[MINI FAQ] Do I have to be a woman to participate here? What about the subreddit name? What about trans women? What are the rules, anyway?
Do I have to be a woman to participate in this community?
No. Any user who can follow the rules is welcome here. Women, men, nonbinary, agender, genderqueer, cis folks and trans folks, everybody. If you're not on board with that, you can fuck right off.
But what about the subreddit name?
Read this post from when 2XC was only a month old. We haven't changed our stance since then, and never will.
What about trans women?
Trans women are women. TERFS can fuck right off.
What are the rules, anyway?
TL;DR: Keep it civil, keep it relevant. Don't start shit, won't be shit.
You can find the rules in the sidebar (community info for mobile users), or here's a direct link: 2XC Rules
Most moderator actions are the result of users breaking Rule 1: RESPECT. If you keep Wheaton's Law* in mind and participate in good faith, you'll probably never hear from the mod team.
*Wheaton's Law: Don't be a dick.
For more in-depth interpretations of the rules above, see the 2XC FAQ and 2XC Moderation Policy.
I've been in three longterm relationships (and dated plenty of people in between.)
The first guy eventually owned up that he never wanted to be responsible for anything. I found this out mid-twenties. Still plenty of time.
The second guy seemed very responsible, he had it together. We had so much in common and enjoyed doing a lot together. That all fell apart when he secretly relapsed and turned out to be a raging alcoholic and narcissist. Don't have time to go over the abuse that ensued.
Lots of dating in between and then I met my current bf.
He was great. Extremely kind to everyone he met. Stable job that he talked about in reference to starting a family one day. Plus I just loved being around him. I never dated someone who I could be more myself around, and everyone could see it. And they loved him too. We were doing everything together- working out together, taking walks, cooking meals together and doing grocery shopping, hanging with each other's friends, traveling, etc.
Since we have moved in together, I have become his mother.
He stopped cleaning and cooking. No more working out. No more seeing friends. He whines and complains about things happening around the house or how bored he is. Does nothing to help- actually he now pretends he doesn't know how to do anything. For example he asked for a smoothie. I told him to make it himself. He made me walk him through every single step like a child. A SMOOTHIE you would be amazed at how lost and confused a man could act about putting things in a blender. And just like a child he plays video games for hours and hours a day, then otherwise constantly CONSTANTLY relies on me for attention and entertainment. Yesterday I decided to challenge myself with a coding project I've been wanting to do but haven't had the time for- after lying in bed for 5 hours watching TikTok he yells from the other room, "WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO!?" I said, "I'm already doing what I want to do- is there something you would like to do together?" He just began sighing very loudly, so I put on my headphones. This is routine.
This morning he discovered the pet had an accident and he left it there until I got up so I could deal with it. As I'm cleaning it up it just hits me that I'm never going to be a mom.
I have tried to be generous. I continually ask him if he is depressed. If there is something I can do to help and support him. Help him getting started cleaning up. Help him start a new diet. Help him get back to the gym. Help him learn new skills so he can get a new job because he apparently hates his current one.
He says he is totally fine and not at all receptive.
I know I don't have to stay in this relationship. Maybe I won't, but it almost doesn't matter what happens from here. I'm at the end of my fertility. There's no time to meet someone new, cultivate a trusting relationship and try for kids without invasive procedures I have no interest in. This was my last shot at finding a partner to have kids with. Instead I found a manchild to babysit. And I certainly will not be having kids with him.
Because it's weekend and I have a work shift. My boyfriend knows this. I'm overseeing reliability of critical systems whilst working from home, hence no time to cook or clean up even though the apartment already needs it.
I woke up early in the morning, going right to my laptop. My boyfriend immediately went for the bathroom, where he cleaned up everything, washed the rugs, mopped the floor. Then he finished the rest of the apartment, coming to me occasionally to kiss me and talk a bit. He's gone to shop an hour ago, bought gorceries and now is cooking lunch for both of us. After my shift we're going to play a game together and enjoy some wine. Life's good. Don't settle.
I haven't been wearing a bra much lately because they're uncomfortable and they make my back hurt. So I have Thanksgiving with my mother and some relatives. I didn't wear a bra but I wore a very modest dress. You could not even see my nipples.
My mother is losing her God damn mind and did hand gestures like my tits were escaped snakes. (Exactly like the calm your tits meme) Apparently she is upset/ embarrassed enough about the state of my breasts to have to tell my sister about it who was not in attendance.
And I just don't get it.
::Edit for spelling
I took my daughter to the farmers market this morning. There, she was playing around in the pop-up shade tents while I was browsing. We walked by a particular booth where she was playing on the pole part. Really she was just messing around with the latches on them. The man who ran the booth commented,
“wow, she really does like playing on those poles!”
“Yup!” I replied and kept walking.
Then he shouts “maybe she’ll be a dancer one day!”
I froze and had no idea what to say besides “I don’t knooOOOw” in a passive aggressive tone.
This is the first time my 2 YEAR OLD has been sexualized like this. And sadly, I know it’s not the last. I’m frustrated and disgusted. This man was in his 60s.
I plan on writing an email to the farm to let them know how disappointed and disgusted i am. This is a farmers market at a park. With tons of young children.
Reddit Cares is an important tool.
But apparently any woman with a post that blows up gets a "Reddit Cares." If some misogynist tried to misuse a healthcare tool to gaslight you, please report them. You can do it even if they are anonymous.
This was taken from a PSA by another redditor:
"Reporting: The Reddit Cares message actually explains this, but it's buried in the last paragraph, so people tend to miss it. To report the user you either follow the link that says 'report the abuse' or you can report the Reddit Cares message itself by clicking the 'report' button (or tapping the three dots then selecting 'report' if you're on mobile).
Opting Out: The screenshot linked above goes over this too, but all you need to do is reply to the Reddit Cares message with the word 'STOP' and it will send you a followup message confirming that you'll no longer receive messages from Reddit Cares.
Opting Back In: Should you decide that you want the function to work for you again, all you need to do is go to your preferences and remove RedditCaresResources from your blocked users list."
I posted the other week about opening up an email from an ex that hasn't spoken to me in 3 years. Two more ex's just sent me essentially identical messages, both after 12 AM.
Two more ex's have sent me essentially identical, unwanted, non-apology messages (after 12 AM) about how they miss me, love me, are wondering how I'm doing, how they took me for granted and how they are "actively trying to be a better person". The initial one was entertaining, but getting more than one was really unecessary. I get it, you're all "growing as people". Congratulations, I don't fucking care, and if you could please remove me from your Ex Girlfriend Rolladex that you drunkenly reach out to at 1 AM when you realize you have no real connections in your life, I would really appreciate it. In the meantime you are fucking blocked.
Tis the season, I guess.
I am so fucking tired.
Edit: Bros, for the love of god check on your hetero male friends and offer, idk, emotional support or something? Community? Decent advice? A link to BetterHelp? AA? Brotherly love? Whatever the fuck it is you people do?
Apparently it's not sexist for men to watch football on Thanksgiving while the womenfolk prepare dinner and watch the kids.
I am losing my everfucking mind at highly upvoted comments telling a woman she was rude for not wanting to be relegated to the kitchen on Thanksgiving while her boyfriend sat on his ass watching football with the men. There were literally comments saying "the women weren't forced into the kitchen, so it's not sexist!"
Hello?? Do you think the men not even thinking to get off their butts and help isn't the product of misogyny??? The cherry on the shit sandwich was that the men apparently served themselves plates and then sat back down in front of the TV.
I wonder in how many houses Thanksgiving dinner wouldn't happen if the women decided to sit on the couch drinking beer and watching football.
ETA: I've scrolled through the comments and appreciate all the people taking time to comment on my post. I'm not really replying or digging too hard through the comments because the post I referred to was the first one to make me really grind my teeth in a while, and the few shitty comments here were getting me spun up again, lol (though it really did seem to be just a few).
Side note: to anyone commenting "OP just had to go into the kitchen if she wanted a conversation," if you can't see the problem with women having to stand in the hot kitchen or sit in kitchen chairs to socialize while men monopolize the comfortable public part of the house (and conveniently do literally nothing to help with the massive meal being cooked), I can't help you. All the women and children were watching Christmas movies in the kitchen... why weren't the Christmas movies on the main TV in the living room?
ETA 2: Lmfao, apparently I'm a true 2X community member now because I got my first Reddit Cares report.
I’m just so fed up of the “men are statistically more likely to be victims of violent crime” comments on EVERY SINGLE video/post about a woman being a victim of SA or domestic violence.
Who are these men a victim of? Other men. They’re scared of other men. “We get attacked at clubs” by who? Drunk men. “We have to go to LGBTQ+ clubs for our safety” yes, to avoid other straight men.
Who is making male victims scared of speaking out about violence against men? Other men.
Who mocks male victims when they go to therapy? Other men.
Who leaves “I wish I was him” comments on articles where LITERAL children (male) have been SA’d by a female teacher? - OTHER MEN.
They can’t even pretend to care with a “I’m sorry this happened to you, I wish there was more help for all victims” it’s straight to “why not include men, you’re sexist!”
There’s a campaign in the U.K. at the moment to help women that have been abused, and every single comment is from a man complaining about why they’re not included. Tearing down the women that say “make a campaign for male victims, this is specifically for women” with typical sexist comments and “Andrew tate was right” bullshit.
I’m so fed up.
So I work in a UK pub chain, I had gone to my workplace tonight for a few quiet drinks with a colleague who is a close friend and his girlfriend who is also a close friend of mine.
While we were mid conversation an obviously drunk bloke tapped on the glass between the main door and were we were sat and shouted something that I didn't quite catch and we continued our conversation.
A couple of minutes later one of the bar managers came over to let me know the bloke was now barred, when I asked what he did I was informed that when he tapped on the glass he shouted "Change your fucking hair you fucking slag" and therefore he had been immediately barred because he had verbally abused a staff member.
I have blue/green shoulder length hair.
The manager also waited 10 minutes before informing my partner who works at the same place as me and was on shift because he knew how my partner would react, which is he would instantly try to find a fight the bloke.
I have to say I am immensely grateful for both the manager and my partner for their reactions and swift responses, even if I didn't even notice what happened.
No Thanksgiving here in Europe, but my MIL's birthday is a happening on its own. Like many of you have experienced (and posted about) the last few days, my inlaws are also very traditional, albeit eastern European, when it comes to gender roles. It's a "women belong in the kitchen" kind of thing.. Something I don't identify with at all.
My partner and I had a long day. We got up at 5am, drove 3 hours to his work where he had to work for a few hours, and then continued driving 1,5h to his parents. It's hardly 7pm and I am tired. Not having any rest at my inlaws doesn't help.
But eventually we had food, and the time came to clean up the table. I had taken 5 minutes in my partner's old room to not hear unintelligible-to-me Russian yelling at noise levels a fighter jet would be jealous of.. Only to come back downstairs and be yelled at to clean up. The men? Still sitting at the table.
Ladies (or whatever gender you prefer), I channeled our collective frustration, walked to the table, and told the men in no uncertain terms that they were gonna help me clean. And they did! They got up and helped, and the table was cleaned in under 3 minutes!
I am elated and I wanted to share this tiny little win for all those who had to slave away in 'their' kitchens to appease men who think they did all the work by cutting a turkey. Fuck them.
(and fuck my MIL, honestly. And bless my partner, who actually helps clean and makes sure everyone has what they need).
Sorry if this rant is off topic. But I had to day this somewhere, and this I feel is a place where my pov will be understood.
I work in HR. Last month, we were in the process of hiring a doctor(oncologist) for our medical centre. She was married and had a kid. But she was willing to commute and work around her schedule coz it was a huge opportunity for her( huge hike, opportunity for doing some groundbreaking work, etc.).
2 days ago, she calls us and informs us that she will not be accepting the offer.
Her husband and kid got the chicken pox and were quarantined. Her husband got a taste of what it would be like to take care of their kid without her help and decided he couldn't do it. His parents (who live 5 minutes from them and used to take care of the kid when needed before and on whom she was depending for looking care of the child till now) have announced that they will no longer be taking care of the kid for her career.
Long story short, she has decided to not accept our offer(she's already left the previous organisation) and will now be looking for a part time position near her place that she can take around taking care of the child.
At the end of the day, 1 guy's refusal to adjust and share in the taking care of his own child has taken the skills and abilities of an excellent oncologist.
Our comapny is fine. We will just hire the next person on the list. But it made me realise that no amount of legislation will close the pay gap as long the attitude of the people don't change.
Fighting for access to contraception and women’s health care are among the ways you can support women in Georgia.
When Russ was 19, he learned that his girlfriend was pregnant. A supportive coach was able to give Russ and his partner the money and the information they needed to get a safe illegal abortion.
Years later, Russ was given the opportunity to pass along the support given to him to someone else, when a woman in need asked for his help.
Because of his willingness to support the choice of both his teenage partner and his student years later, Russ played a significant role in creating room for CHOICE in both women’s lives.
This video clip shows the positive impact that CHOICE can have and how meaningful it is to help those in need. It underscores how vital equal access to abortion and contraception is.
To learn more about abortion rights in Georgia and hear more stories from people who have lived through experiences with abortion before and after #roevswade click on the link in the bio! Help protect women’s rights in Georgia.
Sexism throughout history: Before germ theory, midwives washed their hands while the male doctors flatly refused to, thinking it was superstition unbecoming of scientists
I (26f) met a guy (27m) on Hinge.
Matching with him, things seemed to spark and we moved our convo to text.
My profile states I’m still figuring out my dating goals and I’m open to whatever may come from a good connection. His states looking for long term relationship
We text back and forth for a few days, but tonight we have a phone convo that changed everything.
Things I immediately noticed during our 3 hour phone convo:
• dominates the convo on topics he enjoys
• talks over me when I’m speaking (only could jump in a small amount)
• enjoys being asked questions but doesn’t ask reciprocating questions
• already demanding that “I’m his”
• says I have everything he’s looking for yet hasn’t asked me any deep questions. (edit: also only matched three days ago
•interrupts anytime I share anything about myself.
• told me his wants and needs and dismissed mine then proceeded to say we were looking for the same thing.
• told me all his ex’s were psychopaths then told me he didn’t want to talk about his ex’s then did so for half hour
• he is heavier now than in his photos on his profile and he proceeded to justify his use of 5 yr old photos saying he will never have a six pack so people should suck it up. (I had no problem with his weight, didn’t even bring it up once he sent a recent photo. but it just seems deceiving and also entitled to expect people to be ok with it knowing he doesn’t look like his photos)
• bragged about his house, car, and material wealth
• disclosed he had an STD but said it “wasn’t a big deal”. disclosed after asking if he could get tested because he said it would come up in the test.
Forgot to mention he wanted me to go over his house for the first meeting which I refused.
We haven’t met yet in person. We’re suppose to go on our first date tomorrow and I honestly want to cancel and tell him it’s just not gonna work.
Am I in the wrong for this?
Thanks everyone for the responses. Cancelled the date and blocked
I just wanted to share how awesome my life is. A few months ago my boyfriend learned how to use my French press to make me coffee! I have probably made my own coffee 5 times in the last 2 months. He wakes up early to make me a cup and then returns to bed with it. He hates coffee so he’s doing it just because I love it so much 🥺
I just learned that a man I’ve been having a fling with is married. I feel sick. He had previously indicated he was NOT and I never would’ve done anything with him if I knew he was. I don’t mean to judge, maybe it’s an open marriage or something, but if that’s really the case I feel like he would’ve said so upfront, so I don’t think it’s that. I know there have been others before me as well. He doesn’t know I know, I want to tell her first so he doesn’t have time to start lying to her preemptively. I want to tell his wife, but I don’t have much proof. I also don’t have her personal contact information or social media that she was recently active on, the most recent was from a year ago, and she also has a LinkedIn - I know her full name and where she works, but I feel like it would be worse to show up to her office Monday with no warning and deliver such big news. He’s been texting me, just the usual stuff, and wants to meet again this week. I don’t want to ignore him and have him realize something is up, but I feel sick and don’t want to talk to him either. Also we work for the same large company (completely unrelated to how we met and almost never see each other at work). I’m so scared that people will find out and gossip about me. He’s older and in a management position and Im afraid that it would look bad for me, doubly so because I’m a woman and I know how people are.
I feel so betrayed, not because I wanted anything more than casual sex, but because he lied, and he seemed like a decent, normal guy. It’s legitimately scary and sociopathic how calm and collected he was throughout all of this. It was a complete chance happening the way I found out (from an old newspaper article online), otherwise I would’ve never guessed. He knows where I live, and I doubt he’s be violent but that’s scary to think about.
I need some advice on how to approach this, I have no idea what to do or how to navigate this situation. I can’t talk to anyone I know irl for advice, and I feel so alone. Help!
You wake up to breakfast being made for you. (You’ve told him before that you get lazy when it comes to making breakfast). You go to take a shower and your laundry basket is missing. It’s being washed. You have your breakfast and put the plate aside to be washed later. Your husband washes it. He knows it’s hard sometimes to find that energy when you’re still waking up. He begins washing the bedsheets as you start getting ready for work. Your dog is hyper, so he takes out the frozen puzzle bowl that he began freezing last night. You practice coding with the course he bought and recommended for you so that you can learn enough to change careers.
With every relationship I've been in, I've raised my standards a bit. Now I'm worried I've raised them too much...
On one hand, I'm really proud of myself as I look back and see how much I've grown to respect myself. But looking forward, I'm not sure if I'll ever find someone who meets my standards for a partner. And that kind of worries me.
My first boyfriend, in high-school and early college, was violent. Yelling, putting holes in walls, fly off the handle at any little thing temper. And he did hit me once. Only once, and I left.
Second boyfriend also had a temper, though was less trigger happy with it. He did yell and throw things occasionally, but he never hit me, so I put up with it. We eventually broke up because he told me, his Hellenic Pagan/ Eclectic Witch girlfriend, that I would have to convert to Christianity if I wanted to get married. Next.
Third boyfriend had no temper at all, but he was an alcoholic. And a far right, 4chan conspiracy theorist. Learned a whole lot about that group of people (gross). He was also a huge slob, never picked up after himself, and would come home from work, drink until he passed out, and repeat the next day. He lied to me a lot too, when he was supposed to be going sober. Noped out of that.
Fourth and last boyfriend was pretty good I thought. Kind, funny, our political beliefs aligned well and he was supper supportive of my spiritual beliefs. He was, however, late all the time. 15 minutes late for our first date, 2 hours late for our 2 year anniversary date, and almost every date and get together in-between. And was completely and utterly unapologetic about it. I tried setting up dates so I would pick him up, and every time I arrived at his home he was in the middle of a shower. Eventually it felt like he was doing this on purpose, and I broke up with him shortly after our 2 year anniversary (he was also mad I didn't want to have sex that night. Like, seriously, maybe if you had been here 2 hours earlier on time, I would have been in the mood then...)
Sometimes I regret breaking up with my 4th boyfriend. Like in the grand scheme of things, was being late really a big deal? I've been single for the last year, and honestly it's been pretty peaceful. Lonely, but peaceful. I feel safe, all the time, and I don't have a partner hounding me for sex 24/7. (That was an issue with all 4 men I dated, they all had much higher sex drives than I do. But I think that's a me problem. Hopefully when I get my tubes tied next year, and get off hormonal birth control for good, I'll finally have a half decent libido).
I do eventually want to get back out there and date again, but I'm worried that I won't be able to find a man who doesn't have any of the negative traits my exes had. Not to mention, I'm not a very attractive woman, and I have herpes, and I don't actually know if I'll develop a libido, so it's not like I'm a huge catch myself.
But it is what it is I guess, I think being alone will be better than being miserable/uncomfortable forever. Glad I have a really supportive family, some amazing girlfriends/found family, dogs, and smutty books. Not to mention, this community is great.
This is a self help rant/a form of therapy.
So I had someone recent tell me that I dress like a lesbian.
I like to wear loose shirts, jeans, boots. I'm also rather fit, not bulging with muscles but it's clear that I lift weights.
I'm not a fan of dresses. I wear makeup ONLY if I'm gonna be out the house all day. My hair is short because it's curly and grows slowly.
And at first it made me really self-conscious, considering I never had a boyfriend, and I started thinking that maybe that's why guys didn't talk to me.
Then I realized who cares!
I like the way I dress. I'm comfortable and that makes me feel confident.
I love my t-shirts with nerdy quotes that reference video games. I love my high top converse platform shoes.
If my nails are done it's because I had a free afternoon and time to do them NOT because I need to be more feminine.
If I wear makeup it's because I want to, why spend an extra hour doing up my face if I'm gonna be out the house for 5 seconds?
If I need to dress more "feminine" for a guy to notice me then I don't want that guy. I know I'll find a special guy who will appreciate me for me and see beyond what I wear.
He has spent since last night yelling at me that I ruined his birthday, he won't eat dinner anymore, we should get separate twin beds since we "never" have sex.
When discussing getting away and divorce My brother said I will basically be stabbing a sleeping bear with divorce so I should poke the metaphorical bear as much as possible safely leading up. Cry. Try his tactics.
Well earlier he wanted to argue about dinner, about no longer celebrating his birthday because it was ruined by not having leftovers and his presents not being wrapped (we didn't celebrate my birthday this year or last, but according to him we did)
I decided to put my food away because he was making me feel like shit. (Going along with my brother's advice) didn't take long for him to mock me, say I was causing issue, say "I don't know what you want from me" then storm away because I hadn't eaten
He made me go get my food and eat before he'd actually speak to Mr. It was humiliating and then he said I "failed his test" because he apparently pretended to sleep (he was on the floor in my closet) and I didn't notice.
Eventually he came back to bed after declaring I make everything his fault. He got....horny....said he wanted to cuddle. Poked me repeatedly then insisted on sex. I want to throw up every time he (very rarely) tries to get me going. Then I dissociate through the 2 minutes of sex. I feel disgusting and used. I feel weak. Can't wait to be done and gone.
(Please keep in mind I am a trans man, so he/him for me please in the comments!)
When I was 16, I tried a menstrual cup. My mom bought me one and it just didn't work. Putting it in was easy, but getting it out was awful! It sealed in tight and my vagina simply isn't wide enough to get a finger in beside the cup to hook it over the edge and break it. I had to painfully wiggle it out centimeter by centimeter, and went back to tampons/pads after that.
Now I'm 19 and out on my own, and can't just ask my mom to get me stuff. My period is pretty heavy (a regular tampon lasts two hours, a super 4, only an ultra the intended 6-8) and when I was looking at my options at WalMart, I saw a cup with a pull tab design that apparently broke the seal for you. I decided then that I'm not going to be buying tampons and pads every month, and that I am going to be able to sleep the full night without leaks. So I bought the cup!
And it's working out! This new cup isn't a nightmare! The wide rim does give me a pinch of pain as it leaves my entrance, but it's hurting less each time. I just remind myself that my vagina could push out a baby, and rip it out in one go like a band-aid. So worth it! No more bloody tampon string, no more moving the string to pee, no more blood magically missing my pad 10 mile long pad and blowing out my buttcrack. Me: 1 Period: 0
A male friend accidentally sent me a porn video that made me sick to my stomach and now I can't stop thinking about it and I feel maybe like I don't want to have sex again.
Does it seem to anyone else like mainstream porn has become waaayyyy the fuck too violent, like in some cases almost to the point of torture? A friend sent me a link to a much, much tamer video, but there was a link on the page to another video that I accidentally clicked on and now I can't unsee it, and i only watched the very beginning. Then I had a discussion with my very liberal, open-minded friend who justified it because the woman in the video agreed to it so that is technically consent. I'd describe the video here, but I don't know how to use the whiteout thingy in case it's triggering to anyone here.
I've also seen videos with women unable to breathe bc the man is choking her with his dick (that's a kink, I guess) and holding her by the back of the head so she can't get away and is puking and unable to breathe.
Can just anything now be consented to, as long as the woman in the video technically says the words "I consent"? Like what if the next kink (for men) is waterboarding? Is it possible to consent to that?
[And yes, insert porn-appologist disclaimer here: I realize some women enjoy hard-core porn and (I guess?) don't mind --or even enjoy -- performing painful acts in exchange for money in videos and irl, and I mean no disrespect to sex workers or porn actors.]
My main concern here is the male consumers who seem to think it's their right to view ANY scene/scenario they want, no matter the damage it does to the actor herself or to society as a whole? Is there ever a limit? If so, where is it?
You could take guns away from the NRA before you could pry porn from men because they TRULY think it's their god-given right.
My friend assured me that many women enjoy being shocked with cattle prods and gang-raped and physically abused in porn (and in real life). But...?
On a personal note, just knowing this is the type of content many men want, I feel like maybe I just don't want to have sex... or am incredibly leary. If this is mainstream and what many men want now, I will never be able to fulfill that, so why put myself in a position where I'll be a disappointment?
Also, even with soft-core, vanila porn, why was it never enough just that it made many of us (women) feel inadequate? Why did that NEVER matter? And if we murmured one tiny word of objection, we're labeled uptight, insecure shrews...
Also, now men not only watch porn but interact with the actors now, too (like in OF), and it just seems like every time we give in to one thing (oh, it's natural; they all do it; I better not kink-shame anyone), they push the envelope even farther. Because if you give a mouse a cookie...
[Deep breath before hitting "Next" and post bc I'm a bit worried about backlash (and vanilla-shaming, even though I used to think of myself as kind of a freak, ie sexually adventurous) and especially from the men's rights lurkers who will no doubt be frothing at the mouth from the brazen persecution and infuriated to the point of foaming at the mouth and red-faced teeth-gnashing].
ADD: I'm typing out a DM (see below) I received (I couldn’t figure out how to add a screenshot, so I typed it out, and I’m not outing him because 1.) he seems a little scary and 2.) He probably will enjoy the attention. Anyway, here it is:
“Men have perverse sexual desires. You don’t understand what it’s like to be a man. That’s okay. But if you want to have a man stay in your life, you should get used to having the sex he wants. If he likes throat fucking, get used to it to. Practice it. He’ll chose a women who will gladly do those things for him over one that is too afraid to be manhandled. I don’t have any sympathy for women who don’t make sale sexual pleasure a priority."
Also, I’m just getting caught up reading all the comments, and wow, these are some very seriously thoughtful insights and discussions. Some of the experiences women have shared are heartbreaking and so many of you have included excellent links and resources, studies.
This is an old story, but definitely cemented in my mind that trusting my gut was a GOOD thing.
A little background. This was back in the lat 90's, I was with my best friend(Susan) and a mutual friend(Katie). Names changed ofc. Katie was always having us go to parties "friends" we throwing, and this one Susan and I were hanging out basically together while Katie was being her social butterfly self.
My gut told me to leave. I asked Susan if she was picking up that too, because we were on the same wave length with that a lot of times. She said yes. So we were like "Ok, time to go!" Katie was like "Noooo! I can't leave yet! I have to say good-bye to everyone." Katie has the habit of trying to make us stay and using that as an excuse to stay longer. So we told her "5 minutes, then we leave. With or without you."
She ofc didn't come after the 5 min and we left.
AS WE WERE GETTING IN THE CAR we hear a commotion coming from that apartment, and look up at the balcony in time to see several of the guys carrying Katie, and THROW her off the balcony! Fortunately it was a 2nd story and she wasn't hurt. (Yeah we ran from the car to her to check on her, help her up, get her out of there.)
So, just because you don't realize WHAT the danger signals are you are picking up on, does not mean you are NOT picking up danger signals.