r/TwoXChromosomes Jan 14 '22

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u/SmallTownMortician Jan 14 '22 Silver Gold Helpful Starry


Good guys don't choke people. He is not a good guy.


u/shinybriony Jan 14 '22 Silver Helpful

Choking is incredibly high risk, it’s a high risk factor for an escalation to murder of a partner and also carries risk of brain damage if you survive. Get out OP.


u/theprez35 Jan 14 '22 Helpful

THIS. I came here to comment this exactly. It’s one of the highest risk factors for women who are murdered by intimate partners. Consider it a warning sign of what’s to come. He won’t get better.


u/realglasseyes Jan 14 '22

You would have been safer spending the night on a bench at the bus station than spending the night in the same house as this guy. OP, you just survived an incredibly risky situation that many people dont survive. You know you're not in a good state of mind, being with this guy has put you on anxiety medication. You need to not be anywhere near him, please take this seriously.

The first thing you should do is go stay in a safe place with people you trust. The next thing is speak to DV specialists or a woman's refuge. You're going to need serious help and support just to see this situation for what it is. Talk to the experts, they will be able to give you practical strategies (Like how to leave and not leave any clues where you've gone)


u/collapsingwaves Jan 14 '22

He might get better, but that's none of op's business. It's time to run far, far away.


u/bella_lucky7 Jan 14 '22

He won’t get better without serious professional intervention- this is a black and white issue (and I usually think most things are shades of gray..). It is NEVER ok to physically harm your partner, and choking them is next level. Something in this guys head told him this was ok- life is too precious to risk on someone like this. OP needs to leave and not look back.


u/oh-hidanny Jan 14 '22


OP, choking is a sign of a much more violent, probably fatal, upcoming attack. There are stats to back this up.

LEAVE. Do not go back, particularly after he put his hands around your throat.


u/[deleted] Jan 14 '22

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u/discoatmyfuneral Jan 14 '22

I've read your comment multiple times and can't figure out inspired you to write it, unless the person you responded to edited their comment to say something completely different than what's currently there.

like, I feel like I have to give you the benefit of the doubt here because it would make more sense for me to have misunderstood something than it would for you to have left a comment this nonsensical and irrelevant to the one above yours and OP's post in general.

ETA is the implication with your first sentence that OP's abuser mistakenly choked her?


u/[deleted] Jan 14 '22

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u/brainparts Jan 14 '22

Not gonna shit on you but OP says he tried to choke her and then put his foot in her neck. There is a big difference between heat-of-the-moment, probably affected by several external factors (lack of sleep, stress, etc), instinctive aggressive one-time action and multiple actions, especially multiple actions that are trying to kill you. I don’t wanna hear from anyone about how choking during a fight isn’t trying to kill — it’s trying to restrict breathing, which kills you. It’s not shaking someone’s shoulders or even punching them in the face.

Not gonna discount your experiences in the system either but women are in more danger from men, especially romantic partners, than they are from almost any other source. Most men that assault women suffer no consequences at all, even when there is hard proof. Men that even make it to the system represent a tiny minority.

OP, I’ve been in abusive relationships too, and you desperately need to escape this situation. If you do I promise you’ll look back and see it for what it is, and that you deserve to feel safe in your relationship. You won’t ever feel or be safe with someone that did this to you.

Even if this dude was totally great and this was the one and only ‘bad’ thing he ever did and will do, he can’t take it back, and you can’t forget it. So many women die at the hands of their partners after they’ve gone back to them after an event like this. I know it’s hard to leave but I swear it’s worth it.


u/drouoa Jan 14 '22

I don’t see how this is relevant unless you were falsely accused of choking your partner…but also one mistake doesn’t make someone a bad person?…so you did choke your partner? But also the system always blames men so women shouldn’t be able to press charges unless there is a witness?

All the person said to do was leave her abusive partner…


u/Icy_Application2412 Jan 14 '22

You are making her experience about yourself and your ego. Sorry, but you are not helping here.


u/[deleted] Jan 14 '22

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u/Icy_Application2412 Jan 14 '22

I don't owe you a discussion to make you feel better about yourself (projected into his shoes.)


She needs to leave the situation. He may still be a decent person with long term therapy on his own time and be able to address underlying mental health or anger issues he has. However, she will most likely take it on as her mission if she thinks she can help him through it. She cannot be his Martyr. He has already harmed her. It's enough that the neighbors feared for her safety and called the cops.


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u/Capathy Jan 14 '22

The jump from other physical abuse to strangulation is as significant as the jump to physical abuse itself. It’s the single greatest indicator of an eventual homicide.


u/PrimaryMidnight9350 Jan 14 '22

Where I live choking would be a separate (or additional), more serious charge.

Edit: just thinking about it, so would grabbing the phone, if it were to prevent someone from calling for help though it sounds like that isn't the case here