r/TwoXChromosomes Jan 14 '22

[deleted by user]

[removed]

8.1k Upvotes

View all comments

6.5k

u/Thatcsibloke Jan 14 '22 edited Jan 14 '22 Silver Gold Platinum Helpful Wholesome Take My Energy Rocket Like To The Stars Eureka! Helpful (Pro) Awesome Answer

It is categorically NOT your fault, the blame lies only with him. Take a step back and re-read some of those things you’ve written.

Choking me

Put his foot on my neck

I could die

He doesn’t realise how angry he gets

Blaming me for everything

Sometimes he was aggressive

I went upstairs to apologise

He said I was abusive

All my fault for getting him mad

I’m on anti-anxiety medication

I blame myself

He is programming you to believe you are at fault and you are falling into his trap. It’s interesting that you’re “in a new city” because isolation from family and friends is often engineered by offenders. He knows what he has been doing and he’s gaslighting you by blaming you. He is a violent bully, he is a domestic abuser, he is not your boyfriend. He is a monster and a loser, and you need to take advantage of his arrest and leave. If you don’t have the strength, then get your parents (and a shelter or the police) to help.

Get out for your own safety, and don’t look back.

Edit: wow. The old inbox has blown up and my iPad has caught fire. I’m trying to thank everyone for their awards but my management is poor! If I don’t thank you personally, know that I am grateful, but there are other people on here making great comments, and they deserve your attention! Together, we might convince the OP that she is not to blame, and that it’s time to get out, especially while her bullying partner is in the cells. Having read some of the comments on here I can see that academic research is warning of murder (700% more likely) and that message is critical for all women in relationships (and some men, who make up about 1 in 10 domestic violence victims).

To all of you who have difficult relationships, know this: we tell women to lock their doors and windows at night to keep out the bogeyman, but doing so means you are locking yourself in with the person who is most likely to kill you.

203

u/[deleted] Jan 14 '22 edited Jan 15 '22 Starry

[removed] — view removed comment