r/TwoXChromosomes Jan 14 '22

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u/g00ber88 Jan 14 '22 Silver Gold Helpful Wholesome Take My Energy This Tearing Up Helpful (Pro)

he really is a good guy



u/Feebedel324 Jan 15 '22 edited Jan 15 '22 Helpful

“Put his foot on my neck” and “good guy” do not go together.


u/comedian42 Jan 15 '22

I agree. But while it's obvious to us, it might not be to someone in an abusive relationship. Abusers are very good at changing your expectations slowly over time and eroding what you view as normal. OP mentioned "gaslighting herself" which is often indicative of ongoing manipulation/gaslighting by the partner. It's not uncommon for someone to be self-aware that not trusting their own thoughts isn't normal, but be fully convinced that it is somehow their own fault.

OP, you might find it helpful to have a friend/trusted person read this post to you out loud in the first person. It's often easier to identify the abuse as well as your own breakdown in logic when you can externalize it.


u/HavocsReach Jan 15 '22 Silver Helpful



u/GaydolphShitler Jan 15 '22 edited Jan 15 '22

Can confirm; I have put my foot on precisely zero people's necks when angry.


u/amphibious-dolphin Jan 15 '22

Was gonna say: you are gaslighting yourself on this post rn. For the love of god stay safe OP and get that restraining order!!


u/AKravr Jan 15 '22 All-Seeing Upvote

This 1000%, at best he's seeing how much abuse you can take because that's what he enjoys. If he's choking you he will most likely kill you one day. It's the biggest prediction of domestic murder.


u/psykick32 Jan 14 '22


I was like... HOL' UP what did you say?


u/honeyrrsted Jan 15 '22

"he really is a good guy" and "he almost choked me to death cause he got a little angry" are sorta mutually exclusive.


u/burtslug246 Jan 15 '22

THANK YOU! OP, if this man doesn't realize how angry he gets in the moment, then there's nothing stopping him from taking it too far next time. Don't let there be a next time. He put his damn foot on your neck, ffs. Please understand that you should never have to be in this situation, even if you're arguing.


u/tarynator Jan 14 '22

This is all that needs to be said.


u/GeonnCannon Jan 15 '22 All-Seeing Upvote

There's no such thing as a good guy who occasionally hits their partner. There are only abusers who can sometimes/briefly hide it.


u/AlpsComplex6854 Jan 15 '22 All-Seeing Upvote

Also: IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. He and he alone is responsible for his actions.


u/madguins Jan 15 '22

Seriously. OP if your best friend told you this story would you tell her to stay with the man who choked her because he seems nice otherwise? If yes, youre a shit friend. If no, why would you do otherwise?


u/flying_dogs_bc Jan 15 '22

agreed. good guys don't even THINK about chocking someone, let alone take action on it. he is NOT a good guy, don't think that for a second, and go to therapy to talk this through until YOU understand the red flags you missed. Otherwise you'll end up with someone else who hurts you.

So sorry :(


u/LSD4Monkey Jan 15 '22

It is troubling that OP made this statement. Until she sees that he is not she will not leave him. He will kill her if she doe not leave, and get as far away as possible.

edited cause a word


u/Virgoan Jan 15 '22

I thought that too! The guy used his foot to choke her. He’s the opposite of “good guy.”


u/GayHugeOtter Jan 15 '22

No one in my entire life has ever done anything like that to me and if someone is willing to think something like this could be even a little bit okay or excusable really says something about the person's personal life or ability to mentally gymnastize things.

The only reason your significant other should ever be hitting you is your chest for CPR. Anything else is just cold l, hard and unbridled abuse. OP's boyfriend should be psychologically evaluated and she should leave effective immediately.


u/Aegean_828 Jan 15 '22 edited Jan 15 '22

Yes He ain't any good at all, he is a really bad and toxic one.

Run far away from this dangerous piece of shit or you will die eventually, record everything, be aware he could not let you go your way, beware of him, seek for help (family, friend), tell Police, watch your back, take care of yourself you deserve to be safe and loved and out of his range, he his dangerous.


u/godhasmoreaids Jan 15 '22

Yeah, like I guess she does gas light herself


u/DragonPhart Jan 15 '22

That’s the gaslighting talking


u/Zaphod_4orty2wo Jan 15 '22

My first thought exactly, in fact it can only get worse with this sociopath


u/M-m-m-mySharona Jan 15 '22

This right here. I’ve been in your situation, he didn’t stop. I ended up in the hospital. Leave him. Don’t look back.


u/I_devour_your_pets Jan 15 '22

If he is a good guy, then most guys are better.


u/ginnaao Jan 15 '22

This is a serious convo but I can’t help but hear Sandy’s voice when I read that OP I’m so glad you got out of that alive. Keep yourself alive by leaving him and cutting off contact!


u/Millillion Jan 15 '22


He may act like a good guy some times. Hell, there may even be a good guy hiding somewhere inside him. But his current actions explicitly deny him the title of "good guy" for the foreseeable future.


u/jaldihaldi Jan 15 '22

Good guy with troubling responses is a problem.

Do you want a problem that will pop up at a moment’s notice - as opposed to someone who tries to solve your problems?


u/Deshik2 Jan 15 '22

Some people do have a switch so he could be both


u/[deleted] Jan 15 '22

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