concept album of sleepless nights in her life. It stretches over time. There are songs on there that I’m sure have nothing to do with Joe and do have everything to do with other relationships, so why wouldn’t two songs with different feelings for the same person coexist here?

Also, Joe is notoriously private so he could have 5 girlfriends right now and we wouldn’t know about it.

Taylor has also said that when you put it in a song you’re over it after basically. By the time you’ve written it and produced it and performed it, you’re doing that because you’ve already lived it and presumably dealt with it. I’m not saying she’d be necessarily over it, but some distance and perspective certainly. I think this means the breakup happened earlier than everyone thinks.

9

u/Available-Yard-3067 12d ago

If anything that song proves that it was over before it was over. She wanted it to work with him but when it didn’t I do believe she started having feelings for someone else during midnights. So it’s not random too her. This song was prob created before they broke up since I strongly believe they were together for the release. I

17

u/Front_Target7908 12d ago

Yeah I can see why you feel that way and the optics dont look great. I empathise cause I went through something similar and I kind of see it as follows:

  1. Break ups like this happen over years not weeks. Joe is private so I assume they both chose to do it as privately as possible so we don’t know the exact timeline. I imagine their break up did ebb and flow, that they took a lot of steps to arrive at the final point. You might have hope one minute - despair the next. You may recall why you love someone, reflect on those early loving memories to give yourself the motivation to keep going. The “sweet nothing” she loved about him. (Although her “sweet nothing” did made me think of the Calvin Harris - Sweet Nothing which IS ultimately what she’s hinting at what happened with this relationship, that she’s getting nothing).

  2. You can still love the shit out of someone and yet find the relationship crushes you because they don’t respond to you, they don’t share that love back at you generously or the relationship just isn’t functioning or fulfilling. You love them but they don’t seem excited enthusiastic etc about being with you. Love the feeling vs love the behaviour can be shooting off in entirely different directions. Again I have a similar experience of an ex just delaying the marriage conversation for so long through thinly veiled “oh one day” - it starts to eat away at your will for the relationship even though love the person with all your heart.

  3. If Taylor was the one to trigger the break up, because she couldnt get Joe to move or take action on what she needed she will have done a whole lot more emotional labour of the break up ahead of the moment. To know you want to end it with your “the one”, it’s not easy to consider or do 💔. Again, personal experience I gave a year and a half of strong warnings “I’m not happy, I’m hurting” to my ex who was “the one”. He did nothing, two week warning the break up was incoming, still did nothing and when we broke up “it was a complete surprise”. It “seemed” like I was doing better because I’d been plumbed the depths of my hurt for so long before I walked out that the break up pain wasn’t new. I’m again over relating to her break up sorry🫠

  4. Rebounding doesn’t mean she’s not hurting, I’d take her rebounding this hard to mean she’s hurting very deeply and it is helping soothe some wounds, an emotional band aid.

All my opinion of course, and I understand what you mean that the optics aren’t great.

30

u/JasmynThomas 12d ago

Does anyone else hear the melody to Cornelia street…

“Now you’re running down the hallway And you know what they all say”

with

“Barefoot in the kitchen Sacred new beginnings”

2

u/Outrageous_Elk_8000 9d ago

Yes! Came here for this comment! Because after listening it a TON yesterday and today I caught myself humming Cornelia Street! Then realized they have some similar melodies.

2

u/weird_weekend 12d ago

Love the song, and some of the mixing of her voice randomly reminds me of a song from the Garden State soundtrack, I think Let Go?

39

u/aloha-hahaha 12d ago

Anyone else intrigued by “my heart won’t start any more… for you

I wonder if it means that although she’s given up on Joe (aka her heart won’t bear for him/you), she has not given up altogether…or that there is someone else her heart might beat for again?

Might be reading too much into this, but I found the “for you” part kind of jarring in the song, and was wondering if there was a deeper meaning

7

u/kittenmint2 still bejeweled 12d ago

I interpret this line the same way.

28

u/Samfauce 12d ago

honestly i thought the song was alluding to wedding vows "in sickness and in health, to love and cherish, til death due us part".

he no longer loves and cherishes her, and shes sick and dying (figuratively). there was also that marriage line, but idk im not one of those smart lyrics analysis swifties lol

7

u/pinkysaurusrawr 12d ago

I hadn’t put this together, but I’m pretty sure you’re right. And ouch. This song just gets sadder

3

u/Samfauce 12d ago

thanks lol, it took me so long to put that together

22

u/EnchantingWillow 12d ago

I cannot stop listening to this song🥺🥺 literally on repeat all day long. Tay you really outdid yourself with this one. It’s SO good and SO heartbreaking

4

u/SheeDoesntEvenGoHere reputation 12d ago

Same. We’ll see how I still feel after some time with it.. but I think this might be my favorite song of hers. The parallels. The heart break. The bridge. I love every single thing about this song it’s flawless

27

u/TakeItSlowHeathen 12d ago

Just checking in to say that it’s been a little over 24 hours since I first heard this song, and I am still very unwell. 💔

47

u/TrueMoment5313 12d ago

She was clearly more into him than he was her. That kind of imbalance in a relationship will cause problems. I think "You're Losing Me" really is her slowly giving up, while still pleading him to fight for her. She never had him :'(

10

u/Available-Yard-3067 12d ago

I don’t think he was. I think he controlled their relationship and there was little wiggle room to do what she wants. She prob wanted him at award shows but he never went unless it was a after party. She however would go to his things and been photographed . I always felt that was odd.

2

u/Cadillacquer 10d ago

He didn’t want any part of her fame. Probably not even her stadium tour. He was not proud to be Mr Taylor Swift. He was seeking fame and he may have even thought being with her gets him more roles? But in the end maybe it (omg hate to quote Matty here ) emasculated him. For a long time. And Taylor tried to keep it going. But when only one pushes and fights for the relationship it cuts out the heart of it. She did what she has to do And she seems happier now.

4

u/Front_Target7908 12d ago

Also the “sweet nothing” which she shared about the start of the relationship, when I heard the title of sweet nothing it makes me think of the Calvin Harris song of the same name.

Perhaps CH version and hers are book ends to Joe. Her song is the soft beginning, Calvin Harris’ version the brutal ending.

4

u/Front_Target7908 12d ago

Calvin Harris feat Florence Welch

You took my heart, and you held it in your mouth

And with a word all my love came rushing out

And every whisper, it's the worst, emptied out by a single word

There is a hollow in me now (Me now)

So I'll put my faith in something unknown

I'm living on such sweet nothing

But I'm tired of hope with nothing to hold

I'm living on such sweet nothing

And it's hard to learn

And it's hard to love

When you're giving me such sweet nothing

Sweet nothing, sweet nothing

You're giving me such sweet nothing

15

u/EenhatEnchanted 12d ago

It also gives new perspective to the inspiration behind Tolerate it :’(

20

u/minamyys evermore 12d ago

The parallel to Cornelia St 😭

15

u/minamyys evermore 12d ago

I love it so much, it's a 9.50 for me, the only thing that it needs to be a 10 would be a more complete chorus.

15

u/Chanceral evermore 12d ago

The way that this song recontextualizes the entirety of Midnights oml Labyrinth and Sweet Nothing might be the death of me

20

u/ckoocos Speak Now x Reputation x Folklore 12d ago

I hate that I love this song. The lyrics can be applied to all types of relationships, be it family, friends, and lovers.

23

u/Alzena_Mugiwara Right down the rabbit hole 12d ago

Horrified looks from everyone in the room but I'm only looking as you go.

32

u/Alzena_Mugiwara Right down the rabbit hole 12d ago

I saw this comment on Instagram.

"Can you fight?"

Turns out they didn't want too.

Cries

1

u/Correct_Molasses_270 12d ago

Oof that was a PUNCH to the gut

5

u/Alzena_Mugiwara Right down the rabbit hole 12d ago

I know. I was like okay I might need to go lay down s bit.

13

u/tricky-vixen 12d ago

Anyway, crying now thinking about how Mastermind now sounds like her last ditch effort to make their relationship work because of course it had to be right if she pulled all these strings and crafted it perfectly and she’s trying to convince him of that, and he just smirks because he thinks they’re just fine and doesn’t realize that she’s dying inside trying to get him to engage 🥲

24

u/Alzena_Mugiwara Right down the rabbit hole 12d ago edited 12d ago

Another thing.

If you listen to the chorus for stop your losing me. Around the third stop there's a slight crack in her voice. And it's just so sad.

It's the way you say stop after you can't do anything anymore you can't argue.

"Stop. Stop. Just stop" and you breathe out and you have no voice. You look at them and you just walk away realize no argument you bring will change their mind nothing you do will change it. And it's when you realize that you say stop.

And you also say stop because your hoping they'll stop proving you right in how there's nothing left to do.

Your telling them stop because they are damaging you and you can't defend anymore.

To stop breaking what you both worked so hard on.

2

u/Cupcakesofchaos 7d ago

Honestly the repetition of "stop" felt like the building of a panic attack. The word stop seems to get more emphasis as it repeats.

It sounds like it could be from a situation where someone just keeps talking over you and your anxiety increases as you feel more and more unheard; or one where your partner says nothing as your showing them your deepest wounds that they've inflicted and they can't manage to say anything in their defense, no apology, no nothing and you stand there as the last flame of hope in your heart dies.

That's what it sounds like to me anyway...

2

u/Cadillacquer 10d ago

Ironically, with Tina Turner’s death this week, it also gives off “I don’t care who’s wrong or right, I don’t want to fight anymore “ which is also a very sad song.

13

u/hxtk2 12d ago

Your telling them stop because they are damaging you and you can't defend anymore.

I felt this in my soul. Major vent post incoming.

I had a (non-romantic) friend breakup with a relative who was my best friend for the first 23 years of my life until one day she met a guy. For me, the first sign was that the person I'd been talking to every day for years suddenly stopped talking to me. Days turned into weeks, and then a couple weeks later when she finally let me know why she hadn't had any time to talk to me. By then, the last time she would ever talk to me and leave me feeling heard and accepted was already in the past.

We kept going through a cycle where I'd try to voice my concerns about how much stress she seemed to be under when we did talk, how much stress it caused her to try to make time to talk to me, the trajectory our relationship was on with the way habits formed over decades changed overnight, and she just reassured me things were gonna be okay. She was so quick to reassure me that I never felt like she had actually understood my concerns, so the reassurance rang hollow. She already had so little time for me that it wasn't like we could have a back-and-forth conversation about it; I could either take her reassurance at face value... or I could refuse to.

I tried to put my faith in her reassurance, especially because I could tell that making the time to give one look to the summary of my concerns that I always hoped and asked to turn into an open-ended conversation and then immediately give me some reassurance was a real drain on her, so I tried to stretch each piece of reassurance as far as it would go hoping that something in her life would change and if I could make it last long enough then maybe next time she'd have time to actually talk to me about what I was feeling the way we'd done for each other for decades.

About two months in, she invited me to come spend a few days with her for the first time since it all started. At the last minute, her boyfriend joined the plans, and it was revealed to me that he'd moved in with her and it was important for me to make a good impression on him and make him feel welcome and want to be my friend. Up until that point, I'd been trying to make it make sense why there wasn't room for me in her life in a way that was consistent with the reassurance she gave me, and I'd finally arrived at, "her life must just be so stressful right now that she can't afford to pay attention to anything that isn't right there in front of her", but after four days staying in her apartment where she barely said fifty words to me and she let me get lost in a place with no cell service because being in the same car as her boyfriend mattered more than having a person who knew how to get home in each car, I realized that the problem was just that "we" didn't matter to her anymore. Even when I was right in front of her and she was completely free for four days straight, she simply lacked the will to leave room in her life for me.

We had plans to go to the Eras tour together, and the morning that tickets went on sale, she let me know that she'd invited her boyfriend and she knew I didn't necessarily enjoy spending time with him, so she would understand if I wanted to get my own ticket by myself and just let them go together without me. I did. For me, that was more or less my last little shred of hope: even planning something months in advance, taking care of all the logistics and costs associated with it, it was still just disposable. I stopped reaching out because I didn't have the energy to keep fighting to find ways to keep being part of each other's lives. She didn't either. I assumed it was because she just didn't care. By that point, I was just looking for the fastest way for me to feel okay again and be able to look to the future with some optimism. I knew that if I could just admit to myself it was over between us, it would hurt, but I'd be able to start grieving. I'm good at that, and I knew if I could grieve the loss properly I'd be feeling okay again most of the time in probably less than a year.

A few months later, she reached out to me, ready to move on as though nothing had ever happened. I told her I was so happy to hear from her because I had been assuming she just didn't care anymore and if she was willing to reach out then we might be able to fix things between us. And she told me of course: she'd always been there and she'd said she always would be, and even if I hadn't believed her the last few months, she was still here now. I was so ready to convince myself that I'd just lost touch with reality because of my own anxieties for the last several months so that I could believe her. I told her—I remember it well because I had prayed so hard that I would get the chance to say it—"I'm not saying this to blame you or tell you that you should've done things differently, but I need you to understand that I'm not going to be able to pick up where we left off eight months ago like nothing happened, so I have to tell you that I have never hurt worse or felt more lost, and these months have been nothing short of traumatic for me. It's going to take work to fix this, and it's worth it to me, but I can't do it without a lot effort from you, too."

The next day I got back a full page of everything I'd mishandled and how I was objectively in the wrong in every single thing that had happened over the last several months and she had been trying to make it make sense and paint a picture where I was acting reasonably and in good faith, but it just wasn't possible. Factually, I could have defended myself from a lot of it. A lot of the things she said were getting events out of order where I could prove what the correct order was, and a lot of the other things were just missing my point completely, like how she thought it was unreasonable for me to still be upset even though I'd successfully won her boyfriend's approval, but the thing that upset me was the principle that after 23 years, I'm still disposable enough to be put in a situation where my relationship with her depends on my ability to make a good impression on some random person I'd never heard of and even she has only just met.

But I didn't. I couldn't make myself do it because even if I could prove that my recollection and understanding was the more complete, factually-correct one every single time—something I don't even believe—no amount of fighting could fix the fact that the validity of my feelings was something I had to fight for at all. In 23 years we'd never fought, and I didn't have the energy to start then. I said, "Please stop. I won't fight back." and that was the last thing ever said between us.

And that's why I heard this song and immediately cried.

4

u/Alzena_Mugiwara Right down the rabbit hole 12d ago

It's really hard to lose a best friend. I'm sorry.

I've learned that a partner changes everything.

Perception is reality. So it is probably the partner who brainwashed them so thoroughly but they still allowed it.

I have lost friends too. I have had to learn that people come in your life always for a reason.

And it can hurt really bad. I have learned that there are wonderfull people out there.

The friends I've lost that I thought were my family. The spaces that have been filled by new people make them look so cold it's mind blowing.

I wish you friendship. I wish you family.

The hurt you've experienced and the betrayal. That it will heal and it will be allowed to be a point of reference. That when you find new friends and family it is so much warmer and sweeter and beautiful because you've experienced the cold.

I'm sorry for the pain you've experienced. I wish you light.

I hope you find people that make you feel unapologetically safe and welcome.

2

u/hxtk2 11d ago edited 11d ago

Thank you. I don't want to paint too horrible of a picture. Don't get me wrong, I was an utter mess back in August-November, and that was when I was really feeling, "Stop, you're losing me," because when I realized that we weren't on the same page anymore, I really did sort of just put everything on hold, because when you're lost, staying put makes it easier to find you, and I wanted to be right where she left me when she realized I wasn't there and came back for me like I knew she would. I didn't want to adjust to her absence and let the sands of time flow in to fill the hole she left behind because I knew she was coming back and I wanted her place in my life to still be there.

But the reason You're Losing Me feels so raw is because it captures the panic of not even knowing what the path to being okay again looks like or how things are gonna turn out, and that's not where I am anymore. I've made it past that. I do have other friends, and they've been great to support me through this. Just knowing the path to being okay again helped me to feel a lot better immediately when I stopped seeing it as a relationship problem for us and started seeing it as a grief management problem for me.

I also don't want to paint too strong an indictment of her. A big part of why I can't forgive her is because I don't blame her. There's a part of me that would really like to say that I should matter more after 23 years, but that's not my judgement to make. I made another post recently about how I've made the mistake of being proud of someone for "growth" that they never claimed to have undergone, and they've always been right about themselves, and it hurts both of us because I learn something I appreciated never actually existed, and they hurt because my pride in who I think they are doubles as a judgement and an indictment of who they actually are: someone I presumably think needs to grow in some regard. She's one of them. I know her messy relationship history since I've been there for all of it, and after the last time she said she'd learned her lesson, but I never asked what that lesson was. I was proud of her for learning to be happy with being single so that she wouldn't need to throw herself head-long into a relationship in order to feel whole, and in doing so become vulnerable to people with obvious red flags and allowing herself to be controlled. That wasn't the lesson she learned, though, and she did need this in order to feel whole, even if it meant abandoning me.

So I don't blame her, which means there's nothing to forgive her for, but while I accept her for her person she is and think that person deserves love and friendship, I can't afford to give it to her because she's always been the one who helped me take risks and meet new people and care about them. I knew I was safe because no matter how that turned out, I had her. Now she is the risk, and the people whom I'd be relying on for support in taking that risk are the same people who've barely finished supporting me through losing her the first time. I'm not going to do that to them.

4

u/rachelruby333 12d ago

You have helped me realize my feelings are validated about my best friend. I read your whole post, and I’m in a similar situation. Thank you

3

u/hxtk2 12d ago

Thank you. I'm grateful that my experience of this has helped you in some way, and I'm also sorry to hear that you can relate; it's not a fun time.

My DMs are always opened if you need a random internet stranger to listen to you talk about it; I know it was something I needed and I'm extremely grateful for the friends and Internet strangers who listened to me.

6

u/tricky-vixen 12d ago

The personal interpretation that I’ve come to after so many re-listenings is that the first chorus sounds like a “wait” stop - “Wait, hold on, you’re losing me” like she’s stunned and trying to recalculate; the second chorus is like a warning stop - “Stop doing this because it’s making me not love you anymore”; and the final chorus is like a begging stop - like “Please just let me go, it’s over, you are losing me.”

2

u/Alzena_Mugiwara Right down the rabbit hole 12d ago

Oe that's a good theory. It relates to some people seeing it a as a telephone conversation with almost having bad signal like wait what I can't hear you and then wait what I can't believe you. No stop what are you doing. It's like someone made an arrangement of flowers. And she came in and said she's not sure it's her favourite but it's nice. And the other person starts destroying the flowers and she's like wait no I didn't want that stop stop.

18

u/Correct_Molasses_270 12d ago

What do you guys think about the timing of it all? Like, does it seem like she's profiting off the song more by releasing it now rather than in TS11?

Because it could be seen as being very advantageous of her to release this proper break up song now while theres so much being said about her (speculations on the breakup - she knows fans are curious and want to know all the tea, the Matty drama, Ice Spice etc), rather than releasing it in TS11 when some of the talk would have died down.

It can kinda seem like she's taking advantage of everything happening and all the focus on her breakup by planting this song so close after the breakup in an extra version of the album (that you have to buy a CD to get a hold of), while she knows fan interest is at its peak.

Obviously, she would top charts and get a tonne of money no matter when she released the song, but does it feel "icky" or "profity" to anyone for her to have released it now when there's such a commotion? Rather than in TS11, when it would make more sense for this information to come out, and it wouldn't seem like she's profiting off of it AS much because its not necessarily actively and specifically drawing attention to the breakup so soon after its happened and while theres so much discourse over it?

Does anyone think it's some type of revenge to get back at Joe? Does anyone think she paints him in a particularly bad light?

10

u/asdivval evermore 12d ago

I think putting it out this way actually limite its circulation and keeps it to mostly fans. It's not hard to get the song if you want to, you can download and hear it tons of places for free. But a non fan isn't just going to stumble on it randomly on Spotify.

Additionally, it almost seems like she buried this with all the karma remix and mv stuff. I see people mostly decoding Easter eggs for 1989 and rep.

Of course I agree about the commercial aspect though, I think it's always strategic with her.

2

u/Correct_Molasses_270 11d ago

Thats a good point, its more for the fans this way... with a sprinkle of capitalism 😂

5

u/Fair-Butterfly9989 12d ago

Girl she had her heart shattered it seems like - TAKE MY MONEY TAYLOR 🥺🥺🥺

5

u/alternativeedge7 12d ago

It’s listed as a Vault track, which indicates to me it was meant to go with Midnights. Maybe they were still trying to work things out, maybe it was too fresh and painful and she wasn’t ready to release it then, but she’s ready now and the timing fit with this week’s other releases, so she added it.

1

u/Cadillacquer 10d ago

I don’t see her singing it on the tour. But I wish she would at my concert. Omg.

16

u/silentcomplaints 12d ago

I think it’s naive to think any millionaire isn’t being calculated and advantageous about how they make money. Taylor and her team know what they’re doing. I don’t know if that makes it icky though. It’s not anymore icky than any other thing she makes money off of imo.

3

u/Correct_Molasses_270 12d ago

I think the thing that could make it feel icky for me is that she isn't just releasing it on streaming platforms. I think that by releasing it as an exclusive CD that you have to buy or having to buy the song on iTunes just seems a little bit .... eh. It's obvious she's heartbroken, and this is probably the biggest heartbreak of her life, so to not just release it in a way that's accessible to everyone (which would seem less "profity" and be more like a public announcement or her feelings), it seems like shes trying to get the most money out of this heartbreak.... which doesn't sit totally comfortably with me. If she had released it for everyone and made it widely accessible I'd have different feelings. But this song doesn't feel like it's just a fun "Hits Different" song (that seemed to not be about anything too dramatic when it was released) to boost physical copy sales. It feels a lot more serious than that, which is why i dont think this song specifically should have been used to boost sales.

2

u/yorkergirl 6d ago edited 6d ago

But I don't think it's being used to boost sales. I think it's just a way to limit who hears it. This way it's not going to play on the radio or get put into a top charts playlist on Spotify. How else was she supposed to release a lowkey song? Physical copies is the best way considering how fast stuff spreads on the internet. She'll probably put it out for the public eventually but she's not ready yet

And she'd get criticized either way, if she released it as a single or part of the album, people would say she's just writing another very public breakup song to villainize her ex.

3

u/silentcomplaints 12d ago

I just don’t see it as different than any other marketing/money making decision. I mean, she’s charging $45 for tshirts. She has like ten different colored vinyls for Midnights that keep getting released. She’s a millionaire who is continually building wealth. Any way she makes money is just as “icky” as the next if you think about it.

20

u/hneisen 12d ago

I think this is her way of making a public statement on the relationship.

13

u/tricky-vixen 12d ago

I think Midnights was always a breaking up album but it was hyped enough and the songs were ambiguous enough that people didn’t notice until the breakup was reported. Everyone thought the songs were about other relationships, and they are but they’re also about Joe, too.

And I think at the time Midnights came out, maybe Taylor and Joe were teetering on the fence of calling it quits for good, so why would she release THE breakup song on the album just in case they did reconcile? But then they didn’t, and it was over, so she put it out there.

But that’s just my speculation.

8

u/Correct_Molasses_270 12d ago

Yeah, it's like the song is the final confirmation that a lot of the album is actually about the ending of their relationship. Which is really sad.

6

u/tricky-vixen 12d ago

It’s so sad because it has some tracks that sounded so fun and sweet at the time of release that that now when you look at them through a breakup lens, it’s like oh

6

u/Correct_Molasses_270 12d ago

When they first broke up and everyone was speculating that it was a breakup album, I totally didn't believe it cause I was like, "They just broke up a few weeks ago!!" But now.... yeah, it's a breakup album☹️

3

u/PageAggressive1288 who could ever leave me darling, but who could stay? 12d ago

I saw a theory that the reason it was released so late is because they were already separated by the release of midnights, but not ready to take it to the press and the song is so clearly about Joe that she held off on releasing it. That’s what I’m speculating about the TIMING of the release. However, the method of release (an exclusive CD for one location of her tour) does feel like pressuring people to buy now or never get it.

1

u/Correct_Molasses_270 12d ago

Yeah, that makes sense, I just wonder what made her release it now instead of on TS11. But it is a huge breakup, probably the hardest one she's had to go through, so it could be that she just wants her pain to be known now. It's not giving "I'm the happiest I've been in all aspects of my life right now.... It's like life finally makes sense." She ain't fooling anyone😭

3

u/MariQueen_13 Sweet Nothing 12d ago

Guys I wish the song is on streaming I just want to have it on my phone could we buy it yet?

1

u/col3y333 12d ago

You can buy it on taylorswift . Com. Digital download only

20

u/iofthestorm403 12d ago

I love when Taylor uses heartbeats in her songs. This one, Wildest Dreams… are there others?

1

u/demetrocles 12d ago

Man my post about lavender haze hits different with this song

41

u/PrestigiousStranger8 12d ago

The “you know there’s many different ways that you can kill the one you love, the slowest way is never loving them enough” lyrics make me feel like they might not have been only about Calvin

11

u/aloha-hahaha 12d ago

The parallel to high infidelity is interesting because of the sus timing and the rumors that Taylor cheated too

2

u/pterodactylcrab 9d ago

Maroon also mentions him seeing marks on her neck. Initially I thought it meant he put them there, but after the last couple of months it sounds like someone else did.

2

u/PrestigiousStranger8 8d ago

Though for some reason this always reminds me about that red carpet look where her whole lip was swollen and everyone saw

56

u/dangerousily 12d ago edited 12d ago

This whole situation reminds me a therapy quote I read a while back:

the things that you love about someone in the beginning of a relationship becomes the very thing that destroys the relationship

I think when Taylor met Joe, he was uninterested in her fame and drama at a time where she was huge in the media. This was a breath of fresh air for Taylor. It was nice to have someone who could put all that aside and just have a private and loving relationship.

Turns out that he wasn’t just putting it aside for the sake of her sanity, but rather it is just who he is… aloof and distant, not giving attention to her the drama and scandals of her fame, but also not giving attention to her accomplishments and wins as an artist.

3

u/BettytheSwiftie 12d ago

Well said!✨

49

u/ligokleftis evermore 12d ago

i’m curious about how she went from the “i want to get married” theme in lover, to the “i don’t want to get married” theme in midnights, to this song which is simply “he doesn’t want to marry me,” especially amongst the engagement rumors with joe and all

22

u/Samfauce 12d ago

well she calls herself a "pathological people pleaser", so i think she did want to get married, then she realised joe didnt want to marry her, so she tried convincing herself that she didnt need to marry him.

but also the lyrics in lavender haze dont rlly say "no marriage" they say "stop speculating abt my love life", which is rlly understandable if we stop to think abt the engagement rumours. her partner doesnt want to marry her, and then a bunch of news outlets report theyre engaged, its like salt in the wound.

honestly, whether lavender haze references gaslighting herself into being ok with not getting married, or referencing how she doesnt like the media commenting on her love life, i think she still wanted to marry him.

3

u/areweoutofexile 10d ago

My best friend was in that type of relationship where all she ever wanted was marriage, and he didn't.

So she convinvced herself she didn't need marriage as long as she had him, and did it all to please him, convincing herself that it wasn't important.

I genuinley beleived she always wanted marriage, but he didn't so she became the pleaser in order to keep him and kept silent on wanting marriage. Thats why lavendar haze came out, shes convincing us she doesn't want marriage, all the while trying to convince herself.

1

u/Samfauce 9d ago

next level gaslighting tbh

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (1)