r/oneliners 7h ago

Fortune tellers are easy to buy clothes for, because they’re all mediums.

55 Upvotes

r/oneliners 3h ago

What really got the balloon up there is inflation.

10 Upvotes

r/oneliners 1d ago

Before you judge somebody who doesn’t use the metric system, you should walk 1.609344 kilometers in their shoes.

140 Upvotes

r/oneliners 1d ago

Corduroy pillows are making headlines

67 Upvotes

r/oneliners 14h ago

I’m donating my knees to the kneedy.

8 Upvotes

r/oneliners 4h ago

The navy almost always keeps their armies in their sleevies.

1 Upvotes

r/oneliners 4h ago

If I put a joke on here about plastic surgery, will I get any up lifts?

0 Upvotes

r/oneliners 17h ago

This just in: Swiffer is making sweeping changes to its business model.

10 Upvotes

r/oneliners 22h ago

Maturity is when you want peace more than revenge.

17 Upvotes

r/oneliners 1d ago

I know my puns are a good influence at work just by seeing how much my colleagues have groan since I've joined

158 Upvotes

r/oneliners 1d ago

If not for physics and law enforcement, I'd be unstoppable.

30 Upvotes

r/oneliners 17h ago

a wizard chef only has one spell... cast iron

4 Upvotes

r/oneliners 2h ago

Ethiopians with yeast infections invented the quarter pounder with cheese with no carbon footprint.

0 Upvotes

r/oneliners 1d ago

I quit my job working for Nike, because I just couldn’t do it anymore.

58 Upvotes

r/oneliners 15h ago

Gaslighting? Now you’re just making up words.

3 Upvotes

r/oneliners 18h ago

Into a bar Yoda walks

3 Upvotes

r/oneliners 20h ago

I put up too many mirrors in my house, it’s a prism of my own making.

4 Upvotes

r/oneliners 17h ago

French news is reporting that a grenade fell onto a kitchen floor, resulting in Linoleum Blownapart.

3 Upvotes

r/oneliners 22h ago

Gravity is our biggest downfall.

5 Upvotes

r/oneliners 20h ago

I can't stand kids who skip lessons, absolutely no class.

3 Upvotes

r/oneliners 1d ago

I drank nitroglycerine and it gave me explosive diarrhea

7 Upvotes

r/oneliners 1d ago

The problem with '80's hair bands is that they have all receded

4 Upvotes

r/oneliners 1d ago

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

170 Upvotes