r/facepalm Jun 09 '23

How pathetic is that? 🇲​🇮​🇸​🇨​

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62.6k Upvotes

1.1k comments sorted by

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2.7k

u/ResponsibleMilk7620 Jun 09 '23

Some of my favorite encounters with MAGA are the Jordan Klepper interviews. They truly give you an inside look into their delusions and inability to understand that what they believe is completely bizarre.

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u/bluejester12 Jun 09 '23 edited Jun 09 '23

"How many people do you think die at drag shows?"

"I dunno. A thousand...?”

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u/[deleted] Jun 09 '23

[deleted]

369

u/Maximum-Toast Jun 09 '23

The 90s are alive in Portland! 🎶

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u/Maximum-Row-4143 Jun 09 '23

The 18-90s are alive in portlaaand!

/micro-brew or die!

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u/whoisrokosbasilisk Jun 09 '23

Put a bird on it!

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u/bioshockd Jun 09 '23

Cacao!

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u/One_City4138 Jun 09 '23

I think we've established that "cacao cacao" and "tookie tookie" don't work...

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u/IFixYerKids Jun 09 '23

Holy shit, an Evolution reference.

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u/SonmiSuccubus451 Jun 10 '23

The best shampoo advertisement I've ever seen.

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u/[deleted] Jun 09 '23

Portland is OVER!

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u/PrestigiousStable369 Jun 09 '23

Ca caw, ca caw, ca caw! Tookie tookie tookie, ca caw!

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u/Nubras Jun 09 '23

Safe words cannot contain the pullout king

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u/YeahIGotNuthin Jun 09 '23

“I gave up clowning years ago!”

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u/whoisrokosbasilisk Jun 09 '23

Well in Portland you don't have to! It's where young people go to retire

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u/ThisOnes4JJ Jun 09 '23

We can pickle that!

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u/Rubberbabybuggybum Jun 09 '23

It’s “The dream of the 90’s is alive in Portland!”

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u/Due_Platypus_3913 Jun 09 '23

The DREAM of the 90s!

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u/DaveCootchie Jun 09 '23

Same with Minneapolis. I was at that burned out crime ridden hellscape 2 days ago and had a nice lunch with my mom and sister.

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u/PointlessDiscourse Jun 09 '23

I live in Minneapolis but I'm not from the area originally. My family back home includes a lot of MAGA nuts and for months they were asking me if I was ok, if anything happened to me, etc. I was completely baffled why they were even asking, until my brother who's partially in the MAGA-verse but a fairly reasonable guy told me that there is a constant story in right wing news about how Minneapolis has become a crime-ridden hellhole because we decided to hold a murderous cop accountable for his actions. Thankfully he has an open mind, so when I told him that it's all propaganda he believed me. However the rest of them still think I live in a war zone. On the bright side they don't come to visit any more.

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u/Nottakingchubbies Jun 09 '23

I also live in Minneapolis. I can hear the birds chirping as I type this in my backyard from my phone on my lunchbreak. My dog is chasing a squirrel. I am going to take my kids to the local ice cream shop when they get done with school today.

Just a complete nightmare here in Northeast Minneapolis.

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u/caoimhe3380 Jun 09 '23

Look, that squirrel probably thinks the place is terrifying.

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u/Tagnol Jun 09 '23

I don't know if you've ever seen a squirrel in Minneapolis but they are terrifying. I live on west coast and visiting family there was the furthest east I've ever been. Holy fuck those squirrels are huge.

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u/Lovelyelven Jun 09 '23

We feed them MAGA souls in the north 🤣🤣🤣 (jk)

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u/elgnub63 Jun 10 '23

They're still technically eating nuts then...

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u/sportspadawan13 Jun 09 '23

You joke but 5 years ago I was there and the temperature tried to murder me

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u/soulfulmedicine123 Jun 09 '23

Meanwhile in Texas: You take your kids to the local ice cream shop. That’s bold. Who knows where the next mass shooting will be.

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u/o-Valar-Morghulis-o Jun 09 '23

Obviously you have to take your guns with you to the ice cream shop.

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u/Nubras Jun 09 '23

Sebastian Joe’s and a stroll around the lake is in the cards for me this weekend.

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u/[deleted] Jun 09 '23

Its even worse on the southside! I drove through George Floyd Square yesterday and didn't get shot at once! There were street vendors selling their wares and people sitting outside on benches. The absolute horror of it all, i am lucky i didnt have a better time!

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u/HGGoals Jun 09 '23

To the squirrel it is 🤣

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u/Silist Jun 09 '23

I have a friend visiting me from Long Island. I think she’s less than 30 miles from NYC. I was up there from work. I recently moved, but lived there for years.

She asked me if it was still “sketchy” and then told me “lots of illegals are trying to go to school” there. Turns out that despite her proximity she hasn’t been to the city in years and heard all of this from someone else

Moral of the story - form your own opinions people!

I should mention, it wasn’t sketchy

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u/Nodramallama18 Jun 09 '23

I live in San Diego. My best friend’s in-laws are in Mass. They think the city is being over an with all the illegal immigrants pouring over the border and that there are such extreme shortages, there is no food to be found. What?

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u/Recent_Opportunity78 Jun 09 '23

This. Every fire season or earth quake my mom texts me asking if I evacuated and if I am okay. Coming from someone who spent most of my life in the south East, I know the news make California seem like humans can’t even live here because the fires. Earthquakes. Homelessness, riots, cartel, crime, violence. It’s absolutely ridiculous. I live up the road from the beach and everyday is a vacation if I want it to be

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u/IFixYerKids Jun 09 '23

I moved from California not too long ago and it's been fun to hear about everyone's assumptions about California are. I lvoe watching heads explode when I tell them it's easier to get a handgun in California than in the red state I moved to. People have no perspective.

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u/darkbridge Jun 09 '23

I live in San Diego too. My family came to visit last year and I got to show them a bunch of cool things. I flew back to Virginia to visit sometime afterwards, and my dad, who had seen the place with his own eyes, insisted the whole state was a shit hole. 🙄

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u/cocteau93 Jun 09 '23

San Diego and surroundings comprise one of the nicest urban conglomerations in the whole damned country. Greenery abounds, the weather is perpetually perfect, and the freeways are decent compared to LA and OC. I can’t imagine what’s going on in your dad’s mind.

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u/darkbridge Jun 09 '23

He has lived in the same small city of around 26,000 people his whole life, and he starts every morning with a breakfast of OAN and Newsmax. When Tucker Carlson got dropped by Fox, he made a Facebook post about a new guy (Carl Higbie?) who seems even crazier. I'm actually still surprised he wanted to make the trip out here in the first place!

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u/Interesting_Heron215 Jun 09 '23

San Diego? Last I checked, they were doing all right. Minus cost of living shit.

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u/here4roomie Jun 09 '23

People say that about Minneapolis? That's hilarious.

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u/EsotericPlumbus Jun 09 '23

Living in Portland and lived in SF. The amount of bs people talk about these cities without a hint of knowledge is wild. Their demise has been greatly exaggerated

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u/LostWoodsInTheField Jun 09 '23

I went to Chicago one time and was shot 40 times in less than 2 blocks. Dead 6 times, and while walking through the down town got accosted by something that called itself a pizza but looked more like soup in a bread shell. So at least they know the truth about Chicago even if they are getting those two cities wrong. /s

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u/ball_fondlers Jun 09 '23

I once knew a guy who claimed that every black Chicagoan had, by the time they turned ten, committed cold-blooded murder.

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u/Nighthawk700 Jun 09 '23

That's wildly racist. Jfc

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u/mjzim9022 Jun 09 '23

I read a comment on Reddit once that said that white trick or treaters would be shot dead in minutes if they went to the south side.

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u/GreatMight Jun 09 '23

The pizza thing is correct

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u/heartbeats Jun 09 '23

Hot dogs and beef are the city’s strongest food plays, I really don’t get why it always leads with pizza when its clearly the weakest.

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u/tastemyknees_15c Jun 09 '23

We don't lead with pizza, the deep dish places are tourist traps, anyone who lives here doesn't actually eat deep dish, Chicagoan pizza is tavern style thin crust.

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u/LakeAffect3d Jun 09 '23

Preach it!!!

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u/GreatMight Jun 09 '23

Agreed. I grew up in NYC and lived in Chicago for a year. The beefs were good and didn't exist in NYC and hit dogs aren't really a thing in NYC outside of dirty water dogs. No idea why Chicago isn't more known for that.

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u/FerricNitrate Jun 09 '23

It's just that everyone has a reference point for pizza whereas they don't know what they're missing with Italian beef sandwiches. Like the closest thing you can find broadly available elsewhere is a French dip but that's not quite the same.

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u/coltrain423 Jun 09 '23

From SC, have visited Chicago a few times for Riot Fest. Those Italian beef sandwiches are next level! I’m always gonna get a deep dish when I’m there though, because you can’t get it anywhere else really and it’s so unlike any other pizza.

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u/LabradorDeceiver Jun 09 '23

These are people who will never visit a city - people who don't even really know what a city IS. So politicians and pundits can say whatever they like about them without being questioned. Portland leveled? Sure, why not; not like their audience will ever visit. I've heard people on social media repeat death tolls in the millions.

It's a reinforcement of the narrative that only small town values are true American values and every place with a population greater than Fargo, North Dakota has fallen to the Communists.

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u/reynolja536 Jun 09 '23

Not even in all cases. My father, who I grew up with in Los Angeles and who now lives in Vegas, fully thought Portland was a wasteland and even parts of NYC where I live. When I told him I could go to the store and that it wasn’t a boarded up looted hellhole he told me I must have gotten lucky

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u/Darmok47 Jun 09 '23

My dad lives in the San Francisco suburbs and grew up in the same suburb in the 60s and 70s. He doesn't want to go into the city anymore because of the homeless population, and the stories about car break ins.

And while those things are definitely issues, I go into the city all the time without any problems. And I have to remind him that when he was a young man, the Zodiac Killer was running around SF murdering people. So as bad as the problems are today, they were much, much worse in the past.

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u/carlse20 Jun 09 '23

Same, during the BLM protests in 2020 it was hilarious how hard my dad tried to convince me the nyc neighborhood that I lived in had burned to the ground. Wouldn’t hear a single word about how there weren’t any burning buildings when I went to get my bagel that morning, no, my firsthand eyewitness account was worthless compared to the frantic Facebook comments of Midwestern suburbanites who once changed planes at newark in 1988.

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u/Lebowquade Jun 09 '23

Everyone knows it's gay and woke to put trust in facts and reasoning.

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u/BasedDumbledore Jun 09 '23

Nah they are all have suburb brain. I was writing publicly to my friend about flying back for Summerfest to catch some concerts. Lady from fucking Waukesha said we shouldn't go because it is dangerous and we'd get robbed. If you know Milwaukee you would know how fucking absurd that is.

Look I don't like Chicago for a variety of reasons but that isn't dangerous either. But I have heard the dumbest shit from Schaumburg/Elgin people when they hear I am from rural WI. Like dude it is like 40 minutes away. Drive down and walk around.

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u/Panamaaaaaa Jun 09 '23

Chicago, sorry that place is gone. I'm the last one left.

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u/[deleted] Jun 09 '23

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u/Significant_Street48 Jun 09 '23

Great cities grow and shrink both culturally and economically. New York of the 70's would be unrecognizable today. San Francisco is a jewel of an American city. Any troubles it actually is having is just a blip in its history.

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u/milk4all Jun 09 '23

I just heard a couple with a thick Midwestern accent lament that small towns are dying even thoughmost Americans live in small towns. That shit made me recoil, the stupid was so strong. It doesnt even make sense on it’s own but, sigh, i looked it up and whaddya know, 17.9% of americans live in “rural areas” which includes small towns, so the real number is naturally even lower. I dont know 100% how they vote but their 9 year old son was dressed in full American flag gear, hat to shoes, and these days that’s usually a message

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u/msprang Jun 09 '23

Maybe they're only counting who they consider to be "real" Americans.

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u/BarryMacochner Jun 09 '23

Tbh I’m ok with it. It’s a liberal shithole full of communism and you don’t want to live there.

Hey Seattle’s even worse, probably shouldn’t visit there either.

Please no, don’t threaten us with bringing your hatred here.

No seriously get fucked.

When the southern states start giving as much as they receive. I might give a fuck.

Heavy sarcasm in case anyone missed it.

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u/EsotericPlumbus Jun 09 '23

Oh I’m extremely happy the “liberal agendas” of being okay with the lgbtq community and welcoming other races are keeping the weirdos away, or making them flee to Florida

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u/Boopie15 Jun 09 '23

I love seeing the “people are leaving SF and these cities in droves” every time I go to LA and SF I can’t believe the traffic and how many people there are. I even say please People leave.

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u/kaaaaaaaassy Jun 09 '23

Lmao yes. Some relatives on my partners side think New York is a crime ridden wasteland like Gotham. When I’m fact I rode my relatively expensive road bike to a nice riverside park on a Friday afternoon and had lunch by the water with children playing around me and people walking dogs.

Meanwhile, I literally could not safely do that without a car in the suburbs.

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u/Mysterious_Rule938 Jun 09 '23

Same with Chicago. My parents recently visited me reluctantly, expecting an all out war zone… they were shocked to meet reality.

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u/Bi0-D Jun 09 '23

At least they noticed reality. Yesterday my dad was talking about a city we were in for a wedding saying how immigrants have taken it over and threatened out the white folk. I looked around at the sea of 100's of only white faces and couldn't believe that he had more faith in Daily Mail/The Sun than his eyes.

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u/[deleted] Jun 09 '23

*I live in south minneapolis. You know, that city that burned to the ground after that criminal got what he deserved.

*only the first sentence in this comment is true. Sadly i have heard the other 2 opinions more than once.

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u/socsa Jun 09 '23

It's an intentional anti-liberal, anti-urban information warfare campaign, and the sooner people start treating it like one, the better.

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u/nyxo1 Jun 09 '23

"yeah all these insane real estate prices must because everyone is fleeing and there's no demand, right?!"

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u/ActualWhiterabbit Jun 09 '23

Minneapolis is still an active warzone to some living 15 miles north of the city.

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u/Hinken1815 Jun 09 '23

Portland?? PORTLAND?? Jfc the trumpers up here in the north east would have you believe every major democratic city burned to the ground. Every single one.

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u/YallAintAlone Jun 09 '23

People in the suburbs of even small cities like Montgomery, AL will act like it's a warzone or something and they literally live 30 minutes away and go there for anything you can't get from a Dollar General. That was happening when I grew up there 30 years ago and honestly I think it's mostly due to racism in a lot of places. All of the right-wing propaganda around this kind of stuff is just recycled from segregationists, Nazis, etc

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u/CarlatheDestructor Jun 09 '23

My mom was not a Trumper and never watched Fox "news". She did watch the local and network news and she fully believed it was burned to the ground during the Geroge Floyd protests.

She didn't believe the police were racist until she wondered aloud where they were when Republicans tried to overthrow the government on January 6.

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u/headachewpictures Jun 09 '23

Probably just more projection because some of their cities are falling apart.

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u/GoodOlSpence Jun 09 '23

I live in Portland and grew up in Louisiana. I was back down there visiting family and friends and an acquaintance was talking about crazy burned down Portland. I said "Oh you've been to Portland?" When he said no never visited I responded "oh so this is just the part where you tell me about the city I actually live in but you've never visited."

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u/IFixYerKids Jun 09 '23

I once watched a guy I know attempt to explain to my Army veteran friend how he was wrong about how his job was done in the Army. Some people are just... Idk, must be amazing to have that kind of confidence.

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u/Short-Shopping3197 Jun 09 '23

Mate I live in Birmingham, England that Fox News reported was a ‘Muslim only zone’ that was held under sharia law enforced by Islamic death squads. Nobody told my white arse this apparently.

https://theguardian.com/media/2015/jan/11/fox-news-steven-emerson-birmingham-muslims

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u/Old-Energy6191 Jun 09 '23

My grandma (in Amish country PA) always calls me worried about all the crime in Portland. The only crime really committed in my neighborhood is kids with sharpies drawing the occasional penis on someone else’s property…

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u/lilbithippie Jun 09 '23

I remember when BLM was happening and they were convinced the city was in ruins. I kept linking them to live street cams in Portland.

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u/LakeAffect3d Jun 09 '23

Ibet it didn't change anything they wanted to believe.

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u/TranscendentalRug Jun 09 '23

I visited Portland a little over a year ago. I work with a bunch of right wing trumpers, they all told me not to bother since antifa had burned the city to the ground. I saw a lot of cool shit during my visit, but I just couldn't find any burnt out ruins.

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u/AnalllyAcceptedCoins Jun 09 '23

As a Canadian, I hear all kind of fun things from that crowd about my communist country with 200 year wait times for doctors and people being imprisoned for misgendering. They'll really believe anything if it reinforces their world view.

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u/Professional-Arm-24 Jun 09 '23

No surprise. Fix news reported that Birmingham in the UK was a total no go zone because of Islamic terrorism. (Spoiler alert: it isn't) They also accompanied the story with a pic of Birmingham Alabama.

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u/BSODxerox Jun 09 '23

I’m here for the twilight zone episode where cities with the same name get transported to the opposite city for a day. Maybe it’s because I grew up in Birmingham but the idea of those folks all of a sudden waking up in the UK seems funny to me.

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u/Yousoggyyojimbo Jun 09 '23

I had to prove that Minneapolis and portland not only still existed but weren't at least half destroyed more than once, and while that's already insane, none of the people I proved this to ever accepted it as fact.

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u/pianoflames Jun 09 '23

I had rural relatives here in Texas calling me up in a panic, asking if I had managed to flee the city in time. Apparently their news was telling them that my city was burnt to rubble by BLM and ANTIFA, and that the protestors would be coming over the hills for the farmhouses next.

It's just their ongoing operating belief that blue areas are all smoldering 3rd world dystopian nightmares.

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u/thefiction24 Jun 09 '23

I suggested to my grandma I wanted to do the San Francisco marathon next month. She acted like I was saying I wanted to go to Ukraine.

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u/Saxamaphooone Jun 09 '23

I just started sending links to live weather and traffic cameras to people saying that about various cities.

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u/jojowhitesox Jun 09 '23

I live in Chicago. My father who was born and raised here, and at the time lived down state, used to call me and ask me if I was safe. That maybe I should move out of there because of the danger. Guess what channel he watched?

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u/BestWesterChester Jun 09 '23

Seattle and Chicago too. I've traveled to all three recently, and I tell my fox-news friend every time, and he can't believe I'd take such a crazy risk. Other than maybe some extra homeless people in downtown Seattle, all these places are just like any other American city.

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u/[deleted] Jun 09 '23 edited Jun 10 '23

I'm over here starting a day drunk at an inner city Baltimore microbrewery! How will I survive!?

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u/ErzherzogT Jun 09 '23

If you talk to reddit they often buy into "burnt out apocalypse" narrative. I swear people always assume there's a kernel of truth to propaganda and it's infuriating.

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u/Noonites Jun 09 '23

And these are the same people who peddle the conspiracy that the Canadian wildfires don't actually exist and they're just a cover for the Government deploying some kind of chemical warfare to force people to stay indoors because they've never personally seen the wildfires with their own two eyes.

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u/bagofpork Jun 09 '23

Not just Portland--they think every major US city is either burning to the ground or just a complete warzone.
We're still here, still doing just fine, and still generating the revenue that keeps their red states afloat.

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u/Nighthawk700 Jun 09 '23

They say the same about SF and LA. Both have problems that have grown worse recently but they aren't wastelands.

Shit they say Chicago is a warzone and it's not even top ten in gun violence per Capita last I checked.

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u/NoveltyAccountHater Jun 09 '23

Portlandia aired its last episode in 2018. Why wouldn't they just burn down the set afterwards?

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u/DoctorTacoMD Jun 09 '23

Shhhhh…. Let them think that and they’ll stop showing up and picking fights with locals.

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u/zer1223 Jun 09 '23

They legit think cities look like "Escape from New York"(1981) or something?

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u/EnergizedNeutralLine Jun 09 '23

I travel to downtown Portland for work regularly. We have desks sitting in burnt out husks of buildings. It looks like a nuke went off. /s

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u/zombiefied Jun 09 '23

When I travel and tell conservatives I live in Chicago I automatically get Rambo status in their eyes.

I am an undercover liberal who passes for conservative b/c I am lily-white and keep a military looking haircut. They walk up to me thinking I’m an idiot like them and start spouting nonsense. I let them get about 5 minutes in then try to slowly bring them along to reality.

They cannot follow the bouncing ball to where I try to lead them.

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u/Redqueenhypo Jun 09 '23

I know a vaguely right wing guy from Portland and he thinks nyc where I live must be crime hell. Never crossed his mind that it the first thing is a lie, that might be too

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u/milesjr13 Jun 09 '23

Some parts aren't great but it's totally not some hellscape.

Visited last December and not much had changed since I had been there 3 years earlier.

Or maybe they just put facades over the craters and husks.

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u/keesh Jun 09 '23

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u/deaddonkey Jun 09 '23 edited Jun 09 '23
  1. It’s even worse, he said 100,000

  2. For a guy who is seemingly transphobic and anti-dragshows, he sure has a great pair of tits

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u/Grigoran Jun 09 '23

And only after hearing how many gun deaths there are annually. He had to double it. "Guns aren't dangerous, drags are dangerous! Probably twice as dangerous" -that guy, literally

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u/d0ndada Jun 09 '23

I saw a behind the scenes clip of when he guest-hosted The Daily Show. Someone asked him what he learned about people after going to all those rallies. He remembered a time he asked a lady if she would support a president who did all these bad things from a list he had. She said no. They were all things Trump had done. When he told her, she paused for a few seconds and said “I don’t care.” That’s when he realized there’s no changing the MAGA crowd. Trump is their guy and they will always support him.

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u/sullivanmatt Jun 09 '23

That particular interview subject is the mother of one of my high school classmates (rural Iowa). Sadly, she is a very representative sample of modern rural America.

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u/Shuizid Jun 09 '23

Because it's all just wallpaper anyway. They don't articulate "beliefs" - they articulate an incoherent mess of excuses to hide their true feelings and believe. Given their overall cognitive abilities are around the level of children.

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u/throwaway16292387362 Jun 09 '23 edited Jun 09 '23

One of my friends little brothers came over the other day, I lean left and he leans right.

We started talking a little politics and he very angrily started ranting about hunter Biden’s crimes and Joe Biden being a traitor.

And I, with complete curiosity asked him to explain the details of what he was talking about, because we weren’t arguing or anything, I just wanted to know what he was worked up about. I know about hunters laptop and drug issues and all that, I don’t love all democrats or think Joe Biden is a perfect president, but I wanted to know what specific crimes or treason he was talking about.

But he couldn’t give any details. He fully admitted he didn’t know anything specific about the story, he “just knows they’re criminals” and “being controlled by the elite”

At this point his body language has completely changed, drawing back into himself, and muttering through vague assertions that they are criminals and evil and trump is the best president ever, while clearly trying to pass the mic back to me.

I bring up trump after, and his recent indictments and suspicious investments into kushner’s firm and all that, solely to demonstrate what an evidence based argument looks like.

He’s completely glazed over at this point, looking more confused than angry, and says something like “nah dude Biden is evil.”

And my final word before moving the conversation to something else was “my man, you can believe what you want, but you should know why you believe those things.”

And that’s the crux of the issue: to a lot of people, political beliefs are just a means to an end (that end being control) rather than a reflection of one’s own personal values.

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u/piddlesthethug Jun 09 '23

Yup. I have this in my family a lot. Right after Biden got elected, I go to my uncle’s house for Thanksgiving. He has two kids, my cousins who are both older than me. My one male cousin introduces me to his oldest son as “a fucking democrat, but not a bad one. He’s also a dirty Mexican.” I corrected him and said I voted dem but usually register non-partisan. (I don’t bother with the whole Mexican stuff since it’s been going on for 35 years and it’s his go to boring bullshit.) This 17 year old recoiled from me like I was satan and asked if it was a joke. He couldn’t fathom that someone who voted for Biden and also looks white (I’m Mexican but very white passing) could vote democrat.

The day goes on and eventually I’m the only person left at the dinner who isn’t a staunch Republican with the exception of my other female cousin. They come at me like a pack of hungry wolves, same logic as your friends little brother. At one point my female cousin’s son speaks up and says that Ronald Reagan was the single most best president we’ve ever had and Democrats are just jealous that dems never had a president that served with such honor and integrity, brings up the Clinton Lewinsky stuff, for the Obama presidency it’s Hillary’s emails. So I ask the kid if he had ever heard of Iran Contra before. Mind you this is 2020 and this kid is probably 19 or so, so I’m not trying to play gotcha, but it’s painfully obvious that he hasn’t. And this fucking kids response was “well if I haven’t heard of it, it must not have been that bad.”

It got tiresome it being like 9 vs 1 and it just being “well have you heard of this non-provable conspiracy theory” and me saying again that the facts don’t support their claims, then responding with provable facts and their side saying the left made it up, so I excused myself and left. I realized then that it was going to be at least a generation before this damage could be undone. If it ever is undone.

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u/QuintoBlanco Jun 09 '23

“being controlled by the elite”

That is the saddest part.

Donald Trump, Rupert Murdoch, Charles Koch and David Koch, somehow these are the people who protect us from the elite.

And of course Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez gets mocked for being a bartender.

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u/ZandyTheAxiom Jun 09 '23

I have to imagine there's a slight level of recognition that what they say isn't true. Like, they repeat ridiculous statistics and phrases to each other, not because the made-up numbers matter or the arguments are good, but just as a social exercise, like Star Wars fans quoting movies and debating the strengths of fictional spaceships.

When they get confronted on a particular lie, they just shift the goalposts. Maybe it's not 100% true, but the spirit of the lie is what they latch on to, not the lie itself.

"Jewish Space Lasers" wasn't about believing in literal space lasers. It was about the spirit of the lie: That Jews were making things worse.

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u/Yquem1811 Jun 09 '23

My favorite is the guy who blame Obama for 9/11 because he wasn’t in the office and was always on vacation 🤣🤣🤣

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u/_jump_yossarian Jun 09 '23

Iowa trump supporters: "We're not in a cult."

Klepper: "What are you most looking forward to him saying tonight?"

trump supporters: "I don't know. I just love everything that comes out of his mouth."

The one he did in Mississippi is an all-timer though.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hNIJH5gufaQ

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u/herder__of__nerfs Jun 09 '23

Jordan Klepper is great. If you haven’t already, check out The Good Liars and Walter Masterson for similar content.

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u/ResponsibleMilk7620 Jun 09 '23

Appreciate that. If what they have is half as hilarious as what Jordan does, then it’s definitely worth watching.

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u/another-reddit-noob Jun 09 '23

The Good Liars are absolute my favorite of this kind of content. I just live in fear that one day I’m gonna see a family member get interviewed at the rallies they go to.

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u/botjstn Jun 09 '23

i use this quote all the time because the first time i heard it i pissed myself

“matt isn’t this rally a little childish? or is that what attracts you to it”

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u/[deleted] Jun 09 '23

Literally came to say this, and it was in the first comment. I don't think he gets enough credit for all the shit he has to deal with at those rallies just to find a few MAGAlodons who will say something stupid but not try to murder him . Has to spend the entire day at Trump rallies, surrounded by Trump supporters. You couldnt pay me enough for that horror

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u/[deleted] Jun 09 '23

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u/Seeker80 Jun 09 '23 edited Jun 09 '23

It's scary how commonplace the ignorance of recent history is.

I worked in a call center for Medicare patients a few years back. There's a nasty penalty that has to be paid if you don't sign up for Medicare when you turn 65.

Folks aren't being properly educated about it. First off, they're told about an amount that seems relatively small...problem is, they think it's a one-time payment, or just yearly. No, it's monthly, and it is calculated based on how long you waited to enroll. Some folks have waited way too long, and this monthly penalty ends up being higher than their premium. Oh, and it gets recalculated each year. Way too many calls at the start of each year having to re-explain to people that their penalty can(pretty much guaranteed) increase each year, and that's why their overall rate went up, rather than any premium change. In fact, sometimes the premium went down, but the penalty is still enough to raise the overall payment.

Anyway, these folks are usually pretty worked up when they call, and aren't ready to be told that the insurance company isn't responsible for their problem. Sorry, it's the government, and this penalty will follow you around regardless of insurance carrier. 'So this is because of Obamacare, right??' is the next conclusion they jump to.

Wrong on that, too. The Medicare Late Enrollment Penalty started in 2006. 'Yeah, so Obama did it.' Well, Obama took office in 2009, so uh...not him.lol You've got dear ol' Dubya to thank for that one, friend.

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u/ricktor67 Jun 09 '23

It's simple, they are just dumb, willfully ignorant(which is just advanced dumb), or lying for their own gain.

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u/Squidworth89 Jun 09 '23

Funny… and sad…

Illiteracy rate iirc is 20%.

There’s 60 million people in this country that can’t process any of what you just said.

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u/SuperFrog4 Jun 09 '23

I am right there with you. Love to get my popcorn and watch the show.

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u/Fellowshipofthebowl Jun 09 '23

And then when you bring up Kleppers videos trumpets always say, “yeah, they don't represent us accurately”….

….Yes they do buddy, yes they do.

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u/HaiKarate Jun 09 '23

Trumpism energized the dumbest Americans to participate in the political process.

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u/rconscious Jun 09 '23

Been trying to figure out the best way to sum up his effect and you did is almost perfectly. It's more like "Trump energized the dumbest and most vile Americans to participate in the political process."

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u/HaiKarate Jun 09 '23

You can't have an intellectually honest discussion with these folks because they are so gaslit by Trump, the right wing media, and a whole horde of conspiracy theorists on the internet that they won't even acknowledge basic facts. They mindless zombies.

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u/piddlesthethug Jun 09 '23

This is something I’ve said since he was elected. If you can’t agree on 1 simple fact, like one plus one is two, then how can you expect to have a useful conversation about more complex facts/situations. Throw in the mental gymnastics required for them accept some of their “alternative facts” and you might as well be talking to a fucking space alien. There is no Venn diagram that contains provable facts and events that anyone who isn’t MAGA will accept, and “alternative facts” that are earnest and provable without them being taken out of context. We’re at an impasse.

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u/Buckle_Sandwich Jun 09 '23

Social media has broken society's common perception of reality.

People that disagree over what is best can reach an agreement.

People that disagree over what is real cannot.

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u/gblur Jun 10 '23

You’re absolutely correct

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u/Key_Preparation_4129 Jun 09 '23

They call everyone else the "feelings over facts" or "thinking with emotions" people when literally their whole argument is based on opinions and gut feelings and made up stories where the only source is trust me bro. The my pillow guy has been about to release election fraud "proof" for like 2 years now 💀😂

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u/WasChristRipped Always tryin to ice skate up-hill Jun 09 '23

I almost pissed myself when his ads disappeared from fox, only to come back clearly sucking their dicks harder than ever. Even followed the pattern of “American flag visible somewhere, cross somewhere visible, and weird comments about things not related to the pillow product”

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u/Key_Preparation_4129 Jun 09 '23

"this pillow will keep the demons and gays away, order now for a chance to own the libs!!"💀

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u/Robestos86 Jun 09 '23

They live in fear, fear of gun control,migrants ,trans etc.

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u/Recent_Opportunity78 Jun 09 '23

It’s why I stopped trying to reason with them a few years ago. It’s pointless and a complete waste of my time. Now, I just get my jollies off by “poking the bear” every once in a while

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u/derKonigsten Jun 09 '23

You can't reason a person out of a view point they didn't use reason to get to in the first place

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u/HaiKarate Jun 09 '23

Fair point

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u/Robestos86 Jun 09 '23

He got people to invest their personality into him, so his loss becomes a personal loss for them, and attack on him is on them etc. Hive mind and all that.

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u/Lermanberry Jun 09 '23

Back in 2016 or so Hillary said "you could put half" of Trump's mob in "a basket of deplorables" who are racist, sexist, homophobic, alt right, etc. She apologized later for saying half, as if it was an overgeneralization.

Well they've spent the last 7 years proving her wrong, half of them aren't deplorable. It's exactly 100%.

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u/weirdmountain Jun 09 '23

He showed them that it’s more than okay to be your worst self.

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u/Chihuahua_Overlord Jun 09 '23

I mean they voted for the most obvious con man in history. I don't expect them to be good with logic, reading or be good at anything other than hating what they fear or don't understand.

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u/Ardbeg66 Jun 09 '23 edited Jun 10 '23

The Mormons would like a word with you about who is the most obvious con man in history. Two polite young men in short sleeve shirts and ties will be knocking on your door soon.

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u/HolyBonerOfMin Jun 09 '23

You don't believe the plates were taken back to heaven? 😉

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u/MsSeraphim r/foodrecallsinusa Jun 09 '23

i was surprised by the fact that they can read

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u/DrIvoPingasnik Jun 09 '23

Ability to read does not make one intelligent or able to comprehend the meaning.

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u/[deleted] Jun 09 '23

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u/adrunkendutchman Jun 09 '23

Wouldn’t it be dysfunctional literacy

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u/ZhangtheGreat 'MURICA Jun 09 '23

They can read certain words. You know, the ones that they look for to purposely trigger them.

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u/ozozznozzy Jun 09 '23

It's not so much reading as it is text recognition. The words "New York Times" is frequently displayed all over Faux News. They litterally couldn't sound out the words "bestselling author".

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u/[deleted] Jun 09 '23

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u/beefsupr3m3 Jun 09 '23

I feel like a literally everyone is a New York Times best-selling author. I don’t know how it’s possible that every other book I look at is a New York Times bestseller. I might be a New York Times best selling author and not even know it at this point.

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u/GigaSnaight Jun 09 '23 edited Jun 09 '23

It's an ancient ass system that made sense in like, the 40s.

You need to sell 5,000 copies of your book in a one week period to be a NYT best seller. That's an absurdly low bar. You may notice that you could functionally buy yhis title for about 100k by buying 5,000 copies of your own book, some publishers will even give rich wannabe authors the title by doing that themselves and then giving the books away as promotional material.

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u/ItsTheManBearBull Jun 09 '23

Iirc, you can just buy the copies yourself to give away, and that will still count.

When i sae that bonehead youtubers can publish books that get "NYT best seller", i knew that accolade meant fuck all.

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u/gorramfrakker Jun 09 '23

An extra shitty part is that a politician can write a book, buy all the copies with campaign funds, then give them away to supporters.

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u/Infynis Jun 09 '23

The is a regular tactic in fact

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u/Kevl17 Jun 09 '23

Pretty sure you only need to sell a few thousand copies to make the best seller list

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u/[deleted] Jun 09 '23

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u/WraithHades Jun 09 '23

My own father is a NYT best selling author of three very incredibly niche books. The standards can't be that high because barely anything he says is worth listening to anyways.

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u/Lykurgus_ Jun 09 '23

Your Dad should get this printed on the back of his next book.

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u/PatrickBritish Jun 09 '23

Well on a positive note it shows they can read. Kind of.

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u/ReservoirGods Jun 09 '23

They can read, but their comprehension is shit

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u/VARunner1 Jun 09 '23

Well on a positive note it shows they can read

Or be read to. Likely by someone at Fox.

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u/Jim-Jones Jun 09 '23

Never expect any signs of intelligence from MAGAts.

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u/Dicommander799 Jun 09 '23

Their inbred lineage has some words for you.

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u/lickarock88 Jun 09 '23 edited Jun 09 '23

It's a lot less pathetic than half the shit I've seen the MAGA crowd do.

Jon, please please please run for president.

Edit: a comment showed up and then immediately disappeared about "no more celebrities in office". I would, under most circumstances, 100% agree with that.

But Jon has been involved in / commentating on politics for decades and knows everything about our system in and out. You just have to look at the 9/11 responders bill or the veterans bill to see that Jon absolutely can affect real, beneficial change when he is working inside that system. As far as I'm concerned, he's the exception to the "no celebrities in politics" rule.

Edit the second: Yes, it has been pointed out that this isn't the Daily Show Jon Stewart, and is someone else. That said, I want people thinking about a "the real" Jon Stewart presidency, so I'm leaving it up.

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u/jt7king Jun 09 '23

I would actually get off my ass and campaign for him. Like, knock on doors and shit.

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u/lickarock88 Jun 09 '23

I'll come with you.

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u/cjmar41 Jun 09 '23

Yeah I’m against celebrities in office because it can become a popularity contest of selfish, unqualified people, but Jon is most certainly not just a celebrity. He has, for decades, proven his ability to understand and articulate how the US government works, proven his ability as both a statesman and advocate for American citizens, displayed compassion, and holds measured, nuanced, and fair takes on a myriad of important issues.

Jon Stewart, in part because of his name recognition, widespread support from progressives and moderates, and at least some modicum of respect from some republicans, and his total lack of scandals, makes him, probably, the single best potential candidate for president in the country right now.

He would absolutely eviscerate anyone in a debate with ease, he would push back on shameless lies and make fools of anyone who tried to bullshit him, and he’s never given the American people any reason to believe he’s anything but trustworthy, sharp, and compassionate.

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u/yabadabadoo80 Jun 09 '23

Sadly too many Americans hate Jews enough for him to never be elected

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u/rbbr12 Jun 09 '23

Unfortunately he’s about 20 years too young atm

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u/shash5k Jun 09 '23

Obama was in his 40s when we chose him.

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u/lreaditonredditgetit Jun 09 '23

35 is the technical age to be eligible.

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u/ShadowCaster0476 Jun 09 '23

It’s funny there is a minimum age but no maximum age.

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u/lickarock88 Jun 09 '23

Sounds like all the more reason to me.

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u/taffyowner Jun 09 '23

This is a different Jon Stewart

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u/lickarock88 Jun 09 '23

Don't use Twitter, didn't realize that. I still think "the real" Jon Stewart needs to run.

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u/nabrok Jun 09 '23

Edit: a comment showed up and then immediately disappeared about "no more celebrities in office". I would, under most circumstances, 100% agree with that.

Off topic, but I see that all the time. I get a notification of a reply and can see the text in the notification, but when I go to actually look at it, it's not there. Often it does show up after a second or two, but other times it never does. What's up with that? Maybe the poster deleted it right after posting?

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u/JAH_1315 Jun 09 '23

He is an exception, because he is actively involved in being a public servant in ways that he can by helping pass laws and presenting in front of congress to convince them to pass said laws.

He is more than qualified.

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u/BlueAig Jun 09 '23

On the one hand, I love the idea of a Stewart campaign. If it happens, I’ll be out there knocking on doors with you.

On the other hand: I think it’s a tremendous exaggeration to say he knows our system inside and out. As an insightful commentator, yeah, absolutely, but that’s a different set of skills than a legislator. IIRC, Stewart has said himself that he sees his role as a mirror to authority, not an authority himself, and while that speaks volumes about his character, I think it also shows that he’s wise enough to know that he’s more effective where he is and isn’t the guy for the job.

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u/[deleted] Jun 09 '23

Imagine their face when they’ll discover that Rod Stewart isn’t his brother and that sending him emails to influence Jon isn’t gonna work…

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u/tom_folkestone Jun 09 '23

Just a friendly reminder that about 30% of every country is it's own version of Trumpie Bumpkin who believes in conspiracies and has the IQ of a turnip

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u/Just_Belt1954 Jun 09 '23

Deplorable is what it is...

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u/[deleted] Jun 09 '23

They’re fucking idiots so this isn’t too shocking. Honestly, the MAGA crowd is embodied by the lowest of the low.

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u/llamawithlazers Jun 09 '23

That crowd isn’t really known for their reading comprehension or, comprehension in general.

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u/Kira_Caroso Jun 09 '23

Trumpers are brain dead zombies running on a script of hate.

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u/Chratthew47150 Jun 09 '23

Not the sharpest group of people, let’s be honest

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u/xc2215x Jun 09 '23

It is not a surprise they cannot tell.

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u/arrze Jun 09 '23

Well, the GOP does like their constituents nice and dumb, they're easier to manipulate. So not a surprise at all.