r/suspiciouslyspecific Jul 01 '22

Welcome to the dirty South

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3.0k Upvotes

u/VerySuspiciousBot Jul 01 '22

If this is suspiciously specific, Upvote this comment!

If this is not suspiciously specific, Downvote this comment!

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123

u/UndisclosedChaos Jul 01 '22

Fun fact: nature allows you to trade 7 Jehovah’s witnesses for 3 dragons

54

u/CorInHell Jul 01 '22

I'll take it.

How many dragons can I get for 27 Jehovah's witnesses and 2 televangelists?

18

u/birdlady404 Jul 01 '22

Hold on a minute here... 🤨

13

u/Chkumm Jul 01 '22

I only have an uncountable number of ping pong balls 😔

6

u/Glittering_Data8437 Jul 01 '22

You should probably learn to shoot them out of a vagina. doesn't have to be owned by yourself, but I guess that's what you do with that many ping pong balls

39

u/Blue_Holly Jul 01 '22

And a partridge in a pear tree

13

u/AlphaLright1 Jul 01 '22

And 2 turtle doves which comes with a complementary partridge in a pear tree

8

u/cuz-bros-08 Jul 01 '22

And if you order now you can get 3 that's right 3 French Hens FOR FREE!!
Call now at (696)969-6969 again that's (696)969-6968

33

u/theservman Jul 01 '22

Thank you for differentiating between daddy long legs and spiders.

10

u/tallmantall Jul 01 '22

Yeah. Daddy long legs aren’t actual spiders. They only have 6 legs and 2 eyes

2

u/ChampionshipDirect46 Jul 01 '22

Is this actually true or are you fucking with me?

6

u/tallmantall Jul 01 '22

It’s real. The insect we associate with being Daddy long legs is not a spider. But is instead it’s own type of insect.

1

u/IsTomorrowAcceptable Jul 01 '22

What kind of insect? I've always been afraid of them cause they look like spiders

2

u/tallmantall Jul 01 '22

Their their own classification. I keep forgetting their name.

2

u/tkTheKingofKings Jul 01 '22

Idk man

I searched daddy long legs and I found 3 different results:

Opiliones (harvestmen) they’re arachnids with 2 eyes, but they don’t have 6 legs and aren’t insects

Tipulidae (cranefly) they’re insects with wings and they technically have 2 eyes but they don’t look like spiders

Pholcus phalangioides (cellar spider) it’s a spider and it’s common, it obviously isn’t an insect

1

u/TheBaxter27 Jul 01 '22

FYI, there's like 3 different animals interchangibly called daddy longlegs, depending on where in the world you are, along with a few plants.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Daddy_longlegs

14

u/[deleted] Jul 01 '22

Dang that’s lucky, there was no mormons

9

u/BelgianBeerGuy Jul 01 '22

Genuine question

Why is it okay to make fun of religions like Mormons, jehova’s witness, Scientology, …

But not for Muslims or Jews?

18

u/xain_the_idiot Jul 01 '22

If Jews came to my door telling me I'm going to Hell for not following them, I'd be making fun of them too.

2

u/Primary_Flatworm483 Jul 01 '22

Not sure about LDS, but I'm pretty sure JWs don't believe in hell

9

u/barry922 Jul 01 '22

As a former member of the Mormons , I can tell you that most most members will crack up at Mormon jokes, or tell an even worse Mormon joke.

For example: Why do you always take 2 Mormons fishing? Cause if you only take one he’ll drink all your beer.

Ninjas Edit: most members I know think the Mormon South Park episode is funniest thing ever and will always say “I know a family like that”

2

u/Primary_Flatworm483 Jul 01 '22

Because they don't fight back?

2

u/arvidsem Jul 02 '22

Jews and Muslims are the targets of massive long term hate campaigns. It's just a bad idea to do anything that makes the hate more acceptable.

Nobody is suggesting that mormons or Jehovah's witnesses are out to destroy society and our way of life. It's still not great to make fun of them in general, but it's just not the same.

1

u/LimerickVaria Jul 01 '22

Probably because those first ones are not that far away from being cults.

4

u/jd46149 Jul 01 '22

Do y’all not have window screens??

16

u/smellyseamus Jul 01 '22

Bug nets. Bug nets are what you need, and maybe a baseball bat for the JW's

13

u/Gorilla_hitting_keys Jul 01 '22

That bugnet must be made out of fucking Mithril if it can keep dragons out.

6

u/Endlad Jul 01 '22

The bug net is made normal, the Dragons are welcome whenever, there is a small nest of gold and food out for them every day when they come by, and we get to chat every now and then.

3

u/Gorilla_hitting_keys Jul 01 '22

I love the idea of a "Dragon feeder".

0

u/xain_the_idiot Jul 01 '22

I used to keep a pentacle necklace next to the door for the Jehovah's Witnesses. Worked like a charm.

3

u/TekatoZikame Jul 01 '22

Faaaaake! Jehovah's witnesses only approach doors, not windows.

2

u/ChristopherSchmitz Jul 01 '22

The Jehovah's witnesses got me.

5

u/Parts_and_Neigbor Jul 01 '22

The Jehova's Witnesses are the fucking worst.

Everything I did in life... I always followed one rule: no witnesses .

-1

u/Toren14 Jul 01 '22

what’s wrong with us

1

u/Parts_and_Neigbor Jul 01 '22

NO WITNESSES!

-1

u/Toren14 Jul 01 '22

yes what’s wrong with jehovah’s witnesses

1

u/Parts_and_Neigbor Jul 01 '22

For starters, you guys keep asking what's wrong with you.

1

u/Toren14 Jul 01 '22

what’s reason number 2?

0

u/lllooolllp Jul 01 '22

They are a horrible cult

1

u/Toren14 Jul 01 '22

define cult

1

u/lllooolllp Jul 01 '22

https://freedomofmind.com/cult-mind-control/bite-model/

How well they follow the BITE model.

2

u/Toren14 Jul 01 '22

well yes, we believe sex before marriage is a sin, and yes, we try to dress respectfully. other than those two points i don’t see anything else that matches up. personally i don’t think i’m under mind control but of course that’s exactly what someone under mind control would say. oOoOoO lol

-1

u/lllooolllp Jul 01 '22

Believe whatever you want, just don’t come to my door you annoying fucks.

1

u/Toren14 Jul 01 '22

that’s reasonable to ask. so it seems your main problem was that we come door to door and talk to people, which then spiraled into trying desperately to find something wrong with a wholesome religion lol. have you considered anger management therapy?

→ More replies

3

u/Endlad Jul 01 '22

At least 3 of them can stay, Dragons, Moths, and Long legs.

2

u/LittleFoxBS Jul 01 '22

So thats why my jw family keeps barging in for no reason

1

u/Glittering_Data8437 Jul 01 '22

Fucking Jehovah's witness people. they are everywhere

1

u/Mindless_Psychology Jul 01 '22

I have a phobia of daddy long legs. When I was little I was on a swing and a whole nest of them feel on me. Hundreds of those long legged abominations, mistakes from god, were all over me. They got in my hair, my clothes…got thrown in the shower clothed just to hose them off of me. So yeah don’t really care for them.

1

u/TheTrendyCactus Jul 01 '22

And a partridge in a pear tree.

1

u/BarryZZZ Jul 01 '22

No roaches???

1

u/ikrab Jul 01 '22

I live in Canada and we all have bug net in our windows. I will never open a window without it. Don’t you have bug net in your windows where you live?

1

u/Joerasinator Jul 01 '22

I could say the same for Mexico, but replace the moths with lizards

1

u/Rbandit28 Jul 01 '22

If you were naked, they would leave you alone.

1

u/Glacon_Garcon Jul 01 '22

This is why you need sturdy screens over your windows, strong enough to withstand at least 10 bibles being thrown at it at once.

1

u/Cyber2354 Jul 01 '22

Wtf just get a screen...

1

u/Capocho9 Jul 01 '22

“So, there were a couple spiders and a dragon in my house the other day”

“You mean a dragon fly?”

“Noo…”

1

u/LimerickVaria Jul 01 '22

And a partridge in a peeeaaar treeee

1

u/hobosullivan Jul 02 '22

And at least two cousins who swear they remember you, but whom you're sure you've never met.

1

u/bung_us Jul 02 '22

not the flies