r/funny Oct 05 '22 Helpful 3 Wholesome 4 Take My Energy 1 Table Slap 1 Facepalm 1

Hans Niemann going through chess security at the US open today.

Post image
39.6k Upvotes

u/AutoModerator Oct 05 '22

This is a friendly reminder to read our rules.

Memes, social media, hate-speech, and pornography are not allowed.

Screenshots of Reddit are expressly forbidden, as are TikTok videos.

Comics may only be posted on Wednesdays and Sundays.

Rule-breaking posts may result in bans.

Please also be wary of spam.


I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

2.4k

u/onliwenimtrunk Oct 05 '22 Masterpiece

Red shirt is in on the scheme it’s a fake detector it’s actually syncing the algorithm to the plug.

493

u/Bing_Bong_the_Archer Oct 06 '22

He’s programming it with all the answers

85

u/Edible_Buttplug Oct 06 '22

Ya’ll act like you’ve never seen a S’mores in Yours being microwaved before.

→ More replies

13

u/qperc77 Oct 06 '22

Not “the algorithm” butt “Analgorithm” ?

→ More replies

5.4k

u/ZumMitte185 Oct 06 '22 Silver Take My Energy

I’m kinda expecting them to slice him open and find lead weights and a fillet of halibut.

1.4k

u/PussyLunch Oct 06 '22 Wholesome

WE GOT WEIGHTS IN FISH!

593

u/StonerJake22727 Oct 06 '22

“SOMEONE CALL THE COPS!!!”

39

u/JollyGreyKitten Oct 06 '22

MUTHUR FUCKERRRR!!!!!

repeats x21

100

u/Guessed555 Oct 06 '22

Where’s your crown?

86

u/StonerJake22727 Oct 06 '22

Stuffed inside a walleye.. how else am I gonna win the fishing derby

→ More replies

64

u/AusAtWar Oct 06 '22

WEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWEWWW!!!!!

50

u/ansefhimself Oct 06 '22

YEA! YOURE DONE, BUDDY!

→ More replies

19

u/Masseyrati80 Oct 06 '22

I've seen that clip about a dozen times but never had the sound on.

Thanks to you, I won't have to, even in the future.

→ More replies

14

u/Solid_Waste Oct 06 '22

He seemed almost happy. Like he was long suspecting it and got vindicated at last.

→ More replies

8

u/RaccoonRelay Oct 06 '22

That is never not going to be hilarious

→ More replies

136

u/YeetsAhead Oct 06 '22

WE GOT AN EXTRA QUEEN UP HIS BUTT!

→ More replies

75

u/fingerbl4st Oct 06 '22

I got this reference. I have no life.

39

u/virgilhall Oct 06 '22

Vibrating lead weights

→ More replies

105

u/AgencyDelicious1933 Oct 06 '22

Me: insert witty quip about the recent poker cheating scandal where insta model paid back her winnings to Survivor contestant guy

48

u/Harbinger2001 Oct 06 '22

I still don’t see how she cheated. She called his bluff while she had a hand that was obviously bad so her bid made no sense. How is that cheating?

47

u/AnotherAtheist7 Oct 06 '22

They get mad when you don’t win the “right way”. Happened to me plenty of times in Vegas.

37

u/johnzischeme Oct 06 '22

I'll be honest, as I get drunker I am liable to do stuff just to fuck with the dickheads down-table if they start talking about my game or bets/decisions. Like fuck off Chet I'm not here 24/7 trying to make rent or whatever like you...

4

u/Subparnova79 Oct 06 '22

I intentionally will try to donk out on people so they tilt, then I play “properly” and massively profit

→ More replies

7

u/Vanviator Oct 06 '22

Gotta love a river rat!

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

8.1k

u/dropfry Oct 06 '22 Wholesome Wholesome Seal of Approval

This ruined it for people who use anal vibrators and aren't cheating.

1.7k

u/kmpdx Oct 06 '22 Helpful Wholesome

Ruined it-or rekt'em?

561

u/Accidental_Taco Oct 06 '22

Rectum? Damn near killed 'im!

→ More replies

22

u/BINGODINGODONG Oct 06 '22

I was using it to concentrate!!!!!

→ More replies
→ More replies

136

u/its_raining_scotch Oct 06 '22

“Oh there’s something up my butt Mr. Security Man? Well, you better check and see what it is. Better check deep.”

35

u/USERNAME___PASSWORD Oct 06 '22

I mean it does look like he’s clenching in the pic

13

u/dan_dares Oct 06 '22

"No.. No... gotta got up in there real deep like... "

→ More replies

14

u/lordcochise Oct 06 '22

<scanner beeps multiple times>

"Sir, would you please step this way for Random Additional Screening?"

<snaps glove>

4

u/fantasmoofrcc Oct 06 '22

Rick told me to shove that Mega Seed way up there...

→ More replies

51

u/r2002 Oct 06 '22

Au contraire. The illicitness makes it more exciting.

106

u/ProfessionalMottsman Oct 06 '22

They are cheating at life though !

104

u/SavingsNewspaper2 Oct 06 '22

I knew ranked competitive sex was real.

79

u/Solivagant23 Oct 06 '22

It's real. Quickest gun in the south right here.

1.3 seconds from underwear pulled down to ejaculation.

They call me Lightning McCream.

44

u/Lysol3435 Oct 06 '22

Lightening on the streets. Disappointment in the sheets

→ More replies
→ More replies

27

u/Kenn_ed Oct 06 '22

Yes and unfortunately some people Smurf in ranked competitive sex

7

u/BurpYoshi Oct 06 '22

I wish a skilled experienced player would smurf on a noob like me.

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

7.8k

u/Copernicus049 Oct 05 '22 Wholesome

Must be a bizarre feeling knowing that everyone in the room is wondering about your asshole.

2.1k

u/cannaco19 Oct 06 '22

Competitive advantage? If they’re thinking about what’s in his butt they’re not fully invested in the game.

1.2k

u/Prineak Oct 06 '22 Gold

taps forehead

taps butt

173

u/flyergang Oct 06 '22

Excellent comment thank you

61

u/Bayou_Blue Oct 06 '22

me: Ha, butt-mate!

her: What?

me: Uh, checkmate... gotta run! Nice to beat you!

16

u/Mabosaha Oct 06 '22

He won. Butt at what cost…

→ More replies

7

u/dan_dares Oct 06 '22

Instructions unclear

tapped 'dat ass'

5

u/JMEEKER86 Oct 06 '22

butt taps back

-.. ..- -.. . / -.-- --- ..- / .- .-. . / ..-. ..- -.-. -.- . -..

→ More replies

103

u/AnAncientMonk Oct 06 '22

Can someone enlighten me on how exactly we came to the buttplug conclusion? Was there any indicator for it or is it just a wild meme that stuck because of its comedic value?

107

u/bukem89 Oct 06 '22

Legit a twitch chat meme, then one article was posted which referenced the meme, then 20 more articles were posted referencing that article and here we are

32

u/losthedgehog Oct 06 '22

GM Eric Hansen first joked about it while doing commentary. So it started from a somewhat legit source over just twitch chat.

22

u/AntiDECA Oct 06 '22

.. It's not really a 'legit source' if it was joking.

Legit source implies there was some truth/research done into it. A joke is just bullshit to be funny.

→ More replies
→ More replies

63

u/DogfishDave Oct 06 '22

how exactly we came to the buttplug conclusion?

If there's a vibrating device passing encoded tips/messages and that device isn't secreted amongst the clothing then it's within the body, which reduces the possibilities to an oral fitting (e.g. false tooth or bridge), a swallowed capsule which will pass through the body over time, or something wedged in the Chatham Pocket.

8

u/Buttspider Oct 06 '22

The delight term ‘Chatham Pocket’ is new too me. Thank you for adding to my vocabulary.

14

u/disparate_depravity Oct 06 '22

Can't it be an implant under the skin or even in the muscle?

30

u/DogfishDave Oct 06 '22

It could, but that's likely to leave some surgical evidence, and would presumably need to have a power source changed at intervals as the kinetic signalling operations would be quite power-hungry... to my mind it's a poor "temporary" option.

6

u/disparate_depravity Oct 06 '22

That is true. Wireless charging exists, but then the size would increase quite significantly I'd imagine.

4

u/MOOShoooooo Oct 06 '22

At this point it would be easier to use Mission: Impossible face mask technology.

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

151

u/CaptainSnugShorts Oct 06 '22

I said what what, in the butt

I said what what, in the butt

I said what what, in the butt

I said what what, in the butt

→ More replies

57

u/graywolf0026 Oct 06 '22 Helpful

Well... T'be fair...

You never know what move he might pull out of his ass.

→ More replies

27

u/its_raining_scotch Oct 06 '22

You could totally psych out your opponent. Just make eye contact before each of your moves or when they’re about to do a move and make vibrating sounds with your mouth and shuffle around in your chair.

→ More replies

21

u/panda_gravy Oct 06 '22

Supposedly a lot of top players do say that. Playing against a known cheater makes it easy to get into your own head.

→ More replies
→ More replies

466

u/Icy-Rent6971 Oct 05 '22

No different to hanging out in a gay bar…

117

u/Ok-Kaleidoscope220 Oct 06 '22

Funny. And yet strangely true and accurate. That’s a thinker…..🤔

9

u/PalaSS9 Oct 06 '22

Walk into a gay bar, everyone is playing chess

18

u/Chuggles1 Oct 06 '22

Are there asshole preferences?

51

u/Icy-Rent6971 Oct 06 '22

Depends what your after on the (w)hole.

Ranges from tight young virgin through to experienced wizards sleeve.

Then there’s the whole hair thing….

10

u/eLemonnader Oct 06 '22

experienced wizards sleeve

Lmao damn.

18

u/mnb301 Oct 06 '22

oh that's me 😳

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

13

u/suatkelem Oct 06 '22

It’s a win-win. In case of a severe check you can get a free greek massage which is good for your health.

321

u/celestiaequestria Oct 06 '22

If I were him it would make me glad that a ridiculous story ("he has a buttplug") was the focus instead of the far easier, and more obvious, explanation: that he has a small implant the size of a grain of rice that can quite simply be activated by something as easy as high-pitched chirps in the right frequency. Doesn't require detectable amounts of metal, doesn't require any RFID or other detectable radio frequency, doesn't emit anything that can be detected (listen only) - and with a cohort in the audience with a speaker as small as 0.5" they could easily generate the signals.

People are looking for something far more complex (or large) or technically elaborate than necessary. For a player who is in the top 1% of players globally already, to have enough of a cheat to make it one or two standard deviations higher in performance doesn't require that much hand-holding, they just need a square transmitted - 2 characters in morse code - and that's enough to find the line of play to win.

293

u/hibi_chan Oct 06 '22

Like I’ve said: both players, naked, alone, in a bunker under ground, with a chess set. Ez pz

380

u/officerblues Oct 06 '22

Or make all players wear audited and approved buttplugs. You can't cheat if your ass is already filled up.

838

u/mostnormal Oct 06 '22 Gold Helpful Wholesome Table Slap Kiss

My ex wife begs to differ.

31

u/Capital_Punisher Oct 06 '22

How is she? It's been a while

4

u/monkeyredo Oct 06 '22

I also choose this guy’s wife

→ More replies
→ More replies

63

u/ends_abruptl Oct 06 '22

Post of the day. No point looking any further on Reddit tonight.

G'night folks!

→ More replies
→ More replies

42

u/Qtreman Oct 06 '22

I propose a new chess piece: the Fuhrer. Both players shove it up their assholes and whoever gets three checkmate first says "Get the Fuhrer out of the bunker" to the opponent and wins.

If there is a stalemate you have to keep it in until a rematch. Sorry, I make the rules.

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

12

u/Lucid_Insanity Oct 06 '22

It's in his weiner.

40

u/OsamaBinFuckin Oct 06 '22

Just make them play in a Faraday cage

107

u/celestiaequestria Oct 06 '22

Faraday cages don't stop any of the methods I listed. Same problem as the wands - they give you a false sense of security, and they also reveal what you're looking for - which makes it easier for cheaters to exploit weaknesses.

In fact, most good cheat devices don't depend on the ability to send an electromagnetic signal, quite a few of them can be in lights or sounds that will pass unaffected through your faraday cage. And remember, if he's using a cohort to help him cheat, those assistants will adjust their methods to the situation - there a lot of low tech ways to cheat, for example, the seating position or way that someone in the audience is sitting may indicate a letter / number for board positions.

That's what makes this whole buttplug story such a great cover for his potential cheating - he can point at the absurdity, say that he passes radio and metal detector scans - and so on - and it reassures people - but the premise was wrong to begin with: he's not cheating using a radio.

55

u/asiandouchecanoe Oct 06 '22

Have someone outside banging on a trash can’

→ More replies

19

u/OsamaBinFuckin Oct 06 '22

Shit, that's all I had.. how about make them play under water AND with a Faraday cage in the water. Or just a hair dryer

103

u/Sparkism Oct 06 '22

A low tech solution to a low tech cheat -- just make them play in a separate room with a 10 minute delay video feed for everyone watching. Nobody needs to know, and for anyone who is present they'll think the whole thing was live.

26

u/Cikoon Oct 06 '22

Thats so simple yet so brilliant. Just the two of them and one offical from the tournament, in a room with a lot of cameras with a 3 min delay (or someting like that) and they only can go back to "public" after someone won and the 3 min delay is over. So no one can leak or spoiler anything.

11

u/Yeh-nah-but Oct 06 '22

Like that cash poker game with the woman who made the man angry

8

u/Hardcorish Oct 06 '22

This is pure genius. Even better, it cost nothing compared to all the fancy tech used to detect cheating.

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

25

u/Bravisimo Oct 06 '22

Hans is gonna pull himself by the bootstraps and blast a few asses of his own

8

u/zachary-zy-zyan Oct 06 '22

Not gay sex?

4

u/canadianbacon6 Oct 06 '22

Chess is all one big ass blast

→ More replies

3

u/FaanPret72 Oct 06 '22

Look as if he is clinching those butt cheeks pretty hard

4

u/Old-Sun-9330 Oct 06 '22

Can they make you squat and cough? Or is that a little too far?

→ More replies

755

u/docinsfca Oct 06 '22 Gold Take My Energy

I get my kicks above the waistline, sunshine…

174

u/Thosewhippersnappers Oct 06 '22

🎶one night in Bangkok and the world’s your oyster🎵

71

u/iHasMagyk Oct 06 '22

the bars are temples but the pearls ain't free

16

u/Thosewhippersnappers Oct 06 '22

🎶you’ll find a god in every golden cloister🎶

→ More replies

32

u/Doby_Mick Oct 06 '22

This is such a great comment. Naturally read it in the voice and tune haha

→ More replies
→ More replies

4.0k

u/Shifter93 Oct 06 '22 Wholesome Take My Energy

"he's gotta go through the new machine."

"what new machine?"

"it's a new machine, it detects stuff all the way up your butt."

1.1k

u/BlackLeader70 Oct 06 '22

Run Morty, run!!

211

u/SlaveLaborMods Oct 06 '22

DONT THINK ABOUT IT!

→ More replies

240

u/aspidities_87 Oct 06 '22

It’s just an expression! They’re bureaucrats, I don’t respect them!

76

u/symitwo Oct 06 '22

Keep shooting, morty!

→ More replies

61

u/theothermen Oct 06 '22

I can't swallow that!

74

u/raxagos Oct 06 '22

Good news! It's a suppository.

16

u/The_Sentinel_45 Oct 06 '22

Good news everyone!

6

u/JohnnyPeanutII Oct 06 '22

This is uncomfortable and humiliating! Now, if they could put it in the form of a suppository...

→ More replies

1.9k

u/explosn Oct 06 '22 Wearing is Caring

“Okay sir, I just need ta check inside ya asshole” - South Park TSA Lady

254

u/mathaius42 Oct 06 '22

Im a big boy! I took a big boy poop!

→ More replies

39

u/Kingofsoysauce Oct 06 '22

Just left over p(r)awns

→ More replies

918

u/smartcool Oct 06 '22 Gold

He has a tell. If he clenches his butt cheeks he's about to castle.

157

u/wizardneedfood Oct 06 '22

I thought that meant he was en passant.

41

u/SheetPostah Oct 06 '22

If he yells, there’s a fork coming.

5

u/chattywww Oct 06 '22

Hate to see him with a skewer

→ More replies

24

u/ASL4theblind Oct 06 '22

Holy hell.

6

u/Aldroc Oct 06 '22

Chad anarchy member

→ More replies
→ More replies

6

u/KE55 Oct 06 '22

It's the L-shaped knight moves that really make him twitch.

→ More replies

644

u/thalassicus Oct 06 '22 Silver

So, do they recheck him after every restroom break or do they just smell the pieces?

387

u/McRedditerFace Oct 06 '22

Lol, but really for those who hadn't heard... there was a rumour he had a remote-controlled butt-plug to send moves via morse-code from someone on the outside with a PC running AI to find the best move.

619

u/1106DaysLater Oct 06 '22

Not really a rumor, a chess streamer (Eric Hansen/ chessbrah) just made what was very obviously a joke and it’s blown up from there.

151

u/Karjalan Oct 06 '22

It'd be pretty amazing if he shoved a non vibrating but plug up there, just to mess with them.

56

u/Johnnybravo60025 Oct 06 '22

Get a clear gem one and tell them it’s a “diamond in the rough.”

→ More replies
→ More replies

24

u/MadAzza Oct 06 '22

Someone “made … a joke and it’s blown up from there.”

Also called “how a rumor gets started.”

72

u/Treacherous_Peach Oct 06 '22

You've described the birth of a rumor! Rumors almost never start as deliberate lies spread around. Usually they start just like this. Some joke taken too far, something heard out of comtext, yada yada. Well anyway it's a rumor now.

→ More replies
→ More replies

72

u/noiraxen Oct 06 '22

Joke* not rumour.

→ More replies

14

u/lo0ilo0ilo0i Oct 06 '22

WE GOT A PLUG IN THE BUTT

→ More replies
→ More replies

54

u/t4ctical_pot4to Oct 06 '22

😂😂😂😂 or check to see if the white ones have brown tips (if he plays white)

→ More replies
→ More replies

328

u/slamdanceswithwolves Oct 06 '22

You hear about the last guy he played?

Totally rectum.

50

u/CannolisRUs Oct 06 '22

Rectum? I barely knew him

→ More replies

42

u/gen3stang Oct 06 '22

What if Hans and Magnus have a bet going that one could get the others ass searched. Magnus has a huge lead right now.

→ More replies

120

u/IEatWholePizzas Oct 06 '22

Context?

92

u/[deleted] Oct 06 '22 edited Oct 23 '22

[deleted]

8

u/MrArtless Oct 06 '22

Not appears to, the dude definitely scanned his ass

→ More replies

225

u/tonyinvegas Oct 06 '22

He’s a young, Chess Grandmaster accused of cheating. He’s admitted to cheating during on-line matches in the past. But recently beat some super-duper chess dude rather quickly. The loser has accused him of cheating. No proof yet. You’re all caught up.

511

u/Earthiness Oct 06 '22 All-Seeing Upvote Narwhal Salute Starstruck

I think the bigger issue is that he doubled down and said he only cheated twice. Ever. Than Chess.com came forward and said after analyzing his play during online tournaments and games played on their servers, he's likely to have cheated over 100 times.

They released a 72 page report outlining not only his cheating but how he cheated during games where prize money was at stake.

The whole butt plug thing was a meme that the news got a hold of because "chess people are weird" and it's a clickbait title. In reality, Magnus called him out as a cheater and it was found out he's cheated extensively online and in online tournaments. They can't go back in time and check him over again so unless he admits to it, we will never know.

36

u/boo_blaster Oct 06 '22

Ok I'm curious here. How do online matches work exactly? There must be some kind of anti-cheating measure right? Otherwise you can't expect players not to cheat when they're behind a computer screen. With prize money involved no less.

I mean people cheat in every online multiplayer game that ever existed and they're just for fun.

77

u/degotoga Oct 06 '22

Yes, they have algorithms that assess your ability vs your play. If you’re a low rated player playing games with perfect accuracy that raises some alarms. It’s probably important to note that high level play is a different game entirely. A low level player might need an engine to play the entire game for them while a high level player only needs one move at a critical moment. Hans for example was caught tabbing out of the chess client (to check a chess engine) just before making a suspicious move. This was a regular enough occurrence for him that they were able to model it. These kind of patterns take a while to form so it can take some time to catch cheaters.

It’s possible that in the future online competitions might be subjected to more stringent camera/proctoring systems as an proactive form of anticheat

40

u/DylanHate Oct 06 '22

If they caught him because he switched tabs you’d think he’d just use a separate computer or device. No one would know if he’s looking at another screen…

11

u/Riun Oct 06 '22

They are usually monitored via Camera (similar how some online exams are taken under supervision).

6

u/harharveryfunny Oct 06 '22

That's just one of the things they look for, but certainly easy to avoid.

Most of the the cheat detection is based on the play itself. Chess computers nowadays are WAY stronger than any human (because they look so many moves ahead), and also play in a very different way. Many computer moves look very odd to a human.

One way to detect cheating is if the player's moves are often best-possible computer moves, although doing this too often is a sure fire way to get caught. There are also considerations of how long the player took to make a move... a complicated position (e.g. as revealed by a computer) should mean the player takes longer to analyze it, so it's suspicious if they don't. Another approach by chess.com is overall strength of play which they can compare across players and the player's own history.

chess.com also use GM's to analyze games where their automated methods raise suspicion of cheating.

→ More replies
→ More replies

73

u/tonyinvegas Oct 06 '22

I know nothing about chess or it’s culture, but I do know of this story. I’m interested to learn “how” he cheated in-person.

147

u/descendency Oct 06 '22

The issue is it’s very hard to catch cheating in person. Sometimes coaches use sly hand signals. Sometimes people check computers in bathrooms(cell phone). Sometimes there is a signal sent to a small vibrator in a shoe (or as the current joke goes, anal beads).

This is all but impossible to catch at the top level unless you catch the person in the act. But it involves someone using a chess computer to calculate deep into a position and give the best line to play. Sometimes all you need to know is if you’re winning or not in the current position. Simply knowing that can tell you what to play if you’re strong enough.

5

u/DoneisDone45 Oct 06 '22

it's guaranteed to be a device on him but with technology these days, it could be tiny and implanted in his body.

→ More replies

11

u/RogerOverUnderDunn Oct 06 '22

up until this time, people are not frisked or checked for computers, coaching devices or signling( vibrating ) type devices worn on thier person.

23

u/EvenResponsibility57 Oct 06 '22

Well it does happen and people have been caught before.

With technology nowadays, there's countless things you can do. The 'right' move is easy to get through a good chess AI. And all you need is one cheated move to win a game since a lot of chess comes down to the direction you decide to go in, rather than how each move is played.

An audience member can signal to the player. 'vibrations' could technically work. Essentially, all you need is some way of communicating a single move to the player. I'm interested too, but it would be hard to properly prevent aside from pushing them through airport level security and locking them in a sealed room.

→ More replies
→ More replies

17

u/Pienewten Oct 06 '22

The website also backed the guy accusing him to the tune 80+million dollars if I remember right. I highly doubt no matter what Magnuson says chess.com would 100% take his side no matter what.

→ More replies
→ More replies

14

u/Predictist Oct 06 '22

You forgot to mention the anal beads

→ More replies
→ More replies

187

u/bkuri Oct 05 '22

I thought he offered to play naked?

I guess they would rather see him cheating with his clothes on lol

136

u/Zedd2087 Oct 06 '22 edited Oct 06 '22

No he did not. A cam site offered him 1mil to play naked.

EDIT - Apparently he did

117

u/xiaolinfunke Oct 06 '22

He did say he would play naked, but it may not have been a serious offer

18

u/Zedd2087 Oct 06 '22

I must have missed that part, maybe that's where the cam site offer came from?

15

u/xiaolinfunke Oct 06 '22

Possibly, or they were just making the offer based on all the anal bead memes online and saw a chance to get publicity for their site. I'm not sure if they offered before or after the interview where he made that comment

20

u/EvenResponsibility57 Oct 06 '22

Lol.

A cam site offered him 1mil to play naked.

Apparently he did

I thought you were referring to him playing naked. Was confused I hadn't heard about that yet.

→ More replies
→ More replies

165

u/Geoclasm Oct 06 '22

This fucking timeline I swear.

13

u/plafki Oct 06 '22

The clown timeline?

→ More replies

255

u/copter_chris Oct 05 '22

Check.... mate sly wink

→ More replies

94

u/Icy-Rent6971 Oct 05 '22

Check (my butthole) Mate

71

u/bufordt Oct 06 '22

26

u/CrumbledTheCookies Oct 06 '22

I watch this every time it's linked in a comment. I've never once regretted it.

25

u/friarcrazy Oct 06 '22

Fuckin’ worth it baby

10

u/typingwithelbows Oct 06 '22

Just had my first time. I seem to have lost my ability to stop laughing

4

u/Enchelion Oct 06 '22

Just you wait, Tom Cardi has a treasure trove of hilarious videos. I recommendHey, I Don't Work Here.

18

u/MightyMundrum Oct 06 '22

Whats with all the candles?

23

u/Infinitebruh8569 Oct 06 '22

It's to set up the mood

→ More replies

210

u/mad_dang_eccles Oct 05 '22

Can't tell if that lady has bad resting bitch face or is just trying really hard not to burst out laughing

127

u/DeliciousJello1717 Oct 06 '22

She is trying not to laugh the clip is on livestreamfail

→ More replies
→ More replies

12

u/delhux Oct 06 '22 edited Oct 06 '22

I know nothing about this—but if the guy captures his opponent’s pieces, why shouldn’t he be allowed to put them wherever he wants?

→ More replies

11

u/grelgen Oct 06 '22

are those jello shots?

7

u/AncientAlienAlias Oct 06 '22

We need the “We got weights in fish!“ guy for this

46

u/Significant-Damage14 Oct 06 '22

Random security guard: Sorry sir, but we need to perform a cavity search. Nieman: This is getting exaggerated. RSG: Sorry, new protocols due to all the cheating and stuff. Nieman: Fine, just do it already. 'Nieman enters the next room and a security guard stops him' Security guard: Step over here a bit. We're going to check you for any devices. Nieman: The guard outside already searched me. SG: What guard? I'm the only one doing security check. Nieman: ...

5

u/tangcameo Oct 06 '22

When he says “hit me” and “double down” and “stay” you know he’s brought the wrong vibrator

24

u/WorstGatorEUW Oct 06 '22

The woman on the left is trying so hard to hold it in.

Oh ho no no no no

18

u/WretchedTom Oct 06 '22

If you watch the clip you can see Irina Krush crack a smile when they made Hans turn around for the scan. Hans was the only one in the line of chess players who was made to turn around!

→ More replies

6

u/cicglass Oct 06 '22

Here’s a link to the clip off r/livestreamfail :

https://livestreamfails.com/clip/144491

Originally off the stlchessclub twitch channel.

→ More replies

6

u/DisastrousOne3950 Oct 06 '22

Didn't know chess was such a violent sport...

55

u/The_tru_xplicitt Oct 06 '22 Silver

I don't understand why he gets to still compete after admiting to being a cheat. Should just be banned from playing professionally.

37

u/Hopeful-Profession74 Oct 06 '22

Yeah I'm surprised to see he's allowed to play right now. The chess.com report is damning.

→ More replies
→ More replies

16

u/TianObia Oct 06 '22 edited Oct 06 '22

Bruh did he cheat or not?! I'm literally dying to know. Magnus appears to think so but there isn't any real proof. Perhaps his previous cheating could've gave him a leg up in his match and thoroughly studying Magnuses previous games and play style while using cheats to beat an AI Magnus then he could learn how to beat him in a live match. No way am I ruling out the anal bead device tho

28

u/Sunburnt-Vampire Oct 06 '22

Chess.com has said they have proof he cheated when playing online through their website - including during tournaments with cash prizes.

While we will likely never prove whether he cheated in the IRL game against Magnus, it's pretty damning if he's a regular cheater online where it is more easy to prove (Chess.com literally said he plays better moves after he has toggled to another tab compared to when he does not toggle).

→ More replies
→ More replies

4

u/IRanOutOf_Names Oct 06 '22

For those unaware, Hans has been accused of cheating via gaining moves from an outside source. It was theorized (as a joke) that he may be using a buttplug that sent signals to him as to what move to make.

5

u/iRoCplays Oct 06 '22

The way he’s standing looks like he’s clenching his butthole as hard as possible.

4

u/Reggie_Barclay Oct 06 '22

He’d be pretty dumb to cheat at this one.

4

u/phollox Oct 06 '22

He's the Kim Kardashian of Chess

Everyone is more focused on his ass than on his brain

17

u/ImRickJameXXXX Oct 06 '22

The only way he can prove he is it cheating is to only play in faraday cages

→ More replies