r/mildlyinfuriating • u/ZeroSleepSamus • Nov 24 '22
An extended family member broke the toilet seat while at a gathering and left without mentioning it to anyone.
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u/Li2_lCO3 Nov 24 '22
That happened to me when I was wiping. It broke and when I leaned back it pinched my penis.
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u/ZeroSleepSamus Nov 24 '22
Ah that sounds really crappy!
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u/Roadhouse_Swayze Nov 25 '22
Imma need you to walk me through this. How the fuck does your dick get to touching a toilet seat to be pinched in the first place?
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u/Li2_lCO3 Nov 25 '22
The center of the seat cracked, right where my dick was. Sometimes my dick touches the seat. But it was the most painful thing I’ve ever felt.
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Nov 25 '22
You slide forward to your wipe? Interesting, I thought everyone leaned.
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u/mutetoker Nov 25 '22
Lean? Slide? I thought everyone stood up? I don’t have enough room to get my hand back there comfortably while sitting
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u/BloodAndTsundere Nov 25 '22
wait, some of you fuckers aren't doing a handstand to go in from above?
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u/the_real_duck Nov 25 '22
I do a cartwheel and have an assistant to wipe mid-spin.
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u/Jeeerm Nov 25 '22
Bout to blow your mind: I go in from the front
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u/tanker846 Nov 25 '22
Wait. Seriously. Is it not normal to go from the front? No one ever really teaches you tho or talks about it.
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u/BriansRottingCorpse Nov 25 '22
I hope you yelled “oh no my poor Pee Pee got pinched!”
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u/louiloui152 Nov 25 '22
I imagine the sound that came out of you was something akin to Tom getting his foot smashed by a giant mallet 🤣😅
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u/whattarush Nov 24 '22
haha I bet you knew who it was instantly too
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u/ZeroSleepSamus Nov 24 '22
Without a doubt
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u/copyrider Nov 25 '22
I mean, if I were the culprit, I’d be pretty embarrassed and have a hard time telling anybody. Was there a dog or earth quake that you could blame it on?
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u/EdithDich Dich Nov 25 '22
I'd blame it on OP's cheap toilet seat. Probably got it at the dollar store. Sounds like a real frugal jerk! Get a better job and a better toilet seat, OP!
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u/Yknurts Nov 24 '22
Send this photo to a family group chat and call them out for this shit (pun intended), unacceptable
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u/boxedj Nov 25 '22
Nah just sneak it into their house somehow without them knowing you were there
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u/welestgw Nov 25 '22
The old toilet seat switcheroo
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u/sarahpphire Nov 25 '22
My husband did this once (at our house) and he duct taped it back together lol
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Nov 25 '22
If moving and shouldn’t, duct tape.
If should move but doesn’t, WD40.
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Nov 25 '22
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u/I_am_Daesomst GREEN Nov 25 '22
Sneak it into their bed like the horse head in The Godfather.
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u/LazaroFilm Nov 25 '22
Nah. Keep the broken lid. And re install it for next thanksgiving when thy come back.
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Nov 25 '22 edited Nov 25 '22
Maybe the persons just embarrassed af? I don’t see this happening to me but man that would suck lol
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u/Mr_Turnipseed Nov 25 '22
Reddit acts like the guy did it on purpose just to be a dick, when realistically they were probably embarrassed as fuck. So Reddit's solution: let's embarrass them even more on a family group chat and shame them in front of everyone. This site is filled with the biggest fucking assholes.
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u/Clanstantine Nov 25 '22
Reddit always loses the "don't give people the worst advice possible" challenge
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u/maddmole Nov 25 '22
Have they considered going no contact and suing this family member? /s
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u/albert0kn0x Nov 25 '22
Redditors looooooove to act like tough guys and say how they would "never tolerate something like this" then advocate for some super over the top unnecessary and unhelpful response.
I saw it in some thread earlier today where a person kept being woken up by their mom when they were sleeping before work. One of the top responses was telling OP to wake their mother up when she was sleeping as revenge. As if that would do anything other than make the situation worse. And the only guy saying this was a bad idea was downvoted to hell.
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u/br094 Nov 25 '22
But they didn’t mention it at all. Whoever did this didn’t have to publicly announce what they did, but telling the person who owns/rents the house is the right thing to do.
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u/WimbletonButt Nov 25 '22
They didn't really say who it was though. This happened to my sister's friend in high school, she was a very large girl and barely driving age at the time. Teenagers don't really think past embarrassment when it comes to shit like this. Of course everyone knew who it was, she was just trying to get out of the house before it was noticed so she wouldn't have to face them. She literally never came over again because of the embarrassment. Not saying it's not the right thing to do, just that sometimes your emotions won't allow it.
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u/silver_holden Nov 25 '22
ive been the asshole that breaks something at a family gathering. yes i was embaressed but i owned up to it and everyone had a laugh yes but that was the end of it. i offered to pay for replace but they insisted it was okay. just own up to your mistakes its not hard 🤔
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u/DudesworthMannington Nov 25 '22
Can they fit in a standard sized row boat?
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u/MNichols45 Nov 25 '22
Probably not, my father was 450ish pounds and would break toilet seats just by sitting on them.
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u/__Piggy___Smalls__ Nov 24 '22
I mean surely it would be the last person to use it
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u/Fearless-Pineapple96 Nov 24 '22
well... you were gonna find out sooner than later
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u/ZeroSleepSamus Nov 24 '22
Yeah, but we were renting a beach house. It wasn’t our property that she broke
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u/luckystar246 Nov 24 '22
She definitely should have mentioned that before leaving!
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u/Mmer03 Nov 25 '22
Gonna be honest I’d have a hard time mentioning this if I was in a position to cause this
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u/Whatever-ItsFine Nov 25 '22
Same. I wouldn't even make eye contact with anyone.
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u/crispybrojangle Nov 25 '22
Its not an easy convo to have. “Hey i was dropping a deuce and scrolling Reddit when my absolute unit of an ass destroyed your toilet seat. Im as surprised as you. Turkey ready?”
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u/pauljaytee Nov 25 '22
"Huh, I guess your toilet isn't the kind for perching on, eh? You guys are weird. "
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u/peepopowitz67 Nov 25 '22 edited Jul 04 '23
Reddit is violating GDPR and CCPA. Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1B0GGsDdyHI -- mass edited with redact.dev
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u/Fantastic_Painter_15 Nov 25 '22
Toilet seats cost like $10
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u/blazetronic Nov 25 '22
Yeah but the nice ones that don’t let you slam it are like $40
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Nov 25 '22
Yea but they don’t break either
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u/RichSelection1232 Nov 25 '22
Mine, that doesn't slam, was like 27 dollars.
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u/BanjosAndBoredom Nov 25 '22
They make toilet seats that don't slam?
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u/RichSelection1232 Nov 25 '22
Lol, yeah. "Soft close"
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u/ShireHorseRider Nov 25 '22
Do they make toilet seats that don’t come loose & swivel?
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u/new_refugee123456789 Nov 25 '22
Mine was about $34 and it has a built-in night light.
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u/Squidproquo1130 Nov 25 '22
Mine with a built in espresso maker, shoe horn, and fog machine was $41.14 after customs. The juicer attachment was a $14 upgrade.
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u/new_refugee123456789 Nov 25 '22
My man over here be drinking toilet espresso. I don't want to know what you're juicing on the john.
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u/wowyouresoright Nov 25 '22
And they'd literally find out.
It's pretty embarrassing. Not that big of a deal.
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u/SmileyMelons Nov 25 '22
Yes but if you're renting, it costs $250
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u/dman7456 Nov 25 '22
This is why you run to the hardware store and replace it yourself. Certainly not how I want to spend Thanksgiving vacation, but better than paying $250 for that shit.
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u/Jhc3964 Nov 25 '22
I’m a LL. If they replace it, it matches and is as good or better than what was there I wouldn’t care.
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u/onometre Nov 25 '22
would you even notice if it's the same color and general shape
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Nov 25 '22 edited Jun 15 '23
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u/Matasa89 Nov 25 '22
That's why I upgraded to the gentle close ones. I just let it drop and it slows it down by itself.
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u/Dangerous-Cheetah-55 Nov 25 '22
I mean it sucks but these are so easy and inexpensive to replace, whoever did it was probably super embarrassed.
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Nov 25 '22
just go to home depot and buy a new one. problem solved. text the family member with an apple pay request. say “Break the can, pay the man” 🤣
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u/FredLives Nov 25 '22
It sucks, least it’s an easy cheap fix to replace it. I’m sure she was more than embarrassed by that happening. Sometimes you just take the high road.
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u/IrishMilo Nov 24 '22
My toilet seat snapped in a similar way to this a few years back, I'm not particularly heavy, but one evening after a long sit on the toilet, I got up and was halfway through brushing my teeth when the toilet seat snapped and made quite a loud snapping-plastic sound.
My assumption was that the heat and weight from my ass partially moulded the seat and after getting off the changing in temperature with the slight flexing back to it's original shape caused a tension point that fractured the seat.
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u/PomegranateHour210 Nov 25 '22
When I first read it I thought you were saying that it snapped while you brushing your teeth on the toilet. Lol was about to ask if that’s something people actually do.
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u/MrMashed Nov 25 '22
I did it once but brushing my teeth sitting down feels really weird for some reason
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u/overlordpotatoe Nov 25 '22
So it's plausible this one broke when nobody was there to witness it?
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u/ConditionBasic Nov 25 '22
OP should really consider this possibility before humiliating someone in front of the whole family or something.
If you wanna call out someone's wrongdoing, be 100% sure that they are actually responsible for it!
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u/overlordpotatoe Nov 25 '22
I'm also not sure if they know for a fact that it happened when she used the bathroom or if they're just assuming that's the case because she's overweight. A lot of people are saying they've broken them despite not being overweight, so if it is an assumption, they may be wrong.
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u/ussy-dictionary Nov 25 '22
Why is no one mentioning how you held the toilet seat underneath like that?!
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u/RANZ873 Nov 25 '22
Holy shit thank you. For fucking real this an air BnB toilet seat and bro is just bare handing it.
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u/LordHamburguesa1 Nov 25 '22
Amen, my FIRST thought. Then seeing that it’s a short term rental, I was even more disgusted. Wash your hands, bro.
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u/Jordangel Nov 25 '22
Then they probably touched their phone. Then the doorknob, the microwave, their keys... One good thing to come out of the pandemic is more hand sanitizer in public places.
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u/SolEarth Nov 25 '22
You can see what looks like a gnarly pube and some piss on the front of the rim, too. OP is full on grabbing some piss dribble spots on the underside of that seat, guaranteed.
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u/MethAddictedTreeFrog I DONT KNOW HOW STUFF WORKS AND IM ANGRY 😡😡😡 Nov 24 '22
My grandpa hit my car and insisted he didn’t even though we were all standing right there looking at his car touching mine when he was leaving
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u/DepressingErection Nov 24 '22
How
Does
That
Happen?!
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u/thePsychonautDad Nov 24 '22
I cracked one, and I'm not that big. If it's anything like it, the seat was cheap plastic that formed cracks over time.
One day, you're lazy and/or drunk, drop your whole weight on the seat rather than seat delicately and the cracks give up.
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u/BardicNA Nov 25 '22
Pretty much. Some unsuspecting relative had a drink too many, sat down too fast on the toilet seat and decided dipping out was better than dealing with the embarrassment. All these reddit comments calling family member a whale and saying call them out in a family wide group chat over it... Replace the toilet seat and move on. I'm sure the person feels terrible and will either come clean and make even on it, or live with the shame. It could've been a kid for all we know. It is mildlyinfuriating, but the unironic suggestions in this thread are terrible.
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u/Mazcal Nov 24 '22
If you bounced like a walrus to shake off a sticky nugget hanging on for life, I’d imagine
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u/I_loseagain Nov 24 '22
Gotta learn to spread them cheeks and jiggle side to side.
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u/DanAlucard Nov 24 '22
Paper, grab, yank, drop.
Or, be civilized and bidet max strength. Waterjet that mofo
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u/DessieDearest Nov 25 '22
Y’all need to eat more fiber. And shave your assholes. Real game changer.
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u/StrawberrySlapNutz Nov 25 '22
I would love to have a shaved asshole, but I cannot get the technique down. Do you just go in with a trimmer and not expect any nicks? I got nicks, and they are terrible to have in your asscrack.
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u/DessieDearest Nov 25 '22
I recommend sitting in the tub with your feet together in front of you like the butterfly stretch. Reach on down and go for it. I don’t have male parts so I have no idea how much that gets in the way. even without being able to see everything, I’ve never cut myself, I use the dollar shave club razor. Just keep going till the razor comes back without any hair.
Recently switched to waxing. Lil bit of pain but worth it because there’s no mild itch like there is when hair grows in after shaving.
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u/Sea_Nefariousness282 Nov 25 '22
Part of me wants to say TMI but, you know what? Thanks for honestly sharing.
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u/Mazcal Nov 25 '22 edited Nov 25 '22
Just don’t expect any silent farts from that moment on. You’ll think you could sneak it out the back door, but you won’t. He’ll come out singing like Gene Kelly in the rain.
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u/pnwinec Nov 24 '22
Old seats. We had one crack in our house when I sat in it one day. Had been using it for ten years with no problem, then crack.
I’m not a land whale either.
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u/imaginaryblues Nov 24 '22
Well, toilet seats don’t last forever, especially if you buy cheap ones. I suppose the weight of the people who regularly use that toilet would be a factor. Also, if you slam the seat/lid down instead of gently closing it, that’s also going to lead it to breaking faster. A new cheap toilet seat is like $25, so hardly anything to be upset about.
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u/Lailalou08 Nov 24 '22
A women broke the door off the stall at the restaurant I was at. She was drunk.
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u/GREASYROOFTOP Nov 24 '22
Be thankful it was just the lid. My husband broke an entire toilet, getting out of a shower in a hotel.
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u/0utF0x-inT0x Nov 24 '22
Probably embarrassed, who wouldn't be.
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u/DramaticOstrich11 Nov 25 '22
I'd feel bad if my toilet seat broke while a guest was using it. I wouldn't blame them or ask for money. Cheap toilet seats are not very strong and that looks like it could cut someone's ass up! Unless there's a reason to think they were misusing it in some way then they didn't break it exactly, it just broke.
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u/mista_adams Nov 24 '22
Not mentioning it is the bad part, it may have just been a hairline fracture before.
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u/hitness157 Nov 24 '22
You can replace it for less than $20. It's just held on by 2 very easily removable screws. Your family member was just embarrassed. It's just a lousy toilet seat.
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u/k_ironheart Nov 25 '22
This is why I never buy a toilet seat with an MDF core, or any toilet seat without properly spaced standoffs.
It's honestly sad to see such a reasonable response so far down in the comments, and all the comments that blame weight. You don't even have to be all that heavy to break one of these cheap seats.
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u/Unlucky_Telephone963 Nov 25 '22
If I broke someone else's toilet seat during a dinner party or a family gathering, I would fucking walk out the door and keep waking until I reached Canada. There's no overcoming that level of embarrassment
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u/soldier4death Nov 24 '22
I don’t think it was so much sitting on it that broke it, I’m betting someone lifted it to do business and the seat fell back down hard on the toilet causing it to break.
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u/ZeroSleepSamus Nov 24 '22
That is a possibility that I honestly haven’t thought of
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u/TapedeckNinja Nov 25 '22
The toilet seats in my house are all soft-close.
When I use a toilet elsewhere, sometimes I forget that not all toilet seats are soft-close and I drop that shit like a rock.
Not so bad if it's a light plastic seat, but older toilets with ceramic seats, those things are loud as fuck. Never broken one but I could see it happening for sure.
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u/Motor_Relation_5459 Nov 25 '22
Given your crude and mean comments you don't seem to have thought ever.
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u/Swampus68 Nov 25 '22
Spend $20 on a new one and stop your whining. Bullying someone who is clearly going to be embarrassed by this is idiotic. How is this even in my feed.
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Nov 24 '22
They're plastic. Not going to last forever. Especially the cheap shit from a big box store.
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u/Drama_Queen2013 Nov 25 '22
I understand the morally correct thing to do would be to tell someone, but realistically that would be humiliating. I think I would have been bawling the second I made it back to my car.
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u/Nathan_Wind_esq Nov 25 '22
I had family come to my house a few years ago for a week long visit. One of my relatives who came is about 500lbs. He broke my toilet, a chair and a table that he decided to sit on. No apology, no sense of shame at all. Just “oh hey there’s something wrong with your toilet/chair/table.” He acted like I had defective stuff and it wasn’t his gargantuan ass that destroyed my shit. Needless to say, he and his family have not been invited back.
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u/Honest_-_Critique Nov 25 '22
Did you know he was 500 lbs when he was invited to visit? It sounds like an apology was in order for breaking your stuff but what was the alternative to sitting on your chair or using your toilet? Not trying to be rude, just genuinely sincere.
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u/Trap_Lord_Bill Nov 24 '22
They are probably used to a soft close seat. I think it is mildly infuriating when people don’t have one.
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u/FremenStilgar Nov 24 '22
I've busted the little spacers that separate the seat from the toilet before, but not the seat itself. That looks like it may be temperature related.
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u/QuillzChillz Nov 25 '22
“Cousin Eddie, you didn’t happen to break the toilet seat just now did you?” “Nope Clark, I believe it was the dog!”
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u/im_a_dick_head Nov 24 '22
How