r/funny Oct 06 '22 Silver 1

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7.8k Upvotes

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119

u/Tribblehappy Oct 06 '22

"Icy when frozen."

40

u/wakaflockasleftnut Oct 06 '22

“Driven On When Cars Are Around”

31

u/_YeAhx_ Oct 06 '22

"dark road at night"

14

u/War_Daddy_992 Oct 06 '22

Night dark

5

u/reddit_user13 Oct 07 '22

Hot when on fire.

51

u/gentoonix Oct 06 '22

Sounds like my wife.

30

u/too_con Oct 06 '22

I do not choose this man’s wife.

10

u/War_Daddy_992 Oct 06 '22

mud wrestling?

7

u/Middleofthemaul Oct 06 '22

If it’s muddy, you may have traveled down the wrong road…

3

u/gentoonix Oct 06 '22

What’s a bit of mud between companions?

2

u/Key-Collar-951 Oct 07 '22

When the rivers run red take the dirt road! Coincides with the female period.

4

u/TheseConsideration95 Oct 06 '22

Slippery when wet

3

u/Adventurous_Mango_40 Oct 06 '22

More like salty when dry

13

u/Aggravating_Dig9913 Oct 06 '22

It's good that we were warned

10

u/random-incident Oct 06 '22

No. A proper warning sign should only have a random glyph and no verbiage.

2

u/War_Daddy_992 Oct 06 '22

All safety signs are written in blood, but in this case a magnum sharpie

2

u/Aggravating_Dig9913 Oct 06 '22

Well, even the sign is not a real sign. this is the whole life

5

u/aliocroc Oct 06 '22

Neither when moist.

3

u/Niche_Humor Oct 06 '22

Moist is good, unless you're in forensics. They apparently hate the term. The people at Betty Crocker seem to love it, though. 🤓

1

u/War_Daddy_992 Oct 06 '22

Curious about how forensics dislike it

2

u/Niche_Humor Oct 06 '22

I honestly don't know why, but I know someone in the field, and she tells me that it's a "yuck" term in a field that deals with serious "yuck". I do not envy her job, but in her case, I'm glad that there's someone with her integrity that is doing it.

6

u/War_Daddy_992 Oct 06 '22

Watched a bunch of the old Vegas CSI, but if in real life I was in the profession I be bored doing all the ( real ) science stuff and I would be constantly throwing up.

3

u/Niche_Humor Oct 06 '22

It is emotionally very hard on my friend. She's super kind and empathetic. Slogging through the science stuff is what is required, and I'm again grateful that she's there doing it. Fun fact - she taught me that if you're assaulted, scratch and claw. There's evidence there. She also taught me that slapping the Joe Biden "I did this" stickers on gas pumps is a crime, and they will do DNA analysis to prosecute.

3

u/War_Daddy_992 Oct 06 '22 edited Oct 06 '22

Really? Well it ain’t the worst thing I’ve done.

Besides what kind of punishment would they give you for a literally posting a meme?

1

u/Niche_Humor Oct 06 '22

YOU did the Biden sticker thing?

2

u/Niche_Humor Oct 06 '22

I've done worse as well, but yeah - it's a federal crime. Next time you pay an exorbitant ATM fee, or have to wait a week for a refund, slap a sticker of an investment baker on the machine. Still a crime.

0

u/War_Daddy_992 Oct 06 '22

Still a have a few stickys left

0

u/G4Channel Oct 06 '22

Biden stickers are a federal crime?

Got a source on that (aside from your friend)?

→ More replies

1

u/War_Daddy_992 Oct 06 '22

A lot people in Texas were doing it

Done far worse than stickers

2

u/Niche_Humor Oct 06 '22

Texas is it's own thing, isn't it? Their slogan was once "It's like a whole other country". There was a movement to secede. California is the bane of Texas. Texas is the bane of California. Yeesh. Texas did however ship migrants to another state as a political stunt. That's human trafficking. We gotta take a breath as a nation.

→ More replies

1

u/War_Daddy_992 Oct 06 '22

Think unless it’s a card skimmer no one is going to give a shit, even the employees care less.

Like going to a port a jon and seeing a dick drawn on the wall

1

u/Niche_Humor Oct 06 '22

I'm in Vegas - funny that you mention that, unless you read my profile. That would make it less than coincidental.

0

u/ThisismyLOLsmurf Oct 06 '22

Wouldn't put it past the regime to imprison people for stickers

5

u/TheDersy Oct 06 '22

Slippery when wet

2

u/Niche_Humor Oct 06 '22

That was a good album.

4

u/Holiday_Document4592 Oct 06 '22

I get what they're saying. Parts of my country have black soil that when wet is impassable due to depth and stickiness of mud and when dry suffocates the engines of professional rally cars

6

u/rookhelm Oct 06 '22

Wet when wet; dry when dry

5

u/hyper_blue_blur Oct 06 '22

Bumpy when rocky

3

u/War_Daddy_992 Oct 06 '22

Smooth when flat

1

u/War_Daddy_992 Oct 06 '22

Curvy when thic

5

u/scooterboy1961 Oct 06 '22

When you think about it mud is just wet dirt.

7

u/War_Daddy_992 Oct 06 '22

And dirt is just dehydrated mud

4

u/Revocation_Of_Doubt Oct 06 '22

Dark when night

2

u/War_Daddy_992 Oct 06 '22

Light when day

3

u/Macsmackin92 Oct 06 '22

Reminds of the sign at a golf course. If this rock is wet, it’s raining. If it’s dry it’s not raining.

8

u/1onnude Oct 06 '22

Like my asshole

9

u/Niche_Humor Oct 06 '22

Why would we like your asshole, asshole?

4

u/smm97 Oct 06 '22

2

u/War_Daddy_992 Oct 06 '22

Good ol Florida Man, As a Texan I have to say I love Florida.

-5

u/Niche_Humor Oct 06 '22

Why in the world would I ask Florida Man anything? DeSantis suckling the teat of what he claims to despise, hey wants to run. I do apologize to the not cartoon people of Florida. Nature handed you your ass. I do not have the financial means to really help, and I'm on the other side of the continent, but I'm still a person, and an American. I hope that the federal government (that's all of us) comes to your aid quickly. We're not seemingly so united states', but this storm hurt real people, and we as a nation need to come running to help.

2

u/War_Daddy_992 Oct 06 '22 edited Oct 06 '22

Bruh ya need to chill

1

u/TheseConsideration95 Oct 06 '22

Do we have to get political again

1

u/Niche_Humor Oct 07 '22

No, we don't. I'm done. 😏

1

u/smm97 Oct 07 '22

Well this went in an unexpected direction.

2

u/Niche_Humor Oct 07 '22

Yeah- not my best moment.

1

u/smm97 Oct 07 '22

Hahaha

3

u/HumusSapien Oct 06 '22

Hit the subscription button guys

4

u/DisguisedAsHumans Oct 06 '22

Hey that’s… That’s what she said.

2

u/b4ttlepoops Oct 06 '22

Stinky when gassy

2

u/BuckyDuster Oct 06 '22

NOW you tell me!

3

u/david_waits Oct 06 '22

There are signs at my local Walgreens that read, "Sidewalks may be slippery when snow and ice are present."

2

u/kat82au1 Oct 06 '22

If you’re Aussie and you know it, here’s a sign. clap clap

2

u/smm97 Oct 06 '22

There's a naughty joke in here, but I'm not brazen enough to make it.

2

u/War_Daddy_992 Oct 06 '22

Oo you dirty

1

u/Key-Collar-951 Oct 07 '22

I did earlier it’s the anal joke for when they don’t want you down the river. That’s before you show your redwings off

2

u/Skully_Lover Oct 06 '22

Trampy when Moist.

2

u/War_Daddy_992 Oct 06 '22

Prude when dry

2

u/bonsparo Oct 06 '22

🤔where is the sweet spot🙊

1

u/SpiffyBlizzard Oct 06 '22

I like how this is a picture of every country road I’ve ever seen

1

u/dzastrus Oct 06 '22

Rural Arkansas sign by a bridge: “Bridge freezes before road - in cold weather.” Should have stopped but it took a mile for the absurdity to sink in.

1

u/LowDownSkankyDude Oct 06 '22

Whoever made that wins, and the municipality should make it a permanent sign.

2

u/War_Daddy_992 Oct 06 '22

Permanent but it’ll still be magic marker on cardboard, they’ll have keep replacing it after it rains

1

u/LowDownSkankyDude Oct 06 '22

Laminate it and bolt it to the pole, so it slowly rots inside the plastic, then laminate that one, repeating the process until its no longer legible, then use permanent marker on that.

2

u/War_Daddy_992 Oct 06 '22

And the pole is just a stick pull off from a nearby tree

1

u/cyborgborg777 Oct 06 '22

Every 60 seconds….

1

u/b-hizz Oct 06 '22

Now we know the next Bon Jovi Album name.

1

u/Sea_Youth3948 Oct 06 '22

One dark night when the sun shone bright two dead boys got up to fight. Back to back they faced each other,drew their swords and shot each other. The deaf policeman heard this noise,he got up and shot those two dead boys. If you don’t believe this lie is true..ask the blind man he seen it,too.

1

u/Outside_Iron_3389 Oct 07 '22

You don't say.

1

u/aajaxxx Oct 07 '22

The sad part is that the sign is probably needed for some people.

0

u/yblame Oct 06 '22

'Ball ache in any weather'

0

u/lesterburnhamm66 Oct 06 '22

There is someone out there that complained about the road conditions after a rain and this is what we get.

0

u/Buttertubbs Oct 06 '22

Both are clear examples of the effects of climate change.