r/TwoXChromosomes Mar 06 '20 Silver Platinum Helpful Wholesome Hugz Coin Gift Helpful (Pro)

[MINI FAQ] Do I have to be a woman to participate here? What about the subreddit name? What about trans women? What are the rules, anyway?

1.7k Upvotes

Do I have to be a woman to participate in this community?

No. Any user who can follow the rules is welcome here. Women, men, nonbinary, agender, genderqueer, cis folks and trans folks, everybody. If you're not on board with that, you can fuck right off.

But what about the subreddit name?

Read this post from when 2XC was only a month old. We haven't changed our stance since then, and never will.

What about trans women?

Trans women are women. TERFS can fuck right off.

What are the rules, anyway?

TL;DR: Keep it civil, keep it relevant. Don't start shit, won't be shit.

You can find the rules in the sidebar (community info for mobile users), or here's a direct link: 2XC Rules

Most moderator actions are the result of users breaking Rule 1: RESPECT. If you keep Wheaton's Law* in mind and participate in good faith, you'll probably never hear from the mod team.

  

*Wheaton's Law: Don't be a dick.


For more in-depth interpretations of the rules above, see the 2XC FAQ and 2XC Moderation Policy.


r/TwoXChromosomes 10h ago Silver Helpful

/r/all Woman dies in Poland after having to carry dead foetus for seven days due to religious laws

Thumbnail notesfrompoland.com
13.0k Upvotes

r/TwoXChromosomes 1h ago

My male surgeon laughed at me.

Upvotes

I’ve been having SEVERE gastrointestinal issues for about a decade. I just had a consult with a surgeon to take my gallbladder out. I told him that the GI specialist thought I was making it up when I said I had an episode that was an 8 on the pain scale for 40 minutes and then I vomited. And he laughed. He was very taken aback when I didn’t laugh with him.

It’s been a solid year of testing now. About this time last year I went in and said I thought I had gallbladder issues. I described my symptoms and got sent to a specialist, who tested just about everything but my gallbladder. He told me I must be exaggerating my symptoms, recommended an herbal remedy, and sent me on my way. With no request for a follow up. And then I had another attack. My GP looked at all the negative tests from the GI specialist, and ordered a gallbladder test. What would you know, it isn’t working.

So not only do they not believe my symptoms, they don’t believe that they don’t believe my symptoms.


r/TwoXChromosomes 17h ago Wholesome All-Seeing Upvote Shocked Silver Helpful

Blocking will FINALLY make your account unaccessable to blocked users this month

6.0k Upvotes

source

It's about time! I don't block people because I don't want to see their posts. I block them because I don't want them to see mine, and glean personal info about me, and one day to show up at my door to murder me.

Paranoid? Well you should see some of the DM's I've gotten from men, angry at the things I post.

So this is good news. But it should have been like this from the get go.

Eta: thanks everyone for all the "is this you?" DM's, that's not creepy at all


r/TwoXChromosomes 18h ago Gold Helpful Silver

Is it weird if a 32 yo talks to me 15 yo?

3.6k Upvotes

So I met this guy on a game and we chat with each other a LOT. He knows that I am 15 and pretty much he tells me a lot about his personal life. The high school he went to, storytimes of his life, his past girlfriends, his full name, his job, and yapppa yappa. He also sends pictures of himself to me (not sexual). Usually pictures of him with his dog and sometimes pictures of where he goes. And we usually text all night until he or I fall asleep.

Also, we don't know each other IRL. Just online since he lives in another state than me. Sometimes he says "good girl" "bad girl." Not sure if this is how 32 year olds speak like. He also doesn't know what I look like.


r/TwoXChromosomes 5h ago

Standing up for yourself and breaking up

327 Upvotes

So about 18 months ago I broke up with my long term boyfriend. We lived together and had traveled together. I'd been with him since I was 18 and started my 30s newly single. I let that relationship get bad. I hadn't been happy for years but I kept being convinced to give it another shot or convinced that I didn't really want to break up... So 11 years later all I had to say was "I can't do it any more".

Tonight I broke up with a guy I'd been seeing for about 6 months. He was fun and the kind of tonic I needed after so long with the same person. But as the weeks passed I found that I started to dislike things he said or did. I couldn't bring it up with him without him being defensive. I felt myself about to fall into the pattern of enjoying the activities/distractions with him only to come home and reflect on his behaviour and how it didn't gel with my values... Only to want to go out to another distraction with him tomorrow.

I feel like this is something most people learn earlier but I'm weirdly proud of myself for standing up for what I want and need...

Being single isn't a bad thing. But being with the wrong person can really f*uck you up. I'm glad that I'm learning to advocate for myself.


r/TwoXChromosomes 12h ago Wholesome Silver

Stop rewarding men for being pushy

1.0k Upvotes

I've only recently realized this myself, but there are so many men out there who are incredibly pushy and don't take "No" for an answer.

They ask for something, I say "No". They ask for the same thing again. I think maybe I haven't made myself clear, was too polite the first time and they didn't get it, etc., so I say "No" in no unclear terms. Then they go from asking to different techniques, depending on personality: Begging, whining, guilt tripping, even threatening. That's the point where I cut contact. How I can I be intimate with a man who keeps pushing against my boundaries? He will absolutely do the same in bed.

I read so many posts on reddit of women that have been essentially raped but don't even think it was rape because they have already been sleeping with the man and apparently are so totally used to him not accepting a "No" that they are blaming themselves. So many posts about partners pressuring the woman into anal sex or other practices they are not comfortable with.

Please for the love of god: if a man repeatedly brings stuff up you already said no to, regardless which of the above techniques he is using, he does not respect your boundaries. If you give in to his pestering, he will know that you don't respect your boundaries either, and it will only get worse. Soon he will steamroller over each and every one of them. You specifically cannot trust him to respect your boundaries about your body.

This behaviour needs to be shut down. Don't engage with these men. Avoid them in all contexts where they can be avoided, especially romantic and/or sexual relationships.


r/TwoXChromosomes 4h ago Take My Energy

Im so sick of the thick trend

163 Upvotes

So. Many. People. TELL ME IM NOT A REAL WOMAM FOR NOT BEING THICK. Its actually disgisting. My worth is down to how much ass, thigh and tits I got. Tik tok is full of people going "you looked better thick" or "Flat ass skeleton" I really camt handle this. Oh amd people sayong "skinny shaming isnt as bad as fat shaming" Stop. Dont even type it. Im not gonna even touch that toxic discussion.


r/TwoXChromosomes 1d ago Silver Gold Helpful Wholesome All-Seeing Upvote Take My Energy Mind Blown

/r/all Woman I work with compared having an abortion to choosing to be unvaxxed...I lost it.

13.7k Upvotes

She said that a vaccine mandate, limiting a person based on vaccine status, is just as bad as not serving someone because they've had an abortion.

I'm sorry Karen....did my abortion use up all the ventilators in the ICU?

Did my abortion kill or debilitate some of your family members?

Did my abortion fill hospitals to the point of having to cancel lifesaving surgeries?

You do not get to compare my necessary medical procedure to choosing not to get vaccinated - what ever your stance on vaccines. Absolutely not.


r/TwoXChromosomes 16h ago

Polish activists condemn abortion law after death of another pregnant woman | The family of a 37-year-old -- known as Agnieszka T. -- say she died of sepsis, related to a foetal illness.

Thumbnail euronews.com
366 Upvotes

r/TwoXChromosomes 7h ago Silver

Support I’m giving up on men and here’s why.

61 Upvotes

I’m 32, a single mom of a 4 year old boy. I live alone, I work hard, I have my son full time. I have my own things, I pay my own bills. I keep to myself, I am compassionate and kind. I like to nurture and help people and things grow. I cook and clean. I bring a lot to the table.

I have had 4 long term serious boyfriends from the time I was 18 until now. Every last one of them has cheated on me, lied to me, gaslit me, manipulated me and/or emotionally and verbally abused me. I’m a people pleaser and have struggled with boundaries so for a long time, I thought it was all my fault and I could fix it by being better.

The number of men I have had sex with because it felt easier and safer than removing myself from the situation is astronomical. Then I am told that my worth as a romantic partner is less because I have slept with so many people even though those partners lacked enthusiastic consent and i felt pressured into those situations. These situations happened when I was younger and again, struggled with boundaries. I always said “I should really go home” or “I’m not really interested right now” or “I’m not looking for that at this moment” or some other attempt at saying no. Always ignored and always overstepped.

Most recently I dated a “boy” who wouldn’t come see me after work, was only interested in seeing me if it was alone time and would criticize my behavior when we went out. There was a point I was working 2 jobs on a crazy schedule- about 50 hours a week and I didn’t see him for 2 weeks. Well then I get screenshots from a girl I don’t know of him trying to go have sex with her. I exited the relationship and didn’t look back.

Shortly after that I started seeing an old friend I’ve known for 12 or more years. He’d ask to come over and I’d say “this isn’t a good time” and he would show up anyway. I had already explained that I was not ready for a sexual relationship and after about 3 weeks he was frustrated and saying we were moving at a glacial pace…. Well yes. That’s what I explained would be the situation on the very first date.

I told him I was no longer interested and a few weeks later he reached out and asked for a sexual relationship while I figured out what I was doing. Lol no. I lit him up explaining why I was feeling the way I was, that he was not respecting me and not listening. To which he responded “ok but do you understand what I’m saying?” Boy bye.

Most recently I made a friend off Facebook. He asked if I would be interested in hooking up. I said no. I choose then wrong men and I’m not doing that anymore or seeing anyone until I’ve learned to love myself. He said that’s makes sense and then continues texting me appropriately until one night he asked to come over. No I wouldn’t feel comfortable. He then begs and pressures, I explain again that I’m not interested in that. He says ok and then bam. Dick pic.

This year I’ve had a gun aimed at me for rejecting a man.

These men don’t even like women. They don’t like or care about me. I’d rather do the rest of life all by my damn self than deal with any of this ever again.

Thanks for listening


r/TwoXChromosomes 3h ago

Please help, stranger won’t stop contacting me

30 Upvotes

I’m kind of scared right now. I made a HUGE HUGE mistake and a guy who helped me at a gas station asked for my number so I gave it to him. I regretted it immediately, but it’s too late.

I blocked him right away. I feel sick because he tried calling me from a different number that night at almost midnight, which I also blocked. Now today he texts me from another number and I told him I don’t know him and it was a mistake to give him my number. He’s ignoring the context of my my texts and continuing to text me like I’m not saying those things. I’m scared because he’s blasting past my boundaries I’m making. I don’t even know him. What do I do? He just keeps using different numbers. He knows what my car looks like and my name (from my voicemail). He knows I work at a chain hospital from polite conversation from before he hit on me when he was helping me. I feel totally screwed, I didn’t know he was crazy when I was making small talk. I’ve done everything wrong. I don’t want to get stalked or hurt.


r/TwoXChromosomes 7h ago

Is anyone really tired of tv show pregnancy trope , especially the adventurous birth story thing

59 Upvotes

Almost every time the birth story is depicted as : 1) woman announces water breaking 2) everyone panics 3) adventurous drive to the hospital 4) woman arrives at hospital crying and screaming in pain . Insert joke where she shouts at husband in pain for some or the other reason 5) the other characters have a realization about the sub plotline during the birth 6) baby born .

Point 1-4 happen in almost every show , every time there is a pregnant lady character . Is this how it happens in real life ? I have never been around anyone pregnant so I don't know . It feels like if a character is made pregnant then for sure this is the only way the story will go . I'm starting to find it annoying .


r/TwoXChromosomes 10h ago

My Young Friend Is About To Waltz Right Into An Obviously Abusive Relationship. How Can I Get Her To See The Red Flags?

79 Upvotes

TLDR: Friend ended up finding herself a Christian Grey wanna-be and thinks its hot because she has no idea what BDSM is about and has low self esteem. How to talk some sense into her?

She [22F] has rose colored glasses on right now and all these red flags look pink. I'm honestly mentally drained at the moment; this all happened so fast and I haven't been able to properly sit down and explain this to her. We briefly touched on it when he came back into her life (I'll get to that in a sec). All my concerns where brushed aside and his sketchy behavior described as "hot".

The very first time this guy [26M] meets her is on a train ride. They got to talking and he broke out his bottle of vodka, piled her with alcohol, and then kissed her. She was so drunk she couldn't sit up straight while the train was in motion. She didn't hate it, but caught herself and stopped things because she was at the time in a (rocky) relationship with [40m]. Her partner was upset; they tried to work things out for almost a year, but the relationship ended recently with her initiating the breakup.

About a week before the breakup [26M] comes back into the picture via Instagram. She adds him, they talk, she finally decides to break up with [40M]. Immediately things get weird: we were supposed to get our first tattoos together and she didn't end up getting getting hers because he wanted to have sex with her in her "natural state" which is not only creepy as hell, but bullspit because nothing is natural about her purple and blue hair. This was important to her and she dropped it like a rock as soon as he said so. He doesn't want anyone else's art on her but his own.

Then she spouts even more crazy talk. He wants to put a leash and collar on her, wants her in an exclusive relationship with him. I asked if it was a good idea to be exploring these kinks with a guy she barely knows and she said she would come up with a safe word. Seemingly ignoring that she doesn't know him well enough to be able to ensure he would honor a safe word.

Things escalated very quickly from there. She broke up with her partner on the 19th and 3 days later went to a hotel with the creepy guy that was ultimately the catalyst for her breakup. She got so drunk at the hotel that she was severely hungover the next day and vomited bile for most of it. They went back to his place where she stayed the entire day recovering, but also having sex of course.

Later that night a mutual friend and I called to check on her (she wouldn't answer FaceTime which was sus) and she told us about the experience at the hotel and his house. Told us that she felt weird being at his place so soon and that she was so out of it she kept passing out and upon waking would get awful anxiety when she saw him because her mind was like "who is he?".

A day later we're FaceTiming her now and she tells us even more worrisome tidbits: he bit her breasts hard enough to leave marks which he didn't ask to do and surprised her, but it was okay. He also left a very nasty hickey on her neck that looks like he was trying to rip out her jugular by the looks of it. This is with makeup concealing the worst of it.

This all feels very wrong and she can't see it because her ex was celibate and she was super horny and went to the first guy that showed her any attention. Things get really tricky with this though because while all of this behavior would be okay in a safe BDSM environment that is not what she has gotten herself into.

Her only foray into BDSM is 50 Shades of Grey. She knows nothing about how deeply complicated, nuanced, and delicate it is. She has submissive tendencies and instead of doing her research she gives herself to a man who honestly sounds like an abuser. The kind of guy that says he's a "dom" when really he just wants to mistreat women and hide behind the label.

Currently she's out of work because her dad tested positive for COVID which means she's out of work until 11 days at least. Pretty much immediately he was trying to see her, but she said she wasn't sure because of her dad. She told me about it and I told her to go with her gut and wait until its clear. Well tonight she turned off her location that she shares with our mutual friend and told said friend she couldnt FaceTime tonight. I'm 90% sure she's with him, and using me as an excuse for her parents.

I'm tired, angry, sad, and feel helpless. I truly think this guy is bad news and everyone I've talked to about him say right off the bat he's a creep. As soon as I can I'm going to say everything to her that I said here, but I need help on how to address this delicate situation. She's a bit of a brat i general and I don't expect this to work, but I want to at least say I tried.


r/TwoXChromosomes 3h ago

My BF is sexually attracted to his female best friend

20 Upvotes

We're officially dating for about a month now and everything is going well. He's kind, respectful, and is genuinely interested in long-term relationships. The only issue I have is with his BFF.
They're very close, been friends for five years now and he spends with her almost as much time as he spends with me. She's regularly texting him, they're going hiking and had sleepovers in his 1 bedroom apartments.
I asked my BF if I should be worried about her, and he replied that even though he's attracted to her sexually he can't really imagine them dating. I also got a chance to ask his friend about their relationships. She's claiming not to be attracted to my BF in any way and it's just fun to talk to him once in a while.

Should I be concerned or is it normal for a guy and a girl to be close friends?


r/TwoXChromosomes 21h ago Timeless Beauty Silver LOVE!

I finally accepted these past few days i’m a “real women”

544 Upvotes

I always thought of myslef as just a half women or like less than a women and couldn’t call myself one because i’m trans but now filling saying yes i am feels good 😎


r/TwoXChromosomes 1d ago Silver

I’m tired of reading about all of the posts regarding men who “can’t cook” and the women who let them get away with it.

1.7k Upvotes

As the title says, I’m tired of it. If they are grown and able bodied than there is nothing but laziness stopping them from learning to cook. It is literally not that hard to follow a recipe or a YouTube video. I’m tired of the women in their lives giving them passes.

One comes to mind is an AITA yesterday where the woman explained that they get food poisoning every time he cooks. That’s just straight up sabotage and so disgusting cruel to subject his wife and kids to that because he wants to get out of cooking.

I do the majority of the cooking, but my husband still cooks twice a week or any time I don’t feel like it. He is capable and mostly self taught. It is never a battle to ask him to cook, even if he has just come home from working all day.

Stop letting men get away with this. It’s not cute or endearing. Also, if the dynamic is set up that the woman is doing all of the cooking and it was agreed on, that’s entirely different and I am not speaking to those women. I’m speaking to those who want help from their spouses and get nothing but weaponized incompetence in return.


r/TwoXChromosomes 3h ago

I’m exhausted of working with men

17 Upvotes

Let me start with the obligatory “I know all men aren’t bad” thing, because I’ve worked with men who acted appropriately and who I enjoyed being around.

I am a 25yr old female with a biology degree and currently work in a laboratory. I was very excited to start this job, because it’s my first “real job” that utilizes my degree. Before this I worked at a few random restaurants, a local tour business, and a vet clinic, but I’ll get into that later.

The lab I work in is a small part of a larger company, so it’s only me and two other men, who I’ll call Daniel and Ben. Daniel is in his late 60s and Ben is in his mid 40s. They are both married with kids, and I went into the job knowing this. For the first week everything went mostly fine - Daniel said a couple things here and there that I thought were a little weird, but nothing overtly sexual. However, things immediately began to ramp up soon after.

I’ve been with the company for two months now, and this is an incomplete list of the things he has said to me, asked me, or done:

  1. Has told me that he thinks about sex multiple times a minute and has thought about me naked
  2. Has asked about my fetishes and sex life
  3. Has told me, unprompted, about his fetishes
  4. Has expressed a desire to have sex with me
  5. Has mentioned wanting to ask me “many inappropriate things”
  6. Has asked about past sexual experiences

And has made many small comments here and there that make me uncomfortable. He’s never touched me, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it eventually comes to that or if he’s thought about it.

I want to report him for all of this, but I’m extremely nervous. The company I work for is mostly dominated by men, I am a new employee and don’t want to be seen as a troublemaker, and Daniel is contracted by the company because they need his knowledge to run the lab. I feel like I’ll be ignored or fired, and I can’t afford to lose my job right now.

I’m just upset because I thought I’d finally be happy in a laboratory setting using my degree, but Daniel is completely ruining it for me. I have been sexually harassed at three other jobs and was fired for reporting a coworker at one of them. I have my family telling me I must be “acting in a way that attracts that kind of attention.” I’m so tired of having to deal with this and of having to be weary of every single man I work with, and I have no one to talk to this about that can really help. I just wish things were different.


r/TwoXChromosomes 16h ago

My wife was sexually assaulted by a doctor at her appointment

121 Upvotes

So a bit of background, my wife has been having health problems ever since giving birth to our son(almost 4 years old 😃). She’s been through probably 5 doctors in this time just trying to find someone who would actually listen to her. She had her first appointment with her current doctor a few months ago. When he met her for the first time after reading her file he cried. My wife is autistic and to say she had a shitty childhood is an understatement. She has cPTSD from years of drug addict parents, mental hospitals, group homes, abusive ex’s and just every kind of abuse you can imagine. Because of her trauma she has severe ibs and fibromyalgia (diagnosed by her new doctor). Her told her that her fibromyalgia and ibs were because of her trauma and he really felt for her. She felt a bit uncomfortable that he cried but was so happy that her doctor actually cared you know? My wife has been very sick. She can’t eat any meat, dairy, or other seemingly random things or she will throw up in the middle of the night. This has been very hard on her along with her routine being disrupted ever since COVID started. She’s been drinking more than she’d like and has been working with a substance abuse counselor to reduce her drinking. There’s more I could say but this is getting long and I think that’s about all that background info we need for now.

So after her first appointment with this doctor he suggested she drink less and they made another appointment to discuss her health problems more in a few months. Not ideal but at least he cares right?

So today was her follow up apartment and she has a list of problems she wants to talk to him about but also recently she’s been having an earache so she also needed that addressed. She goes to her appointment waits 2 hours to be seen and then he tells her okay we either have time to deal with your ear infection or to talk about your health problems. She’s already irritated that she waited 2 hours for her appointment and now obviously she needs to deal with the ear infection immediately so she doesn’t really have a choice now does she?

Anyway they flush her ear (I think ) and there’s another doctor that comes in to help. We’ll call him the creep. Now my wife is wearing a shirt from a liquor store we bought on vacation. The creep goes to her and pulls on her shirt, grabbing her chest, twice and says “I don’t think your drug counselor would like this”. Now the other doctor was in the room at the time, you know the one who cried after reading about my wife’s trauma. My wife looked at him and says “do you think that was appropriate or professional?” His face turns red and he looks at the ground. At this point my wife has lost it. She calls them both fucking assholes and the receptionists come and ask her what happened. They try to calm her down and tell her they’re going to get their female manager. She comes down and gets the head of the hospital ( or maybe just her manager?). He tells her that both the doctors are good doctors to which she responds “okay? That’s what everyone says when they sexually assaulted someone.” Like who fucking cares how good of a doctor they are? The female manager assures her nobody is saying she’s lying and the head guy gives her his phone number and says he will call her tomorrow. My wife tells them he better or they’ll be hearing from our lawyer.

My wife leaves and is completely distraught. I was home watching our son when this happened so she was alone. She comes home and we look the doctor up and turns out he was fired from his last job for assaulting the nursing staff and there are reviews saying he’s very inappropriate and to avoid him at all costs. Oh and about 20 minutes after she gets home her doctor (the one who cried) calls to ask her about some prescriptions like nothing happened. As if she wasn’t just assaulted right in front of you while you did nothing. She asks him why he didn’t do anything? She says you cried when you read my file and you just let that happen. I looked to you for help and you just looked at the ground. He starts fumbling over his words and eventually says he can’t talk about it over the phone. My wife calls him a small man and hangs up on him.

My wife filed a complaint with the hospital and called the medical licensing and disciplinary (probably not what it’s called) department for our state. We would like to pursue legal action but we are broke and don’t really know what to do from here. We would appreciate any advice. All quotes from my wife are paraphrased. She definitely said it much better than i wrote it but I’m letting her sleep as I’m writing this.

I wanted to post here because I’ve been following this group and I love the support you all give each other. My wife was too drained and retraumatized to write this all out herself. It really is discouraging how often this kind of thing happens. About a year ago my wife was seeing a chiropractor who casually slapped her ass while she was on the table. Like it just keeps happening to women and nothing happens. And then this bullshit gaslighting happens where they try to act like the woman is just “being hysterical”. Fuck you don’t touch people. It’s not hard not to be a fucking sex offender. Thank you for reading, I’ll try to answer any questions and fill in any blanks. I’m so worried about my wife I just wish she could get the help she needs 😢


r/TwoXChromosomes 1h ago

BF just said he doesn't believe women can be sexist against women – any resources or good examples for this convo?

Upvotes

The Scene: BF and I were talking about Taylor Swift. I said "women can also be sexist against women" and he said "I disagree." I thought there must be a miscommunication so we talked a little more about concepts like internalized misogyny and racism and he thinks that disliking certain traits ≠ sexism. We both have to work but are continuing the conversation later tonight.

:O I am SHOOKETH. He is aware of and actively opposes sexist behavior in men toward women, including watching out for it in himself, but doesn't think internalized sexism is real? This is such an easy-to-understand concept for me that I'm not sure how best to explain it. I gave certain examples off the bat of studies on how all humans regardless of gender are vulnerable to viewing more feminine-presenting women as less competent, and we discussed the "I'm not like other girls" trope, but I'm currently doing some more research before our conversation to bring some more data, expertise, and nuance to the table.

The Ask: Are y'all aware of any resources, commentary, or even specific examples you think are enlightening that you'd be willing to share, or advice for a conversation like this? All perspectives – even counterpoints I should consider – are appreciated!

For Context: BF is usually very thoughtful and understanding of others' perspectives and struggles; I'm not suddenly finding out he's secretly been a sexist monster this whole time, and this is not a request for relationship advice. Just approaching this as a conversation that could be educational for both of us.

Thank you very much!

Edit to Add: I am doing googling on my own, I didn't mean to imply I wasn't doing my own research! Just also posing the question to this excellent community in case someone already has favorite resources or their own perspectives they'd like to share.


r/TwoXChromosomes 16m ago

Having my concerns dismissed by doctors finally paid off

Upvotes

So I have PCOS. I had a few cysts burst when I was in HS and various doctors dismissed my concerns and my description of my pain. One doctor told me I was having muscle spasm because I work out my abs on a regular basis and the pain would stop if I stopped working out.

It was also an uphill battle to get an ADHD diagnosis, as doctors kept telling me it was just anxiety, etc etc

Anyway, I told my bf about this. He was in a car accident forever ago and it injured his back. He opted out of surgery at that time. Now that he's 10 years older, his back hurts a lot. He's had to restart the process for surgery, and did the scans, x rays, and PT. For the first time since his accident he was told he had and healed a spinal fracture that the first round of docs had somehow missed.

Anyway, he went to another appointment today with the doctor who could ultimately recommend him for surgery or not. The doctor spoke to him for less than 10 minutes and never did his own exam. He told my bf there was "no reason for surgery" as he should simply expect long term pain after a spinal injury. He wouldn't set up an MRI. My bf remembered me telling him how I've dealt with doctors who want to brush me off and told his doc, "I understand if you don't think I need surgery. But I'd like you to schedule an MRI so I can at least get a second opinion from someone who actually has time to hear me out."

The doc was pissed, but my dude got his MRI scheduled


r/TwoXChromosomes 1h ago

I just ended a toxic relationship and I'm a mess

Upvotes

I really hate myself for it.

It was toxic through and through. He used me for a year and then left when his parents did not approve (we have an age gap of 9 years— I'm 19 and he's 28).

Then he came back and said he made a mistake. I told him I'll only be with him if he lives away from his parents (in our culture, it's not unusual for men to live with their parents). He kept flipping.

Agreeing. Backing out. Agreeing. Backing out.

He kept trying to force me to agree to live with his parents. I really hated his mom and dad. They are toxic, narcissistic people. His dad is a snobby rude paediatrician and his mom is a really entitled judgemental woman.

He'd agree to live away from them. Then he'd back out saying he loves them too much. But then he'd agree again.

I was on the right track. Yesterday, I finally did break up with him. But I ended up texting him again today.

I hate myself so much for being so weak.

And after the entire day of arguing about the same thing, I gave in. I gave in and agreed to live with his parents finally. For a couple of minor adjustments. Like we'd get a cat. And get some house help for the chores.

Well, the moment I agreed, he flipped. He went from "I promise I will never leave, just stay with my parents" to "let's see how things work out down the line". He immediately started avoiding me. Starting insulting me sarcastically and using passive-aggressive taunts.

I just broke down so badly. I've let myself down.

Of course, I should have known he will flip. He never had any intention of staying or committing. He just wanted to use, use, use. The moment I agreed, he flipped.

And there was my idiotic self, thinking I've finally won the battle by agreeing. Thinking that since I've agreed, we should have peace again and he'll prioritize me.

How could I be so fucking stupid? A part of me knew it. A part of me expected it. For him to flip and become his usual abusive self the second I agree.

I hate myself so much for letting myself become a fool. I could have ended things on a high note if I had just stayed away from him after breaking up last night. I could have left with some dignity.

Instead, this asshole hurt me emotionally, damaged my relationship with my mom, used me, degraded me, dragged me down, hurt my career, and broke my mental health.

I feel like such a moron. I was better than him when we had met. I thought, "I'll uplift him so that he reaches his potential".

I didn't manage to uplift him. Instead, I just got dragged down. And now I don't even have my self-respect anymore. I cannot even describe how pathetic I feel for my moment of weakness.

If only I had left last night, I'd have left with some dignity. Now I'm leaving after making a fucking ridicule of myself.

I really hate it. And I really hate me.


r/TwoXChromosomes 32m ago

For the women business owners

Upvotes

Do you have problems trying to date men and they think they can start telling you what to do with your business? I have owned 2 successful businesses for 30 years (one for 30, one for 27) and yet seems like men start out by "making suggestions" and it just escalates from there. I don't mind ideas to improve the business but it always turns into them trying to tell me what to do. I DON'T NEED THAT.


r/TwoXChromosomes 38m ago

Growing apart from friends.

Upvotes

I've grown apart from my old school friends and I can't figure out what to do about it. When we hang out I don't really feel anything, I am baffled at what interests them- but I find their company quite bland. They're nice enough people, but they wear a thick mask and hardly speak truthfully or from the heart. I rarely feel nourished or inspired around them- I feel rather dull, in fact.

Should I tell them? Should I let it fizzle out slowly... slowly? I had a family member die two months ago and I didn't want to speak to a single one of them. I don't miss these old friendships, yet they profess to "miss me" (over an occasional text or a birthday message)- at some point I stopped lying to myself- I quit sending hearts and telling them I missed them too. I quit responding to the "I'll come visit you this summer, I have to". I reduced each birthday message to one or two sentences--- and felt so strange when I would get these long touchy feely messages from them after the death. They read like standard responses, do they mean a single word of it?

It's all open invitations, never anything concrete. It's all "call you sometime!" and no, no calls. I made an effort at some point, to invite and to call- but I stopped doing that as well.

I yearn for connection. The real stuff. This is "OK" but it does grind my gears thinking about it. I do feel... quite finished with the empty words followed by zero action. We're all turning 29 this year. We're a group of seven women and one man- we share a lot of history, and they are bundled in smaller groups- two in this city, three in this, so naturally they are quite close. And they all see each other more often. I'm always, and have always been, the oddball.