r/oddlysatisfying Jun 28 '22 Silver 4 Timeless Beauty 1 Helpful 3 Wholesome 1

Sander vs. Knife

60.6k Upvotes

2.0k

u/RadioGuyRob Jun 29 '22 Helpful

What should we sand next?

A hydraulic press.

THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE.

109

u/tasman001 Jun 29 '22

Winner of that match faces off against the blender from Will It Blend.

24

u/imbored53 Jun 29 '22

Vintage

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162

u/bamyo Jun 29 '22

Aaaaaamd here we go!

45

u/jchampagne83 Jun 29 '22

Comments you can hear.

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9.0k

u/FeistmasterFlex Jun 28 '22 Silver Helpful All-Seeing Upvote

Shouldn't do that, it'll dull the knife

2.9k

u/patrickclank9 Jun 29 '22 Silver Helpful Wholesome Take My Energy 'MURICA

Null the knife*

311

u/TaintListenin Jun 29 '22

Cull the knife

119

u/OddDuckLuck Jun 29 '22

Lull the knife?…. to sleep

64

u/KludgyOne67095 Jun 29 '22

Perma-sleep

25

u/ubiquitous-joe Jun 29 '22

That sleep of death, whet stones may come.

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10

u/Cyrano_de_Boozerack Jun 29 '22

Mr. Sandman, grind to the tang...

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79

u/Wycked66 Jun 29 '22

Have my freebie. This made me laugh. 😂

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88

u/ghillieman11 Jun 29 '22

"Oh ya hear that lads? He says we'll blunt the kniiiives."

69

u/goosebyrd Jun 29 '22

Blunt the knives, bend the forks

Smash the bottles and burn the corks...

57

u/DarthKallos Jun 29 '22

Chip the glasses and crack the plaaaates,

THAT'S WHAT BILBO BAGGINS HATES!

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190

u/Male_Homosapian Jun 28 '22

Alright I’ll remember for next time

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61

u/UndyingQuasar Jun 29 '22

What knife?

13

u/watson-and-crick Jun 29 '22

Black Bolt (attempts to) scream[s]

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4.1k

u/erikhagen222 Jun 28 '22 Helpful

Good way to dispose of evidence… what knife??

2.0k

u/Adventurous-Adolin Jun 28 '22

This video has just saved me a lot of time and elaborate planning.

771

u/phixional Jun 28 '22

Make sure you have the equipment well in advance so your purchase history doesn’t look to sus.

643

u/Towering_Flesh Jun 28 '22

Use the grinder on your purchase history.. DUH!

233

u/Inlevitable Jun 28 '22

This guy disposes of evidence

80

u/MissLesGirl Jun 29 '22

Dispose the body with the grinder

123

u/Starfire013 Jun 29 '22 Wholesome

And then dispose of that grinder with another grinder.

38

u/abhijitd Jun 29 '22

It's grinders all the way down

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48

u/trouserschnauzer Jun 29 '22

Finally, turn the grinder on itself.

37

u/DBNSZerhyn Jun 29 '22 Bravo!

"Sir, we cornered the Ouroboros Killer, but we don't have any evidence."

"Take them into custody anyway."

"... Well, we would, but he swallowed himself and disappeared."

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17

u/fatflaver Jun 29 '22

Used Grindr. Not disappointed

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13

u/imkingofthelab Jun 29 '22

This guy person of interests

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86

u/DigitalPlop Jun 29 '22

If it looks suspicious you just bought a grinder to dispose of evidence you can always use another, larger grinder to dispose of the original grinder.

32

u/RustyPoopKnife Jun 29 '22

It’s grinders all the way down

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u/kaos95 Jun 29 '22

I mean, thermite is super easy to make, requires common things that do not look suspicious, and turns hardened steel into random slag.

It can render a gun into a fun unrecognizable abstract sculpture in about 6 seconds (listen, I actually grew up in the "closest city is 3 hours away" rural environment, before the internet, we had to make our own fun).

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49

u/TheReverseShock Jun 28 '22

Harder knives are tougher to grind. Buy a really cheap knife with alot of bend.

154

u/reddituseroutside Jun 28 '22

Nah they have really good grinders now. Just check out Grindr.com

67

u/Mabubifarti Jun 29 '22

Instructions unclear, dick stuck in Jeff.

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8

u/SirIanChesterton63 Jun 29 '22

When you're done make sure you get a second sander to get rid of the evidence left on the sander you used to get rid of the evidence.

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156

u/BlizzPenguin Jun 28 '22

Then you invite other questions like "why is your sander bloody?".

312

u/Knuc85 Jun 28 '22

Yeah but then you just use a second sander to dispose of your first sander. Easy peasy.

99

u/prolemango Jun 29 '22

“Why is your second sander bloody?”

187

u/Knuc85 Jun 29 '22

I can't believe I have to explain this, since it's extremely obvious, but you'll need a third sander.

71

u/prolemango Jun 29 '22

…holy shit you’re right

29

u/lesslucid Jun 29 '22

Seems wasteful, when you can just use the first sander again on the second sander.

20

u/PM_ME_UR__UPVOTE Jun 29 '22

Its sanders all the way down.

11

u/[deleted] Jun 29 '22 edited Jul 15 '22

[deleted]

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u/ThatFeel_IKnowIt Jun 29 '22

But then why is your third sander bloody?

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12

u/DatOldManWilly Jun 29 '22

It's sanders all the way down

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u/[deleted] Jun 28 '22

[deleted]

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20

u/NorahKing Jun 29 '22

I dunno, you’d want it to be very clean beforehand or you’re just spreading dna evidence all over the workshop.

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15

u/khemtrails Jun 29 '22

Until they find dna on that grinder. Dump the grinder in the river. Clean it first, tough. Or skip the knife and use an icicle. Then the evidence melts. No fingerprints. No sign of any weapon anywhere.

I’ve said too much!

12

u/[deleted] Jun 29 '22

Wipe the knife in rubbing alcohol first. Then soak it in bleach. Then flame sterilize it. Then sand it into dust. Then replace the sanding wheel. Thoroughly clean any shavings and dust with disinfectant and also the sander itself before replacing the sanding wheel. Don't dispose of the sander because that will raise eyebrows. In fact, sand some wood so it looks used as well.

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29

u/Adama0001 Jun 28 '22

Murder weapon? What murder weapon?

r/noevidencenocrime

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u/[deleted] Jun 28 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

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5.6k

u/No_Lube_Insertion Jun 28 '22

He should sand the wrench he's using to hold the knife next.

1.1k

u/casualsax Jun 28 '22

And then the hand holding the wrench?

476

u/A-le-Couvre Jun 28 '22

No, there’s a vice offscreen holding the wrench

312

u/Affectionate-Ant3473 Jun 28 '22

Sand that, then

213

u/NAPPYPAPPYISHERE Jun 28 '22

And then whatever's holding the vice

195

u/prolemango Jun 29 '22

Another sander is holding the vice

132

u/DoctorMarmyPC Jun 29 '22

Sand everything on Earth in order, starting with whats holding the object that got sanded

106

u/Wulfscreed Jun 29 '22

Return everything to dust. Its the only way.

21

u/eneumeyer1010 Jun 29 '22

Ok thanos chill

6

u/michaelseverson Jun 29 '22

Sand the dust again

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10

u/AwesomeMcPants Jun 29 '22

Then sand the Earth itself.

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10

u/abnormally-cliche Jun 29 '22

Its sanding all the way down

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41

u/MachineSimulation Jun 28 '22

It's wrenches all the way down

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7

u/nightstalker30 Jun 29 '22 edited Jun 29 '22

Vise. Yeah, I’m the kinda guy who corrects posts. It’s my vice.

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14

u/No_Lube_Insertion Jun 28 '22

Er...

yes?

for...uh...science?

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u/we-dont-d0-that-here Jun 28 '22 edited Jun 29 '22

I’d rather see this video in reverse!

76

u/flopdawalrus Jun 28 '22 Narwhal Salute

118

u/GifReversingBot Jun 28 '22

Here is your gif! https://imgur.com/D2MI9s0.gifv


I am a bot. Report an issue

43

u/DeluxeWafer Jun 29 '22

Good freaking bot.

31

u/Hot_Salad9000 Jun 29 '22

Can we sand the bot?

14

u/zb0t1 Jun 29 '22

I didn't take part in this inhumane act. Just saying when the robots take over they'll remember my innocence.

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u/we-dont-d0-that-here Jun 29 '22

Well that was even MORE satisfying than I hoped it would be!

20

u/schlamster Jun 28 '22

Reverse entropy go brrr

7

u/_Tactleneck_ Jun 29 '22 edited Jun 29 '22

Ludwig Boltzmann in shambles.

Edit: shout out to the fellow thermo survivors upvoting this

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725

u/kid_cadillac Jun 28 '22

Was thinking the same thing.

190

u/bloomy-rind Jun 28 '22

Me too

510

u/not-costa Jun 28 '22

me too, an endless loop of stuff holding other stuff about to be sanded.

224

u/macedoraquel Jun 28 '22 Table Slap

I hope he stops before hand

186

u/Content-Positive4776 Jun 28 '22

Nope, just changes the subreddit. After hand it’s just an endless line of people feeding people into it.

85

u/MoonubHunter Jun 29 '22 edited Jun 29 '22

This belongs in Rick and Morty

111

u/Saetric Jun 29 '22 edited Jun 29 '22 Gold Helpful

Morty: “Oh god, Rick, the things, they kept coming and coming, and the sander kept sanding them. And then after the things ran out, the people holding them, they, sniff they sanded the people Rick! The people were sanded! sobs hysterically

Rick: Well Morty, if there’s buuuurp if there’s one thing I can tell you, it’s that you should be glad it wasn’t a wood chipper. Poor little original Morty…

Morty: Um, what?

Rick: Don’t you have some shenanigans to get up to? You know, you kids love your shenanigans. Here, here’s some money for a sander.

Edit: a letter

17

u/MoonubHunter Jun 29 '22

Exceedingly good

5

u/Best-Car-5608 Jun 29 '22

yeah that was actualy really good.

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u/_Vard_ Jun 29 '22

You think he would but the hand turns out to be a fake silicone hand

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18

u/StrykerSeven Jun 29 '22

Real Vise-Grips are ridiculously strong. Much more so than a 1990s k-mart steak knife

10

u/Bubbling_Psycho Jun 29 '22

Was gonna say, the grind wheel will get worn before much of that vice grip is gone

16

u/WilyDeject Jun 28 '22

My thoughts exactly! "Keep going you cowards!"

15

u/MrSkrimlaum Jun 29 '22

That's a vicegrip not a wrench

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u/TheMainIdiot Jun 28 '22

Your mind went:"please keep going" as well didn't it

6

u/shavemejesus Jun 29 '22

Vise Grips. Yes, sand ‘em.

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u/fantasyflyte Jun 28 '22

It's interesting how the nails(?) get hot and burn the wood quick before being sanded away.

43

u/AbjectIntellect Jun 29 '22

Another interesting detail is that the colour of the metal changes from a yellowish to straight silver when heated.

Edit: if I were to guess, that'd be an oxidised layer being burnt away. Could be wrong though.

7

u/CrossP Jun 29 '22

Likely, they are bronze or brass, and that silver is actually a heat scale oxide layer.

366

u/redceramicfrypan Jun 28 '22 edited Jun 29 '22

Since you (?)ed, those are called rivets!

Edit: or pins, depending on how the knife is made.

141

u/bonafidebob Jun 28 '22

I think they’re usually just pins. The pins are inserted to hold the handle in place against the tang and then it’s glued together. I guess some mass produced knives might use rivets or screws.

The difference is a rivet head is deformed to be wider than the pin in order to hold the thing it connects in place. But trying to rivet to something soft like wood would run the risk of splitting the wood or having the wood shrink or deform over time and the handle would then not be tightly fastened.

29

u/StarblindCelestial Jun 29 '22

Corby bolts are the other thing they use besides pins. They are pins, but with a male and female end screw that meets in the middle. The heads get ground off so it looks just like a pin, but with the strength of a screw.

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1.9k

u/StrawberryTerry Jun 28 '22

I had no idea sanders were so easy to stab through!

683

u/YippeeB0g Jun 28 '22

He even stabbed the handle through. Cheap ass sander.

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u/BadgerDancer Jun 28 '22

You keep away from Bernie.

47

u/Nuthar Jun 29 '22

I am once again asking for you... to stop doing that.

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1.2k

u/XOIIO Jun 28 '22 Helpful

MY EXPENSIVE JAPANESE KNIFE!

217

u/207nbrown Jun 28 '22

Oh god not this again

125

u/SeismicFrog Jun 29 '22

Oh no, it was just a poop knife.

31

u/Darkblader24 Jun 29 '22

A knife to help you poop?

34

u/nefariouspenguin Jun 29 '22

No you use it to cut the poop off.

35

u/HankSagittarius Jun 29 '22

I thought you cut the huge turd in the bowl. Whose weak ass turd cutter can’t pinch off a loaf?

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u/avatrix48 Jun 29 '22

Context?

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u/Cirno_the_strongest Jun 29 '22

About a week ago r/mildlyinfuriating had an overflow of posts about family members borrowing someone's Japanese knife and it getting damaged in some way

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u/RealLaurenBoebert Jun 29 '22

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u/kithlan Jun 29 '22

Gotta say, I am surprised at how many people on Reddit are unfamiliar with handling chef's knives of any quality, let alone people who seem to think Japanese knives are just weeb bait.

6

u/Gayforjamesfranco Jun 29 '22

I guarantee it was one of those Kamikoto knives that uses the shittiest steel possible but still costs $300.

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u/Rickshmitt Jun 28 '22

Sand...a sander!

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u/Rchap88 Jun 28 '22

Came to say this! An entire sanding machine that is also on sanding. Battle of the sanders

75

u/Thad_Chundertock Jun 28 '22

It would be all fun and games until they caught on fire. Then you’d had have to deal with burny sanders.

8

u/whyhelloseymore Jun 29 '22

Just sand the fire

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u/boomday55 Jun 28 '22

No more Mr Knife Guy

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766

u/questfire Jun 28 '22

I always thought the best way to get rid of a dead body would be to freeze it solid and "sand" it down over a sink with the water running.

1.2k

u/Itz_The_Rain Jun 28 '22 All-Seeing Upvote Eureka!

This kinda info would have really been useful to me 16 hours ago

112

u/questfire Jun 28 '22

There's still time to go out and buy a deep freezer.

49

u/BaltimoreBadger23 Jun 28 '22

Not without raising suspicion.

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u/FlowerIllustrious457 Jun 28 '22

please...wood chipper. middle of dense forest, evidence gone forever. animals/decomposers will get rid of all waste within 2 weeks.. completely

319

u/questfire Jun 28 '22

A local guy rented a wood chipper and ground up his ex-wife into a river during a rainstorm. He was caught returning the wood chipper to the rental store. Bits of hair and stuff still on the machine.

253

u/crack_n_tea Jun 29 '22

This is why you don’t cheap out. Dude deserves to be caught, who tf RENTS their murder weapon

96

u/johnsredditaccount Jun 29 '22

The ex husband is definitely going to be a suspect anyway, that new woodchipper would be investigated. Who doesn't clean their murder weapon though...

70

u/SDirty Jun 29 '22

I’d imagine it’s more a matter of somehow cleaning a wood-chipper so well that a investigative team couldn’t find a single trace. Probably lots of little nooks and crannies where evidence could end up

121

u/donglover2020 Jun 29 '22

that's why you throw that wood chipper into another bigger wood chipper

45

u/kkell806 Jun 29 '22

Ahh, the wood chipper chipper

15

u/mrmoe198 Jun 29 '22 edited Jun 29 '22

How much wood chipper could a wood chipper chipper chip if a wood chipper chipper could chip wood chippers?

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u/ToxicTaxiTaker Jun 29 '22

It is really really hard to clean those crannies. Not worth it.

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u/FarmersOnlyJim Jun 28 '22

Move it to a new location, use it to chip wood, and oh no it “accidentally” caught on fire and burnt to the ground.

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u/HankSagittarius Jun 29 '22

“A few raccoons fell in there when I wasn’t looking. Probably a suicide pact.”

58

u/oobey Jun 29 '22

"Oh hidy-ho officer! We've had a doozy of a day."

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u/PM-ME-YOUR-HANDBRA Jun 29 '22

Here we are, minding our own business... when all these raccoons start killing themselves all over our property!

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u/Shoondogg Jun 29 '22

Better hope;

1) it’s not someone that can be tied to you

2) there’s literally zero evidence because renting and “accidentally” destroying a wood chipper around the same time someone you know mysteriously disappears might raise some eyebrows.

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u/questfire Jun 28 '22

¯_(ツ)_/¯ Ooops!

25

u/ferrouside Jun 29 '22

Did ya lose that arm to the wood chipper?

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u/Rice-A-Romney Jun 29 '22

What do you do with the wood chipper that's now covered in evidence?

Do you rent a wood chipper or do you already own one? Renting a wood chipper shortly before your nemesis disappears forever is kinda suspicious

16

u/Minyoface Jun 29 '22

Buy it now then! Wait for a nemesis, then bury the thing with a back hoe and it’ll never be seen again.

12

u/jk3us Jun 29 '22

Mr. Smith, please tell the court why you rented a backhoe the day after your nemesis disappeared.

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u/deadrogueguy Jun 28 '22

i mean you'll never get that woodchipper fuller clean again but as long as it was borrowed/a rental

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u/logaboga Jun 28 '22

A body would 100% mess up a chipper in some way or at least leave fragments of hair, blood, bone which would definitely be noticed upon the maintenance any good company would perform when getting the chipper back

50

u/elite_tablespoon Jun 29 '22

which would definitely be noticed upon the maintenance any good company would perform when getting the chipper back

so you just rent from Home Depot, then?

18

u/Stompedyourhousewith Jun 29 '22

that bad luck when you rent a wood chipper thats been used to dispose a body, they didnt notice it when the murderer returned it, but notice it when you return it.

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u/ADHDAleksis Jun 29 '22

Just sand the wood chipper away, ez

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u/FlowerIllustrious457 Jun 28 '22

just buy one and throw it in a hole, qnd cover the hole up. Chances it gets found are super low. Expensive, but you could buy a small woodchipper and throw the body in parts

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u/Too_Old75 Jun 29 '22

There was a case where the teeth didn't get chopped up. They found some teeth down river and identified them.

So pull the teeth and bury them in a third spot somewhere.

And don't Google shit like, "What part of the forest do people not go?", or, "Where is the deepest forest near me?"

5

u/nschwalm85 Jun 29 '22

Please, please.. steel mill.. evidence in the liquid metal furnace.. literally no evidence left.. but I guess not everyone has access to a steel mill lol

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u/BuckminsterFullest Jun 28 '22

“Haven’t seen Todd in a while. He was always a little rough around the edges.”

“Not anymore”

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u/rbrutonIII Jun 29 '22

Going to leave dna fragments all over the kitchen, and could you imagine how long it'll take to freeze a body??

I'm partial to developing a need for brick oven pizza and then telling the neighbors you're trying out some new ingredients.

Ps: I'm not saying feed your neighbors people Jesus you guys are sadistic

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u/littlegreenrock Jun 29 '22

try sanding ice, then get back to me

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u/jumpup Jun 28 '22

and that's why you would be caught, sinks are notorious for leaving trace material, better to just fill up some plastic paint cans drive it to a remote location and then dispose of it, bonus points if you use red paint cans

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u/207nbrown Jun 28 '22

Pigs… just chop up the body and feed it to pigs… they eat anything and leave nothing behind… source: episode of criminal minds where the killer had killed atleast 100 victims and the only evidence that remained of them where the shoes in a box by the pig pen

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u/Darth_Nibbles Jun 29 '22

So the pigs don't eat the shoes?

Amateurs

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u/DC_Verse Jun 28 '22

Possibly, but you'd still have blood droplets that would escape as the sanding happened. So you'd need to make sure you had plastic around the sanding area to keep clean up to a minimum

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u/Nik_Tesla Jun 29 '22

Abrasion generates a lot of heat, you wouldn't get far before it wasn't frozen any longer.

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u/Drews232 Jun 29 '22

Reminds me of the Alfred Hitchcock show where the wife bludgeoned her husband to death with a frozen leg of lamb, put it in the oven and served it to the detectives after they searched in vain for the murder weapon.

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u/g3nerallycurious Jun 28 '22

Is that like negative grit? Maybe a little anti-matter thrown in for good measure? Jesus. No sanding wheel I’ve ever worked with could do that. Sheeeeeit.

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u/23408723rpoiweuf Jun 29 '22

A big, nice sanding wheel, like 40-45cms (One feets, then half of another, use the same foot for accurate measurements), is going to have a wheel that weighs 20-30kgs (the weight of a really really big raccoon). If you're working on one that's well maintained, when you turn it off, it will keep spinning for an hour, maybe more. There's a lot of momentum in that disc once it gets going. Once it gets up to speed, you don't even need to leave it on. They're really quite scary!

72

u/Icyrow Jun 29 '22

i can't tell if you're serious as you measured it's weight in raccoons.

kinda cool though.

45

u/23408723rpoiweuf Jun 29 '22

Hey man I'm not the country who doesn't use the metric system. You gotta convert it somehow. I dunno how much 25-30kgs is in pounds off the top of my head, but I do know that a really really big raccoon can weight that much.

7

u/Icyrow Jun 29 '22

also love that you still haven't answered whether you're serious or not lol

15

u/23408723rpoiweuf Jun 29 '22

Yeah dude raccoons can be huge. They're really smart and are one step below wolverines in terms of how vicious they can be.

They're charming and endearing when they're keeping their distance and think you might feed them, but when they figure out how to bust down the screen and get into your cupboards at night, they ain't cute no more!

Also yeah a big sanding disc is a great thing to own. The sandpaper on them is intense, I imagine it's because it's one big piece you can just thunk on there, and it doesn't need to bend or go around any edges. You can put a ton of rough material on there and let it wear away over time.

I was fortunate that when I was living in the boonies a factory was going out of business, and they were selling a really big industrial sanding disc for not a lot of money, so I bought it. Great thing to own, and you find so many uses for it. So many times I'd be like "dang I just need to quickly dull this", "I need to round this", "my foot bone is too long". Flip it on, let it get up to speed, which takes about a minute, turn it off, and it will go until you leave the shop.

Terribly unwieldy, I don't remember how many hundreds of pounds it weighed, I wanna say around 300? If you have the space and means to move one around, absolutely get one. If not, my god. They're huge and almost burdensome to own!

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u/Xikura Jun 28 '22

Is it sharp yet?

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u/das_Keks Jun 28 '22

I like how the bolts get so hot that they turn itself and the wood around them black.

22

u/discostud1515 Jun 28 '22

Put sound on the next video.

Eeeeeeerrrrreerrrrrrrcccccchhhhhccchhhhjjjnnneeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrr

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u/Toddler_Hodlr Jun 29 '22

Is that a sander or a wormhole to another dimension?

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u/Amity83 Jun 29 '22

They should sand a blendtec blender.

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u/shitsu13master Jun 28 '22

This is really distressing for me. It upsets me when something perfectly functional gets destroyed for no reason. I know in the big scheme of things it doesn't matter but I'm damaged like that

31

u/ChargeActual5097 Jun 29 '22

I’m more concerned about where the particles are going. Metal doesn’t just disappear into thin air, unless that’s literally what’s happening in which case that air is probably not too safe to breathe

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u/hopping_hessian Jun 28 '22

You’re not alone! It bothers me too.

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u/oceanicreceptor_51 Jun 29 '22

Plot twist, the sander is actually cake

25

u/Noobslayer001 Jun 28 '22

Scource?

6

u/FixTheGrammar Jun 29 '22

What in the holy hell is a scourse?

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u/MSK84 Jun 28 '22

I would say that pair of vice grips should be next

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u/Plus-Pomegranate-879 Jun 28 '22

You should sand another sander

4

u/yankykiwi Jun 29 '22

Well that murder weapon will never be found.

5

u/hijackhijinx Jun 29 '22

Doesn’t this dull the knife?

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