r/WitchesVsPatriarchy Literary Witch ♀♂️☉⚧ Jun 28 '22 Evil Cackle 1 Gold 1 Silver 13 All-Seeing Upvote 1 Take My Energy 1 Wholesome 6 Helpful 10

“My GF is mad at me about Roe v Wade.” Discussion

I’ve seen many posts from men, predictably confuddled as to why their girlfriends were angry at them “for no reason” about Roe v Wade.

Of course, these girlfriends in question were immediately labeled as “red flags” or “crazy feminists” by dudebros in the comments.

Men, your girlfriends are not angry at you because of Roe v Wade. They are most likely upset because you were unable to display empathy, and were apathetic to (or worse, in support of) her rights being stripped away. So stop reducing it to “my GF is angry at me for factors outside of my control” for pity points on the internet, and intentionally making your girlfriend the “crazy hysterical woman.”

Their anger at you is born out of your reaction to the SCOTUS ruling, not the ruling itself.

28.6k Upvotes

u/MableXeno ✨💗✨ Jun 28 '22

✨ READ BEFORE COMMENTING ✨

This thread is Coven Only. This means the discussion is being actively moderated, and all comments are reviewed. Only comments by members of the community are allowed.

If you have landed in this thread from /r/all and you are not a member of this community, your comment will very likely be removed (and will not be approved unless it adds meaningfully to the conversation).

WitchesVsPatriarchy takes these measures to stay true to our goal of being a woman-centered sub with a witchy twist, aimed at healing, supporting, and uplifting one another through humor and magic.

Thank you for understanding, and blessed be. ✨

507

u/Rora999 Jun 28 '22

I've actually had men ask why I care so much when it doesn't affect me. I'm too old to get pregnant myself, so I should stop giving a shit?

268

u/SnowSkye2 Forest Witch ♀♂️☉⚧ Jun 28 '22

Oh idk, maybe it's the fact that you WERE a young woman???? And that you have EMPATHY for young women TODAY??? WOOOOWWW, empathy, what a far fetched goddamn fantasy of an emotion huh? Those men are fucked in the head

63

u/Rora999 Jun 29 '22

Some folks actually act like it's an immoral quality to have.

→ More replies
→ More replies

57

u/Urist_Galthortig Jun 28 '22

Those men are horrible

18

u/rngdngdgtydngddng future crone Jun 28 '22

Ma’am you only get one empathy to spend for the whole year, use it wisely /s 😂

→ More replies

3.1k

u/flybyknight665 Forest Witch ♀♂️☉⚧ Jun 28 '22

Idk what I'd do if my partner didn't care.

His exact words when the opinion was first leaked and I was depressed all day were "I'm sorry. I know how I'm feeling and I can't even get pregnant."

He went to a protest with me yesterday even though it was the hottest day of the year so far. If he didn't have any reaction to this... well I think it would be a deal breaker for me. Finding out your man isn't an ally must be devastating and infuriating.

704

u/allaboutcats91 Jun 28 '22

I’d leave, especially since he and I have experienced unplanned pregnancy and decided that abortion was the right choice.

My husband has been fantastic. He’s very obviously upset but has expressed that in ways that don’t make me feel like I need to be responsible for consoling him. But I see what he posts on Instagram and he’s mentioned talking about it with his friends in a way that’s a little more of an outlet to vent his feelings.

→ More replies

282

u/[deleted] Jun 28 '22

i also would feel very lost if my boyfriend didn’t feel the same way about this.

often when we talk about it, he uses the example of if he were to get me pregnant, and how deeply that would affect not just our individual lives but our relationship as a whole.

fortunately i’m on the pill, but if contraceptives get taken away, i don’t think i could have sex without feeling totally stressed out like i did before taking birth control. i don’t think i could handle feeling like i am constantly at risk for an unwanted pregnancy.

150

u/Methodtradicional Jun 29 '22

And then even MORE incels will come for us because we are too afraid of pregnancy to have sex. Literally cannot win.

52

u/No-Acanthisitta-2517 Jun 29 '22

I’ve been brushing up on my boxing and self defense and am considering classes on how to use knives and guns for this reason alone.

The incel might try, but I’m going to do everything I can to make sure they reconsider the next one….

20

u/throwaway387190 Jun 29 '22

Just want to point out that knife making is a cool and oddly soothing hobby. A few of my friends are really into it. One of my poledancing classmates has been upfront that the 5 knives I know she carries are not the only knives on her st any given time

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

366

u/Dogzillas_Mom Jun 28 '22

What disturbs me is that, even if you want to get pregnant, something could go wrong, like an ectopic. In many of these states, the band are absolute. People are going to die. Even the married Christians who want a bunch of babies.

135

u/Multiverse_Money Eclectic Witch ♀♂️☉⚧ Jun 29 '22

It’s already starting… #medtwitter I saw 2 ectopic (which are in NO way viable) wait 9 hours so man doctor can talk with man lawyer to make sure that she “qualifies” for care.

Those ladies who think tRump is Jesus have no idea that all of these emergencies are off the table in some states.

→ More replies

104

u/Rarefindofthemind Jun 29 '22

I almost died from hemorrhage due to etopic. My doctor kept telling me to come in for blood work to “see what happens” even though etopic was suspected initially. It took 5 days for me to go from being “Something really hurts” to “I’m about to bleed out on the floor of my office.” The men in my office called my ex and told him to either get me to a hospital immediately or they would be calling an ambulance. It was terrifying. The hospital told me I was losing blood so rapidly that within a few hours I would have died had I not been admitted. That was due to negligence. Now women will die from the same thing, by intentional negligence.

→ More replies
→ More replies

382

u/PocketGachnar Jun 28 '22

My husband is fuming about it daily, and is a lot more open about his anger toward it than I am. But to be quite honest, the night DT won the election (an election my husband decided NOT to vote in), he told me I was overreacting and that rights like these would never get overturned, so I needed to stop stressing and just ride it out until 2020. So yeah, I am a little mad at him. Right now my feelings are valid, but back then, I was just being a catastrophizing doomer. Obviously he realizes now how wrong he was, he has eaten some crow, but not gonna lie, there's a little resentment.

115

u/foodieboricua Jun 29 '22 edited Jun 29 '22

My husband was one of the "protest voters" because he honestly thought DT could never win. People couldn't be that ducking stu---, he said. And that I was just exaggerating the risks.

Haha, guess who's laughing now. None of us.

When I told him the news of Roe v Wade's downfall, he hugged me, said he was sorry this happened, and then just walked away. I was so pissed off at the ruling, I didn't care that it was just that. I was too busy sending "fall down the stairs" vibes at specific judges.

Then he looked back into the room and softly said that he donated to two pro-choice organizations, one being Planned Parenthood.

That's his way of showing support. And I didn't feel so powerless and alone.

We both spent some time after that on our own, just processing it all. But at least I knew that I'm not the only one who's ready to fight back. And it means a lot to have my husband as an ally.

Note: We live in a swing state. Trump won it in 2016, which gave him the win of the presidential election.

→ More replies

169

u/gregdrunk Jun 28 '22

Oh fuck. Yeah. I'd be pissed too. Too fucking many people said the same thing to me and look where the fuck we are now.

→ More replies

19

u/LadyShanna92 Jun 29 '22

Everyone told me I was over reacting with the case of hobby lobby and bc case. They refused.to.cover not just abortion pills but also stuff like the morning after pill too

→ More replies
→ More replies

355

u/Txannie1475 Jun 28 '22

A male friend of mine tried to tell me how great it is that the people are gonna be able to vote on abortion, that this gives more rights to the PEOPLE. I was like, "I literally have fewer rights today than I did yesterday, and an army of religious voters in Texas is gonna seal that fate. Why are you so fucking gleeful about me not having bodily autonomy anymore?" Then he wonders why I'm not speaking to him.

→ More replies

6.6k

u/TurritopsisJellyfish Jun 28 '22

I am so baffled by this. All of the men in my life are sad and angry about Roe v Wade and we're not even American. How do some men not manage to muster the slightest bit of empathy for other human beings, much less their partners?

328

u/FlyingApple31 Jun 28 '22

The attitude around pregnancy in this country is very much a "gotchu!" attitude, especially for unexpected pregnancy. It feeds the mentality that the woman did something wrong or failed, while the guy either 'wins' or has no culpability. Like he was playing tag or something and was just doing what the game told him.

A lot of people (men) find 'the game' to be the most important thing in life. If that is your perspective, of course you have an adversarial attitude towards women that is defined by women being the 'score' (usually just for sex, but pregnancy is part of their penalty risk for being 'got'). You accept this as the primary identity for people, and find arguments that women deserve further identity as mildly rediculous or irrelevant, and policies that change the 'penalties' to help women as 'cheating the game'.

Do not fuck men like this.

80

u/TurritopsisJellyfish Jun 28 '22

Thank you for explaining. Do you think that poor maternity leave is tied to this attitude around pregnancy?

75

u/machinegunsyphilis Jun 28 '22

I deffo think obligatory paid parental leave would help a lot. And it must be federally obligatory, otherwise employers would try to pressure people into not taking it.

→ More replies

15

u/Super-Diver-1585 Jun 28 '22

This is exactly it.

→ More replies

2.0k

u/DandelionOfDeath Jun 28 '22 edited Jun 28 '22

Right? The country I'm in rn is watching this shit in horror. The news anchors here are usually doing a great job at being neutral but you can tell how deeply uncomfortable they are just reading the news. I saw them being grave yet poker-faced while announcing the news about Russia invading Ukraine but now they're visibly uncomfortable and trying not to be shifty-eyed on camera.

They probably know better than most how these things tend to spread out like rings on the water whenever someone throws a rock in America.

826

u/TurritopsisJellyfish Jun 28 '22

Yeah, they really do. I am worried about the consequences of this in Canada and Europe.

788

u/kiawithaT Jun 28 '22

There is already resistance in Canada and awareness spreading like wildfire. Not only are we aware that something gross like this is happening in the US, but those who seek power in Canada will follow in their footsteps.

Not only do we have to fight for our rights for ourselves, many of us now realize that we're the last hope for thousands of American women and we have to protect access for them too.

Canadian voters may be famously apathetic but Canadian women are painfully aware that we're front line and last resort simultaneously. There is a lot on the line and we will fight for it.

381

u/DuckyDoodleDandy Jun 28 '22

Make some border areas safe for abortion tourism and the country can earn money from this debacle. Like set up nice tourist destinations with some shopping, some places to visit and take photos, some poutine, and clinics.

Americans are just visiting Canada for the culture and skiing and the beautiful nature! It’s totally not for the clinic next door to the cute lodge where they are staying!

209

u/Sisinator Jun 28 '22

Come see Niagara falls, check out the casinos, see a doctor, try some Niagara wine

37

u/aintscurrdscars Jun 28 '22

the doctor is complimentary, what with all the other expenses

→ More replies
→ More replies

192

u/StarOriole Jun 28 '22

That's unfortunately another example of "abortion won't be outlawed for the rich."

It's not even like when we were kids. Since 2009, Americans have required passports to go to Canada. If you aren't wealthy enough to already be an international traveler and you need your passport sooner than a trimester from now, that's going to be an extra $60 to try to get expedited processing on top of the normal $65 (land or sea crossings only) or $165 (air crossings) cost, plus the cost of traveling to one of only two dozen passport agencies in the US, and that's before even getting to the cost of traveling to Canada...

Even if someone is in North Dakota, I suspect it would be cheaper for them to travel to Washington than to Canada unless they already go across the border.

It's a cute idea for a wealthy family who wants to hide their teenager's abortion with a family vacation to Canada, but they'd have been able to "vacation" in New York or California anyway.

Well. At least until a national abortion ban is passed.

147

u/_notthehippopotamus Jun 29 '22

Washington State resident here. During the pandemic, Washington, Oregon, and California formed a west coast coalition for managing the crisis. With the overturn of Roe, that multi-state agreement is back. The west coast is digging in about being a sanctuary for abortions. Our governors have directed law enforcement to not cooperate with abortion investigations from other states. They are securing funding for people coming from out of state. They are working to block anti-abortion states from accessing ID data that could be used to see who travels to our state.

Honestly if a national abortion ban is passed, I'm not sure the west coast will comply. It could get interesting.

75

u/Inquisivert Jun 29 '22

If they try to federally ban women's healthcare, I've already made up my mind about literally fighting for my rights. I would hope that others feel the same. I'm not about to live in Gilead.

18

u/miss_hush Witch ♀ Jun 29 '22 All-Seeing Upvote

I’m already considering literally fighting for our rights. I should probably start working out, don’t want my weapons to be plucked right out of my hands.

Mark me: this ends one way. It’s just a matter of time.

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

40

u/aintscurrdscars Jun 28 '22

wildly, this means that for instance, California, will continue to boom economically while red states suffer even worse

why go to a festival in Austin when you can go to SoCal and maybe abort a whoopsie doodle from Kentucky along the way?

and since the whole thing feeds into regular tourism, nobody at home is any the wiser

and since Roe is dead, so is the trimester model and every other restriction metric, right?

CA could, under "StAtEs RiGhTs" offer late term abortions, and Texas and McConnell and the Feds can fuck off

right?

so, "i gave my baby up for adoption in CA" could end up being code for something the right wing was not fucking prepared for

→ More replies

30

u/PrayForMojo_ Jun 29 '22

Actually Trudeau declared that any American women can come anywhere in Canada for an abortion. No need to designate areas. Abortion is legal in Canada. As it should be.

→ More replies
→ More replies

101

u/stitchyandwitchy Jun 28 '22

Fuck no they're not taking my bodily automony away. Not without a fight at least.

→ More replies
→ More replies

187

u/[deleted] Jun 28 '22 edited Jun 28 '22

[deleted]

83

u/TurritopsisJellyfish Jun 28 '22

Yeah, I know. Political discourse in many European countries have taken a nasty turn the last 15 years. Racism, nationalism and other right wing talking points have become much more prominent. I would not be surprised if rolling back reproductive rights will be up for debate in many places.

→ More replies
→ More replies

498

u/Pyromanticgirl Sapphic Witch ♀ Jun 28 '22

Especially with how Canadian conservatives like to mimic Republicans. Luckily we have a few more checks and balances to stop this kind of thing

98

u/Super-Diver-1585 Jun 28 '22

That's funny to read. We are taught in school all about how we have so many checks and balances, which ensure that nothing crazy will happen with our laws. We just never thought to have checks and balances against electing Cheeto colored con men, and we didn't think of the checks and balances being used against us. (In thinking of the filibuster in this case.)

→ More replies

323

u/AlarisMystique Jun 28 '22

Not nearly enough in my opinion. Anyone replicating Republicans here should see their career immediately die never to be resurrected. But sadly that's not the case.

154

u/Geeky80sGirl Jun 28 '22

Indeed. Here's a stupidly-long list of anti-choice MPs in Canada: https://www.instagram.com/p/CfMj3cigST0/

→ More replies
→ More replies

160

u/Vexonar Science Witch ♀ Jun 28 '22

They're gearing up right now, trying to show themselves moderate and making issues in other ways. Canadians feel pretty insulated and I understand why, but it's more important than ever to disrupt the conservative parties and still call them on issues they're voting when it's harming others. Specifically they're going after First Nations people and because it's not a white people thing, many are ignoring it. But that's all it takes for that side of the political spectrum to disrupt other areas. These people always attack those with no voice first.

105

u/monstersandcats Science Witch ☉ Jun 28 '22

Specifically they're going after First Nations people

This breaks my heart. The US republicans are also doing that, but for whatever reason, the majority of Americans have completely forgotten that indigenous people still exist.

They are specifically targeting the Indian Child Welfare Act with the supreme court this session, and I have seen zero news coverage over this.

32

u/Vexonar Science Witch ♀ Jun 28 '22 edited Jun 28 '22

They've been biding their time for their agenda against anyone non-white by forcing attention to Women and specifically white women because let's face it; suffrage was always for white women and ignored black women because they were black first. It's stupid, it sucks.

So now that we're focused on bodily autonomy we'll be too exhausted to fight for anyone or anything else. Why do we care about Reservations right? Those damn Indians just a bunch of drunks and losers. We keep perpetuating the idea in order to be fair to one "class" of person we have to punch down someone else. It's insane. But here we are.

I've been fighting for both but when it comes down to being human, if we aren't part of another group of people (ie white women aren't on a reservation so why do they have to care for Native American children) then it's not on us to fight. When we really need to fight the heart of the matter and look at equality and understanding across the board.

Nothing less than a civil uprising will change it. We're complacent; inhaling our dollar burgers and flipping facebook. We simply... don't really care so long as we get ours. It's a hard truth and we have to confront it and fight against it.

And it's exhausting.

Edit: Apologies if my general rant came across as an attack. I'm so fed up with ignorant asshole people right now.

24

u/iowajill Jun 29 '22

No one is free until everyone is free, and we forget that ALL the time in favor of a crab in the bucket mentality.

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

94

u/new-beginnings3 Jun 28 '22

Protect your media. Fox News and right wing outlets destroyed any semblance of reality or normalcy in the US.

→ More replies

123

u/TheMuddyF0X Jun 28 '22

We thought the same thing here until the Cheeto in chief happened

→ More replies
→ More replies

82

u/Nowyn_here Jun 28 '22

As European, so am I. My immediate concern is with American women but I think we need to update our laws so they are written out and not just thing we do.

(Finnish abortion law requires approval based on certain conditions that are broad enough that before 12 weeks no one has issues getting an abortion. This however leads to the fact that if attitudes change, it is too easy to limit abortion access)

50

u/redheadartgirl Jun 28 '22

Now is the time to codify these rights in a way that they can't be dismantled.

→ More replies

39

u/geekchick2411 Jun 28 '22

Not only there, Latinamerica is really in danger

→ More replies

155

u/JBSouls Jun 28 '22

That was around the same time: https://www.theguardian.com/world/2022/jun/24/germany-scraps-nazi-era-abortion-law-that-criminalises-doctors

It's not helping the madness that's going on in the US but for me it was as if our politicians (in Germany) had taken a look over the pond and decided to do the opposite - something I'm extremely grateful for.

161

u/TheDameWithoutASmile Jun 28 '22

And I think France is trying to enshrine the right to an abortion in their constitution.

It really is like other countries are taking the U.S. as a cautionary tale. Which is good for them, but I wish we didn't have to suffer here in America.

66

u/ViolettaHunter Jun 28 '22

I don't know about the French decision, but the recent law change in Germany had nothing to do with the US. For cautionary tales we need to look no further than our neighbour Poland.

→ More replies
→ More replies

58

u/TurritopsisJellyfish Jun 28 '22

I'm glad that Germany is being sensible about it. I'm from Denmark and while we definitely have issues, I don't think abortion rights being rolled back is going to be one of them. Well, in mainland Denmark. The Faroe Islands have strict abortion laws.

But I am worried about some other countries in Europe.

58

u/One_Wheel_Drive Jun 28 '22

I've seen nothing from the UK government that makes me think that this will happen here. But then again, how long ago was it that Americans were told that abortion rights are safe? And with Patel and Johnson, there's every reason to expect the worst.

40

u/TurritopsisJellyfish Jun 28 '22

I didn't want to name names, but yeah, the UK is on my worry list. Exactly because of the current Tory leadership. I hope my worry will prove to be unfounded.

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

23

u/marsofearth Jun 28 '22

We must not let the patriarchal hate doctrine pollute Canada anymore than it has. We must stand strong against the religion of hate, fear and evil, and stand proud of women, raise them up, inspire, embolden, reassure, and strengthen their divine self and sovereignty for self determination.

→ More replies

207

u/carennie_noturwench Mercenary Witch ♀ Jun 28 '22 edited Jun 28 '22

UGH. As an American, it makes me queasy to hear that so much of what happens here affects so much more of the world than even just Canada/Mexico. It’s nauseating to watch the rest of the world make a U.S. presidential election their top headline. I realize the pedestal is crumbling, but (rhetorical question) why was this silly country on it to begin with?? Tired of being Team America: World Police and all the other economic, militaristic, globalization garbage. I love my country (live in a blue state right next to a red state) but lately I don’t like it very much at all.

EDIT: YAAAAYYYY!!! I got a bunch of MISOGYNISTIC REPLIES that are invisible on this post - thanks be to the mods and the non-coven response rules! Just come at me, malevolent d*ck owners -

→ More replies

32

u/ruuster13 Jun 28 '22

The same cancer - Facebook - has been spreading worldwide. We (USA) are usually just the first domino. Buckle up.

70

u/jesst Jun 28 '22 edited Jun 28 '22

I am an American living in London. My psychiatrist yesterday expressed how upset and confused he was by the ruling.

Edit: whoever triggered the “Reddit cares” message I have ADHD and I have to get my meds checked up on. Not everyone who sees a psychiatrist is depressed.

→ More replies
→ More replies

498

u/Shanisasha Jun 28 '22

Heck my husband is effing terrified for our kids. He’s been raging right along with me.

I don’t understand how men don’t care about the women they claim to love

323

u/TurritopsisJellyfish Jun 28 '22

My guess is that they have weird ideas about the kind of foolish harlots that get abortions and that their sister/wife/daughter is not like that, so it won't affect them.

194

u/Shanisasha Jun 28 '22

Until you got to a 9 w ultrasound with a smile to be told it’s a molar pregnancy.

217

u/TurritopsisJellyfish Jun 28 '22

Or a bleeding ectopic that still has a heartbeat.

154

u/confusedonthecouch Jun 28 '22

That's a death sentence in a lot of states now.

→ More replies
→ More replies

46

u/Alice_Oe Jun 29 '22 edited Jun 29 '22

I HATE how so many people have no idea how human reproduction actually works. Apparently they think Jesus blessed them so everything is guaranteed to be fine and dandy or something. The US really needs better sex ed!!

'Life begins at conception' is probably the stupidest damn slogan I've ever heard in my life. That would literally make most women murderers - early miscarriage is the norm rather than the exception after all, human reproduction is really damned hard and complicated.

The actual, real question isn't how these people feel about abortion itself, but whether they are prepared to persecute their sisters, daughters, partners etc. for 5 years, 10 years, life, merely for being alive and female!! Abortions happen whether they are legal or not, we already know this. Miscarriages can now be investigated as criminal offenses too, and we all know women ARE going to end up in prison because of this. Women are going to die. That is the direct result of these policies they are pushing.

And that says it all, doesn't it? Misogynistic assholes the lot of them.

→ More replies
→ More replies

148

u/FlorencePants Sapphic Witch ♀ Jun 28 '22

They've been conditioned to view women as less like actual people and more like pets you can fuck.

Sure, you want to take care of your pet and keep them healthy, but you don't exactly ask for their opinion before making decisions about their body.

Disgusting as it is, that's basically how they see it, whether they'd admit it or not.

34

u/badly_behaved Sapphic Witch ♀ Jun 29 '22

I heard someone use the phrase "sexy livestock" the other day for the 1st time, and idk if it's newly coined, or if I've somehow missed it all this time, but I have rarely been so horrified by the grim accuracy of a particular turn of phrase.

→ More replies
→ More replies

138

u/undeadbydawn Scottish Forest Witch ♀♂️☉⚧ Jun 28 '22

watching the US Religious Right take over is completely fucking wild.

Even here in Scotland, where abortion is just an accepted thing that happens and we literally give women their products for free, there are dark rumblings about a few SNP (ruling party) members who are becoming more vocally forced-birth.

We absolutely, categorically cannot let this be accepted as a new Western standard. If that fight is going to come here, I'll be right there on the front line.

36

u/TurritopsisJellyfish Jun 28 '22

We cannot. I hope they're voted out of parliament for such appalling views.

52

u/undeadbydawn Scottish Forest Witch ♀♂️☉⚧ Jun 28 '22

The Scotland sub has recently been flooded with people condemning them, so I have some confidence that anyone openly suggesting we follow their example will be very rapidly shown the door.

Green MSP Gillian Mackay (who, by delightful coincidence, I used to work with) has proposed a member Bill for safe zones around abortion providers

I'll be writing to my own MP and MSP over the next few days for assurances that policy will continue to guarantee womens rights and, if anything, expand them

→ More replies
→ More replies

87

u/mmts333 Jun 28 '22

Cuz as sad as it is that this is real, for some cis het men dating someone isn’t about the women but other men. It’s performative to other men. If they cared and loves their partners as they say they do, our pleasure would matter and our pain would matter. It’s not a always a conscious malicious effort, but so much about being in relationships for these men are about fitting into a normativity box as well as showing to other men that they are desired by women. It’s not always about love or care or compassion. Some men even if they arent actively spewing sexist shit all of the time, don’t get how so much of their behavior is rooted in toxic masculinity and their desire for approval from other men. It’s not that all of those men don’t care at all about women (tho I be a large amount of them don’t) but what impacts women are very low on their priority list. Being in a relationship for many of these men are free access to sex and the ability to tell other men that they have a girlfriend/wife. Also Safety privilege does make them unaware to things cuz they have never lived with any of these fears. It’s no different than a white person not fully understanding a black person’s plight/struggles. Also let’s be real the bar is so low for cis het men. Like they do bare minimum to not be considered a horrible human.

→ More replies

83

u/alwaysforgettingmyun Jun 28 '22

Yesterday my partner gave someone the impression he didn't care because when it came up he said something like "I'm not having this conversation, it'll turn into an argument" and looked at me while he excused himself from the discussion. So I got to explain that we'd end up arguing because he's ready to full on start violent action about it and I don't want him killed for trying to assassinate scotus. We don't disagree on the issue, just on solutions.

→ More replies

78

u/kindrex89 Literary Witch ♀ Jun 28 '22

I’m American, but my boyfriend is English and currently lives in Australia. He called to wake me the morning of Roe v Wade being overturned because he wanted me to hear it from him rather than find out by myself. He said I shouldn’t have to feel alone when finding out what happened, and he was almost more angry/upset than I was. I feel very fortunate to have him as my partner.

→ More replies

289

u/nickelchrome2112 Jun 28 '22 Silver

The simple answer to your question is: education. We’ve been taught in the USA that it is a woman’s responsibility… so if we get pregnant we made bad choices. Even without ever having been pregnant - just watching how past partners reacted to the possibility, after a late period and their relief with a negative test - they are all used to us doing all the emotional labor since they were born. They were raised by women who believed that too, how could they learn otherwise? It’s maddening, but I read a great book that brought me some peace years ago: Les Enfants de Jocaste - no idea 🤷‍♀️ if it exists in English.

93

u/TurritopsisJellyfish Jun 28 '22

That is really sad. That would explain some of the weird "if women keep their legs closed" rhetoric I hear some GOP politicians spew.

144

u/Super-Diver-1585 Jun 28 '22

The goal is not to save the lives of fetuses, it's to punish women for having sex. If it were about fetuses it would also be about supporting new parents in giving them the best care after birth. Parental leave, affordable child care, quality schools, free, high quality lactation consultant access, rules to ensure enough infant formula...this would all be part of the change if it were actually about saving fetuses.

60

u/Should_be_less Jun 28 '22

Yes! You can hear it in the arguments made by most anti-abortion conservatives, especially the ones who don’t otherwise care much about social welfare. Their concern isn’t fetuses, it’s that some unarticulated aspect of civilized society depends on sex being dangerous for women.

Catholicism and many other conservative religions really emphasize fear and guilt as the only methods by which a person can control their behavior to live a good life. So the idea that we could simply make something less dangerous and then have no reason to fear it is terrifying, because in their heads that fear is the only thing keeping themselves and everyone else from turning into amoral animals.

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

31

u/SwimmingPineapple197 Jun 28 '22

Thanks for the book tip. I’m going to have to see if I can find a copy in English. It sounds interesting. It also reminds me of the first psychiatrist I ever saw. Going to date myself here, but back when you had to see a psychiatrist for antidepressants, the one I saw turned out to be. Freudian. I asked him about adjusting or changing a medication and he responded with a rant about how he couldn’t help me any further since my real problem was my mother’s penis envy and since I was his patient, not her, there was nothing he could do. Then again, it also reminds me of how many new illnesses have been added to the DSM that are specific to women.

On a different note, do you ever catch The Daily Show with Trevor Noah? One of the clips they uploaded this morning is called “Vasectomies: a snip in the right direction” and it talks about the subject of how men have long shirked responsibility for birth control and resultant pregnancy - and how easily they could take some of that responsibility off of women. It even hits at a few common myths about vasectomy.

→ More replies

63

u/BabserellaWT Jun 28 '22

I commented here the other day that my husband came home and openly wept, he was so angry and upset and felt so helpless.

→ More replies

159

u/DJTinyPrecious Jun 28 '22

My (male) partner immediately started posting support and information posts on all his social media at the ruling, arguing with people in comments sections, and asked if there was a protest we should go to when he got home from work. We are born and raised and reside in Canada, and I had a hysterectomy 5 years ago. As much as he annoys the shit out of me and I could strangle him at times, he really is a good one. Gotta go hug him tonight.

→ More replies

51

u/AvaireBD Jun 28 '22

My personal favorite is all the men that equated this devastating blow to women's healthcare, bodily autonomy, and fundamental rights to the 40% of single fathers that actually pay child support.

Honest to god, men, cheering Roe v Wade being repealed so now we get to know what it's like to pay child support. Because you know, the physical toll and lifelong side effects of carrying a child full term, delivering it plus the 18 years of raising it, the physical, mental, emotional, and financial burden, all equate to the fact that some fathers pay child support.

→ More replies

45

u/[deleted] Jun 28 '22 edited Jun 29 '22

[deleted]

19

u/TurritopsisJellyfish Jun 28 '22

I am really sad to hear that. It sounds very lonely and demoralizing. I am glad that you have your husband and friends. I wish the best for you and any person you care about with a uterus.

→ More replies

49

u/Hard_Corsair Jun 28 '22

How do some men not manage to muster the slightest bit of empathy for other human beings, much less their partners?

It doesn’t even require empathy! Even the most self-centered psychopath male should be outraged that his easiest way out of getting burdened with child support is under attack.

39

u/TurritopsisJellyfish Jun 28 '22

Some people are cruel, some are really stupid and some are both.

→ More replies
→ More replies

122

u/Fairwhetherfriend Jun 28 '22

I know right?! The day it happened, my husband said something like "I know it's not really my place, but I get why you're having a hard time, because I'm upset by this too." And when I asked him what he meant by it not being his place, he said because he doesn't have a uterus so he's not really directly affected. And I was like "I'm not American, I'm not directly affected either. So that doesn't really matter, we'e both just humans having empathy for other humans."

I realized a bit later this was his way of telling me that he felt I should basically get "dibs" on being comforted by him instead of the other way around because I probably feel even more strongly than he does, but at the time I was so confused, lol.

40

u/Rapunzel10 Jun 28 '22

My boyfriend said something similar. He's like "I know this doesn't directly impact me so I know you're gonna be more upset but I'm still really fucking mad." And I'm like yeah because you're a sane human being. We live in a state that protects my rights (for now) but we're both furious and heartbroken for the folks that don't have that "luxury." He was trying to convey the same thing, feeling like he should be the one to comfort me not the other way around. But its a distressing thing to watch people who are being traumatized or killed regardless of who you are. Or at least it should be.

One Supreme Court Justice also said they need to "revisit" the case that granted the right for same sex marriage because it was based on Roe v Wade. I'm bi and my boyfriend is straight so he said the same thing about that, that he should be comforting me because those are "my people" even though I don't directly need that right. And yeah maybe I'm more in tune with the community and their successes or letdowns but anyone should be upset.

You can be devastated that others are suffering without being tied to them in some way. It's called empathy, it's a good thing. You're not stepping on other people when you feel upset. Just don't talk over them and you're fine

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

1.2k

u/[deleted] Jun 28 '22 Helpful Wholesome Take My Energy

[deleted]

263

u/SnooOwls7978 Jun 28 '22

You've found out the truth about them. Power to you 🧡

→ More replies

41

u/pinkfleurhappiness Jun 28 '22

I'm joining you. I have been having one hard look at my life and choices in what I allow and this ain't it chief.

154

u/Defiant_Project1321 Jun 28 '22

Good for you! Better to let go of 7 years and have a happy rest of your life than spend your life with less than you deserve, wondering if you could have been happier.

122

u/[deleted] Jun 28 '22

[deleted]

→ More replies

23

u/VauxhallandI Jun 28 '22

You are such a badass for finding your voice. I hope you continue to own your body, your space, and your life.

→ More replies

229

u/CrabHeavy1818 Jun 28 '22

As a married man with two daughters I am 100% buying into what my wife and the women around me are saying. What right do I have as a man to disagree with the women I love and respect about this?

Edit to add that I do agree with them in my witchy little heart, I’m not just nodding like a bobblehead. What I’m doing is listening, processing, and supporting.

My wife is ready to attend some protests and I will be right beside her.

→ More replies

189

u/yildizli_gece Jun 28 '22

Pro-tip to all the guys posting about "mad GFs": if your GF having emotions about being reduced to breeding chattel in the eyes of the government is too much for you to handle, then please break up with her and let her find someone who doesn't have the emotional IQ of a witless dishcloth.

→ More replies

1.4k

u/claireisabell Jun 28 '22

Tell you're a shitty boyfriend without telling me you're a shitty boyfriend.

My sister is mad as hell about this ruling, you know who she's not mad at- her husband because he's not shitty like those dudes complaining about their girlfriends. I'd go odds they don't like wearing condoms and think pulling out is good enough.

357

u/JaqOfAll Jun 28 '22

Exactly!! I'm angry with the Scotus, not my husband. My husband (a quiet man) is RAGING over this horrific ruling as much as I am. He also had a vasectomy a few years ago because he cared about me not putting my body through more struggle and knew we both had responsibilities in our fertility.

Folks, do NOT settle for someone who doesn't respect you or your rights! It's a partnership or it isn't!

99

u/Hoihe Geek Witch ♀ Jun 28 '22

I never got people who had romantic partners that supported opposing policies and beliefs.

Like, there is diversity of opinion and there is being fighting againdt each other.

→ More replies

281

u/_frozengrapes Literary Witch ♀♂️☉⚧ Jun 28 '22

I hope their girlfriends leave their sorry, emotionally stunted asses.

→ More replies
→ More replies

136

u/Radiant-Exchange3038 Jun 28 '22

Women don’t get “angry for no reason” at their partners any more than they get “crazy” all by themselves.

They tend to have help, in both situations.

65

u/RedRider1138 Jun 28 '22

I think men consider most if not all female anger to be ‘unreasonable’.

They’re wrong.

Women are entitled to their anger, and need to growl at men “I don’t give a fuck what you think.” more often. Like, almost constantly.

→ More replies

126

u/ZippingAround Jun 28 '22

I was snippy with my man Saturday morning and then broke down crying when I realized that I was feeling resentful of the potential power imbalance that could come from this. Then I hugged him all afternoon because even if I lose all my rights and he has the power to make decisions for me (worst case scenario obviously), he’ll always do the right thing, and so many women don’t have that. It’s been a fucking rollercoaster and he is a good man, I wouldn’t be with him if I couldn’t trust him that much.

→ More replies

374

u/kayt3000 Jun 28 '22

My husband said he almost threw up when he saw what happened. We have gone though miscarriages and he knows the pain of having the go though that process. It isn’t easy on anyone involved. We also are not sure if after this pregnancy (finally we have a healthy pregnancy after years of trying) if we should try again or not. As much as we would love to have another kiddo we know the risk is too high for complications. He said he can’t risk losing me.

→ More replies

773

u/adawhesker Jun 28 '22

Thank you. I am one of these women.

184

u/_frozengrapes Literary Witch ♀♂️☉⚧ Jun 28 '22

I hope he can be reasoned with.

74

u/RecommendationIll559 Science Witch ♀ Jun 28 '22

Same. When I first learned what happened, I texted him saying we “need to get out of this fucking country,” out of frustration, to which he agreed. However, after picking me up from work, he kept changing the subject when I tried talking about it and even joked at one point “that I’m not in charge of my body anymore.” I was despondent for most of the weekend, and he didn’t even say anything. I don’t know what the fuck is going on with him because he’s not typically like this, but it’s pissing me off.

37

u/RedRider1138 Jun 28 '22

That is not a fucking joke!! What the actual hell??

→ More replies

16

u/th3n3w3ston3 Jun 29 '22

I would have had him stop the car and walked off for that "joke". That's not a joke.

→ More replies

620

u/No_Banana_581 Jun 28 '22

I’m also one of these women. I can’t even look at my husband or sit near him bc he has still not said a word not one word. I’m not bringing it up. I have twice in the form of a comment about how I’m feeling and there was silence so now I’m silent. I don’t know how this is going to play out.

446

u/handsoffmyunderwear Science Witch ☉ Jun 28 '22

Mine told me not to worry because it won't affect me in my state (which depends on the next election mind you). Also, it didn't ban abortion, it just turned it back to the states. Grrrr!!!

137

u/No_Banana_581 Jun 28 '22

Yeah I’m in Delaware but it means nothing. If the republicans win the mid term elections they will get rid of the filibuster and make abortion illegal nationwide. This could all happen in November. If that doesn’t happen it does not mean we’re not affected. We have empathy ffs. We already have subpar woman’s healthcare now the 26 states will put immense pressure on the 24 states to help women medically. It affects all of us. Not to mention none of us have medical privacy anymore. That argument is so nearsighted and making it worse for everyone. I know how you feel.

→ More replies

270

u/Spirited-Safety-Lass Jun 28 '22

I have a female friend who informed me it’s not a big deal because the Supreme Court never had any business making the original decision and really it’s a states rights situation so the decision is now where it should be.

Nope. It’s a personal rights decision. If a bunch of religious zealots can still make decisions based on their morals and control issues that affect my personal health, it’s not an issue anyone should decide other than me and my doctor. That’s what the SCOTUS did by taking it away from the states.

I’m so angry… and it’s leaking all over the place. Thank goodness my boyfriend is livid as well.

234

u/lumathiel2 Jun 28 '22

I hate that states rights shit so much those states is why Roe V Wade was NEEDED IN THE FIRST PLACE

It was protection FROM the states I just can't

166

u/TheDameWithoutASmile Jun 28 '22

The states had to be told to stop trampling over black people's rights.

I think people forget that. If the states are denying their citizens rights, then it is the duty and moral obligation of the federal government to step in.

→ More replies
→ More replies

76

u/yildizli_gece Jun 28 '22

Your female friend is a daft [blank].

Human rights should not be left up to zealous politicians; wtf is she thinking? Does she think slavery should also have been left to states?

Because forcing girls/women to be breeding chattel--and going so far as to charge them with a felony if they leave the state to get services elsewhere--is akin to keeping them enslaved within the state, unable to flee.

I would re-evaluate that friendship; I don't think I could deal with someone that ignorant.

→ More replies

100

u/handsoffmyunderwear Science Witch ☉ Jun 28 '22

The ONLY argument against Roe that I will accept is the same one RGB made, that it was made on "shaky" legal grounds and basically, the court should have been more solid in its opinion. I don't necessarily agree with that conclusion, but I'll accept it. They aren't arguing morality or human rights, just the technicalities of law.

Unfortunately, weight should have been given to all the cases that relied on this precedent. Now, I personally don't agree that it was bad law. Base it in BA, or privacy, I don't care...both are rights given to us by the constitution. But, by removing this foundation, it has shaken everything all the way to the top of the tree. THAT is bad fucking law. Overturning 50 years of "settled law" for your personal beliefs is an egregious violation of the court's duty.

It's also a major failure on the part of our legislators. This should have been codified a LONG TIME AGO. We were failed by everyone in government since the 70s. There's enough blame to go around and I got ZERO problem spreading it.

But I digress...sure, I'm all for states rights. Nfp. Except when it comes to constitution and basic human rights.....THAT shouldn't be up for debate no matter what part of the country you're in!

40

u/kosandeffect Geek Witch ☉ Jun 28 '22

The best argument I've seen for it with my admittedly limited knowledge of constitutional law is tying it to the 13th amendment. Forcing a pregnancy and parenthood could be easily argued it seems to me to be involuntary servitude. Making someone endure the life threatening work of carrying a baby to term when they don't want to seems like an easy argument for involuntary servitude.

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

83

u/Radiant-Exchange3038 Jun 28 '22 edited Jun 29 '22

It’s messed up that’s women’s body autonomy, consent and equality would get “turned over to the states.” Like why even are our rights getting bandied about like a badminton ball? Why is that even happening? That’s not better, or even acceptable!

What if men had to relinquish control to the government of something life-changing and pertaining to control of their own bodies? Wait a minute, nothing like that would even be considered, not for a second.

31

u/handsoffmyunderwear Science Witch ☉ Jun 28 '22

Indeed. Generally speaking, im a supporter of keeping most laws up to the states, but human rights are NOT up for debate!! That's exactly what the federal govt was supposed to be...the authority that made sure the states followed the constitution and nothing else. They've failed fucking miserably.

Shit, if men were the ones who got pregnant there'd be an abortion clinic on every corner. And PL can say what they want, they know it's true too. If they were the ones who pushed babies out of their dicks the PL movement wouldn't even exist. There would be no restrictions, no questions, and it would be included in insurance, too! Just like ED meds and procedures are covered...but if a woman has sexual or pelvic floor dysfunction, or she's lost muscle tone/contraction, your options are "do kegels" or cough up 5k+ for "cosmetic" surgery!!!

→ More replies
→ More replies

56

u/bluesky747 Jun 28 '22

Mine said this a couple weeks ago when I was talking about being scared this would happen. He said don’t worry cause it probably won’t happen and even if it does, we’re in NY so we’ll be fine. Fucking still salty about that comment. He acts like he’s an ally for women but then pulls that shit?

45

u/handsoffmyunderwear Science Witch ☉ Jun 28 '22

I knew the second ACB was appointed Roe's days were numbered. And I got the same response, "That won't happen..." 🤬🤬

The thing that really makes me mad, is that we've had many conversations about how stupid people are for letting the govt get away with shit because they don't care until it affects them personally...but now you're gona say "Who cares, it's not us??" WTF!

Unfortunately, men will just never truly understand. They can't. They can sympathize...but not empathize. And some are better at that than others.

→ More replies
→ More replies

114

u/LadyMorgan2018 Jun 28 '22

It will affect you. I work in reproductive care in a uterus-friendly state. We are being inundated with patients from forced birth states. This completely affects your access to timely care. We are booked two months out already.

37

u/handsoffmyunderwear Science Witch ☉ Jun 28 '22

Don't I know it. The closest place abortion will be legal in a 6 state area is going to be NY if PA bans it. How the hell is NY going to possibly handle that influx???

42

u/LadyMorgan2018 Jun 28 '22

CT and MD are expanding access to allow nurse midwives and physicians assistants to perform abortions. Forced birth state providers are talking about relocating to the uterus friendly states to contine the work. Luckily, the majority of abortions can be done through medicine, which is currently being protected through the FDA.

20

u/handsoffmyunderwear Science Witch ☉ Jun 28 '22

I think expanding the providers that can perform abortions is definitely the right move. It won't solve all the supply-demand problems, but it will help a lot! Especially for those too far along for MA.

→ More replies
→ More replies

184

u/Exotic-Huckleberry Geek Witch ♀ Jun 28 '22

In my experience, men love to fix things. My BIL keeps focusing on, “Sister won’t get pregnant, and we can afford to travel if nieces do,” and is struggling to get that we’re upset because we’re now legally second class citizens.

BIL is a great guy. We took him from a staunch, Reagan conservative, to voting for Biden, over the last 20 years. He’s really shifted his thinking, and he never voted for Trump.

Regardless, he’s struggling to get this because all he knows is privilege. He’s a white, cis, straight guy with no disabilities. He makes good money, is well educated, and is kind of Catholic (by birth, but not a religious minority). I think it’s easier for someone who is oppressed in one arena to understand why someone is upset even if something doesn’t impact them. Not impossible, just harder.

ETA: to be clear, he keeps acknowledging our anger, stating he agrees, and he’s not trying to minimize or getting upset that this is basically the only topic of discussion. It’s just that after agreeing with us, he’s focusing on the pragmatic side of it.

56

u/handsoffmyunderwear Science Witch ☉ Jun 28 '22

I think you're right. He probably just thinks he's helping you "look on the bright" side and doesn't mean to be dismissive...even though it can definitely come off that way.

→ More replies

91

u/allaboutcats91 Jun 28 '22

It sounds like he’s trying to comfort everyone and doing it completely incorrectly.

→ More replies

96

u/bRandom81 Jun 28 '22

Sounds like he’s learned to parrot the Fox News talking points

92

u/handsoffmyunderwear Science Witch ☉ Jun 28 '22

Honestly I think since it will never happen to him he doesn't give it much thought. He's never been homeless. He's never struggled to hold a job or feed his kids. He's never ripped his dick in half pushing out a 10 lb bowling ball. So it just doesn't seem like a big deal to him.

He told me women can just travel to another state to have it done. That kind of thinking comes from a place of privilege. You've always done well for yourself, so you just assume everyone can do it too.

18

u/carennie_noturwench Mercenary Witch ♀ Jun 28 '22

This.

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

155

u/_frozengrapes Literary Witch ♀♂️☉⚧ Jun 28 '22

I’m sorry to hear that he’s being so apathetic!! I’m angry for you, I really am.

216

u/No_Banana_581 Jun 28 '22

Thank you. I’m angry for all of us too. I’m 50 so I cannot get pregnant but I still feel so incredibly infuriated that I’m seen as a third class citizen and we have a 19 yr old daughter, she’s scared. He’s leaving all that emotional labor up to me too. She needs to talk w us both. She needs ti know her dad is on her side. I don’t know if he thinks he’s giving us space or he can’t deal w it. I’m thankful for this sub that’s for sure.

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

281

u/BonBoogies Feed them to the gremlins 🔥 Jun 28 '22

“All it means is it’s up to the states now”

Oh… so instead of being federally recognized as having rights inherent to my personhood, it’s just up to states to decide whether I’m a whole ass human being or not? That’s it??!? 🤨

Strangely it doesn’t make me feel better, or make me like the person saying that any more. But I’m so glad they have the privilege of being Libertarian because the states aren’t going to potentially take away any of their rights.

97

u/rngdngdgtydngddng future crone Jun 28 '22

If it’s not a protected right in all 50 states, it’s not a right of American citizenship and that should make everyone so angry.

I live in a very blue state. It upsets me to the core that other people can’t or don’t.

→ More replies
→ More replies

88

u/ThrowRADel Jun 28 '22

I do wonder whether the point of this was the mass disenfranchisement of Democratic-voting women by turning them into felons. I am so disheartened by everything.

→ More replies

84

u/undeadbydawn Scottish Forest Witch ♀♂️☉⚧ Jun 28 '22

If your bf doesn't understand why half the population losing a constitutional right to (checks notes) control their own body is profoundly upsetting, he needs to be your ex bf.

- signed, a cis-male with a vasectomy

→ More replies

499

u/nixiedust Jun 28 '22

It's your life, but WHY would you stay with a man who was upset because you showed distress over LOSING YOUR FUNDAMENTAL RIGHTS?

We don't need these men. Your kids don't need these men. You have attached to yourself to a misogynist who has just shown his true colors. Free yourself!!

107

u/HoneydewSorry7141 Jun 28 '22

Literally this. If they are not 100% on our side, they're no better than the enemy. I wish so badly that women would collectively raise their standards and start kicking these awful men out of our lives.

→ More replies
→ More replies

176

u/Chocoholic42 Jun 28 '22

The men in my life are being very supportive. One of them was saying he's worried about ObyGyns fleeing the state, leaving women without needed healthcare. He 109% supports me rushing to get an IUD. My roommate, a guy, offered to come with me when I have my IUD inserted. He won't come in the room during the procedure, but he offered to take time off work to get me home safely.

Then there are men like my father who are celebrating. Ladies, every anti-choice man I have ever met has turned out to be an abuser. If a guy doesn't care or is celebrating, run! And do not, under any circumstances, have sex with such men. They deserve to be permanent incels.

→ More replies

140

u/Clownsinmypantz Jun 28 '22

If you are confused about why your GF is mad about things like this, you are choosing to "be confused".

49

u/weedysexdragon Jun 28 '22

No. They think you’re one of the good ones. They’re confused that you have an issue with it at all. They assumed you were cool.

48

u/Preachingsarcasm Jun 28 '22

They thought you weren't like the other girls😔

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

269

u/p0wdrdt0astman4 Jun 28 '22

As a guy, I'm beyond angry. I'm fucking L I V I D that my daughter and my wife have had rights stripped away from them. I'm beyond angry at the fact that in America we are now letting a vocal minority run shit... because reasons? I'm losing hope for America. If the true majority doesn't step up, show up, and fucking VOTE THESE ASSHOLES OUT the future of my country looks bleak.

81

u/KamaroMike Jun 28 '22

I feel you. I just don't understand some people. My own mother supported the overturning of RvW and the second she told me I felt sick. I didn't know until after the fact, after I posted about my disbelief. Now she is angry at me for refusing to speak to her. She acts like it's a simple disagreement like we are fighting over what's for dinner... which makes me even more angry. I have no words for her. I am afraid for my friends, my sister and myself. This is a dangerous and terrifying precedent for everyone. They don't even know it.

22

u/b3polite Jun 28 '22

I'm in a really similar boat and it's really hard. I can't stop having fights in my head with her that will never happen because she's too closed-minded to have discourse with and get anywhere. I'm sad as hell and just really wish she were a woman I could look to for guidance on all of this.

→ More replies
→ More replies

42

u/Foreign_Astronaut Jun 28 '22

Except in my state, we are gerrymandered so we CAN'T vote them out. I don't know what to do.

→ More replies

76

u/_frozengrapes Literary Witch ♀♂️☉⚧ Jun 28 '22

You have no idea how heartening your reaction is, especially after seeing most of the men in my life act completely disinterested

→ More replies
→ More replies

127

u/LowOvergrowth Jun 28 '22

My normally very, very empathetic husband told me to—and I quote—“calm down” yesterday when I learned of the apparent tampon shortage that’s going on. (I start my period soon-ish.)

Given how angry that made me, I can scarcely imagine how irate I would be if we weren’t equally appalled by Roe’s overturn.

→ More replies

108

u/[deleted] Jun 28 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

→ More replies

108

u/unkomisete Science Witch ♀ Jun 28 '22 edited Jun 28 '22

Those guys can't be that stupid.

This is like if the government targeted black people AGAIN and stripped all their rights away AGAIN and you have some idiot man of English descent wondering why their black girlfriend is upset. As if her expectation for rights is ludicrous and the stripping of them was no big deal in the first place.

If they're not actively with us, they're against us. This isn't an issue they can sit out. It says something insidious about them.

They've reduced us to breeding stock AGAIN and no one is reacting at all... I guess us women and our lives don't matter.

No one will take us seriously unless we give them serious repercussions. We need to fight back, not adapt.

→ More replies

112

u/kwdubz Jun 28 '22

I will continue to be mad at men until they come up with a solution other than "Oh I'll just get a vasectomy so I can still get laid"

→ More replies

459

u/Sofiwyn Jun 28 '22 edited Jun 28 '22 Helpful Bravo! Starry Helpful (Pro)

Every decent man I know has expressed sympathy. I am not dating them and they have basic empathy.

Any woman dating a man who doesn't give a shit really needs to take a good long look at herself in the mirror and ask herself what her priorities are in dating, and whether she's being respectful to herself with the people she chooses to date.

I'm at the point where I have no patience or sympathy for women who choose to yoke themselves to men who can't do the bare minimum. Why would you ever be intimate physically and emotionally with someone who doesn't care about you??

My ancestors would have killed (and probably did kill) for the opportunity to get rid of their horrible spouses and just be single, I don't understand why women today in America tolerate partners that worsen their life instead of improve it.

181

u/joantheunicorn Jun 28 '22

I was at a market on Saturday wearing my "Abortion is Normal" button because I'm gonna wear that thing everywhere. The young man at the checkout let me know that he supports me and other women, and he hopes things will get better, even though they are really bad right now. He was genuine. It was really nice to get verbal support from a stranger who is male. I have more of the buttons so I gave him one to wear or to give to a friend.

→ More replies
→ More replies

91

u/qneonkitty Jun 28 '22

I was angry too, even though my husband is pretty much the best ever. I don't think I could stand to be around a partner who is any less than a complete ally.

My husband made a donation to an abortion fund the day of the leak, wrote to our representatives that same day even before I did, and he ordered one of those snake-uterus garden flags for our front yard (and even scheduled a consult for a vasectomy yesterday without me asking!).

But even with him doing absolutely everything right, I felt helplessly alone in my visceral rage. It just feels like there is a divide that isn't his fault anymore than it is mine, but the reality is that I have to come to terms with living in a country where people like me are now subhuman in the eyes of the law, and he doesn't.

306

u/InkStinkPurple_ Jun 28 '22

My husband said “What rights? It’s not in the constitution. Guns are a right!” I’m having trouble looking at him the same. I also found out he’s pro-life a few months ago, but he’s also anti-fostering/adoption because they aren’t blood. I’m…. Adopted….

152

u/carennie_noturwench Mercenary Witch ♀ Jun 28 '22

This actually made me tear up. Dammit - please, my beloved sister, please please do whatever is best for you. Sending you all the strength and support -

347

u/thruwuwayy Jun 28 '22

Girl leave him.

108

u/WestCoastBestCoast01 Jun 28 '22

I saw a comment that put this whole thing with crappy men on blast: is THIS the man you want making choices for you if we lose more rights as women?

30

u/victoriaa- Jun 28 '22

That is REALLY well said.

→ More replies

59

u/Specific_Cow_Parts Jun 28 '22

I'm sorry your husband is behaving this way, it must be really heartbreaking to discover that he isn't the man you thought he was. Let us know if there's anything we can do to help you get to a place where you can leave, everyone deserves to feel safe and respected. ❤️

62

u/poeticdisaster Jun 28 '22

He does not deserve to call you his wife.

54

u/ryetoasty Jun 28 '22

Why are you still with this person? It sounds as though you have compromised parts of who you are

44

u/AnEpicHibiscus Jun 28 '22

Yikes.. I’m so sorry.. Do wants right for your life.. But I’d leave if I were in that position with a partner.

He can make love to his guns if he respects them so much.

176

u/_frozengrapes Literary Witch ♀♂️☉⚧ Jun 28 '22

Men like this make me so angry I want to vomit out my bowels. Dump him

99

u/girlywish Jun 28 '22

Uhhh wow get the hell out of there

→ More replies

87

u/blumoon138 Jun 28 '22

Man fuck your terrible terrible husband.

79

u/that_punk_diabetic Trans Artist Witch ♂️ Jun 28 '22

Lets actually not fuck him

55

u/blumoon138 Jun 28 '22

Yeah nobody should fuck that douche ever again.

→ More replies

85

u/violette_witch Jun 28 '22

If you don’t leave him, at the very least stop having sex with him. He’s willing to put your life in danger, how can you trust him?

27

u/SayHelloToAlison Gender Witch ♀ Jun 28 '22

Dude you can't be with someone who doesn't support your particular human condition on that many levels.

→ More replies

217

u/katieleehaw Jun 28 '22

I will admit that I am extremely angry, and that anger is bleeding over into interactions with my partner - not because he's to blame or isn't being supportive - just because the feelings are so strong and so visceral that I can't shut them down or shut them out and it's very obvious that I have been upset all day and all night since Friday.

My rage is clear, visual, and obvious, and it's impacting my surroundings.

65

u/_frozengrapes Literary Witch ♀♂️☉⚧ Jun 28 '22

It’s great to hear that he’s been supportive. Im sorry, and I feel very much the same way you do

→ More replies

235

u/liyote Jun 28 '22

I told my partner (who’s sympathetic but can anyone without a uterus truly understand?) I’m mad at anyone who isn’t mad.

151

u/Ocbard Watchful Giant Jun 28 '22

but can anyone without a uterus truly understand?

They should, this is far past uterus or no uterus, this is HUMAN RIGHTS. This is about making a group of people less than full citizens, back to the Roman empire where the legal status of a woman in a family was that of a daughter to her husband. It's setting people up to FUCKING DIE by preventing them necessary medical care!

Do these assholes not care if you live or die? I care, I'm angry, and most of all I'm very, very worried. I'm worried for the world my daughters are going to be adults in. As if it weren't bad enough with the climate going down the drain these jerks find it necessary to try and cause people grief, make human overpopulation worse, and destroy peoples lives for little more than to feed their power fantasy. I think that even if I did not have a wife, or daughters, that I would still care just the same. But of course my daughters make it personal. One will soon start studying in a field that will probably some day make her want to work in the US and I don't want her to go there...

→ More replies

201

u/_frozengrapes Literary Witch ♀♂️☉⚧ Jun 28 '22

Right? At this point “moderate” and “apolitical” just translate to “I don’t care about your human rights”

83

u/Puzzleheaded-Bat8890 Literary Witch ♂️ Jun 28 '22

More like “I’m gonna pretend to care about your rights when I’m actually just about public reception”.

78

u/Fairwhetherfriend Jun 28 '22

can anyone without a uterus truly understand?

Sure they can. It's not that hard to grasp why "you don't have a right to decide who gets to use your organs" is pretty fucked up. Anyone who pretends otherwise is a liar.

16

u/Nihil_esque Science Witch ⚧♂️ Jun 28 '22

Yeah. I've never been pregnant in my life ever, and I'm not sure my uterus is that helpful in imagining why being forced to carry an unwanted pregnancy is a truly awful thing to have to experience. I'm pretty sure I could understand it just as well without that bit.

→ More replies

28

u/Kansai_Lai Geek Witch ♀ Jun 28 '22

My husband didn't show much emotion when it was announced or when he got home. But he works in a politically charged atmosphere, so I understand not wanting to talk about things we know and agree on. But I still know he's concerned about it. For starters, 1) after our second child, he got a vasectomy. We agreed we were done and he felt it was better he get it done rather than me go back on birth control 2) before I got pregnant, we'd discussed the what-ifs that could happen, doing it while we were clear headed. When the question of what to do if something goes horribly wrong and abortion is on the table came up, he simply said he'd defer to me. I told him if my life were at risk or the fetus non viable, I'd abort. And he still stood behind me. We're fortunate in that such a decision never came up, but it was good to know he understood and respected my autonomy.

→ More replies

27

u/Ishmael75 Witch ♂️ Jun 28 '22

But I’m a big special boy and I can’t do any wrong & my opinions are facts. It must be that she’s crazy /s

I feel like I’m smashing my head against a wall when I’m talking to about half the men I know. If it’s this damn frustrating as a cis hetero guy I can’t imagine what it’s like for non cis hetero people.

→ More replies

28

u/Alternative-Cry-3517 Jun 28 '22

Oh hell yes. Apathy is cowardice.

30

u/Tenebris369 Jun 28 '22

Hi there.

So, yes, I've definitely seen that happen on here SO MUCH or better situations (literally) - said GF breaking up with the boyfriend because he thinks that law is "fine" and "there is nothing wrong with it" because "it doesn't affect them". So, I'm glad some of these dudes are getting a break up, honestly. This law just showed how many assholes we have in our society. It sucks.

But, listen, at least in Europe, I can tell you...we are all fucking heart broken about this, we are scandalized, we cannot believe this shit. We just wanna take the Americans who were negatively affected by this and just adopt them and give them all the rights they deserve. Period.

P.S.: Sorry I had to use "negatively affected". But unfortunately, from what I understood, there are actually people very fucking happy about this law. Sigh.

→ More replies

27

u/pineapple_witchboi Jun 28 '22

I’ve seen dude bros angry that women won’t sleep with them right now, I’m trans so while I can’t get pregnant even I understand this? Like think dude just think, If you could get pregnant and considering the almost lovecraftian amount of horror women and those with uteruses are being put through rn, would you seriously want to risk that chance?

27

u/[deleted] Jun 28 '22

So many men pat themselves on the back for not being misogynists, when at BEST they just don't go around asking strange women for nudes or groping them on the bus.

Do they do ANYTHING to make the lot of women better? And by that, do they ever speak up when "bros" are saying disgusting, sexist, objectifying shit about women? Do they ever sign a petition or go on a march (without urging from a woman)? Do they go out of their way to question/attempt to change the unequal treatment women receive?

The answer 99% of the time is a big nope. If anything, they're complaining that it's "so hard" to be a man right now.

→ More replies

24

u/fishvoidy Jun 28 '22

these dudes are probably the type to take their partner's frustration as being directed at them, because the world revolves around dudes, obviously. /s

65

u/PeeteyCat03 Jun 28 '22

She also may appear angry at you, even though you are fully in support of her rights. She is likely angry because she is the victim of the ruling, where you are free to do as you please.

59

u/Preachingsarcasm Jun 28 '22

It's so upsetting that when people can't even be empathetic towards their own partners. Maybe the girlfriends are upset because they know if they get pregnant with these dumbasses they can't do anything about it.

→ More replies

85

u/AfternoonPossible Jun 28 '22

My fiancé has literal citizenship in another country and could take us there at any time and is all mad at me for suggesting we leave the US!

17

u/Nigelwethers Jun 28 '22

You might want to be certain he's not just with you to preserve his immigration status there.

→ More replies

52

u/Raymanuel Jun 28 '22

As an American man, I'm sorry for assholes like that. Men should be outraged about this as well. If you can't wrap your head around how devastating it is that the Religious Right has taken hold of the Supreme Court and is dismantling the rights of all Americans to the detriment of most Americans, you need to grow up and/or pay attention. I may not be personally targeted by this (as in, my direct rights aren't being targeted as a man), but this is gut-wrenching.

As a university teacher, I feel sickened at the fact that my female students may not be able to continue their education if they were forced to have a child. I'm sickened that their educational aspirations could be scuttled. Many students at my university come from poor backgrounds, and many are first generation college students. To think that they could have that taken away from them by these religious extremists is infuriating and heart breaking (and I'm a professor of religion).

So these men that don't have an ounce of understanding, empathy, or compassion, can fuck right the fuck off with their bullshit.

→ More replies

51

u/itsjustphe Jun 28 '22 edited Jun 28 '22

I am so happy to be single at this time in my life and not actively dating. In the last half year of being completely single I've realized that dating as a straight woman means you'll have to overlook some misogyny/indifference to women's rights issues etc in your male partner period and you just have to choose how much you can tolerate. I just don't miss this about dating at all.

Two nights ago I met a guy at the bar. He came and sat next to me, we exchanged numbers. I brought up Roe V Wade and all he had to say was "That's crazy. Guns have more rights than women" and immediately pivoted. Younger me would have found this sufficient but now it's not enough. Complete turn off and immediately knew I'd not take him seriously so I let the texting fade and moved on with my life.

I cannot imagine being with any man right now if he doesn't share my feminist viewpoints because this is where I am. I won't befriend or date lukewarm weirdos. Don't even get me started on the "moderates" aka conservative guys who don't want to deal with the sexual social repurcussions of their political beliefs.

My heart goes out to these women. I have trauma around "accidentally" dating a conservative when I was younger because I didn't ask the important questions until the relationship had happened and I felt like I liked him too much to walk away.

I'm never going through that again.

This world would be so different if we all vetted guys more strictly along these issues and did not let up. Just one generation is all it can take. Just one generation of change

→ More replies

15

u/notallscorpios Jun 28 '22

My husband has been physically ill for days over it. I wish conservative or moderate women would free themselves of apathetic men who don’t give a flip about them.

→ More replies

49

u/rainbow-switch Jun 28 '22

I appreciate this post! My husband has been so supportive of and in harmony with my emotions during this roller coaster and it is great to see other men not being dismissive of the whole event. Huge props to the men who either understand or are active in trying to understand why this is so huge.

42

u/ignitedwolf9200 Jun 28 '22

These dudes need to get left lmao. Showing you don’t care or not speaking about it means you are totally fine with what’s happening. Get left