r/TwoXChromosomes Jan 14 '22

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u/FreelanceSubversion Jan 14 '22 edited Jan 14 '22

IT IS HIS OWN FAULT THAT HE ASSAULTED YOU. You do not deserve to be abused.

Write it on a piece of paper in your wallet. On the mirror. On the fridge. Sharpie it on your arm.

KEEP REMINDING YOURSELF. Make it a mantra.

IT IS HIS OWN FAULT THAT HE ASSAULTED YOU.

The way the abuse mentality works is by assigning blame to the victim, and making them question themselves.

Were you absolutely perfect 100% of the time? No, obviously not, you're a human. Did the things you did "wrong" mean you deserved to be attacked and choked? NO.

This is one of the mindtraps of abuse mentality. Doing things wrong does NOT = deserving to be threatened or assaulted.

IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT THAT HE ASSAULTED YOU.

*Edit - it could be useful to include "HIS OWN ACTIONS GOT HIM ARRESTED" into the mantra.

Being loving or nice at times, DOES NOT ERASE harmful/violent behavior, or the responsibility of harmful/behavior.

To see the situation more clearly, imagine yourself in that role, of attacking someone smaller than you because they annoyed you. Pretty sure you would never do that, nor dismiss it if you did "because you were loving or nice to them" before / after. The guilt is part of the abuse mindset. It is temporary, but so very compelling right now. Find a few mantras that help, and repeat them all day/night, until this stage of recovery passes.

Also, him getting arrested for this is going to help create a paper trail that may help keep another woman safe.

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u/brynnee Jan 14 '22

Yes to all of this!! Human beings make mistakes and people in relationships make each other mad sometimes. That doesn’t mean you deserve physical harm in retaliation.