r/TwoXChromosomes Jan 14 '22

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u/kermitmyfrog Jan 14 '22


Please listen OP. Choking is a massively important warning sign.


u/Ifuckfreshouttafucks Jan 14 '22

It’s the number 1 predictor of a situation turning deadly!


u/Princesskaylacakes Jan 14 '22 edited Jan 14 '22

Agreed. I am a psychotic male with schizoaffective, I 100% can control my angry urges and would never ever choke my wife even when going through bad psychosis.

This man needs mental help, OP please try and convince him to find a decent inpatient care facility. It saved my life going to a good one.

Edit to add: try to convince him over the phone or through text. NOT IN PERSON

Double edit: as everyone has said, probably best not to contact him. However unless he chooses help on his own he will be 5150'd and his chances of going to a shitty inpatient care facility are way higher, which could lead to him doing nothing but getting worse. Speaking from experience


u/HighonDoughnuts Jan 14 '22

The abusive boyfriend’s mental health is not OP’s responsibility. OP needs to get to a safe place ASAP and get therapy started for herself.

I think you mean well but in a situation where OP was being strangled and her neck stepped on and kicked the perpetrator’s mental health is not her problem. She is not his parents. Because he is arrested for violence like this I’m sure the court system will make him be in therapy and maybe group counseling.

Again-contacting the abuser, even by phone, not in person etc, is NOT a good idea.


u/a_duck_in_past_life Jan 14 '22

Getting him help could save the life of the next woman he is in a relationship with. It's not about him. It's about those he endangers


u/bettermakethatdecaf Jan 14 '22

It could also sabotage her ability to cut ties with him.


u/HighonDoughnuts Jan 14 '22

The courts will make sure he gets into therapy.

His family can be responsible for him. I’m saying OP does not and should not contact him at all.

NONE of this is OP’s responsibility. She did nothing to deserve this treatment and it is not her fault that this happened.


u/FFD1706 Jan 14 '22

Nope nope nope. She shouldn't contact him at all.


u/fuzzgirl619 Jan 14 '22

While I agree that good mental health care is clearly necessary for this man, and it can be totally life-changing and should be available to all, it is NOT OP's job to convince him that he needs to go. Any contact with bf (even from a distance) is only going to be an opportunity for him to further guilt and gaslight her and draw her back in to his sphere of abuse.

OP, your bf's arrest is NOT your fault or your responsibility. He could have easily KILLED you, and he deserves to face the consequences of that. He is not a "good man" who made an honest mistake; he INTENTIONALLY used violence to intimidate and control you. Go to your parents' and do not look back. Do not ever speak to this man again. Save yourself. You deserve to be safe.


u/DumbleForeSkin Jan 14 '22

Fuck, no, cut all contact, OP. His mental health is not your problem.


u/jaydoes Jan 14 '22

And he will hurt her no question.


u/TheDocJ Jan 14 '22

You sound like you take responsibility for your own mental health issues.

If (and, with plenty of professional experience of mental illness, I would say that it is a very big If) his behaviour is anything to do with a mental illness rather than him being a total piece of shit, then he is the one who needs to take responsibility for it. Not OP.


u/Princesskaylacakes Jan 14 '22

I agree, his actions are inexcusable mental illness or not.

I just feel for him as I've been 5150'd in the past and I was sent to a pretty bad place. When I chose to go willfully I was able to select a place I liked


u/cherrymeg2 Jan 14 '22

Her safety and health need to be put first. Police can deal with his mental state. Right now she needs to take care of her own. Abusers almost brainwash you into believing them. Gaslighting and emotional abuse are damaging. Some people are dangerous. Forcing someone to get help that isn’t suffering from delusions or paranoia because of mental illness is usually a waste of time. Sociopaths with narcissistic tendencies which many abusers are tend to be believable many are highly successful but the ones that are abusive or dangerous don’t see that they need help. They also are hard to treat. There isn’t medication that makes you empathize with others.