r/suspiciouslyspecific Jul 02 '22

Chess

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6.2k Upvotes

u/VerySuspiciousBot Jul 02 '22

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550

u/QAnonCultBuster Jul 02 '22 Helpful

There's no defense against the Frenchman's cumsock.

140

u/flodge123 Jul 02 '22

Queen to D7 while saying "Your smelly socks are out of style."

55

u/palordrolap Jul 02 '22

Queen to D7?

Miss.

15

u/quartzlimes Jul 02 '22

What about the Britishmans foot?

154

u/Kektimus Jul 02 '22

I rarely laugh at things as much as this

23

u/Ziggyork Jul 02 '22

Right? I haven’t laughed at the frenchmans cumsock in ages!

50

u/wilhungliam Jul 02 '22

Oh no! The frenchmen cumsocks! My only weakness!

30

u/HappyBot9000 Jul 02 '22

37 is very generous.

27

u/jomandaman Jul 02 '22

Right? The cumsock leads to checkmate in like 5, 6 moves tops.

11

u/swish465 Jul 02 '22

Love being humbled by a cumsock

3

u/Kr3utsritt3r Jul 02 '22

No that is the Spanish cumsock gambit, don't get them confused.

84

u/scavengecoregalore Jul 02 '22

Godsdammit, relatable.

22

u/kmailloux98 Jul 02 '22

Easy, you must simply make them believe you're using the cumsock, but in reality you'll be setting up a very similar set of moves that no chess player would ever be able to expect, the Spanish inquisition

6

u/PlasticCupboard007 Jul 02 '22

ah, nobody expects the Spanish inquisition

65

u/Due_Personality_5006 Jul 02 '22

r/anarchychess fan I see...

11

u/Raven-Narth Jul 02 '22

Holy hell!

9

u/Square-Parfait-4617 Jul 02 '22

Google en pessant

1

u/Raven-Narth Jul 02 '22

I know what en passant is, you just blundered a mate in one

62

u/whatwherewhenwhywhy Jul 02 '22

just be glad you didn't play the Swedish Sodomy, otherwise your next 11 moves would've been your last.

13

u/Vacuophile Jul 02 '22

Ah, a truly magnificent opener. It is a bit of a challenge getting the knight dislodged from the rook, however.

11

u/maxemore Jul 02 '22

Wait till you hear about the frenchmans baguette, the belorussian spearfish, or the tanzanian cul-de-sac

8

u/Beautiful_Ad7 Jul 02 '22

I swear, playing with someone that actually knows the moves like that isn't fun at all. I don't feel like I'm even playing at that point, I just feel like I'm practice lol

1

u/FireLordObamaOG Jul 02 '22

And at that point for them it’s practice against someone with so much less skill (no offense) that it’s not worthwhile to even do so.

3

u/Beautiful_Ad7 Jul 02 '22

I get whupped so handily, I can' t even take offense to it.

6

u/tirrigania Jul 02 '22

"Using the ol' wet willie on me I see. I'll use the kamasutra on you, with just few moves I'll win"

6

u/omikeyursofine90 Jul 02 '22

The Frenchman’s Cumsock is the oldest truck in the book

4

u/arbogasts Jul 02 '22

The Bulgarian somersault was refuted by Levy in one of his videos. So no one plays it anymore

3

u/jellehier0 Jul 02 '22

Haha rookie mistake!

3

u/TheOutcast06 Jul 02 '22

I think the key to chess is to have no idea what you’re doing, which in turn confuses the opponent

1

u/Active_Engineering37 Jul 03 '22

Has never worked for me

2

u/Melodic_Mulberry Jul 02 '22 edited Jul 03 '22

That’s why I only play chess with kids.

7

u/sourpunch41 Jul 02 '22

Yes officer, this comment right here

2

u/SargentColon Jul 02 '22

I feel the same way about Scrabble. If you don’t know all the 2 and 3 letter words and variations of Pre and Suf Fixes you don’t stand a chance.

2

u/xd_baixar Jul 05 '22

The only reason I like scrabble is that I learnt English “the right way™”, so I consciously know a lot of words and almost all the suffixes and prefixes lol

2

u/nelacixbfdf Jul 02 '22

This is why I play single player games.

5

u/Lost_And_Found66 Jul 02 '22

Pretty sure the Frenchman's cumsock can be a single player game too.

2

u/Cidiun Jul 02 '22

Well the strategy I consider the most effective in chess is the Danish Diplomacy. You move one of your pawns as quickly possible to the other side of the board, where it is face to face with an opponent’s pawn. Then have your pawn begin talking to the pawn of your opponent. Let them negotiate and realize that they really are not so different after at all. They will learn that their color is the only superficial that separates them and it really doesn’t matter that one of them is black and one of them is white. They will learn that the other has little wooden families with little, wooden wives and little, wooden children. They will learn that other has dreams and aspirations. They will soon realize that the raging war between the two sides is pointless. The pawns will go to the other chess pieces eventually convince the others on the board to cease their battle. The players will have had a draw, no winner or loser, just peace, and the chess pieces on the board will live in with one another in harmony.

1

u/Waffletimewarp Jul 02 '22

I prefer Stoneface’s Ultimatum. It starts roughly the same way, but instead the pawns realize how many more of them there are than the other pieces, allowing them to unite and depose both kings.

1

u/Waffletimewarp Jul 02 '22

I prefer Stoneface’s Ultimatum. It starts roughly the same way, but instead the pawns realize how many more of them there are than the other pieces, allowing them to unite and depose both kings.

1

u/Ben_T_Willy Jul 02 '22

Never lead with a frenchmans cum sock.

1

u/Meulinia Jul 02 '22

This is so true though. Playing chess seems so elegant and cool but it’s too intimidating and I’m too dumb to remember all the rules

1

u/Active_Engineering37 Jul 03 '22

Rules aren't so hard, it's strategy I struggle with. I know how to make the pieces move but not how to win.

1

u/squalorparlor Jul 02 '22

Protip- just say things like Bulgarian Summersault and Frenchman Cumsock, and tell people in how many moves you have them, and the game is half won. It's a mindfuck game just like poker.

1

u/half_asleep_slug Jul 02 '22

Byzantine cluster fuck is my favorite one

1

u/envelopeeleven Jul 02 '22

Totally agree!

1

u/ascendinspire Jul 02 '22

No matter how high a human’s rating, the computer can beat them without worry. Is there a point now?

1

u/SuspiciousUsername88 Jul 02 '22

People do things for fun

2

u/ascendinspire Jul 02 '22

Oh! Fun! I forgot about that! Thanks! The computer is not aware it’s playing chess so it can’t be having “fun...”

1

u/shxllowsleep Jul 03 '22

No matter how fast a human can run, a car will outrace them. No matter how strong a human can lift, a gorilla will outlift them. No matter how many things you invent, the world will end anyways. Is there any point to any of those now?

Yes, there is. People just do things for fun, because they enjoy doing those things. Real life isn’t Pokémon, we don’t all have to become the very best.

Not only that, but people create their own rules to give it a “point” and make it enjoyable. Lots of people spend time playing fps games, but isn’t it a waste of time because some kid could just easily beat you with aimbot?

That’s because we don’t choose to race against cars or cheetahs and we don’t choose to base our performance in fps games against people who cheat, or against computers in chess.

1

u/SunkenDrone Jul 02 '22

We need a reddit for suspiciously specific chess moves

1

u/TroyMatthewJ Jul 03 '22

going to lift most of this for my next D&D session. They wont know what the hell I'm saying and it'll add to my aura as DM

1

u/littlebuett Jul 05 '22

Someone watched queens gambit and is salty

-32

u/Relative-Ad-1213 Jul 02 '22

And you believe you're any better at COD or fortnite👍

13

u/cheeky_corgo Jul 02 '22

And you believe you have a life 👍

8

u/Kektimus Jul 02 '22

And my axe! 🏹