r/funny Oct 06 '22 Silver 1 Wholesome 3 Table Slap 1

Hope he didn't finish it first !Rule 2 - Meme/memetic content - Removed

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21.7k Upvotes

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2.8k

u/Any_Coyote6662 Oct 06 '22

Wtf. Is he mad at u or was he just excited to pee in a cup? I'm so confused about why!

2.2k

u/obi-jawn-kenobi Oct 06 '22 Helpful

Kid brain is very irrational.

I specifically remember feeling like I desperately had to pee while my mom was changing my baby brother's diaper, then peeing in a dump truck toy. No real reason, it was just there and I didn't see or couldn't find my toddler potty.

This was followed with immediate feelings of "oh no, I'm gonna get in trouble when she sees this" but also taking no effort to hide it... I just avoided that toy. Next time I use it, like a day later I guess, the pee was gone and I was not in trouble.

Maybe I got away with it, maybe I broke my mom. I'm still puzzled by it at times 27-28 years later.

1.1k

u/Unable_Request Oct 06 '22 Cake

I remember as a really young child (based on living in a childhood home we left early, I couldn't have been older than 3 or so), I one day was peeing in the toilet when I thought... why am I doing this? Why am I aiming this into the toilet?

I proceeded to blast the floors, walls, the toilet seat, the tank, behind me, just absolutely everywhere. I pressure washed that bathroom. No reason why. Wasn't trying to be a little shit. I just remember thinking, why not? Seemed just as reasonable as the alternative.

445

u/lcr68 Oct 06 '22

I remember having the same thought at my grandparents house. I accidentally somehow splashed some on the wall next to the toilet. I was terrified I’d get in trouble. Never happened. Next day my splash was dried up and to my little brain, I thought it had magically disappeared. So I tested it out on purpose the next time. Full stream on the wall. Next few hours went by and it disappeared again.

Kids are stupid.

After my grandparents passed away and their kids were in the process of selling the house, I checked in on that bathroom (now 15 years later) when we were packing things up and light yellow stains were still there. Kinda crazy that a.) they never washed that wall, and b.) the second I saw those stains I was transported to a much happier time in my life where I could be carefree and piss on my grandparents wall. I miss those days.

208

u/Buddyslime Oct 06 '22

Long as I'm here, when I was about 4 my buddy and I decided to go downtown to check things out. We came across the back of a bakery and low and behold there was a delivery truck opened and full of donuts and stuff. We thought we hit a goldmine. So we ate as much as we could and strolled around for awhile and all of a sudden we got the shits and crapped our pants. My buddy said "don't worry it will dry!" When we were walking back home all the people were yelling get home kids you stink! When we got home we were thrown into the tub and got a spanking. Come to find out that truck has been sitting there for a month and the bakery was shut down prior. 1959 was the year we learned a lesson. Yep kids are stupid.

164

u/Dorkbitch Oct 06 '22

Before you even mentioned a date I was imagining a 50's setting. It's just not something kids would ever be allowed today...a 4 year old and his buddy go on an adventure downtown and find a donut truck, fill up their tummies to the hearts content, adults yelling at 4yr olds to go home this is something so 50's cliché it almost sounds fake or from a movie. What an amazing memory to have.

159

u/McRedditerFace Oct 06 '22

1945 my father and his friend were 5 and decided to go to the museum in Manhattan since they had a free day on that day of the week.

They had no cash, and living in Queens they simply jumped the turnstyles and hopped on the subway. They got over there alright, had a good time at the museum... and on the way back discovered the turnstyles were different... floor to ceiling.

So he and his friend turned to panhandling in the NY subway station.

Eventually someone handed him the requisite nickel and asked that he pay it back sometime. My father was puzzled, how can I pay you back? How would I find you? He simply said "someday, someone else will need a nickel, and that's how you can pay it back."

TL;DR... my father lived an IRL "pay it forward" story back in 1945.

10

u/Dragnskull Oct 06 '22

like a chapter in huck finn tbh

24

u/Buddyslime Oct 06 '22

Why do you think I remembered A thing like that? HA! It was just so bad.

47

u/Chabubu Oct 06 '22

I was playing in the wooded lot next to my house with a friend.

“I have to go the bathroom” he says.

“Do you have to pee or poop? You can pee on that tree there or go inside if you need to poop.” I say.

“Never-mind, I’m good now”.

I look over and my friend had completely peed his pants down to his knees.

I was thinking “what the heck just happened”, but for him it was no big deal.

We were both 8…

27

u/Dragnskull Oct 06 '22

me and my friends used to pee in the toilet together

not only would we cross the streams but wed have pee stream battles

7

u/rat_skeleton Oct 07 '22

I used to force my little sister to pee in the bath if I was on the toilet + she needed it

14

u/lcr68 Oct 06 '22

Oh nooo. Haha what a great story! Do you remember if they tasted like normal donuts? The fuzzy stuff was just decoration!

13

u/Buddyslime Oct 06 '22

Kids like donuts. Who cared how old they were. The sweetness of it all!

7

u/Dragnskull Oct 06 '22

in the 50's children 4 years old could go downtown on their own?

13

u/kremlinexpress Oct 07 '22

I mean, depending on the town yeah, but on a regular US city in the 50’s child abduction was just a myth and close to non-existent, so it was very laidback, then in the 80’s you couldn’t really wonder around that young but teens would be biking everywhere on a 5-10 mile radius from home, in todays day and age depends very much where you live but it’s rare to even see kids playing on their front yards.

5

u/Dragnskull Oct 07 '22

im 35, grew up playing outside riding bikes in around a 1-2 mile radius, a few blocks of the neighborhood was our allowed zone

we'd get in trouble if we went much further, but we often did of course

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3

u/Dragnskull Oct 06 '22

the house wasnt sold yet, you could have still peed on your grandparents wall, missed opportunity.

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325

u/obi-jawn-kenobi Oct 06 '22

Even at age 3, the heart yearns for freedom.

124

u/evlgns Oct 06 '22 Silver

*urines

11

u/redditshy Oct 06 '22

Reese Witherspoon is in, are urine?

7

u/BATRAK84 Oct 07 '22

Even urines age 3, the heart yearns for freedom?

3

u/davispbenecke Oct 07 '22

This made me laugh so hard

12

u/thequeefcannon Oct 07 '22

Have a 3YO right now. Can confirm. We call her our Threenager because she's an absolute monster right now :'< Please tell me it gets easier.

5

u/Responsible_parrot Oct 07 '22

My oldest got her terrible twos when she was 3 and was a nightmare. By 4 she was over it and she’s the sweetest kid in the world now. My second kid was super easy until about 4 and we’ve been butting heads for the 2 years since. You just never know.

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50

u/AtkoLFC Oct 06 '22

Rage against the latrine

41

u/McSlappyBallz Oct 06 '22

You guys are making me really glad I have a vasectomy scheduled for next week.

22

u/Alicard8881 Oct 06 '22

When I was really little I pooped on my brothers bed and in his hamper. No real reason that I can remember other than “I gotta poop” and the bed and hamper looked like a thing to poop on

30

u/Bert_Skrrtz Oct 06 '22

Reminds me of the time I saw my dog shit outside and wipe his ass in the grass. So of course I had to do the same but instead I wiped my ass on the pole of our swing set.

26

u/tinylittlebabyjesus Oct 06 '22

I'm sure the dog looked on with pride

7

u/Dragnskull Oct 07 '22

one time in my late 20's i was hanging out with my best friend and we swung by his moms house. she had a golden lab and he was in the back yard and we see him start to take a poo.

me, being the moron i am, I start banging on the sliding glass door to spook him...and it works. He kinda jumps forward from his squatting position and stares at us, then starts waddling around all bow-legged. it was obvious I made him clench up and now he had this log half pushed out and clenched in his. Me and my friend start dying of laughter because of how hes waddling.

his mom walks in wondering what were laughing about and he tells her. she immidiately gets -super- pissed and starts yelling and cursing him out and calling him a moron and yada yada. It was weird but also hilarious because he made it very clear -i- did it, and she and I are comfortable enough that I would have fully expected her to chew me out as if I were her own child but I guess her instinct was "I cant yell at him becuase hes not family but my god ill yell at my retard son for letting him do it"

the dog tried to wipe his butt on the grass which just mushed it all into his fur. she dragged him into the tub and spent half an hour washing him while cursing my friend out. I felt super bad and at one point asked my friend if I can go in and help and he was like "No, just stay away. trust me."

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18

u/bbschoes Oct 06 '22

My ex's son did this! Just decided to paint the walls for no reason.

9

u/BbGhoul666 Oct 06 '22

My daily dose of birth control!!

7

u/hypersucc Oct 06 '22

When I was younger I was at my grandmas house, and I was wearing my gym shorts. For some reason I was like “hey, these feel like my swim trunks” and then recalled the pleasant feeling of peeing in a pool. Then I pissed my pants because I was fucking stupid.

6

u/XxRocky88xX Oct 06 '22

Intrusive thoughts and impulsive decisions take control a lot easier as a child. You just think about doing something and decide it’s a good idea.

Children are basically heavily intoxicated adults with sober levels of coordination.

4

u/tripwire7 Oct 06 '22

Also really young children have no instinct/desire at all to keep themselves and their things clean and to avoid gross stuff. Older children do.

4

u/TactlessTortoise Oct 06 '22

"may chaos take the world!"

Pisscopters

10

u/xorinzor Oct 06 '22

gotta mark that territory

3

u/FannyNob Oct 06 '22

Same here, I was also about that age and just thought what, why am I walking to the toilet when i have a perfectly good floor here to pee on

3

u/CaptiinAHAB Oct 06 '22

I used to sit in the bathroom while I was taking a shit and peel the paint / wallpaper off the walls just for entertainment. Nothing makes sense.

3

u/itsameamariobro Oct 06 '22

I did that in pre school and I remember the teachers had me on a ladder wiping the ceiling.

2

u/Jesterb0T Oct 06 '22

"Mother, I cannot be contained"

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36

u/priscosaurus Oct 06 '22

If your mom is still alive you should ask her if she remembers

33

u/obi-jawn-kenobi Oct 06 '22

I did, she doesn't remember.

7

u/Porkkanakakku Oct 06 '22

Repression is a powerful thing, haha.

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28

u/PnutButterJellyTim3 Oct 06 '22

When I was in early elementary I was playing in the playground at recess. I had to pee but I didn't want to go back inside. So I went under the slide on the play structure. Shimmed my pants down and pissed right there. I remember the teacher coming over and looking at me with a face full of disbelief and disappointment. It haunts me.

20

u/obi-jawn-kenobi Oct 06 '22

It haunts you? It haunts them.

19

u/LavenderSnuggles Oct 06 '22

In elementary school I was playing a really awesome game of hide and seek. I had a good hiding spot and like hell I was going to come out just because I had to pee. So I peed in a cardboard box in the closet I was in. You know what? Cardboard is not super great at holding liquid.

26

u/Vervain7 Oct 06 '22

I had 2 under 2. Was napping on the floor near their floor level matters. They started playing but not waking me up .. then one was saying they want to pee what should they do … for some reason I said “just pee on your sisters bed”

…. 5 min later I was wide awake

10

u/obi-jawn-kenobi Oct 06 '22

I can very much imagine my 2.5 year old doing that.

11

u/Medical-Funny-301 Oct 06 '22

I remember peeing in a Lincoln Logs container when I was about 3. No real reason. Around the same time, I put my "pet" caterpillars in the sink for a bath- they didn't do so well. That was a bad year for me I guess.

Still can't remember how I managed to get caterpillars into the house.

11

u/Xonra Oct 06 '22

I can confidently say at no point in my life that I was a conscious human being have I had the urge to pee in anything that wasn't a toilet. Especially not a cup of coffee or toys. I can't think of a good reason why, it just never crossed my mind as an urge. Chewing on random shit, now that's another story.

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u/Culp97 Oct 07 '22

This. I once got a rock and scratched a Family portrait in the back of my dad's nice shiny black truck. I only realized I shouldn't have done that when I saw him coming home and I hid.

9

u/mrootbeers Oct 06 '22

My buddy and me used to pee in his closet and out the window with the screen in. There’d be pee all over the lower kitchen window beneath the one we peed through. Imagine being a little boy. You have a little squirt gun that shoots liquid, on demand. What do you think is going to happen?

6

u/UnBeNtAxE Oct 06 '22

As a new parent, dumping pee out of a dump truck is much easier then wiping up pee or scrubbing it out of carpet. You did your mom a solid, that’s why she let it slide.

7

u/Epics-bologna Oct 06 '22

When I was a kid maybe 4 or 5 I pissed in our family cats litter box, unfortunately for me I got my ass beat because my mom FOR WEEKS was trying to figure out why the cat was peeing so much

6

u/Koshunae Oct 06 '22

I apparantly would sleep walk as a kid and one time at my moms friends house I was asleep on the couch, got up, walked into the kitchen, opened the fridge and peed in the lower drawer. My mom was so dumbfounded she couldnt even ask what the hell I was doing. Luckily her friends were nice about it and just laughed like hell at me. My mom had to scrub the drawer and the she says the situation was so dumb that she couldnt even be mad about it lol

6

u/Galileo_beta Oct 07 '22

I found a play kitchen pot with it 1/2 full with pee. Hidden away perfectly in the play kitchen cupboard the other day. I don’t usually look in there…. Thankfully it didn’t spill. My 4 year old could not tell me why he didn’t walk 10 feet to the restroom to pee. Sigh…

14

u/Namatoko Oct 06 '22

do you still pee there sometimes for nostalgia?

18

u/obi-jawn-kenobi Oct 06 '22

Yes, I still pee at my parents house. Different house though since they moved. I don't pee in the toy truck.

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u/Axiom06 Oct 06 '22

My nephew peed in his sock drawer. He was three at the time and half asleep though.

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u/elisejones14 Oct 07 '22

My brother peed down the stairs when he was a kid.

3

u/Bluestripedshirt Oct 07 '22

I remember waking up in the middle of the night, standing up, grabbing a screw driver and then jamming it in the light socket.

My parents were so confused. Angry and confused.

7

u/Adam1_ Oct 06 '22

i was always a little wild as a kid but sometimes i was good and followed the rules. on one of these days i walk outside to see my neighbors taking with my mom as she was gardening and she was talking about how well behaved i was… i decided to climb on top of our car parked behind her and starting peeing into the flowers she was planting. she saw the neighbors mortified faces and promptly turned around to see me giggling as i was whizzing into the garden

4

u/Throwawaybibbi Oct 07 '22

omg... I would have died laughing and assured the neighbor that you were adopted!!!

6

u/GroundbreakingTax912 Oct 06 '22

My wife got caught peeing behind the bookshelf with Timothy Howell. Name not changed as I hope you are exposing for your vile library habits at 5 years old.

3

u/apathy_saves Oct 07 '22

I dont know why but this is the funniest thing ive read all day

2

u/I_am_beast55 Oct 06 '22

I peed in our trash can.

2

u/Ziadalabib Oct 06 '22

Has anyone else ever peed in a garbage can? Please let there be someone out there!

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u/Hephaestus_God Oct 06 '22

Kids brain: “Can’t pee on the concrete. That’s bad and can leave a stain. Better to pee in a receptacle for disposal, like a toilet.”

49

u/DastardlyDM Oct 06 '22

Toddlers are small perpetually drunk adults

41

u/yeender Oct 06 '22

Kids just love creating chaos

20

u/[deleted] Oct 06 '22

Little boys sometimes go through a “pee in everything” phase. I remember my brother peed in our soap dispenser once…

20

u/OgnokTheRager Oct 06 '22

My 4 yr old son loves peeing in cups. Probably because during potty training we'd be changing him in the car and empty cup were what was available.

21

u/bbschoes Oct 06 '22

I guess when I was younger, we went on a lot of road trips and anytime I had to pee, my mom would just pull over and have me squat. So in preschool I really had to go so I just squatted on the playground.

13

u/OgnokTheRager Oct 06 '22

Yeah, my parents were in the Air Force so we got to use an empty coffee can while in the road LoL

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u/Danny-Dynamita Oct 06 '22

We all have done stupid shit as kids, some of it is just forgotten by the memory. A kid’s brain is very blank, which make them have an incredible potential while also being very irrational.

I have a very deep memory from age 4 (I think), and I say deep because it is more of a succession of feelings paired with the physical memory of what my body did but not what my eyes saw exactly. We were staying at our grandparents little town and it was my first time visiting them. I was playing outside with two other distant members of my family who must have been around 10yo (at least I remember that they looked around that big to me, as I knew another confirmed 10 year old with whom compare them) and a friend of theirs, a girl, that certainly was their same age.

What comes now marks the first great moment of regret and confusion of my life: for some reason they started telling me that I should grab a certain stick from the ground and smack the girl in the head, that it would be very funny. I fucking went after that stick and smacked her in the head without thinking twice while laughing. She didn’t even try to avoid it (I suppose she didn’t believe I was going to do it), everyone gasped and told me it was a damn joke.

I will remember forever how confused I was at the fact that they said “it would be funny”. I felt betrayed. If it was going to be funny, then what I did should be a game? Not a bad thing even though something felt wrong? I certainly felt it was wrong but did it because it was going “to be funny”.All of that was a followed by a lot of crying and by many thoughts about “how hard is the world to understand” and how “I just wanted to be friends with her and play games”.

That day I learnt that people does not always mean literally what they say. Very luckily the girl just got a little scrap without any real damage (4yo me was weak, obviously) and everyone just laughed at how stupid I had been while teasing me with sentences like “Oh, so you’re a bad boy”, with me crying things like “No, I want to be good!” in response. That feeling, “wanting to be good” but not knowing “ how to be good” is very strong in the memory and marks the epicenter of the confusion I felt that day.

As you can see, kids do stupid shit just because they have never experienced certain things. “Monke hug birdie and birdie die, monke sad” kind of thing.

7

u/kil47 Oct 06 '22 edited Oct 07 '22

Kids brain are similar to adults - just need a hole

3

u/GODDAMNUBERNICE Oct 06 '22

Kids are weird. My friends son was mid conversation with me, casually dropped his pants and started peeing into a potted plant. When his mom reprimanded him, he said he does it all the time at home and she's never said anything. She was unaware he was doing that lol

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u/s6v3d Oct 06 '22

And that's why you never drink from an unattended beverage...

785

u/goatanuss Oct 06 '22

Bill Cosby has left the chat

158

u/Sesspool Oct 06 '22

sips from side flask CONSTANT VIGILANCE!

46

u/Difficult-Garage5491 Oct 06 '22

I was not expecto this.

40

u/[deleted] Oct 06 '22 Helpful

ESPRESSOPATRONUM!!!

13

u/nbd_23 Oct 06 '22

FIFY: ESSPRESSOPEETRONUM

21

u/tbaxattack Oct 06 '22

I think about that guy and that phrase when it comes to unattended beverages all the time.

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u/ChaseMyEyes Oct 06 '22

Crying in the cell.

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u/heeyyyyooo Oct 06 '22

Closer to R Kelly in my opinion

8

u/Chubuwee Oct 06 '22

Oh shit he’s on the move. Should’ve kept him on the chat longer

3

u/SinPapeles24 Oct 06 '22

Oh my goodness lmao

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u/sevargmas Oct 06 '22

I have pets and kids. I really do try to put something on top of my drinks when I walk away from them. Piece of paper, random envelope, sunglasses, anything at all to let me know that nothings been messed with.

58

u/prof_the_doom Oct 06 '22

Especially not from an open container kept outside.

Even without kids, I can think of a dozen things that could've ended up in that coffee cup that you wouldn't want to find out you drank.

15

u/taimapanda Oct 06 '22

It's okay I was born with PFAS in my blood I can handle a bug or two

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u/AgathaAllAlong Oct 07 '22

Years ago I found a fly in my coffee, with my mouth

Haunts me every day

4

u/Makenshine Oct 06 '22

Friend of mine was stung on the lip because a wasp climbed into the can of her Dr. Pepper when she set it down for about 30 sec. She was not thrilled.

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u/ahchx Oct 06 '22

this, wherever I'm on a birthday party (mostly of familiy members) if i lost the view of my coup for 1 second i just get a new one, never know what will happen with 2 minors and 2 diabolical twins roaming around.

10

u/irishihadab33r Oct 06 '22

The three types of twins, right? Identical, fraternal, and diabolical.

15

u/The_Running_Free Oct 06 '22

Especially with a toddler around. I had to start using tumblers with lids he couldn’t open lol OP should no better.

3

u/tylercollum Oct 06 '22

She cut off her knows to spider face.

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u/Crime_Dawg Oct 06 '22

I've heard from a gas station attendant, that's good for you.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6vbCKava_JE

33

u/sharrrper Oct 06 '22

The only time I have ever seen Nathan even slightly break character

17

u/KeegorTheDestroyer Oct 06 '22

Just make sure you do it while they're young. That's the only time it tastes good.

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u/neoyeti2 Oct 06 '22

Just warmed it up for ya.

36

u/Gerd_Ferguson Oct 07 '22

"Just gonna top this off for ya"

554

u/Andolfthegrey Oct 06 '22

I did this too when I was about his age. I was standing on a picnic table while camping and saw my dads gum boots on the ground. He said I yelled out "I'm going to pee in your boot!" while he was in the camper. He responded with "You'd better not!". He came out to find that I did in fact, pee in his boot.

112

u/xXSpaceturdXx Oct 06 '22

Ha ha. I remember my aunt making me mad and blaming me for something I didn’t do. So I Peed all over her expensive cowboy boots.

126

u/WaterFriendsIV Oct 06 '22

"Thar's some pee in ma boot."

36

u/BizzyM Oct 06 '22

"Someone's poisoned the waterhole!"

15

u/wyvern_rider Oct 06 '22

“You’re no longer my favorite deputy!”

15

u/BizzyM Oct 06 '22

"Reach for the skyyyyyy."

5

u/eccentricpunk Oct 07 '22

“Piss like the wind bullseye”

53

u/Cecil_FF4 Oct 06 '22

Fresh roasted beans, ground finely, filtered lovingly, a dash of sugar, a splash of urine, superb.

21

u/GANDORF57 Oct 06 '22

"Honey? You better check the hazelnut creamer...I think it's expired!"

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u/Booksmagic Oct 06 '22

That has sort of an oaky afterbirth

3

u/pissclamato Oct 06 '22

What was that?

329

u/TruthOf42 Oct 06 '22

Until I had kids I would think there's no way someone that young would think to do that, then one day my 2yo was just randomly spitting on the floor in the hallway... For bo god damn reason other than he wanted to.

116

u/rustyoldchevy1 Oct 06 '22

This spitting phase is ridiculous. I’m always confused about why, and then I realize there isn’t really a reason. It doesn’t help. 😂

11

u/Telandria Oct 07 '22

Honestly, for kids that age ‘It seemed like a good idea at the time’ really is the answer why.

41

u/[deleted] Oct 06 '22 edited Oct 16 '22

[deleted]

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u/TruthOf42 Oct 06 '22

I'm speechless

8

u/nwsm Oct 07 '22

We stuck our hands in ant piles to let them bite us… r/kidsarefuckingstupid

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u/BemliDeathBro Oct 06 '22

This Kid is goin‘ places…

15

u/MatsRivel Oct 06 '22

Not good places, but definetly places.

6

u/Humble-Place1750 Oct 06 '22

Sure, the detention

13

u/[deleted] Oct 06 '22

Happy cake day 🍰🍰

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u/Scazzz Oct 06 '22

Yeah on tour with Justin Bieber.

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u/DLM4473 Oct 06 '22

In my experience most kids are piss - takers - but yours is a giver !

134

u/Affectionate-Dig1981 Oct 06 '22

This is my daily dose of birth control.

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u/[deleted] Oct 06 '22

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u/DaymanAhAhAaahhh Oct 07 '22 edited Oct 07 '22

r/KidsAreFuckingGross

edit: oh wow that's an actual subreddit

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u/Vitaminsea3525 Oct 06 '22 Snek

The best part of waking up, is piss in your cuuup.

20

u/explorers_warehouse Oct 06 '22

Hey, it beats drinking Folgers.

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u/nocleverusername- Oct 06 '22

Had a coworker tell me about her young son peeing down the floor vent, because it seemed convenient/fun/who knows why. Her husband was about to blame the dog for the house smelling like pee, but she let him know that the culprit was, in fact, his son. Had to get professionals to clean the duct work.

11

u/YeetinOnThem Oct 06 '22

God kids are stupid with these sort of things lol I still remember my mom was doing something and I was angry at her for something so I just yelled at her and started pooping my pants and she was running and me and saying no.

74

u/spooniemclovin Oct 06 '22

Reason #2,471 I do not have children.

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u/ThatGuySnuggles Oct 06 '22

I'm never having kids.

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u/Iziic Oct 06 '22

Condom commercial.

25

u/healthydoseofsarcasm Oct 06 '22

Reason 1438 to not have kids.

6

u/GintokiMidoriya Oct 06 '22

Bro got impeccable aim

6

u/Any_Fish1004 Oct 06 '22

Free to good home

7

u/Tentmancer Oct 06 '22

how do yal go back to your children as if they arent your greatest enemy after this?

3

u/WaxyWingie Oct 06 '22

One of my kids projectile vomited all over me. The other projectile diarrhea'd all over the wall from 3 feet away. Both of them were less than 6 months old at the time. We've evolved to put up with A LOT from our kids.

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u/silentturtle2 Oct 06 '22

Could be worse

"It's a bit nutty"

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u/nit108 Oct 06 '22

It is shit... Austin.

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u/ToughRock99 Oct 06 '22

Remember he's your kid.

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u/StraightHospital5047 Oct 06 '22

Well at least he did not take a dump in it…

4

u/deadplant_ca Oct 06 '22

I learned it by watching you dad!

4

u/OatmealOgre Oct 06 '22

My mom kept talking about how she was envious of her male friend as a small kid because he was able to pee into a (glass) bottle. So, young me wanted to pee into a bottle. I did and then I poured it out and put the bottle back where I found it. Later at picnick my mom realized the soft drink she brought along in a plastic bottle tasted pee and somehow I was the main suspect.

4

u/poo4 Oct 06 '22

Fresh out da kitchen, put in a urine position. It's da freakin' weekend gonna get dad's coffee in a saturation condition." - R-coffee

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u/sesameseed88 Oct 06 '22

Bear Grylls would be proud

4

u/MrArmageddon12 Oct 06 '22

Reason # 174826 not to have kids.

9

u/Quiet_Room4936 Oct 06 '22

He knew exactly what he was doing, lil shit

11

u/Muaddib930 Oct 06 '22

This is why I don't want kids.

25

u/[deleted] Oct 06 '22

Lil fella just marking his territory

7

u/supboy1 Oct 06 '22

Parents of Reddit, how would you address or correct this behavior? Just ignore it? Kids be kids?

Genuinely wondering as I’m pretty stable in my career and considering getting a kid with my wife but videos like these postpones the project another few years.

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u/BerriesLafontaine Oct 06 '22

Mom of three, my kids have done some dumb shit. Confront calmly. "Why did you pee in this?" Answer your going to get is a 'I don't know' or a shrug. "Would you drink pee?" Kid says no, "Did you know that I could get sick from this? This is not a good thing to do. Plus, it's just gross."

Chances are pretty high the kid won't do this specific thing again. You just have to let them know it's wrong and why, to try and stop and think before doing something that might seem bad.

Worked pretty well for mine. Idk about just straight up asshole kids tho.

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u/DrPepster Oct 06 '22

Jeez, who pissed in his coffee?

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u/anon_sexynojutsu Oct 06 '22

fuck you dad haha

3

u/95blackz26 Oct 06 '22

See you should have bought him those matchbox cars

3

u/SideHug Oct 06 '22

Bro I'd be so mad

3

u/Sosarge Oct 06 '22

Hope he enjoys his new family.

3

u/CaptConstantine Oct 06 '22

"Yeah but Coach, how did you know somebody peed in your canteen?"

"BECAUSE I TASTED IT!"

"Right, but how did you know?"

"Yeah, like how did you identify it so quickly?"

"Because I've drank it before, but that's not-- alright..."

3

u/LateConstruction6587 Oct 06 '22

that kid right there is going to be serial killer

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u/ShapeAdditional1238 Oct 07 '22

This is considered funny?! Oh HELLS NAW

3

u/ksarahsarah27 Oct 07 '22

Ugh. Kids are so gross. Just one more reason I’m glad I didn’t have any. Yuck.

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u/NotAnotherMoose Oct 06 '22

Never thought I'd say this sentence: thank you for blurring you sons dick and ass

9

u/Theamazingchan Oct 06 '22

Is this the first example of sociopathic behavior you’ve uncovered?

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u/lol1231yahoocom Oct 06 '22

Oof, send that one back. The kid, not the coffee.

5

u/drewturns Oct 06 '22

I like my women how I like my coffee

5

u/DeTrash Oct 06 '22

Covered in bees!

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u/Vamp_Rocks Oct 06 '22

Nowhere near my dick

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u/Gerbilguy46 Oct 06 '22

Do you always check your security camera when your food tastes weird?

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u/gangnam73 Oct 06 '22

I bet it's not the first time

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u/Mrtencalories Oct 06 '22

Just wait when it’s time for coco you little shit

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u/-KCS-Violator Oct 06 '22

"What's that?.......A beverage?....................Better pee into it."

2

u/joa-kolope Oct 06 '22

Bro needs some positive reinforcement.

2

u/shaun5565 Oct 06 '22

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

2

u/SeperateCross Oct 06 '22

That aim though I'm guessing there was no spill or puddle to tip you off?

2

u/danielgsfb Oct 06 '22

if it was my son, surely he was going to adoption right after

2

u/AnxiousRelation9715 Oct 06 '22

What a fucking psycho

2

u/Alarming_Diamond_707 Oct 06 '22

I doubt they tasted the coffee and checked then footage. That's the internet for you these days. Even funny clips "need" a little extra lie. I'm surprised they didn't also add some unnecessary music and an artificial voice from tiktok.

2

u/DelFlame Oct 06 '22

“Who pissed in that guy’s coffee??” “His son.”

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u/GriffGriffin Oct 06 '22

That kid ain't right.

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u/Wrath_Of_Aguirre Oct 06 '22

More like your son is an idiot and this is the tip of an iceberg.

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u/Summerclaw Oct 06 '22

That kid is getting the as whooping of a lifetime. He will be telling that store for decades LOL

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u/TheDoctorYan Oct 06 '22

Can't wait to see his reaction when you piss in his cornflakes.

2

u/Isaacest Oct 06 '22

He just realized you needed a top off!

2

u/THEMAGlCCONCH Oct 06 '22

Common mistake, you are supposed to drink your grandsons piss if sometimes your scared or something. You know accident or something it’s gonna help you!